proud_to_be_singhni

To the person who at the beginning of this thread who said make friends an get to know some singhs...like I said firstly that is a step towards the bf/gf situation..which I dont want to get in to and plus most of these 'just' friend making attempts have ended up also quite hurtful. I used to go gatka here in Southall with my bro and cousin bro's. What I found there was even more strange. Most singhs amritdhari....some supposedly looking chardiklaa in their apporoach to gatka learning and practise....... I'd smile and maybe look their way to make conversatiuon and they'd turn their backs, loook past me or just give me a strange look like I was just some outsider...basically just not 'cool'........ Anyway........I was getting quite good and had learnt all the different pedra steps and was going on to do the salaami.... For some reason they never (the singh teachers...young guys) let me progress and kept me doing the pedra even when I had perfected it. They spent more time amongst themsleves chatting and doing others saashtar practises. i rEALLY Really wanted to learn and be just as good as them....and am a sport loving person since always. But their atitude made me give up my gatka training.... which is quite sad and has left me feeling like>>>Singhs!?! made me drop out of gatka..the Sikh Martial arts...and me being a Singhnee...it was heartbreaking not to be able to learn what Guru Gobind Singh Ji had wanted us all to learn and enjoy ( :wub: ). Ive decided to try and start classes for bibiyan some day...are there any at the moment?? (someone PM me if there are pleaseeee). So these are some more things that singhnees like me are dealing with. My cousin sisters also started gatka one or two yrs back and dropped out because of this same reason. So we have singhs not helping in any way at all to let their sisters Keep their rehit.... Be happy in their rehit.... and... Progress.....Vaheguru!?!

Its kool bro..chk my comment above.

All very sad to hear. But I think you should not start a thread of whos doing what...Rather...we find a long term solution to this problem.

wow......vahe-guru A lot has changed here from last night. Jai tegang I know your feeling bad. These kind of comments can do more harm then good, if you understand what I'm saying.....A bibi will read that and decide>> thats it I'm throwing this distaar, its ruining my my life, I'm not normal and these facial hairs and other things are making me look ugly, no ones going to marry me. Before I took amrit those issues were always holding me back to take it because I loved my normal looking girl outer but my mind was falling in love with Guru Sahib ji. So you can see how your comments may have really hurt last nite.....If I said anything wrong...apologies too. Trust Heere singh to hijack me topic.... :wub: ...lol....just kiiding, it kind of relates and ultimately helps everyone. but lets not completely turn away from the previous question either. I am sure others have opinions left to share yet. There are many bibiyian out there feeling just as saddened about marriage issues right now.....like me wondering if there really are real Gursikhs left in the world and do most of the singhs do this when choosing a partner.

You didn't really get my point. Not every singh out there is going to feel you're his match, because along with education, gursikhi jeevan, pyhsical appearence is a factor in any marriage. 158177[/snapback] I think that is obvious even for a person like me do you not think. Unless im so overly egoistic that i want all guys to marry and cosider me!!! My parents and I are looking for a Gursikh...Thats It!...What more would I need to ask. That is why I started the topic seeing how many lists of things singhs want right. Read all thread and then post, maybe a suggestion.

and Jai Tegang.. would you tell our great shaheed singhnees looking for mariage partners in the past...to also get a reality check. I dont think you would. So why consider doing that now.

Sorry jai tegang jee..... My own physical beauty is beautiful because I am one of the many daughters of GURU Gobind Singh ji who your telling to go and get a Reality check??!! Comments like yours are enough to throw any sort of Gursikhi jeevan out for any awake person. Sorry we don't live in the supreficial world that you live in. Be careful what you say about beauty and beauty of Khalsa. Vaheguru....just proves to myself why I got into starting this topic

only vaheguru ji knows who the real kamai vali aatmas are ji. Your post is suggesting that I am ....... ..no one knows the reality of anyones kamai...we tend to look at the outer.....(but thats a whole different topic) hmm...If Guru ji knows all................ Thanx dhan sikhi...........Vahe-guru.... Dhan Dhan Vaheguru jiii, Vaheguruuuu...If there ever was a time to strengthen ones faith in Guru ji then this is a great time. .....I need to keep more faith and smile more and not get a downer on myself. Thanx jio.........my moorakhtha has allowed awareness of a serious issue to be discussed....... chalo....rab dha shukar ..!

To dhan dhan sikhi, i hear what you are saying but I believe that when ever a person takes his/her amrit is a blessing from Guru ji and we need not question their rehit. My topic question is to do with marriage issues faced by youth like me today. Its not about a persons amrit and his or her spiritual levels. Gurufateh ji..the last paragaph in your reply was appreciated.

