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Well said bro. Completely agreed! As we have discussed before, gursikh guys from sheltered families are very gullible and are easily manipulated by fake characterless dastaar wearing sikh women. These type of women know the weakness of amritdhari men and trap them in marriage. If I were this sikh guy in question, I would immediately divorce this girl and make sure her parents know that why I divorced her(so that she doesn't trap another innocent Sikh man). Let these incidents be a lesson to those gursikh men who specifically look for amritdhari dastaar women......I just wanna say guys, get a life! Stop judging a woman based on her appearance. There are non sikh women that do not have sikhi swaroop but they are very decent and don't engage in pre marital sex by choice. I have amazing Hindu/Muslim female classmates who fit this criteria. I would definitely choose them as a life partner over a sikh woman that sleeps around and later confesses her mistakes to gain brownie points that everyone deseves a second chance. The sangat that supports this "second chance" thing have really low moral values. There is saying in india "Sau chuhe maarke billi haj ko chali"(Cat goes on a pilgrimage after eating hundreds of mice). Dear sangat who are still in favour of this bs "everyone deserves second chance" let me remind you that Guru Har rai sahib ji didn't give his second chance when he tried to alter gurbaani. Anti sikh activities have no place in sikhi.

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He gave up chemical farming on his 20 acre farm. He also decided to be 0% dependent on market and does not even buy organic fertilizers/pesticides from the market. He does 100% natural farming.

He was under lockdown, he was bored, so he decided to Create. ?

I agree absolutely. This is going to eat the brother away for the rest of his life. Why did she lie? And if she did what else is she lying about? Was it just the hindu guy? Why did she lie? Personally, as a man, being with a woman who has already been with others is just disgusting for me. Its against my belief and values. As a man I cant have that. Its fine if a person hasn't got a issue with that, but I do. The idea of being intimate with someone who already has been intimate is just off putting for me! Touching someone who has been touched before, sticking my stuff into something which has already had many stuck into it in the past is just disgusting. People have their fun, men and women, and then they want to settle with the decent person. Just couple of days back a lady who is our family friend, told us how her brother in India had a rishta but he keeps on refusing it. His parents kept pressuring him into it because the females from a "good family" . Their not from a pind but from a shahr, so the boy went around the shahr asking about the girl, and it turned out shes been with every bittu, bunty and sunny in the shahr, including with her own chachas son! He himself is a really decent guy and he got angry and said that they all mess around first and then want to settle with the decent guy. People need to be more smart, a little "field research" wont hurt!

Well said. If someone is admitting what they did in the past was wrong and wants to be different and has learnt from their mistake, they deserve a second chance.

what she did before you met her is her past. It's not something you can or should judge her for. We all have ups and downs in life, and make plenty of mistakes along the way, but that's life. I'd hate for someone to judge me on a mistake I made before I'd even met them. I'm not saying it's easy or black and white, but as long as her past is in the past i.e. she's not talking to this guy or other guys, then you can begin to put that to rest. As far as other things go, listening to music or whatever, these things can be discussed and worked out. These are very small things and nothing to get anxious over. A song is just a song. If you cut out all the Punjabi songs that had references to Jatt in them, you wouldn't have much of a Punjabi music industry left. But the most important thing is that you can 100% get through this. Trust me, you can do it. Talk to your wife without getting emotional. Have a good long think about what you want to say, and then talk it out. None if what you've said is grounds for even considering divorce! You got this??

Yes. Such topics seems so fake. I suspect one serious twisted mind lurking on our forums.

