mentally brown bag if need be to break initial barriers. learn to love her for who she is. engage in spiritual endeavours together. remember that attraction fades over time anyways as will mojo. Understand that you have big problems with kam, lobh and ahankar. Remember WHY we are trying to escape from maya. I personally would marry the ugliest damn person (by norms of society) because their true inner beauty would be revealed to me. Also to deal with seeing women and lusting after them, a sikh should feel ashamed. Try and cultivate that into your personality.

Discuss the issue with your wife. This is highly personal issue. But don't say you're ugly, say I am lowest of low worm, I have a problem with kaam, lobh and ahankar, please will you work with me to bring me to the right path?

What not to do however: have children on the premise that this will be the panacea of all problems. Have them when you're ready and can ensure that your marriage will be stable.

||Nanak dukhai sab sansar||

Everyone has problems buddy
Can i ask u one thing?
Do you ever thanked guru for making u topper/rich/intelligent/gursikh?
You have so many things and still you are tensed about looks of your wife.
Try to understand her and listen to her, soon you will see that this girl loves you more than your cousins wife.
Also life is not a bed of roses
Its a struggle or like a war
If you want god and want to get rid of the world.
You have to accept the life the way it is.
Gud luk to you

why are you checking out your cousin brothers wives?

the truth is she probably feels the same way about your butha

Saad sangat ji , please help me,

My Story

1. I was very handsome/intelligent/topper/from very rich family.
2. I had cut hair 1 years ago ,
3. That time i had marriage proposals from very beautiful girls/Rich family.
4. In between i got very good sangat from Gurskihs and i became Gurskih. thinking i can find good looking/educated gurskih girl
5. My parents were not happy as i took amrit but i convinced them that we will find good girl from gurskihs
6. Due to caste problem in India , i was not able to find any suitable match. every now and then i had fight with parents becaus ei wanted only Gurskih girl.
7. At one stage i became ready to marry any girl but some mahaprush stopped me from that
8. Due to increasing fight in my family at last i find educated gurskih girl within our caste. She was not good looking and my father rejected her. even i didn't liked her. but i had no other option and after so much fight with my parents they became ready and we got married.

But i don't feel any attraction. I am feeling that i am unluckiest person. Before Amrit i had everything but now i can't even have wife of my choice. I sometime feel that taking Amrit has taken away everything from me . Whenever i look at my wife , i feel so much depressed that why GOD this to me. All my cousin brothers have very good looking wives. When my parents look at them they say so many things to me.

Even my Gurskih friends have wives are much beautiful than my wife. My parents say that how can they have good wives and not you. I have convinced them that i am happy but from deep inside i am not.


I are trying to convince me that at least she is Gursikh but whenever i see any beautiful Girl , i feel so much depressed at my fate. What should i do. I tried hard but could not find that type of girl.

Gursikh ho ke ronda. Remember when you joined Sikhism you gave your head to Gurusahib. Become a proper Sikh

Lol @ OP

I was so rich and good looking....all the ladies wanted me.

Hahahahaha...give me a break man.

You don't sound like a gursikh to me.

Hope you've kept your receipt. 14days return period. After which you may purchase yourself another.

Is this what its come down to? We see a wife or husband as a product? An icon? All searching for a get out clause...guess what...it doesnt exist!

Shame shame shame dude. You know what they'd do back in the day with people like you? Strip you to your shorts, beat you with shoes, make you a garland of shoes, blacken your face and tour you on a donkey...

Hope you've kept your receipt. 14days return period. After you may purchase yourself another.

Is this what its come down to? We see a wife or husband as a product? An icon? All searching for a get out clause...guess what...it doesnt exist!

I'm really amazed that most of the replies ignored a very real cultural problem that helped create this sad situation. Why did u feel so limited to the gursikh women to choose from? Because u stuck to the caste system!!! All of us Sikhs should be ashamed of themselves in this regard. If you were truly looking for for a life partner with the same values and beliefs u hold u should not have limited yourself to a caste. We r all one! Also, a gurmukh or a manmukh are created by the thoughts and outlook of an individual first. Their outward appearance comes after. Many potentially good partners may have been passed over because u may hold a more superficial idea of who a gursikh is (only outward appearance, family is "religious", all such dogma). Becoming a gursikh is a matter of learning to love. Love all creation, your own essence, God, all the same thing! If u feel u can't acheive that state with this woman then please be honest with her and part ways. But first, see if u can go to higher levels of awareness by discussing gurmit vichar with her. These discussions can be highly awe inspiring and may provide the spark your marriage needs.

A wife isnt for pleasure or anythink like that its for gyaan, its so u and her can get out of this noose of death by going into the chaurasi lakh jooni again you are suppost to help each other to get closer to Vaheguru ji