I Couldn't Get Married

[weareallone]

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

So here's my story. I'm a Sikh from a non-Sikh family. I'm beginning to doubt whether I will ever find a Kaur for marriage.

I used to be an ordinary chap running after money and career and an atheist to boot. I had no trouble attracting girls- they were running after me in droves, however they were only really interested in status, fashion and wealth- urban consumerist life and I wanted more. I abstained from relationships to wait for the right person. Then God then reached out to me.

When I gravitated towards the Guru's path, I was shunned by all friends and family. Very keen on sharing my life with a soulmate and starting a family, I looked to the Sikh community. I was initially afraid of entering the Gurdwara as an outsider. Some kindly old timers gave me the confidence but in spite of their efforts to link me up with youth, I wasn't considered 'Sikh' enough by the Amritdharis (Jatha types), who shunned me; so my sangat were limited to the granthis and old timers who helped me get involved in sewa. However they refused to help me with Amrit Sanchar and was never invited to anyone's home- so arm's length affection only but I greatly appreciated it nevertheless as it gave me confidence to enter the Gurdwara and I was relied upon regularly in all types of sewa. I was respected even if I was not one of them. I looked beyond my small town but still was not considered devout enough to be worth talking to, thus lack of friends and marriage a distant prospect. When I tried finding a parther through all the usual channels, the amritdhari women and their families wouldn't even look my way. The haircut asian/punjabi women showed some interest based on job and career, but were disgusted by my beard etc. So I wasn't devout enough for the amritdharis but too devout for the patits. I was advised to get a haircut and get in line if I wanted to marry.

Some time on I realised the Guru's calling and found great happiness as a servant of the Guru. The Amritdharis began talking to me but only formally- I was still an outsider- someone not to be trusted enough for involvement in their inner circles.I saw how they gathered together, did keertan at each other's houses etc. People liked me as a person and appreciated my love for the Guru. I was given great respect as a fellow sikh but I was never one of them. I tried to invite myself to their gatherings but failed. Once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. It was the nominal 'keshdaris' who showed any bit of interest- the money and satus grabbing sardar family type. My rehat and also my lack of "family reputation in the Sikh community" put them off. I was advised to trim my beard, gather lots of money and get in line if I wanted to marry. So I wasn't devout enough for the exclusive Jathaists but too devout for the 'keshdaris'.

With time I gained better standing in my community as a guru pyara and myself understood more about life itself. Once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. The jathe wale rejected me, but now the non-jathebandi amritdharis became interested. I communicated with with many families. One very spiritual kaur agreed to marriage but sadly in the end, my non-sikh and non-punjabi and non-caste background became the deal breaker and the family got her married off elsewhere. So I was finally devout enough for the Amritdharis (but not Punjabi enough) and too devout for the Jathebandis.

Eventually God blessed me with a hukam to serve humanity. It was a realisation of my true self and purpose in life. Having realised the Guru's message I set out to help humanity become self-sufficient. With tears flowing I understood the true meaning of life. I was overjoyed with my spiritual emancipation and continue to be amazed by the love of God (and ashamed by the greed of man). In so doing I naturally gravitated towards being a more simple and humble person. I am a genuinely caring and honest individual and people like me. Sikhs and also spiritual people of other religions give me great respect. I wanted someone to be part of this journey so once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. By now all the Amritdharis rejected me because I strive to live my life by the will of God. It seems job, money and career mean everything to them and their religiousity is merely a personal hobby.