ThankYou singhni penji... To the person trying to "apply logic" REFRAIN from doing so and "Apply" this "logic" elsewhere.......Khalsa Does Not and Never Has convieniently applied in to Any plan of Any sort! It would be appreciated if You Do Not try and make a similar suggestive comment again. Thanx penji once more> To You VaHuGuuRu Ji KA khAlSa!!!..................VAHEgURU Ji kI FaTEh JI!!!

(double posted)

To 'surd r cute'.... That is a qeustion which any khalsa can answer for you. When we enrol in to this school. One of the lessons we receive is that once you have been blessed with the sweet amrit you are the khalsa and not what you were before. Your birth place is now from Sri Takhat Anandpur Sahib, Your Father is Guru Gobind Singh Ji(vaheguruuuuu ji) and Mother is Mata Sahib Kaur ji (vaheguru ji). When amrit is taken we say Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji kki fateh and call out the fateh many times to the sangat during the amrit sanchar. There is no question need be asked as to whether an amritdhari girl or boy will consider another persons background or caste or colour when deciding on a wedding ristha because the person is part of The Khalsa. Dhan Dhan our Guru Sahibaans who created such a beautiful Khalsa Family.

vahe-guru (intimateness + with bani playing = beadbi) These hugs etc is attatchment...extra pleasure ....apart from the natural making of a family through a householders (gristhees) jeevan. Emotional attatchment can take a person further from Guru Sahib ji. This Shabad is by Guru Amar Daas Ji in Raag Maajh on Pannaa 129 mwJ mhlw 3 ] maajh mehalaa 3 || Maajh, Third Mehl: mwieAw mohu jgqu sbwieAw ] maaeiaa mohu jagath sabaaeiaa || The whole world is engrossed in emotional attachment to Maya. qRY gux dIsih mohy mwieAw ] thrai gun dheesehi mohae maaeiaa || Those who are controlled by the three qualities are attached to Maya. gur prswdI ko ivrlw bUJY cauQY pid ilv lwvixAw ]1] gur parasaadhee ko viralaa boojhai chouthhai padh liv laavaniaa ||1|| By Guru's Grace, a few come to understand; they center their consciousness in the fourth state. ||1|| hau vwrI jIau vwrI mwieAw mohu sbid jlwvixAw ] ho vaaree jeeo vaaree maaeiaa mohu sabadh jalaavaniaa || I am a sacrifice, my soul is a sacrifice, to those who burn away their emotional attachment to Maya, through the Shabad. mwieAw mohu jlwey so hir isau icqu lwey hir dir mhlI soBw pwvixAw ]1] rhwau ] maaeiaa mohu jalaaeae so har sio chith laaeae har dhar mehalee sobhaa paavaniaa ||1|| rehaao || Those who burn away this attachment to Maya, and focus their consciousness on the Lord are honored in the True Court, and the Mansion of the Lord's Presence. ||1||Pause|| dyvI dyvw mUlu hY mwieAw ] dhaevee dhaevaa mool hai maaeiaa || The source, the root, of the gods and goddesses is Maya. isMimRiq swsq ijMin aupwieAw ] si(n)mrith saasath ji(n)n oupaaeiaa || For them, the Simritees and the Shaastras were composed. kwmu k®oDu psirAw sMswry Awie jwie duKu pwvixAw ]2] kaam krodhh pasariaa sa(n)saarae aae jaae dhukh paavaniaa ||2|| Sexual desire and anger are diffused throughout the universe. Coming and going, people suffer in pain. ||2|| iqsu ivic igAwn rqnu ieku pwieAw ] this vich giaan rathan eik paaeiaa || The jewel of spiritual wisdom was placed within the universe. gur prswdI mMin vswieAw ] gur parasaadhee ma(n)n vasaaeiaa || By Guru's Grace, it is enshrined within the mind. jqu squ sMjmu scu kmwvY guir pUrY nwmu iDAwvixAw ]3] jath sath sa(n)jam sach kamaavai gur poorai naam dhhiaavaniaa ||3|| Celibacy, chastity, self-discipline and the practice of truthfulness are obtained from the Perfect Guru, by meditating on the Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||3|| pyeIAVY Dn Brim BulwxI ] paeeearrai dhhan bharam bhulaanee || In this world of her parents' home, the soul-bride has been deluded by doubt. dUjY lwgI iPir pCoqwxI ] dhoojai laagee fir pashhothaanee || Attached to duality, she later comes to regret it. hlqu plqu dovY gvwey supnY suKu n pwvixAw ]4] halath palath dhovai gavaaeae supanai sukh n paavaniaa ||4|| She forfeits both this world and the next, and even in her dreams, she does not find peace. ||4|| pyeIAVY Dn kMqu smwly ] paeeearrai dhhan ka(n)th samaalae || The soul-bride who remembers her Husband Lord in this world, gur prswdI vyKY nwly ] gur parasaadhee vaekhai naalae || by Guru's Grace, sees Him close at hand. ipr kY shij rhY rMig rwqI sbid isMgwru bxwvixAw ]5] pir kai sehaj rehai ra(n)g raathee sabadh si(n)gaar banaavaniaa ||5|| She remains intuitively attuned to the Love of her Beloved; she makes the Word of His Shabad her decoration. ||5|| sPlu jnmu ijnw siqguru pwieAw ] safal janam jinaa sathigur paaeiaa || Blessed and fruitful is the coming of those who find the True Guru; dUjw Bwau gur sbid jlwieAw ] dhoojaa bhaao gur sabadh jalaaeiaa || through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, they burn their love of duality. eyko riv rihAw Gt AMqir imil sqsMgiq hir gux gwvixAw ]6] eaeko rav rehiaa ghatt a(n)thar mil sathasa(n)gath har gun gaavaniaa ||6|| The One Lord is permeating and pervading deep within the heart. Joining the Sat Sangat, the True Congregation, they sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. ||6|| siqguru n syvy so kwhy AwieAw ] sathigur n saevae so kaahae aaeiaa || Those who do not serve the True Guru-why did they even come into this world? iDRgu jIvxu ibrQw jnmu gvwieAw ] dhhrig jeevan birathhaa janam gavaaeiaa || Cursed are their lives; they have uselessly wasted this human life. mnmuiK nwmu iciq n AwvY ibnu nwvY bhu duKu pwvixAw ]7] manamukh naam chith n aavai bin naavai bahu dhukh paavaniaa ||7|| The self-willed manmukhs do not remember the Naam. Without the Naam, they suffer in terrible pain. ||7|| ijin issit swjI soeI jwxY ] jin sisatt saajee soee jaanai || The One who created the Universe, He alone knows it. Awpy mylY sbid pCwxY ] aapae maelai sabadh pashhaanai || He unites with Himself those who realize the Shabad. nwnk nwmu imilAw iqn jn kau ijn Duir msqik lyKu ilKwvixAw ]8]1]32]33] naanak naam miliaa thin jan ko jin dhhur masathak laekh likhaavaniaa ||8||1||32||33|| O Nanak, they alone receive the Naam, upon whose foreheads such pre-ordained destiny is recorded. ||8||1||32||33||

