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I Have Messed Up My Life Very Bad. I Am Mentally Weird.


SinghGS
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Hello,

I need help. I am a bad sikh. I don't work at the moment. I am on employment and support allowance which is for people who are unfit for work. I am claiming this at the moment for my mental health problem. I am only volunteering a couple of days a week. If I am honest, I don't want to work. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am apparently sad and weird which I believe is true. I sit at home and read stuff on the internet about religion and don't do anything productive. I find life hard. I am lazy. I can't face my problems like a man. I avoid being responsible. I wish I was one of the winners in life who everybody loved but it feels like people want to stay away from me. I don't talk much. I feel down and negative and angry. I am a coward. I used to walk with my head down. I now have been keeping it up. I had a good start in life, I think. I had alot going for me like I went to grammar school, then I got into Birmingham University to do computer science, but I couldn't handle it so I took a year out. I then worked at HSBC but didn't like it. I stayed there until I was going to begin Business computing and IT at Aston University. I don't think many people liked me at HSBC. I went to Aston and my four year course took me six years. It included a placement year which I messed up. I was running out of time to get a placement and a friend of mine who was my age was beginning a business. He helped me out and gave me an unpaid placement. It was a poor placement. I did the final year of university and left with a lower second. I am 30 years old. I finished university in 2009. I did some internships, voluntary work, then some paid warehouse work and now I am volunteering again. I think my personality is not strong. I am not proud of myself of the 'sikh' I am. I feel hopeless. I can't man up. I took amrit when I was 20 but I did not stick to rehat. I did read bani and study at university, etc but was not firm in rehat, i.e amrit vela. I even did kurehats of eating meat and trimming my beard. I now keep my beard and am vegetarian since ages. I read Japji Sahib after I wake up which is at 8am, and I read rehiras and do sohila before bed. However I am a lustful person who looks at bad stuff on the internet. But less than before. Today I felt so crap. I think I get angry when I have to do some work. It just seems so hard. I did ardas recently. I tried from the bottom of my heart to ask for the right things, just what it says in ardas and to keep me from the five evils. I also said to waheguru to bless me so that I always thirst for his darshan. I read at a gurdwara that Guru Ji encourages us to make this plea to waheguru so I try to do it from the bottom of my heart whenever I do ardas. I am a dull loser. I feel like I've been lost since I was young. I have no vision or dream. Can't see the positive side of life, or the good in life. I hate myself. I have a rubbish personality. I'm mentally weird. I want to look at bad stuff late into the night. What was the point of me? I am ashamed of whatever I am. Can anyone help?

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Don't beat up on yourself too much brother. Try to stay optimistic and endeavour to do your best, little by little.

Everybody has negative traits and habits but we have to keep doing battle with the the five thieves, they are powerful adversaries, but with Guru Mahraj ji's help we must keep trying. Try not to focus on your negativity but try to do good deeds, replace the negative actions and habits with good deeds and thoughts. This will require effort but with Wahiguru ji's grace everything is possible.

Start with doing good action no matter how small and think good thoughts replacing bad ones. Slowly the bucket fills, don't rush and don't try to be someone you're not, but keep up your faith.

Also seek medical help if you feel you require additional support.

May Wahiguru bless you.

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Dear brother,

what you are going through is called lower self esteem.

You are asking for help, but remember, to get help from someone, first of all you have to help yourself, otherwise it is not possible.

From your writings, it is evident you are making attempts to get up from the mud and start walking.

The thing is you feel you are not able by yourself for anything positive, when the truth is, that not only you have the power to overcome all your mistakes, slowly and gradually, but you must be aware that the owner of the whole " kaeenaat " or creation is within you, and so if you ask Him for help, He will surely give. Not in the sense that your destiny will be changed from black to white by the wavering of a magic stick, but in the sense that He wil come and abide in your mind and guide you, and give you the support within, so that even if a calamity comes, you will not feel perturbed at all, but remain peaceful and calm ,without losing your balance.

It is good what you say about your life, it is an eye opener for others, because you are a living example about it. You are not alone, I have witnessed amny cases like you in front of my eyes.

You say, you took amrit at the age of 20. The amrit you mention, is not a magic drink that changes one from a crow into a swan. This amrit does not wipe the vikars and wash our sins.This amrit is just a symbol, for us as sikhs, that we are commited to Wahiguru in doing His bhajan bandagee, and to lead a moral and clean life in whatever conditions we maybe.

That is the purpose of sikhee, to reunite our souls with the true Guru, which is Shabad Guru. Once we start walking on the path of Gurmat within, by His Grace, that devotion will allow us to drink made by He Himself, and yes, this Amrit once tasted, will surely burn the storehouse of our karmas, mind will be defeated, vikars wil be overcome, we will become that pure paviter, that we will be able to merge in Him then.