As I travelled the developing world taking the Gurus message with me and met more people- I found that I got along very well with the older generation (who indeed had been the first to accept me) but not so much the youth. The old timers, truly kind hearted and spiritual human beings would say that my problem is that I am a Sikh and younger women these days haven't got a clue and those that are genuine Sikhs are too subsumed into the urban consumer lifestyle or overshadowed by their Punjabi-ism. I am living in the wrong era- a few generations ago I wouldn't have had any problems. So thusly I became too devout for the young Asian Amritdharis and am now seen as a pathetic old 'baba' but not devout enough for the so called 'sants'. At the same time I was travelling wide and far to gather support from the Sangat for my mission but all the so called 'sants' and groups rejected me. One very high status 'sant' told me that the Guru was a "poor pathetic beggar" who had no choice but to live they way that he did. Another said "What poverty? It is a myth". Another stared at me stupidly. Yet another was more interested in talking about himself only. Jathebandi 'Bhai sahib' (who assumed due to my bana and rehat that I was one of them) was very crestfallen that I wasn't one of theirs- I was politely given the cold shoulder. Another respected 'sant' first declared that I was not a Sikh, then upon asking for silence and meditating, reversed his decision and declared that since I was such a genuine Sikh, I would find it very hard to find anyone- friends, peers or wife who would be at my level and hurriedly ran away.

As I travelled further I have met a great many very spiritually minded people. The elderly sikhs love and respect me greatly. Mostly however they are truly spiritual (non-Sikh) people with whom I have an instant connection- they throw themselves at the opportunity to help me and go to great lengths to help me make this world a better place- even if their religion tells them I am to burn in hell. It looks unlikely that I will be able to live a complete life with my missing spiritual half. Don't get me wrong- there are some very kind and spiritually minded Kaurs out there, but they mostly tend to marry young, not marry at all, or cannot be true to their faith due to family pressure, male patriatchy and greed of consumer life. I have met scores of happily married Kaurs, God bless them.

For anyone who suggests to keep waiting, that God will come through, yes I have faith but simultaneously I know through spiritual senses that I should be married right now but that there are very few real Sikhs in this world therefore hard to find each other. It may never happen so I am contemplating adopting orphans by myself. I love the children and I will do my best to be there for them. Indeed all children are my own. If I have to walk this life alone, I am fully prepared to die fighting for a fairer, greenier, happier, healthier and spiritually aware world and die I may well have to given what it is God has asked me to do.

Now I don't expect any help from the unknown on the Internet. I've heard it all from different kinds of people- from the helpful to the hatred.

I have a message for the Sikh youth: I beg you to please be more open minded in life. The Guru's message is far deeper (yet simple) and more wonderful than most people realise. You are genuinely a blessed one to be even aware of it. Unlearn each and every thing that you have ever learned in life, challenge all ideas and conceptions, wipe the slate clean and start afresh, with the Shabad Guru to guide your way. The world is devoid of real Sikhs and this will no doubt hurt your pride but most of todays' youth who show any interest at all, have made it either a sunday hobby or a fad-fetish. Ask yourself whether after completing your shabad keertan, you get together in groups and share inner thoughts about your spiritual experiences, your love for God and thusly do real practical keertan. Ask yourself whether you genuinely are motivated to change this world for the better- for everyone; whether you actually believe that your entire tan, man and dhan belongs to the Guru. Pray for guidance, challenge your life and be prepared to walk the narrow path. Ask whether you really love God and what loving God really means. Do you see God everywhere. Do you feel the pain and suffering of the world? Have you been called to his service? I humbly beg with my hands prostrated before you to talk to the Guru, for the betterment of yourself and the world. Reject consumer-capitalist life, false cultures and the Greek-Victorian-Abrahamic faith inspired mindset that has taken over the world. Be true to yourself and fully open your heart to God. Love God and love each and every one as your family.

God bless.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

[Guest]

Akaal

[kamc]

Unfortunately the Punjabi race can be very cruel and unforgiving at times, especially if you are from a different backgrounds and god forbid, your skin colour is different to ours, regardless of what Sikhism say's for some reason we still hold these values closer to us than the word of the Guru, pretty ironic considering we are doing the exact opposite of what our Guru has taught us, anyway, best of luck fella, sometimes we find the answer in the strangest of places.

[MisterrSingh]

We truly are alone.