.... to our Guru jis sacrifices and shaheedhs. In case a moorakh like me forgets how great the sacrifices were this video link was so so much needed as a reminder of how we got the chance to call ourselves Khalsa.

Thanx for sharing your views pajee, awareness of this issue can help so so much, please other penjis share your own experiences too so we can learn from each other and support one another. Many sisters or bros post in gupt...I believe that the issue remains in the air that way because the person is scared to identify themselves and openly discuss the issue. If we want acceptance and open discussion we need not hide away in a sense..that may just further add to the issue rather than resolve it or at least bring some changes in others. Fair enuf some need to stay gupt, but these kinda issues need not be that way....they need forwardness.

Here is a reply I had saved last nite but could not post because server went down. I am sure Singh di fauj paji that many who although havent replied have at least read...and here is something important> If we look at the seriousness of this issue, it is really deep. For some bibis to be commiting kurehits coz of taunting, mocking, and pressure by fellow gursikhs,......where will that take sikhi.....I know where.... To where it is now...... Why do we reckon girls go with hindus and muslims (non-singhnee girls)its when they see such issues in sikhi.…..Then guys come down hard on them calling them nasty names……Who gave them the right? Why do bibis commit kurehits?…. Not because of others in society, not the non-sikh population…. ..But The Sikhs themselves and sometimes more often because of fellow amritdharis. Think about all of this…especially all the guys reading right now. Your turns of action can help not only your sisters, singhnees But in the bigger picture…..*Sikhi*. There is always a root cause and this may be just one them…. And also to Bibis…If You my sisters are also treating any singh the same way then please think about the above. Any mistakes in wording chosen.....i apologise.

