Breaking Of An Engagement
Posted 18 July 2010 - 08:50 AM
I feel really sorry for her because she is in a horrible situation. I thought long and hard before I broke of the engagement, the main issue for me wasnt that she'd lied, but that she continued to lie to me and to my parents for weeks and only told the truth when she had no choice. My dad told her that a degree wasn't a big issue and that we just whated someone honest and decent and her reply was 'i have a degree'. In the end I felt that i couldn't trust her; i thought how hard it would be to marry someone who you know has lied to you before hand.
How her mum and been phoning us, pleading not to break off the engagement. She comes out with some rather strange stuff. 'what else have we lied to you about' 'i can promise you that she will never let another lie' even though her mum was in on the lie she was telling us, 'why are you making such a big deal'. Today she said that her daughter has been ill ever since we broke of the engagement and she was pleading with me to change my find. the girl sound very upset.
i don't know what to do now, part of me feels that i have been responsible for messing us a girl's life - causing besti to her family - and prehaps i should decide to marry her. anyone think marrying her would be the right thing to do. i've like to know what the girls on here think - i'd like to get a woman's point of her.
Posted 18 July 2010 - 12:55 PM
She was only interested in getting into the UK...I know a friend who went thru similar things...he accepted all the lies married a amritdhari girl who was dodgy, parents used to lie and her brothers.. when she came to the UK she set him up in a domestic violence case, got him prosecuted and she got full UK citizenship within 2 months of arrival..
So don't feel bad if that woman is lying now she's bound to cause more problems in the future.. i recommend you get married in the UK or Canada, USA ...India is bad news nowadays
Posted 18 July 2010 - 02:26 PM
Your actions from the post seem quite honorable. The only additional thing I could suggest is trying to separate her mother's lies from the 'girl's' lies. But even then you still have someone who lied. It sounds like she is missing a moral compass. And that is the key...to determine that in this case by seeing if she understands what she did is wrong and if she has an explantion. It is very sad that many indian immigrants to the west (and sometimes 2nd generation kids!) are getting a reputation in new lands (due to a combination of racism yet reality) of being liars. I am stunned how punjabi's who identify with sikhi can deliver bald faced lies with a smile. They are shameless.
Posted 18 July 2010 - 05:22 PM
ਨਾਲ ਗੋਲਿਆਂ ਦੇ ਬੰਦੇ ਜਾਣ ਉੱਡਦੇ, ਹਾਥੀ ਉਡਦੇ ਸਣੇ ਅੰਬਾਰੀਆਂ ਨੇ ।
ਅੱਜ ਹੋਵੇ ਸਰਕਾਰ ਤਾਂ ਮੁੱਲ ਪਾਵੇ, ਜਿਹੜੀਆਂ ਖਾਲਸੇ ਨੇ ਤੇਗਾਂ ਮਾਰੀਆਂ ਨੇ ।
ਸ਼ਾਹ ਮੁਹੰਮਦਾ ਇਕ ਸਰਕਾਰ ਬਾਝੋਂ ਫੌਜਾਂ ਜਿਤ ਕੇ ਅੰਤ ਨੂੰ ਹਾਰੀਆਂ ਨੇ ।
Posted 18 July 2010 - 08:56 PM
On a side note you are never gonna get 100 %, thats life. But you cannot see a fly and eat it too. If you had found it after marriage then it would have been wise to carry on with her. But since you are not married the wise thing is to stay away from her.
Also i am not a woman and i dont give a damn, its not a woman whos gonna marry her.
P.S - i am assuming you gonna be able to find a suitable girl for marriage. If not and this is your only and last chance of avoiding being unmarried all your life, please marry her.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 02:38 AM
There are bare marriage problems/issues on here.
Heres a solution:
Forget marriage, instead spend your time doing simran/bani and seva
Marriage causes problems and problems = depression
If you want to talk to someone talk to waheguru
If you want children adopt or IVF
Posted 19 July 2010 - 04:33 AM
This guy I know was re-married for few years, and when his wife (who was from india) got permanent stay in UK (which was recently) she left him and now got a divorce. So theres a possibility that she will leave you after getting permanent here in UK if you did decide to get back with her.
kaagaa kara(n)g dta(n)dtoliaa sagalaa khaaeiaa maas ||
The crows have searched my skeleton, and eaten all my flesh.
eae dhue nainaa math shhuho pir dhaekhan kee aas ||91||
But please do not touch these eyes; I hope to see my Lord.||91||
Posted 19 July 2010 - 04:52 AM
There are plenty of marriages with indian girls that do work out and you shouldn't be put off from marrying in india. Just perhaps not maybe to this girl.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 07:09 AM
I am a girl and if I felt I could lie to my future husband, how could I have any respect for him? No reason or justification can be given for this, its not a chance encounter she's having. this is supposed to be the rest of your life. Don't build you house on sand.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 07:19 AM
I might also add at this point that I also got married to a girl from India and one of my main requirements was that the girl most definately should not have a degree. I wanted a girl who lived and grew up out on the khoo. A toughened up girl. One that knew how to talk....how to phatta phatt make rotian. (cos generally the girls out on the farmhouses are a lot savvier and smarter than the girls in the village itself...because the girls out on the farmhouse are used to doing everything themselves at short notice). I knew from experience that the girls with degrees struggle making rotian and daals. A girl with a worthless degree that can't make roti is of no use to any of us in the UK.
Have a long hard think about whether or not she deserves another chance. I think she might do.
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