Jump to content

Diary Of Sikh Woman: Why I Cannot Get Married


Guest Sikh Woman
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Sikh Woman

I am a sikh women and I cannot find anyone to marry me. I don't remove my hair and sikh men don't like that even though they keep their own hair. Sikh males have a female hair phobia. I absolutely adore my bodily hair because I feel free. By this I mean that I feel like I am the only person who knows the truth that all women grow hair and I can fully accept myself in my natural form. Not many women (actually none) like themselves with hair. I would like to add that I do not do my eyebrows, upper lip or facial hair. To me it means something hugely special to have hair because it means I have not developed a false belief that females should look hairless when that is not our natural form. I feel that by keeping my hair I am standing up for the truth of all humankind ie that all women and all men have hair and that the natural male form is beard and the natural female form is bodily hair.

Also personally I always think marrying someone who removes hair means that you don't really love them because you are basically saying that I love you only when you have no hair. I have always thought there is something special about sikh marriages because you have two people who love each other in their natural forms and that is very special in this day and time. Not many males will say I love you when you look natural. When I was growing up I always wanted to marry a real human and to me that meant marrying a man who kept their head hair and beard. But sadly sikh men never grew up with the same thought process that they would also marry a female who kept hair.

I have been waiting far too long to find a singh and I am scared – I am getting older - I am going to be 30 years and I have realised that very few people share this same thought. I have met many males who have told me that I am pretty but that I need to remove my hair, to have my hair out, wear makeup, wear high heels etc.

I don't like these things because I see them as not being the truth - I think makeup is lie and its bad to clog up my skin, I don't like heels because scientifically our feet are not supposed to be in that position and its very bad for bones and can lead to bunions amongst other things. Also hair removal is bad for the skin as it is bad to keep plucking and stretching the skin. Also hair offers protection against light. But we live in a society where we as females are supposed to look a certain way or else we are not considered good enough. I always liken this to the Victorian ages where victorians used to consider putting white paste on your face to be beautiful and now in our era it’s a bronze ‘foundation’ paste and putting bright colour on your lips when lips or nails are not even that colour. I genuinely think it is absurd – imagine if men suddenly started changing the colour of their lips or nails.

Anyways I am tired of waiting and I don't know if I should remove my hair, wear makeup and heels. I think some of the sikh men have made the hair issue into a bigger problem than it actually is. I had to once explain to sikj man that as a female I grow arm and leg hair and not man chest or man back hair. Some sikh males however are on automatic no mode that they will not even try to get to know you.

However I was thinking that if I removed my body hair it would allow a sikh man to get to know me and then I could start keeping my hair again and by this time the sikh man will realise it is not such a big deal and hopefully in the process I can make him a better singh and add to his jeevan.

This is the only option I see. I have tried very hard and it is not going to work any other way. If I remove my hair and then if I later keep my hair - would that be ok?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a very complex issue but in some ways it isn't. You say you adore your hair and it makes you feel free, but guys are not accepting of this. If that's true then don't get married. If I had to compromise my beliefs in order to get married I would never do it. The question is do you have the strength of mind and determination to see out your life on your own? Because that's what it boils down to ultimately. It's a cruel world full of confused and cruel people. Don't let these nobodies dictate your actions and thoughts. What you suggest of cutting it to snare a husband and then hoping he sees the light and is OK with you regrowing it is fantasy; you'll compromise your Sikhi for a man? Nah, not worth it, sis.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am a sikh women and I cannot find anyone to marry me. I don't remove my hair and sikh men don't like that even though they keep their own hair. Sikh males have a female hair phobia. I absolutely adore my bodily hair because I feel free. By this I mean that I feel like I am the only person who knows the truth that all women grow hair and I can fully accept myself in my natural form. Not many women (actually none) like themselves with hair. I would like to add that I do not do my eyebrows, upper lip or facial hair. To me it means something hugely special to have hair because it means I have not developed a false belief that females should look hairless when that is not our natural form. I feel that by keeping my hair I am standing up for the truth of all humankind ie that all women and all men have hair and that the natural male form is beard and the natural female form is bodily hair.[/size]

[/size]

Also personally I always think marrying someone who removes hair means that you don't really love them because you are basically saying that I love you only when you have no hair. I have always thought there is something special about sikh marriages because you have two people who love each other in their natural forms and that is very special in this day and time. Not many males will say I love you when you look natural. When I was growing up I always wanted to marry a real human and to me that meant marrying a man who kept their head hair and beard. But sadly sikh men never grew up with the same thought process that they would also marry a female who kept hair.[/size]

[/size]

I have been waiting far too long to find a singh and I am scared – I am getting older - I am going to be 30 years and I have realised that very few people share this same thought. I have met many males who have told me that I am pretty but that I need to remove my hair, to have my hair out, wear makeup, wear high heels etc. [/size]

[/size]