I mostly agree with you. I never said to encourage him to cut it. I specifically said to encourage him to keep it. But if he wants to, he should. It isn't up to us to label him as Sikh and expect Sikhi out of him if he doesn't feel that way internally and doesn't identify as a true Sikh in his heart. Simply because he is Punjabi and grew up in a family like that doesn't mean he is Sikh. Him keeping his hair because he cannot imagine living without it, because of his own undying love for Guru Ji, this is what makes him a Sikh. Not our expectations and labels that we force upon him. I would not encourage a Muslim to drink or eat pork, but lets just say because they a happen to be Arab I judge them for not being a good Muslim when in their own heart they don't even truly identify themselves with that faith and could care less about it's rules. Waheguru guides us all. He shows us the path but eventually we must walk it. We cannot force others to do so, and judging them would not entice them either. When someone makes a choice that we don't agree with, we have to be ok with it (in most reasonable circumstances) because this is what love and acceptance is. We must be patient with others because Waheguru has been so patient with us and all our mistakes, forgiving and giving countless second chances. Kesh is between that person and Guru. We have no final say or final judgement. We need to stop acting like we do. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say and being so respectful in your reply. I agree with almost all of what you said, and I'm not saying I'm correct. This is just my own opinion based off what I know. I appreciate your politeness and insight, as well as your Muslim analogy. It really made me think harder about this. Thank you

I think i dodged a meteor tbh!

Like a decent, respectable and traditional family, apparently the kids from these families are also decent lol! I got made redundant a few months back and randomly someone offered a rishta for me and asked my mother! which i found very odd and i told my mother you did tell them that i got made redundant, and she was like yeah i told them that but the girl doesn't mind! all she wants and all her family want is a guy from a good family! I found that just strange and knew something dodgy was going on there lol! Why would anyone want to get married to someone who don't work, i said no straightaway and said somethings not right. My mother on the other hand said oh the girl said she doesn't mind and that i will eventually get a job and that they are a really traditional good family just like us bla bla bla. I can see how some worried person who is uncertain about their future and desperately looking for a partner possibly would of said yes! and gone forward with it. another thing parents get carried away with and deluded by is the person being a vegetarian! just coz someone is vegetarian apparently they are really good lmao

OP, you're doing great. Keep it up. There are certain questions which some people had in mind and made them eventually one acquire great feats to their names - one example is Isaac Newton. He wanted to know more about gravity when an apple fell on his head while taking a midday nap under the tree. In return you got Calcalus and numberous laws under his name in the world of Mechanics, Physics and Chemistry. In Sikhi, BrahmGyan is one of the greatest feat one should strive for. BrahmGyan includes the Knowledge of 'the Universe'. This should answer your question.

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Waheguru ji Ka Khalsa , Waheguru ji ki fateh, we cannot change the past but we can be forewarned by it , so tread carefully and take Guru ji's sahara ; if she had amrit after this incident that means Guru ji has accepted her provided she keeps rehit . The fact that she didn't tell you may have been advice given to her by elders to not drag her baggage into the current relationship or her decision , we can all guess but only you can ask her her why she concealed her past . What I do not accept is her current attitude of behaving like some flirty singleton , you are perfectly within your rights to demand she act like a married woman and not bring disgrace onto your name . As Veer ji suggested sukhmani sahib will help immensely as it will change the atmosphere both in your home and self . For the anxiety build up your chaupai sahibs it will steady your heart and confidence . whether she is strong in rehit or not concentrate on yours, that's the only real thing that you can do and leave it to Guru ji

This is basically what I feel, and it’s really difficult to understand

Reading the previous posts. From what can be gathered is that the fact this Amritdhari girl being pre-maritally involved knew perfectly that there should she had revealed her past would have meant that she would be rejected. Women generally lie by omission. (Sexist uncomfortable truth) For this guy, it seems there are 2 factors. First factor, is that there is a trust issue. If this girl was not totally open about this, what else could she be omitting and lying about. Second factor, as a man biologically it does disgust him (uncomfortable sexist truth) because it means she has baggage. Also subconsciously he knows in the back of his head, he was not her first choice and that no matter how dutiful a husband he would be, he would always be second place. This maybe seen as misogynist but this is the truth.

Yeah but this lady never told him about her previous relationships when he asked her before they got married, that's the problem here. She lied to him, why? What if he didnt want to marry anyone who has been in previous relationships. Imagine marrying someone and then realizing they are not what they said they were. I don't personally want to marry someone who has had s3x before marriage, i find that disgusting, repulsive. so she/people should be honest about that ... People who don't have a problem with getting married to someone who has a past then that is fine, but people who don't want to marry someone with a past like that then the other person should be honest. Simple as ...

