Few points I would like to humbly submit:
1 - Lets look at our Guru's as role models - they didn't arrange their own marriages - their marriages were arranged by their paretns and unquestionably accepted by Guru Sahiban.
2 - Guru Gobind Singh has given hukum for all men to treat all women as either a mother, sister or daughter (dependant on age) - outside of his spouse. Same is obviously true for women. This negates BF and GF scenario.
3 - All puratan rehit-namai give instruction to parents for marrying their children - not for people to marry themselves.
4 - Someone here said "One can not love the creator without loving her creation."
Sacred laavan make it clear that before one can develop true love for creation i.e. for a spouse, one must develop true love for the real groom -Vaheguru. By default, when we are married to Vaheguru - we automatically see his light in all - including that who we are to be married to.
5 - I have heard jaath mentioned here also. I would like to say, that all our Guru's were married within their Khatri jaath by their parents. This has nothing to do with the caste disrcimination - but rather accepting the parents wishes - who after God, are to be given utmost satkaar. If parents are happy to marry into other castes then all fine and good, esp in west where minimal cultural and social differences remain (even Punjab this is becoming true).
6 - If one wants to find their own partner, then one should get aagya from their parents 1st, if they accept then with their blessing find a suitable Sikh partner. Don't forget, that in civilised western societies, a man will 1st ask the girls Father for persmission to date.
Bottom line is that race does not matter, if it doesn't matter to parents. If one is Amritdhari and parents are giving trouble re not finding an Amritdhari boy - then one should approach Gur-Pita Svaroop of Panj Pyare for advice/help.
Lastly, I would like to relate the below Sakhi of the virtuos and devoted Bibi Rajni:
Bibi Rajni Ji
In the era of Guru Ram Das, one cannot leave out Rajni, youngest daughter of Rai
Duni Chand, revenue collector (kardar) of Patti. (The story has all the myth, magic
and miracles of a genuine Sakhi, but is nevertheless a charming story). Rajni was a
Sikh, a disciple of the Guru. One day she was sitting with her sisters admiring some
new clothing they all had received from their father. The girls were ecstatic and
exclaiming how good their father was to them. Rajni observed that all gifts are
ultimately from God. Their father was merely an instrument of His greatness.
Unfortunately for her, he overheard her comment and became very angry.
It was not the First time that she incurred his wrath because of her extreme piety. The
infuriated father, believing her to be an ungrateful wretch, married her to a leper with
a taunt that he would see how her God would help her lead a normal life. The leper
was severely disfigured and a foul smell came from his body. The poor girl had
accepted her fate ungrudgingly and worked hard to maintain herself and her crippled
husband. She kept repeating the name of God, and was certain that he was testing her
with this turn of events. She was forced to beg for a living. Still she bathed and fed
her leper husband, never losing faith. One day, she reached the site of a pool on her
way to a neighbouring village. Placing the basket containing her husband by the side
of the pool, she had gone otf on an errand, most probably to look for food. In the
meantime, her crippled husband had seen a black crow dip into the water of the pool
and come out white. Amazed at this miracle, the man crawled up to the edge of the
pool and managed a dip. He found himself completely cured. When his wife returned,
she was amazed to find her husband in good health. He was handsome and whole. At
first, she was alarmed and suspected that he might be a different person. He had,
however, kept one finger with leprosy marks un-dipped. He showed her the diseased
finger as proof of his identity. The couple thanked God, and went to the Guru to seek
his blessings.
The pool was the future site of the Golden Temple. The medicinal properties of the
water were said to have come trom Basil (Tulsi), which grew in abundance on its
banks. Guru Amar Das used to pick the herb there to make poultices for an infected
toe that plagued Guru Angad.