I don't like these things because I see them as not being the truth - I think makeup is lie and its bad to clog up my skin, I don't like heels because scientifically our feet are not supposed to be in that position and its very bad for bones and can lead to bunions amongst other things. Also hair removal is bad for the skin as it is bad to keep plucking and stretching the skin. Also hair offers protection against light. But we live in a society where we as females are supposed to look a certain way or else we are not considered good enough. I always liken this to the Victorian ages where victorians used to consider putting white paste on your face to be beautiful and now in our era it’s a bronze ‘foundation’ paste and putting bright colour on your lips when lips or nails are not even that colour. I genuinely think it is absurd – imagine if men suddenly started changing the colour of their lips or nails. [/size]

[/size]

Anyways I am tired of waiting and I don't know if I should remove my hair, wear makeup and heels. I think some of the sikh men have made the hair issue into a bigger problem than it actually is. I had to once explain to sikj man that as a female I grow arm and leg hair and not man chest or man back hair. Some sikh males however are on automatic no mode that they will not even try to get to know you. [/size]

[/size]

However I was thinking that if I removed my body hair it would allow a sikh man to get to know me and then I could start keeping my hair again and by this time the sikh man will realise it is not such a big deal and hopefully in the process I can make him a better singh and add to his jeevan.[/size]

[/size]

This is the only option I see. I have tried very hard and it is not going to work any other way. If I remove my hair and then if I later keep my hair - would that be ok?[/size]

If u r traditional law abiding Sikh then why not let parents arrange ur wedding.

In addition you seem to be influenced by rigid jathas, Akj & Bibeki's. So why haven't you approached them ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If u r traditional law abiding Sikh then why not let parents arrange ur wedding.

In addition you seem to be influenced by rigid jathas, Akj & Bibeki's. So why haven't you approached them ?

Ignore this poster. Hes been dropped on his head one too many times by his mother.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the cause of your problem is other Sikh women more than it is Sikh men. Way too many 'other' Sikh women these days have spoilt things for true Sikh women like yourself.

Lets face it, there are 10000% more amritdhari young Sikh women in the UK than there ever were before but equally, lets face it, an extremely large proportion of them are not as 'true' as their dastars and kirpans might suggest. They say they don't thread their upper lip and they're right...they don't. But what they neglect to mention is the fact that they deliberately did a course of electrolysis beforehand ensuring the hair won't grow there. They have baby smooth forearms but if you ask them how and why they'll say its because the sarbloh kara they wear takes the hair off.

You, on the other hand, are the diamond in the rough. Its good that you're finding it difficult to find the right Mr Singh because, believe me the 'untrue' virtue is just as common among the amritdhari Singhs as it is with the Kaurs. There will be diamonds among that rough too but, as always, diamonds are not supposed to be easy to find. But you WILL find each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest reply

I think the cause of your problem is other Sikh women more than it is Sikh men. Way too many 'other' Sikh women these days have spoilt things for true Sikh women like yourself.

Lets face it, there are 10000% more amritdhari young Sikh women in the UK than there ever were before but equally, lets face it, an extremely large proportion of them are not as 'true' as their dastars and kirpans might suggest. They say they don't thread their upper lip and they're right...they don't. But what they neglect to mention is the fact that they deliberately did a course of electrolysis beforehand ensuring the hair won't grow there. They have baby smooth forearms but if you ask them how and why they'll say its because the sarbloh kara they wear takes the hair off.

You, on the other hand, are the diamond in the rough. Its good that you're finding it difficult to find the right Mr Singh because, believe me the 'untrue' virtue is just as common among the amritdhari Singhs as it is with the Kaurs. There will be diamonds among that rough too but, as always, diamonds are not supposed to be easy to find. But you WILL find each other.

After reading Op's post, can you really blame those girls?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Sikh woman

If that's true then don't get married.

I want to get married. It's important for multi factorial reasons including passing on sikhi.

Marriage isn't necessary anyways, sometimes it's better to be alone than being in the galat sangat (aka bad husband)..

Maybe he will change once he gets to know me but if he doesn't I can teach the children and when they grow up into real Sikh men I will be very proud of them. Maybe it's a risk worth taking just for that.

If u r traditional law abiding Sikh then why not let parents arrange ur wedding.

My parents have tried and so have I - it's always the same that I should remove my hair.

I think the cause of your problem is other Sikh women more than it is Sikh men. Way too many 'other' Sikh women these days have spoilt things for true Sikh women like yourself.

Sorry but Sikh men are the problem - they might wear turbans, keep their beards but they want a Sikh wife to remove hair. If men were not the problem then many women would not feel they need to remove hair in order to attract a partner and I would not be told by potential ristas Sikh turban wearing beard keeping men to remove my hair. It's hypocritical when Sikh men say this considering they keep their hair and beard and want someone to accept them in their natural form.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use