What she means by When she says she is giving money to him to buy drugs to stay alive, it’s because he is so dependant that withdrawing cold turkey could cause his death. I don’t think someone like that is ready for camp’s unfortunately. There must be a free support service for people this dependent? I can understand her dilemma.

Singh jee, did you know that even great sant sipahi bhinderanwale also had the baldness problem as he was still very young. it is not bad and it is natural by Waheguru sahib. Eat healthy food and avoid bad lifestyle.

Wow. Maybe she should try and send her son to the gurdwara and Khalsa camps, or something like that. Does she have any other family?

Ignore it and continue. If anything comes around, stay relaxed and accept that everyone and everything is God. Picture Guru Nanak if it helps. You shouldn’t fear anything, it’s all God.

Yes. It's a very common misconception that present suffering is the result of a previously self inflicted deed. We've taken the "reap what you sow" maxim as if no other karmic laws exist, and applied it to every instance or situation, because people don't possess the knowledge to appreciate the other laws in this area. Most of the times, according to this particular philosophy that's being discussed, it's a request on the individual's part to alleviate certain karmic debts so that the soul may progress. Of course, that's not an excuse for a third party bystander to display indifference or a lack of compassion when he sees someone suffering before his eyes. Unless someone has direct knowledge of what exactly is at play (in a karmic sense) during such a moment (99.9% of people do not), only a cold-hearted imbecile would refuse to stir, and not try to offer assistance of some sort. A normal person without any cognition of the deeper issues at play would not be penalised or punished for helping. Using God's universal laws as a shield for one's own cowardice or indifference are the acts of demons, not the godly. The ignorant people can easily be fooled, but the Almighty realises the evil in a person's heart even when it's purporting to be in His name.

God willing, the backsides of future generations of Sikhs will be as sore as ours! Wait a minute... ??

It's amazing how the world has flipped in the last few years. There was a time when a Muslim would know that he could push a Hindu around but the Sikh would never take his BS. Now it's the other way around, the Muslims know that we have become a pushover and it is the Hindus that are fighting back.

Mand5 I suggest you learn to be a bit more respectful before you think its right to question Sikhi in such an abrupt and negative manner. Just come out with it why pretend as you are a RS are you not comfortable with your "panth?" I think the newbie monitoring system is broke as it is letting in all kinds of weird stuff

If you're going to come onto a SIKH forum seeking answers to questions, you're going to have to stop referring to Guru Granth Sahib Jee as a "sikh bible".

It would help if you stopped spreading hate regarding Sikh women. Some Sikh women do choose to remain celibate until marriage. You implying that all Sikh women have a loose character is very insulting.

". His parents kept pressuring him into it because the females from a "good family" . This part always eludes me. Just because someone is from a good family does not always mean that person is good. Also what is meant by "good".

I agree with learning Kaur.. this is just a play.. Once I was listening to Sant Maskeen ji's katha in which he was talking about this infinite life and changing forms. We had many lives before this life...many partners.. Aisey ghar hum bahut vasayey.. Now it is time to understand that this all is temporary.. At the end, it is not about others.. It is about you and Waheguru.. Time to attach ourselves with Naam Simran and that will automatically detach us from all kind of worries and anxieties.. I understand it bothers a lot and I have been through this.. I used to get up in the morning with anxieties..having sleepless nights and worrying so much about the future. It is getting better with naam simran.. it is the only way to find our inner peace.. We will always have some issues in life anyway..We can't leave everything..we can't stop living.. Naam Simran is there to guide us...to handle these issues gracefully.. It definitely made me stronger, patient and humble.. I am grateful.. Eh vee Daat teri Dataar.. And talking about partner's character.. nobody likes to take orders.. She won't simply do it because you think it is right or wrong.. You just need to live your life right and eventually she will see how it benefits you... she will understand about right and wrong when she will see you in peace and joyful.. and it is just a hope that she will learn soon...again please don't get attached to it so much... We get so attached with our partners and completely forget about our actual purpose.. I still get those anxiety attacks and it is not that easy.. but one reminder is all we need that Waheguru was there with us...Waheguru is within us and will always be there for us WAHEGURU

LOL