superduper

does anyone know why this was done? what reason??? was it a group is anti sikh?

The things is, we didn't go into a massive investigation. We had a relative (cousin's sister in law) who knew the family and said they were a good family. Also, during the actual wedding day itself it turned out we had 2 or 3 other families that knew them and again they all said the family is really good. Then again how can you really judge a person until you get to know them. My biggest worry is all these stories i keep hearing about kuriya who do a 180 degree turn they arrive - i've heard stories if them running off, demanding money to leave, returning to india after a few months because they don't like the UK. Its the not knowing that is the biggest concern for me. Is there anyway you can work out what their motivies are, are there any signs or signals that I should be looking out for.

what stories its better to know what goes and what doesnt. everyone said the girl and her family are decent, wonderful etc but i guess those who find themselves divorced also thought something similar....

I went to india this year and got married - arranged marriage. However, now i am having serious doubts about her and her motivies - i.e once she has the right to remain in the UK she'll be off. Its a number of things and her behavior generally. she isn't who i orginally thought hence my doubts. ofcourse its too late to do anything,,, but has anyone been in a similar situation, what advice would you give etc.

I don't have much insight into this but i was wondering, do people in the big cities of punjab have a totally different outlook on life compared to people living in pinds? I've noticed that a massive number of people from the big cities like patiala or Chandigarh have a very western outlook on life i.e people tend to talk to each other in english or hindi rather than punjabi. parents don't bat an eye lid if their children have bf/gf , and pretty much everyone has servants etc. so how different would the mindset be of the average city person compared to someone from the pind

I feel a sense of guilt whenever I think of my parents because I have failed to live up to their expectations. Their expectations have been pretty reasonable but I just cannot meet them. Its my fault, 95% of people could have been able to do this but not me. My mother was ill for years when I was younger and this placed a massive strain on everyone. Now that I am older I feel it is my duty to make them happy but I cannot. I am stuck in a job I hate, I feel that nothing whatsoever is going for me. My brother doesn’t care, he does whatever he wants to do without caring about the consequences. Its up to me to try to make them happy but I am failing and I feel so sad because of this. I’ve lost touch with all the friends I used to have, most of them are now married and busy with their own lives, so I cannot talk to anyone about how I feel. I used to find some peace in going to the Gurdwara but not any more. What should I do? I see other people married, good jobs, good health and their family is happy, why can’t that happen to my family?

Can anyone tell me what age students in punjab leave their secondary school and start college. In other words, how old will you be during your final year in school, I think this school year is know as +2?

that is what I have heard as well, its prob just rumours. I hope its not true.

Anyone know which Gurdwaras have stopped Langar because of the number of students from India attending the Gurdwara has meant they cannot cope with the number of sangat?

Does anyone have any more detail about the married student (harjinder singh or harminder / harbinder singh) who passed away. This wife is trying to arrange for his body to be flown back to india. A massive thank to all those who donated and mentioned the couple in their prayers. very sad. It was mentioned around 10:30 on sunday at Havelock Road.

I hope not.

Thought this would be a better place for this sort of post My dad and I went to India to find a bride. We placed an advert in the newspaper but we were nervous about arranging a marriage with total strangers. Through a relative of ours we managed to find a girl who I liked. Since we don't have much family in India this was one of two girls that i was introduced to via relatives - the other family we spoke to said no. I thought everything was fine and said yes and we did the sagan before I left, the plan being we would get married later this year. A few days after i returned the girl phoned and said the balchola has asked to see her degree cert and she was wondering if we had asked him to provide us with her degree cert. we told her no and she said that it would take a few days to get the degree cert from her college because she didn't attend her graduation ceremony. she asked us not to tell the balchola of our conversation. my mum phoned her a few days later and the girl said that her college woudlnt provide her with a cert because she didn't get enough marks to be awarded a cert. then my mum asked to speak to her parents and she said they've gone to her mother's pind for a few days and werent home. the girl then started talking about how her cousins in canada and the UK told her its better to live without the in laws but she intends to with hers etc. i don't know what else she said as it was my mum who had the convo with her. Now we're slightly concerned. On one day she might be telling the truth on the other everything she told us could be a lie; she might not have attended college at all which makes me think everything else she has told us is a lie as well. I am now stuck. I know some families in india have no problem with telling lies to get their children married to someone living in the uk, canada, usa etc. any one with any suggestions about what to do. its a really stressful situation now.

hi, There are good people and bad people everywhere. I don't want someone to mother me, but I'd like a girl who'll want to live with my parents, who'll teach our kids how to speak punjabi etc. I was just trying to understand what process most people go through to find a girl from india - like i said, i don't have much family there so asking my family to find someone for me isn't an option.

I've had zero luck so far and now my parents are letting me to go to India and find someone from there. (I am from London) I am somewhat dubious about going to india and getting married because my parents don't know many people there and I believe my parents' idea is to advertise in a newspaper. So we would have no idea of what the girl or the family will be like, it will just be based on how they present themselves. Anyone know how best to go about finding a suitable partner in india. My parents don't know many people there so the traditional family route isn't really open to us.

thanks for all the advice guys. I think it would be impossible to get to know her over a few months. I would just like to spend some time talking to her, just to see if we connect. cURRENTLy, i am not sure whether or not we would be a good match - she seems nice but i feel she is holding back her true personality - although we have only spoken twice so maybe its no surprise. I would just like to 'chill' with her, maybe spend a few afternoons with her to get a better idea. Otherwise its just a massive, massive risk. I don't want her to marry me unless she knows what i am like as well.

its not romantic affairs - plus its arranged so parents were involved from the start.... her parents seem very strict and i think they would want an answer - yes or no - rather than agree to let me see her again. if i do see her again, would it be rude for me to ask her if she when she wants kids, or whether she likes watching tv or if she'd mind if i watched tv in the evenings.

*In the context of getting married, and 'girls' should be girl* So I've spoken to a really nice girl over the phone, for 20 mins, and our family have meet each others and we both went to a side area and spoke to each other for 15ish mins. However, I am unsure as to whether we are a suitable match, and we didn't talk about what each other's aims in life were and whether we were suitable. I know I will get lots of people saying that 15mins is enough and such, but I'd really like to meet up with her again a few times and speak and see whether we're suitable for each other. Do you think this is acceptable? Her parents might want an answer right away but its a big thing and I would like to meet and get to know her better. How do you think I should approach this? Would it be reasonable for me to ask her parents if we could meet again before deciding? Maybe in a coffee shop and talk