You won't find the kind of integrity, strength of character, spiritual devotion, intellectual stimulation (not book smarts BTW), and level headedness that someone of your avastha requires amongst modern Sikhs. So, you either settle for next best and you almost kill your conscience and climb down a few rungs on your ladder in order to connect to the vast majority of people around you, or you - unfortunately - reconcile yourself with the fact that unless God suddenly sees fit to bless you with the partner your soul needs, then you'll have to tough it out on your own.

You sound like you've got it absolutely sewn up, this life lark of course, hehe, so don't despair. "Sir jaave ta jaave, mera Sikhi sidak na jaave."

Come to terms with your status, and give yourself to your Guru, mind and soul. Nobody else does or ever will care. Be a shining example to those lost in the game of maya. As for the jathawale's and the babewale's... they'll learn the truth when they fall at the feet of their Guru once their life is over, and the regret will flood over them like a tide, and they'll realise their follies, but it'll be too late.

[Questioner]

Brother,

I'm deeply critical of consumerism, Capitalism and this institutionalised inequality, patriarchy in all its insidious forms and Punjabi-ism. Even as a Gursikh (who was not always such), I live on the fringes of the community in the sense that I reject these things and tend to keep to myself. I'm also seva-oriented and would hope to adopt. This is not a proposal, lol, don't get me wrong. I suppose I'm rejecting the notion that somehow someone like yourself does not exist, that all young, modern Gursikhs are caught up in some sort of Punjabi, consumerist or self involved mindset.

That being said, I too think I'll only find a partner like myself with Maharaj's kirpa - if not, I'd try to fill my time with as much seva as possible.

You have a life purpose, and you have the mat to understand that if it's meant to be, it'll be.

You are already complete.

God speed bro!

[S4NGH]

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

So here's my story. I'm a Sikh from a non-Sikh family. I'm beginning to doubt whether I will ever find a Kaur for marriage.

I used to be an ordinary chap running after money and career and an atheist to boot. I had no trouble attracting girls- they were running after me in droves, however they were only really interested in status, fashion and wealth- urban consumerist life and I wanted more. I abstained from relationships to wait for the right person. Then God then reached out to me.

When I gravitated towards the Guru's path, I was shunned by all friends and family. Very keen on sharing my life with a soulmate and starting a family, I looked to the Sikh community. I was initially afraid of entering the Gurdwara as an outsider. Some kindly old timers gave me the confidence but in spite of their efforts to link me up with youth, I wasn't considered 'Sikh' enough by the Amritdharis (Jatha types), who shunned me; so my sangat were limited to the granthis and old timers who helped me get involved in sewa. However they refused to help me with Amrit Sanchar and was never invited to anyone's home- so arm's length affection only but I greatly appreciated it nevertheless as it gave me confidence to enter the Gurdwara and I was relied upon regularly in all types of sewa. I was respected even if I was not one of them. I looked beyond my small town but still was not considered devout enough to be worth talking to, thus lack of friends and marriage a distant prospect. When I tried finding a parther through all the usual channels, the amritdhari women and their families wouldn't even look my way. The haircut asian/punjabi women showed some interest based on job and career, but were disgusted by my beard etc. So I wasn't devout enough for the amritdharis but too devout for the patits. I was advised to get a haircut and get in line if I wanted to marry.

Some time on I realised the Guru's calling and found great happiness as a servant of the Guru. The Amritdharis began talking to me but only formally- I was still an outsider- someone not to be trusted enough for involvement in their inner circles.I saw how they gathered together, did keertan at each other's houses etc. People liked me as a person and appreciated my love for the Guru. I was given great respect as a fellow sikh but I was never one of them. I tried to invite myself to their gatherings but failed. Once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. It was the nominal 'keshdaris' who showed any bit of interest- the money and satus grabbing sardar family type. My rehat and also my lack of "family reputation in the Sikh community" put them off. I was advised to trim my beard, gather lots of money and get in line if I wanted to marry. So I wasn't devout enough for the exclusive Jathaists but too devout for the 'keshdaris'.

