Daydreamer

[Guest missy]

I am a young Sikh girl, who comes from a large family consequently through out my childhood and teenage life I've seen family members getting married.

As every girl typically does, I too wonder about my future life and husband however as I'm growing older and as the family members of my age have begun to get married I feel as if mentally I've turned into a little day dreamer!

Constantly all i do whilst doing anything through out the day is daydream, i am a firm believer of saving yourself for your perfect one and tried dating once but as result it had various complications and turned into a disaster...

Now that i am near about the age of marriage i am leaving it to people introducing me to guys and me choosing. Just to make clear i'm very happy with this method and do not want to consider dating again

HOWEVER what the problem is all this thinking and imaging is only delightful when i'm doing it sometimes but for some weird reason my mind has begun constantly thinking about the same thing again and again which is just exhausting and demanding!

i was hoping that someone from the sangat could show me light and suggest some strategy to slow my brain down and bring back my focus on gurbani!

all your replies are appreciated!

Thank you

[harsharan000]

Dear friend,

the fact of all of us is that we are a particle of the Infinite Ocean of Love, which is Wahiguru. And just as a drop of water , wants to merge in the Ocean, its origin; we too, we are unconsciously searching for that our source of Love, who is none other than Wahigru Himself.

But as we have no such knowledge to look for Him and find Him at the right place, so unconsiciously we try to satisfy that our need, our urge, in wrong things, people and places, which is the cause of our pain and sufferings, in shorter or longer runs, but definetely, it is by our either fulfilled or unfulfilled desires and wishes, because in the end, there is no reality in them.

The only reality is our beloved Wahiguru. Do not worry at all, for your life partner. If he is written in your destiny, he will surely come, nobody can snatch that person from you, because it is meant for you, and believe me, destiny is higher than any manipulative human being...so for that, do not worry at all.

Rather think, why am I here for?

What is my purpose of coming into human form?

And for those questions, Gurbani tells us, that our lives are uncertain and very short. Our lives are very precious, so that we may not run after shadows and wasting our lives, rather we should decidely fulfill our purpose of human life, and that is to do that much devotion, that we free ourselves from this maya maha bhavsagar, and reach our True Father´s house, Sach Khand.

Life partners, spouses, children, wealth, etc....have been had in all our previous lives.

So what happened?

Well, we incurred in more karmas, and came back into the wheel of the eighty four, into the cycle of births and deaths.

This is all, the consequence for placing our heart, mind and soul in wrong people and places, without doing the right thing, which is, to give it to Wahiguru alone, who is a jealous lover.

Just imagine, the infinite benefits we can get by loving Him alone: True bliss, true gyan, true love.

The real purpose of love is to blend oneself in the other. And this can only happen, when we love only Wahiguru, for then we shall merge our petty individual identity in Him, and in such situation, we cease to exist, and only He continues existing... such is His Majesty, such is His charm...such His beauty.

He is a true lover, He never ever leaves us, rather takes care of us at each moment, at each step.

I am not suggesting murtee puja, but just have a look at the picture of Guru Nanak Maharaj for example, and see His charm and beauty, or Sachay Patshah Guru Arjun Dev Maharaj also, and pray to Him sincerely within yourself,something like: dear Wahiguru, listen to my pledge and reveal yourself to me, so that I may love You with all my heart, my mind and my soul.

Because I want to make You mine , and I want to be only of Thine.

Waheguru bless all.

[Chronos]

I'm in a similar situation to you, i do tend to daydream a lot. I see myself as someone who likes to get up and get on with whatever i set my mind on.

However waiting for a partner is really beginning to bug me. Being raised in a strict Gursikh family in the UK.... It's not that i'm not capable of finding an attractive partner... instead the rules and regulations which i can openely admit i was brainwashed with throughout my early teens are placing restrictions on what i can and cannot do.... and quite frankly it all seems quite absurd. All reasons i have been provided with seem extremely shallow with no real logic behind them., yet i find myself stuck as i don't want to disobey my family.

At the age of 22 I'm at a point in my life where i'm physically and mentally firing on all cylinders yet am expected to wait for my parents/family members/friends to find me a suitable match as pre marital dating is frowned upon in our ridiculous community. Suitable matches are usually found around age 26/28!!!

How is one expected to remain like this until then?

Can elders on the forum please explain why we are expected not to date and find our own partners?

[singhbj singh]

Kids at your age it's ok to Day Dream but when you grow old, have responsibility (wife, kids, old parents) then you have to be realistic.

There are Merits & Demerits of marrying at a young age as well as old.

Young means you are physically ready but mentally immature.

Those who get married at a young age do so with financial backing & support of parents.

Most of these marriages are Arranged and kids remain "pappu's" throughout their lives.

Ones who marry late are mature, confident, financially independent & can take independent decisions in life.

But by that time they no longer are in sexual prime, looks & Dharam-Karam aren't a priority, compatibility is !

So choice is yours.

As for restrictions, better ask parents or Punj Piyaras.

[Guest EnergyDepletion]

According to many saints a man isnt ready for a sexual relationship until he is in his 26th year. And for a women until she is 18. This isnt based on laws or religions but on the development of the male and female body. Therefore a man isnt in his prime until alot later than most of us think.

In today's society we have lost touch with our mind and body and sikhi too. But too much focus on finding a partner, its much to do with the sex and the use of women in media ....boys arent taught about the body and what is reality and what is not....

[Guest Sat]

Try n kill your mind- your mind has enslaved u, ur a slave to your desires- to maya. Now turn it around and enslave your mind.

Go all the way- practice gurbani- its all there in Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Desires may flitter through ur mind but let them pass- theyre just illusion. In reality, we already have all that we want - but we percieve that to be the fulfillment of temporaral desires.

People can live their whole lives desiring something but never getting the object of their desire. This life jewel is so often wasted in dreams and delusion- ur life is running out second by second.

Do what u were put here to do- practice and discover truth- learn who u really are- your true nature beyond the ego/identity. Marriage is a lesson-it is temporal. Only Truth goes with us. People, homes, wordly comforts and the physical body all pass. u could die tommorrow and experience this, and realise u have wasted this precious opportunity- or u could start practicing Truth today.

[Wingz23]

This whole daydreaming thing sounds like me!!!! Thats so strange i honestly thought i was the only one!

[UsernameTaken]

This whole daydreaming thing sounds like me!!!! Thats so strange i honestly thought i was the only one!

haha same here!

maybe its a female thing...

[Wingz23]

It can be so terrible at times... Very distracting!

[UsernameTaken]

it feels okay now that I know I'm not the only weirdo/ freak lol