Trip To Golden Temple Advice Please

[Guest darshan]

Hi

My wife has the opportunity to go for the first time in her life to the Golden Temple with her own parents later this year.

Unfortunately my parents are objecting because they see it as an insult that my wife's parents are even offering to take her in the first place. Further my parents want to take me and my wife FIRST but certainly not for a good while yet or maybe "one day". My parents have said it is their dream to take us. I have stated that surely she can go with her own parents and us as well? But no. So my wife has been called extremely selfish for even asking. It caused a huge argument and I find it astonishing that a trip to a place that all Sikhs aspire to go to is causing my parents to behave like this.

[Guest torontomalton]

Since you are the husband, the man of the girl, it becomes your responsibility to fulfill all the needs of the girl. She has left her parents house when she was married to you.

So on a worldy/maya level, it doesn't look good if you are unable to buy her a 2000 dollar ticket and take her to India. The point is if you can afford and invest time to take your wife. Going to India is a costly business and it doesnt look good for your parents if the girl is still dependent on her parents. This is a viewpoint on the worldly level. These things are done to maintain status /respect/aakad/tohar in front of the other family.

Now on a spiritual level, going to Harimandir Sahib ji is an auspicious occasion and an honor given to you God. If the sole purpose is spiritual gains, it should not matter who takes you or how you get there.

All the best!

[Guest billy]

I think your parents are being unreasonable. Going to the Golden Temple is what it's about. The how you get there or who with really isn't relevant to a degree.

[Guest key to marriage]

Let yoyr wife go with her parents. Give her your support. In favt you should go with your wife and in laws even if your going for part of the jour ey, a week or so. From my experience tjst is what you should do. We need to stop being controlled by egos of humans. Be it our parents or other family. The blessings from visiting a good place far out weigh doing other things.

[Guest darshan]

I can afford for one of us to go and I am paying. Stuff the maya world - it's filled with selfishness and ego. She is going with her own parents. Vanity should not be in place where this trip is concerned.

[MHS]

Hi

My wife has the opportunity to go for the first time in her life to the Golden Temple with her own parents later this year.

Unfortunately my parents are objecting because they see it as an insult that my wife's parents are even offering to take her in the first place. Further my parents want to take me and my wife FIRST but certainly not for a good while yet or maybe "one day". My parents have said it is their dream to take us. I have stated that surely she can go with her own parents and us as well? But no. So my wife has been called extremely selfish for even asking. It caused a huge argument and I find it astonishing that a trip to a place that all Sikhs aspire to go to is causing my parents to behave like this.

Come off it!!!

Which century do you or your parents belong to for god's sake? Are they jealous because the wife's parents have offered to take her there without you? Perhaps they had a dream to take their son there first and could not do so!

Do you know it is this reluctance to change oneself that is causing a lot of problems in our sikh community all over the world. Older generations don't want to change with times does not matter where they live. Is it an old sikhi precept that states that it should be the boys parents to take his wife to the holy places of worship for sikhs? If it is then why don't they teach you that at the Gurdwaras around the world? It is a cultural thing isn't it?

Tell your parents they need to wake up and move into 21st century and live their lives only according to sikhi asools and not some old mumbo jumbo that does not belong to this century or the countries they are living in. This kind of old thinking does not even belong in India anymore! People have moved on.

We are living in countries where our cultural thinking/reasoning has become 'rubbish' and obsolete. The only thing we should be living our lives according to is our sikhi and sikhism! We are unable to pass on true sikh values to our children and that's why they are losing their identity. Our youth is lost and confused. Our parents are failing to acknowledge this by turning a blind eye to grooming, drug addictions, promiscuous sexual habits, female infanticides, dowry demands and belief in caste system. They simply do not want to accord equal treatment to their boys and girls. They have one rule for the boys and one for the girls! Our women need to spend less time gossipping and backstabbing and get out more and see what kind of environment their children are being brought up in!! Go, visit their schools and make a point of talking to other parents, your children's friends and particularly to the teachers as well. Don't let your children rot in front of a computer. Initiate decipline and regulate their times spent in front of their laptops. Make them physically active by encouraging them to play sport. This should be done regardless of their gender!

Instead, we are more keen and determined to teach them some mumbo jumbo that belongs to god only knows which century!

Our parents need to change. They need to let go off their burdonsome old customs and breathe fresh air of their respective countries. It is NOT THE SIKH RELIGION OR SIKHISM THAT IS OPPRESSIVE, IT IS THE CULTURE SIKHS FOLLOW IS CAUSING THE OPPERESSION! Their objection is definitely cultural orieted and not sikhi oriented!