With time I gained better standing in my community as a guru pyara and myself understood more about life itself. Once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. The jathe wale rejected me, but now the non-jathebandi amritdharis became interested. I communicated with with many families. One very spiritual kaur agreed to marriage but sadly in the end, my non-sikh and non-punjabi and non-caste background became the deal breaker and the family got her married off elsewhere. So I was finally devout enough for the Amritdharis (but not Punjabi enough) and too devout for the Jathebandis.

Eventually God blessed me with a hukam to serve humanity. It was a realisation of my true self and purpose in life. Having realised the Guru's message I set out to help humanity become self-sufficient. With tears flowing I understood the true meaning of life. I was overjoyed with my spiritual emancipation and continue to be amazed by the love of God (and ashamed by the greed of man). In so doing I naturally gravitated towards being a more simple and humble person. I am a genuinely caring and honest individual and people like me. Sikhs and also spiritual people of other religions give me great respect. I wanted someone to be part of this journey so once again I tried finding a partner through all the usual channels. By now all the Amritdharis rejected me because I strive to live my life by the will of God. It seems job, money and career mean everything to them and their religiousity is merely a personal hobby.

As I travelled the developing world taking the Gurus message with me and met more people- I found that I got along very well with the older generation (who indeed had been the first to accept me) but not so much the youth. The old timers, truly kind hearted and spiritual human beings would say that my problem is that I am a Sikh and younger women these days haven't got a clue and those that are genuine Sikhs are too subsumed into the urban consumer lifestyle or overshadowed by their Punjabi-ism. I am living in the wrong era- a few generations ago I wouldn't have had any problems. So thusly I became too devout for the young Asian Amritdharis and am now seen as a pathetic old 'baba' but not devout enough for the so called 'sants'. At the same time I was travelling wide and far to gather support from the Sangat for my mission but all the so called 'sants' and groups rejected me. One very high status 'sant' told me that the Guru was a "poor pathetic beggar" who had no choice but to live they way that he did. Another said "What poverty? It is a myth". Another stared at me stupidly. Yet another was more interested in talking about himself only. Jathebandi 'Bhai sahib' (who assumed due to my bana and rehat that I was one of them) was very crestfallen that I wasn't one of theirs- I was politely given the cold shoulder. Another respected 'sant' first declared that I was not a Sikh, then upon asking for silence and meditating, reversed his decision and declared that since I was such a genuine Sikh, I would find it very hard to find anyone- friends, peers or wife who would be at my level and hurriedly ran away.

As I travelled further I have met a great many very spiritually minded people. The elderly sikhs love and respect me greatly. Mostly however they are truly spiritual (non-Sikh) people with whom I have an instant connection- they throw themselves at the opportunity to help me and go to great lengths to help me make this world a better place- even if their religion tells them I am to burn in hell. It looks unlikely that I will be able to live a complete life with my missing spiritual half. Don't get me wrong- there are some very kind and spiritually minded Kaurs out there, but they mostly tend to marry young, not marry at all, or cannot be true to their faith due to family pressure, male patriatchy and greed of consumer life. I have met scores of happily married Kaurs, God bless them.

For anyone who suggests to keep waiting, that God will come through, yes I have faith but simultaneously I know through spiritual senses that I should be married right now but that there are very few real Sikhs in this world therefore hard to find each other. It may never happen so I am contemplating adopting orphans by myself. I love the children and I will do my best to be there for them. Indeed all children are my own. If I have to walk this life alone, I am fully prepared to die fighting for a fairer, greenier, happier, healthier and spiritually aware world and die I may well have to given what it is God has asked me to do.

Now I don't expect any help from the unknown on the Internet. I've heard it all from different kinds of people- from the helpful to the hatred.