The inner Amrit made by Wahiguru Himself, is made out of Shabad, rather we can say also, it is Shabad itself, and is full of pure consciousness, in which our soul bathes within and thus gets purified from all the impurities covering it.

ਸਲੋਕ ਮਹਲਾ ੨ ॥ ਜਿਨ ਵਡਿਆਈ ਤੇਰੇ ਨਾਮ ਕੀ ਤੇ ਰਤੇ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਏਕੁ ਹੈ ਦੂਜਾ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਨਾਹਿ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਮਨੈ ਮਾਹਿ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦਿ ॥ ਤਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹੀ ਪੀਤਾ ਰੰਗ ਸਿਉ ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹ ਕਉ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਆਦਿ ॥੧॥:
Salok Mahala 2

|| Jin vadiaaee tere Naam kee te ratte mann maahi.

Nanak Amrit ek hai, doojaa Amrit naahi.

O Nanak! There is only One Amrit (i.e, the Naam-Amrit); there is no other Amrit at all (i.e., they do not consider anything else as Amrit)

Nanak Amrit manai maahi paaeeai gur parsaadi.

O Nanak! (This Naam) Amrit is within the mind (of everybody, but it is), obtained by "Gur Parsaadi" (Grace of the Gur-Giaan...)

tinhee peetaa rang siou jinh kaou likhiaa aadi|| 1|| (sggs 1238)

They alone drink it in with love, who are so destined by the Primal Lord. ||1|| (sggs 1238).

"Amrit" is a Sanskrit word that literally means "without death" or "no death", and is often referred to in texts as Nectar, Ambrosial Nectar, Mahaa Rasa, Elixir of Life, Water of Life, Aab-i-Hayat, Mansarover or the Pool of Nectar, etc., conferring Eternal Immortality, Cosmic Awareness or Universal Consciousness.

It is time and again stressed in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib that there is only One Amrit, that the mind (or Aatmaa) can drink.

And that One Amrit is the Naam (ਆਤਮਕ ਜੀਵਨ ਦੇਣ ਵਾਲਾ ਗੁਰ ਸ਼ਬਦ, ਹਰਿ-ਨਾਮ, ਬਾਣੀ).

Amrit is the Inner Sound Principle (Naad, Anhad Naad) and the Inner Light Principle (Joti) that ends the restlessness or delusion (doubt, Bharam...) of the mind and dispels its duality (Doojaa-Bhaav, love or hunger of Maya...) and darkness of its ignorance.

It is the Food of Life on which the spirit-soul feeds. The experience of It bestows Bliss (Anand, everlasting Joy, ਆਤਮਕ ਅਡੋਲਤਾ, etc.) and sets one free from the false ego-sense (Haumai) and its menacing faults - lust, anger, greed, attachment, pride and their countless variations.

The Gurbani tells us that the rain of Amrit (ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਦੀ ਵਰਖਾ) is Experienced within the mind when one is established in the mystic Tenth Gate - "ਦਸਵਾ ਦੁਆਰੁ".

Why there is "only One" Amrit?

Because there is only One Lord.

Oneness is the fundamental principle of Sikhi.

It has to be like this as there is One Parameshar (ੴ ) - no second (or "Doojaa").

The Gurbani says that the Naam-Amrit alone is sweet, and that this is "the only immaculate Truth in the world".

  • ਏਕੋ ਏਕੁ ਵਸੈ ਮਨਿ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਦੂਜਾ ਅਵਰੁ ਨ ਕੋਈ ॥ ਏਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਹੈ ਮੀਠਾ ਜਗਿ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਸਚੁ ਸੋਈ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਪ੍ਰਭੂ ਤੇ ਪਾਈਐ ਜਿਨ ਕਉ ਧੁਰਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਹੋਈ ॥੫॥੪॥:
  • The One and only One Lord abides within the mind and there is no other second.
  • The Name-Amrit alone is sweet and that is the only immaculate Truth in the world. O Nanak!
  • The Name of God is obtained, by those who are so predestined. ||5||4|| (sggs 1259).

So just remeber the promise you made to Wahiguru, that blessed day you took amrit at the age of 20 as per rehit, but for some reasons you could not keep up your word to Wahiguru as per devoting yourself to Him. The outer amrit is just to motivate us and keep us on the right tracks with bhakti, so that one day by His Grace, we may be able to drink the real and true Amrit within.

Even now is not late, as long as you can breathe, gather as much wealth of Nam Simran as much as possible, because that is the only true wealth that we shall carry with us.