I don't know whether to laugh out with joy or cry with joy. Your reply was so beautiful... side note: not to sure about the punishings by Guru ji of sinners you say...only Vaheguru ji can make that judgement...we are mere mortals. Thanku for the other comments though. :wub:

Also penji it is such a issue...we do see lots of bibiyan commiting kurehits coz of this. Me...I aint never going to...I'd rather die first. Vaheguruu mehr rakhan. Also penji dont You be sorry for me to go thru these issues it shud be the unknowledged or not willing to accept singhs that need to sort this out.

penji... singhni_1984 ThankYou for your input.... some points I liked> "....well guys if you do wanna see bibiyan stop commiting kureht becasue of these issues than you need to show the female race that you accept them as gursikhs...because it is your NON-acceptance that they are scared of..." "....photoes just encourages people to judge you on appearence and says nothing for the beautiful characters that you all are...." and also to 'K' aswell...reassuring words (took a longg time to understand though, lol.. :wub: . :TH: . Thanx sis.

whaaat?!...........

"So much emphasis is put on physical appearance that all forget everything else. Very hard to find a true Gursikh in this day and age." Thankyou.

sorry also just want to mention that allllll singhs are not bad, I have the greatest bro in the world, who shares similar feelings on the matter about how singhs act and treat their sisters and when looking for a partner...but in my reckoning about 98.8% are just that.....complete reversals to sikhi teachings.

We always say at Gurudwara Sahibs Nagar Kirtans guys just go to chk girls....well chk this> Singhs..as well as Gursikh singhs chk any girl...religious or not religious. And when I have walked past them or been near by one of them singing along or just chatting with one of my brothers/family etc...Ive blantly heard them say these things... ...haha..looks like a boy, ...whats that?.... id never marry a singhnee..... ...where all the nice singhnees at bro....?.... ...hun...rab really was cruel...hahhaha..(why do they, these gursikhs then have a go at hindus and others about talkin trash with our girls as they put it..when they do worse and make their sisters feel like trash) these comments are were shrugged off by me..and I ignore them and try not to hear em..but it is so directed a person cant help but realise who it is being inteneded for. This year I am going to make sure that I stick more closely with my brothers and family because of this unwanted comments and attention from "sons" of Guru Gobind Singh ji (!!why call them that at all?) so that I dont lose complete hope and further confidence in my sikhi life as a daugther of Guru Gobind Singh ji....vaheguru. *If anyone has anything further to add by all means do, it wil be further helpful but personally I dont knwo how much more clearly I can share my feelings and before I say anything that i'll regret and hurt someone..id like to end my comments here. Lol i'l be around, just wont comment as much, i dont trust my self now not to become > increasingly frustrated and look abit like this :wub: . rab bhalla karan mera and sab dha. vjkkvjkf.

Guru ji I have complete faith in ...No Doubt penji. I have raised this topic to make singhs aware that wht they are doing is making kaurs like me feel as if when we entered sikhi we have done good but also have 'shot oursleves in the foot'. Balwinder penji we all want to have a family and all want to have kids that ive dreamed of since being a small kid myself... not seeing that come true is very sad and very hurtful, ..i will accept it to be my kismet if things come to that (:wub: ) The going today of amritdharis....we respect you sister/singhnee/kaur ji...but hell no if you think I am going to marry you. Now what does that do to our younger kaurs, lower confidence?, to us feeling>isolated, plus add this on for me...... .....becoming all too serious all too quickly...when it comes to any singhs comments..because they have represented themselves as double standard holding, untrue gursikhs. Fair enuf not all are the same...so far ive found this to be the case and its still ongoing...all aorund the world..according to one pajee who commented recently. Why do singhs feel the girl has to accpet his dhari and moustahce....and he cant accept a few hairs (kes!)and maybe a undone eyebrow why and then have the audacity to say....Wow wow..bhainjee you can not get rid of those hairs..it is a kurehit!!??..... its like help? what is up with that!!!

Thanx for the recent replies.... Jaspaul pajee (..dont think im singling you out..its just you require a reply with your reply. nutin personal at all pajee..we all learning)...the word forced is strong and youve said it quite a lot. My parents are so liberal they would not ever..even in a dream force any type of ristha on me...... that is diverting from the subject... Because I have never been forced and have accepted each ristha on the plain fact that the guy or the next guy is a gursikh...what more need be asked. If everyone looked at things that way..there'd be fewer probs. When they have not accepted..Ive questioned myself...why?? To one singh my photo was given and he realised I wasnt amritdhari before..so after exchanging emails..he goes can I see one your past photos...I said okayyy...(thinking how wud that be of any help).... He messages back two days later....Sorry it aint guna work...and btw what made you become a singhnee you were so nice before???( :wub: )..vahe-guru You know that comment made me throw his photo into the rubbish bin within 1 second and told my parents to find a real singh please...because things just aint right with the world anymore. When girls take amrit they should be also given the options of a course in surviving the nasty, mean, harsh world out there which is hard on only kaurs/singhnees and not on singhs, no matter how much they may complain that They are hard done by, I dont believe so.