[Guest Guest]

My wife's parents offered to take us both. I said thank you but I insist on paying for my wife's fare. At the moment I can only afford for her to go not us both. I'm extremely happy for her to go with her own parents for now and then when I have saved enough we will go together. It's heartbreaking that my wife will miss out going to the Sikh's spiritual home purely because of my parents jealousy, selfishness and vanity.

[harsharan000]

Come on brother, you are to be admired for your mature and serene behaviour. It is absolutely right what you have done. One should only spend that much, what one can, otherwsie one becomes a slave of the bad economical condition, which one has to face after then.

Then regarding your parents, there are people still in this 21st century with old ideas, and it seems, time does not pass for them.

Talk to them lovingly, and let them know, that you care for them however they are. Tell them, life is uncertain, and we are His children, and so, who are we to stop anyone to go and bow one´s head at His Darbar .

Tell them, that apart from wordly realtions of parents, children and in laws.... there is a universal relation of all of us, irrespective of class or gender, which is with our heavenly Father Wahiguru...and it would be a sin, to stop a child to go it´s True Father´s House for a visit ; rather they should bless her, that she may go and offer her soul´s love and devotion at His Lotus feet.

By doing such a virtuous deed, when your wife will return back, she will surely bring the positive spiritual vibrations with her as parsad and share it with you all, which has the ingredients of prem, of mafee, of bakshish....

Sat Sree Akal.

[Guest guest]

Since you are the husband, the man of the girl, it becomes your responsibility to fulfill all the needs of the girl. She has left her parents house when she was married to you.

So on a worldy/maya level, it doesn't look good if you are unable to buy her a 2000 dollar ticket and take her to India. The point is if you can afford and invest time to take your wife. Going to India is a costly business and it doesnt look good for your parents if the girl is still dependent on her parents. This is a viewpoint on the worldly level. These things are done to maintain status /respect/aakad/tohar in front of the other family.

Now on a spiritual level, going to Harimandir Sahib ji is an auspicious occasion and an honor given to you God. If the sole purpose is spiritual gains, it should not matter who takes you or how you get there.

All the best!

The man of the girl?

You are infantilizing the female gender. Grow out of it. Sikhi is beyond these petty things. Talk about the soul, my dear friend.

If you are talking about the female gender itself; "Bhando Hi Bhand Oupjay"

Stop being the MAN OF THE GIRL because you are both eachothers companions in this journey to the Supreme; if you 'chose' marriage.

The original poster; stop being a hinderance in her journey. Support her. She will respect you. Reason with your parents that they are commiting a sin by stopping a soul from such a wonderful experience. I mean how could anyone stop anyone? What a sin!

A human being is being given the chance to go to a holy shrine which is capable of eradicating sins of lifetimes. Why would anyone want to stop them from being purified from the "kalak" (blackness of the mind) of lifetimes? Sri Harmandir Sahib is the place where the 7 yogis; Mehta Kalyan Das Ji, Mata Tripta Ji, Bebe Nanaki Hi, Bhaiya Jairam Ji, Tulsaan Ji, Rai Bular Ji, and Bhai Lalo Ji meditated for lifetimessssssss... Just to see the Lord in a human form > Sri Guru Ji (Satguru Nanak Dev Ji). It is the place where their wish was granted. If that place has that much holiness and moreeee (I mean just think....so many Gursikhs, Bhagats, Shaheed Sikhs, even Sri Guru Ji themselves have contributed to that holy place). So much peace and you want to stop her from acquiring her birthright?

That will be a sin, please show your parents that their ego is no where near the holiness of that Uch Asthaan. Let her go. She will bring back peace for all of you including your currently hindering parents. Please don't stop her.

[singhbj singh]

Hi

My wife has the opportunity to go for the first time in her life to the Golden Temple with her own parents later this year.

Unfortunately my parents are objecting because they see it as an insult that my wife's parents are even offering to take her in the first place. Further my parents want to take me and my wife FIRST but certainly not for a good while yet or maybe "one day". My parents have said it is their dream to take us. I have stated that surely she can go with her own parents and us as well? But no. So my wife has been called extremely selfish for even asking. It caused a huge argument and I find it astonishing that a trip to a place that all Sikhs aspire to go to is causing my parents to behave like this.

I think you should also go along.

It doesn't matter if your In-laws are paying, consider it as a gift from elders.

Be happy & enjoy the trip.