Guru roop sadh sangat ji, please accept my fateh,
WJKK, WJKF
Daas wud like to share some important issues he is facing in his personal life and hopes the sangat can help daas find a way out.
I am 27, married and currently a patit in my Sikhi.
I am facing some internal battles at present and I'm finding it hard to find a way out.
I wud describe myself as a very western orientated Sikh in that I luv my way of dressing and music.
Recently I started cutting my beard coz i didn't feel comfortable with it (I used to tie it but still it wud fall down or give me hassle (as I honestly felt). And all the time I found my mind pre-occupied with thinking 'oh is it in place', 'is hasn't fallen has it' or keep checking the mirror.
This frustration led mt to cut it coz keepin it open I felt uncomfortable esp. at work or when in places there were lots of whites. I was never strong to think oh who cares, I luv my guru.
Though never thinking this way, my love for Sikh with his kirpa has been positive since childhood. For example: keeping my hair during teenagehood, forever loving my turban and doing small sikhi things.
However college, uni and going thru a string of jobs, I became gora like minded. Listening to B Spears etc.
But then I found these things weren't for me as it damaged my Sikhi so bad, that I cut my hair (I wasn't amirtdhari then).
With waheguru's grace things turned round quicky. Within 3 weeks I decided to keep my hair and take Amrit which I did the same year.
Afters 4 years of staying amritdhari, 2day again I find myself in the same boat.
Only this time its only the beard thats gone. You guys can call me crazy but I want to re-take Amrit.
But my mind keeps sayin 'oh no keep cuttin ur beard'. I know I have to give up something to gain something.
There is amrit sanchaar this sunday at park ave gurdwara, southall. I wud like to go but my mind doesn't feel 100% ready. Its only 90% there I think.
If I re-take it I don't wanna b in the same sitaution in the future. If I don't then I won't feel my sense of belonging within me. Is there a way out?
Thnx - n.e mistakes plz forgive.