I have a message for the Sikh youth: I beg you to please be more open minded in life. The Guru's message is far deeper (yet simple) and more wonderful than most people realise. You are genuinely a blessed one to be even aware of it. Unlearn each and every thing that you have ever learned in life, challenge all ideas and conceptions, wipe the slate clean and start afresh, with the Shabad Guru to guide your way. The world is devoid of real Sikhs and this will no doubt hurt your pride but most of todays' youth who show any interest at all, have made it either a sunday hobby or a fad-fetish. Ask yourself whether after completing your shabad keertan, you get together in groups and share inner thoughts about your spiritual experiences, your love for God and thusly do real practical keertan. Ask yourself whether you genuinely are motivated to change this world for the better- for everyone; whether you actually believe that your entire tan, man and dhan belongs to the Guru. Pray for guidance, challenge your life and be prepared to walk the narrow path. Ask whether you really love God and what loving God really means. Do you see God everywhere. Do you feel the pain and suffering of the world? Have you been called to his service? I humbly beg with my hands prostrated before you to talk to the Guru, for the betterment of yourself and the world. Reject consumer-capitalist life, false cultures and the Greek-Victorian-Abrahamic faith inspired mindset that has taken over the world. Be true to yourself and fully open your heart to God. Love God and love each and every one as your family.

God bless.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji

Brother where are you from? Uk? If so, whereabouts?

[weareallone]

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

My dear brothers and sisters, thank you for your messages. I had shared my story to put it out there as a shared experience so that others can know and take what they may and do some self-introspection. I reiterate my plea to the youth. The need of the hour is to reject the falsehoods in life and truly take refuge in the Shabad. God loves you. Do you recognise that love? Think about the value of your life. Is it really satifactory in your 9-5? Are the pleasures you seek truly fulfilling? Being a Sikh is being an ordinary human being, the way it was naturally intended. Life can be beautiful, here and now but it is a team effort: there is truly strength and power in where the naam vibrates strongly.

There is no question of any special spiritual dedication, strength of character or intellectual. In the words of one of the respected leaders who said to me: 'what you seek is an ideal.. it is good but it is difficult.. who will join you? who will want the ideal?', but I beg to differ- what I seek is normalcy. In our social construct, norms are self-constructed, informed by our greed and ego. When awareness of the true human condition is shifted radically to a new normal, balances become lost; we are unable to find harmoneous synchronisation with life itself. With the way the world is progressing, we ought to question ourselves as to whether we are genuinely happy- as individuals, as one of many species, in one of countless planets living in this brief speck of time. What should be simple and normal becomes considerably difficult to even recognise, let alone be able to merely, live.

Dhan Guru Granth Sahib Ji has all answers. Communicate with the Guru. Gather in small groups and open your heart to one another. Let go of ego and submit yourself to the will of the Lord. Pray and beg for self-propagating self-awareness of sahej. Thirst for Amrit. Be the songbird. Know, feel, dream and imagine yourself in the Shabad. This is a time when each of us contributes to world suffering. Almost everyone alive today is caught up in a cycle of falsehoods but it does not need to be this way. Have the courage to be different and yearn for more. Love and yearn for unity and spiritual sanctity. Be a genuine Khalsa. You need this. We need this. Like the butterfly that flaps its wings, which vibrations travel and eventually affect the heart of the bear, so too will your actions, for better or for worse.

I see suffering in my work and travel. Children hungry and unhappy sitting under bridges. Rivers of plastic. Toxic fumes filling the lungs. Fear in one corner. Hatred in another. Incessant greed in all corners. For one whose hearing and sight is unblackened, it is virtually unbearable. Strength is sought from God. The Guru cajoles and nurtures but we are here, living and breating and yearning. Gather together my siblings and seek refuge in each other's positive thoughts. An spiritually intimate group is metaphysically strong. And there is no stronger union than of two bodies merged into one light. Be that person. Be that partner. Be that group. Be that ordinary normal human being that the Guru calls his Sikh. Your religious label or background be damned, it is irrelevant. You can be of the ancient Aztec, the Tibetan monk, the Tamil poet, but what is the use if you are not a natural and normal human; a khalsa, a Sikh? Be one with the Lord and seek more from life. As you read this you will most likely head back to business as usual. But let these words reverberate. Make one change in your life if nothing else: Open up, have courage to yearn. Be "idealistic", be the naive child questioning the world, strive for more. Accept the consequences of these daring actions and be willing to reject the status quo, be willing to radically transform. If done with a true heart, I promise you that for all the pain coming your way you will never regret it.