Destiny can blow us, as per our karmas, but with the help and practice of Naam, we get so strong that these blows will not knock us down, but rather one such day will come, that we will knock out all our obstacles, like mind, vaasnas, vikaars, karmas, and kal himself....and by His Grace will merge in Him, thus fulfill the purpose of our lives by treading on the path of Gurmat

So brother, cheer up, life is too valuable to miss it just like that, by wailing and feeling pity.

Be truthful to yoursef, by standing on the priciples of sikhee, then see how you yourself starts changing your ill fortune into a good one, because now you have taken refuge at the Lotus feet of Wahiguru Akal Purukh.

And taking refuge does not mean big big words, but by practicing regularly the devotion of His Naam Simran, as simple as that.

Sat Sree Akal.

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Have th docs done ur blood tests? Ask them to check th ones that they normally don't that maybe causing these symptoms. Also when u been in a certain phase of routine it's hard to change it. U need to retrain urself again with medical help.

Don't feel u not achieved anything. U do more than me, look at the paat u do, and volunteer work.

Be proud of wat u can do and not wat u can't. Have they not offered any counselling or help?

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some singh wrote this on fb

A while ago I had thought that I would leave it for good. Maybe not the case. Some banday who have no lena dena with me are also on here, so are those who only want to know all that I do, so I usually don't post statuses. There's just a fine line before facebook creeps into my personal life like it did a year and a half ago. As a matter of fact, I was really really happy without this 'Tool' of 'Communication' as Zuckerberg calls it. I know I don't reply messages on here, it's just like I'm not on here. Well those of you who have my number(s), can give me a ring obviously or whatsapp is a wicked alternative. For those that need my number, Inbox me and out of my 3 numbers, I'll give you one in regards to your priority.
To be frank, this really is just a stalking tool, a tool to boast and show yourself off, to get tremendous likes on your pictures and think that people like you, especially kuria. Just because you post a picture of yourself and just because 20 or 100 men like it, it doesnt mean they respect it. theres nothing honourable about the likes from a flock of men who are staring at your features imagining what they'd do to you in bed. This goes to the rest of the social networking. Yes I get that you want to be all beautiful but being respected and loved should mean more.
This goes to fellow veers too who are hyping the blings out there. On a serious note to everyone, Calculating your personal status from comments you get online from the same people who wouldnt say the same things in real life is totally off the scale. Then come stalkers. Did you know that when you go onto Facebook>settings>deactivate account, It shows you the people who will 'miss you'. These are the people who saw your timeline in the past few days. In a nutshell, This has really done no good no matter how we use it.
100 odd years ago when the world came to know about cigarettes, everyone thought that they were an ultimate joy to smoke. They were even allowed on planes. Right now the government is urging people to stop and trying to produce alternatives. Cancer. The obvious. Relate this to facebook. I have been on here for 7 good years. This goes back to my primary school days in 2007 when it was still a communication tool and not a personal newspaper with a 'news feed.'
I respect some people for getting off here for good but they went even sooner than I could get their contacts and I thank Singh for posting a video that brought some really shocking things to light. People who use these sort of handheld devices and networking dont seem to realise the impact it has on them. They can't live without them, a condition known as nomophobia. They also can't respect personal space or quality time with their loved one without having to go on their phone or the thought of it.
Apparently, a UK study shows that 53% of people suffer from nomophobia. (source-Wikipedia) You can take a simple test here http://www.nomophobia.com/nomo-test0914/ . But as I was saying, There are aftereffects simply because you can't seem to let go. Emotional attachment of course. well I may elaborate. Dopamine. Dopamine is a hormone generated by our brains when we 'feel good' for example listening to a good song, doing something you love, something making you happy. Whenever we do anything that we 'like' dopamine is released by our brains. It is highly addictive. Same way,
Cocaine and Dope excite your dopamine to 'feel good' and you need it more and more to keep you happy. Same way, we've got Social networks. Your brain starts depending on them to keep you happy and dopamine production lowers once you are without the 'social' contacts pulling you back onto it. Probably I'm on a roll as you all may know. But not exactly today. I just did this status in appreciation of a life free from technology that has a psychological impact and for education. Please feel free to google terms that you aren't aware of.
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@simran345 Hi, I haven't done my bloods for a long time and haven't got the ones they normally don't check done for longer i think. Years. I will get them checked. I definitely think I should early to bed early to rise. I think I would like to change my mentality. I did have some counselling where I gained information on different thoughts you have and how to change them. Thanks, I feel I have achieved some things, just wish I was a better person? They said if I needed counselling I could go and see them again. I know this is LIFE, I feel stuck in my head.

@Mehtab Singh Thanks, I will try that. I think that's a good idea. I'll try it in my room, safest option :biggrin2:

@savinderpalsingh I do look at Facebook and get the impression that people show off. I don't think Facebook is a good thing. It's not sensitive.

I sometimes feel like I'm desiring dopamine in my head. I think I would be way better off without this desire.

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