A lowly servant

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

[weareallone]

Brother,

I'm deeply critical of consumerism, Capitalism and this institutionalised inequality, patriarchy in all its insidious forms and Punjabi-ism. Even as a Gursikh (who was not always such), I live on the fringes of the community in the sense that I reject these things and tend to keep to myself. I'm also seva-oriented and would hope to adopt. This is not a proposal, lol, don't get me wrong. I suppose I'm rejecting the notion that somehow someone like yourself does not exist, that all young, modern Gursikhs are caught up in some sort of Punjabi, consumerist or self involved mindset.

That being said, I too think I'll only find a partner like myself with Maharaj's kirpa - if not, I'd try to fill my time with as much seva as possible.

You have a life purpose, and you have the mat to understand that if it's meant to be, it'll be.

You are already complete.

God speed bro!

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Beloved sister, one is not complete. Awareness can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you see it. The self willing manmukh knows no better. One who yearns for God feels the lack. Do not underestimate the strength of a spiritual union and that of the group. I sympathise with your wanting to be on the fringe, it can feel that way, but little change can come about if you keep it under the hood. Women tend to be more spriritual than men, it is just how the dice is rolled. These natural instincts are crushed by patriarchy and breakdown in society and balance with nature. Some rebel as the feminist. Most accept and integrate. Others find refuge in the religious groups. Few see a spade for a spade, put their hand up and say, "Sorry but I reject it all". Reject it my sister and behold a new start. Be bold enough to be different. Sure, I have a purpose in life, but it is no different to the purpose of the Guru. It should be at the heart of it not be very different to any other. Things may seem very different but be principally identical. Ensrine the Guru's widsom in your mind. Beg for Amrit. Find your Singh. Make the proposal. Change the world. Live the natural life. Do it now.

One wonderfully spiritual Kaur once challened me when I shared with her my inner yearnings: "So you have this dream. Great. Now what are you doing about it?" This lit up a fire under me. I realised that it wasn't a mere dream, it was reality. And God guided me as to what I can do about it. I ask you the same question my beloved sister.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

[singhbj singh]

Have you seen The Adjustment Bureau ?

If not do so

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa

Waheguru ji Ki Fateh

[Questioner]

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Beloved sister, one is not complete. Awareness can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you see it. The self willing manmukh knows no better. One who yearns for God feels the lack. Do not underestimate the strength of a spiritual union and that of the group. I sympathise with your wanting to be on the fringe, it can feel that way, but little change can come about if you keep it under the hood. Women tend to be more spriritual than men, it is just how the dice is rolled. These natural instincts are crushed by patriarchy and breakdown in society and balance with nature. Some rebel as the feminist. Most accept and integrate. Others find refuge in the religious groups. Few see a spade for a spade, put their hand up and say, "Sorry but I reject it all". Reject it my sister and behold a new start. Be bold enough to be different. Sure, I have a purpose in life, but it is no different to the purpose of the Guru. It should be at the heart of it not be very different to any other. Things may seem very different but be principally identical. Ensrine the Guru's widsom in your mind. Beg for Amrit. Find your Singh. Make the proposal. Change the world. Live the natural life. Do it now.

One wonderfully spiritual Kaur once challened me when I shared with her my inner yearnings: "So you have this dream. Great. Now what are you doing about it?" This lit up a fire under me. I realised that it wasn't a mere dream, it was reality. And God guided me as to what I can do about it. I ask you the same question my beloved sister.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

If you could message me regarding seva, paaji, that'd be great.