AmanSingh1867

The reason of doing Nitnem is to understand Gurbani and one would assume that those who have been doing it for many many years would understand and practice Gurbani in their lives to make others' better. Otherwise, it merely becomes parroting which normally happens in many household. Remember that most Punjabis were farmers and getting up early is a part of farming life, especially when most people didn't have electricity to turn night into day. Go to bed when it gets dark, up with the crowing of the cock was the natural rhythm of life. Amrit vela was not that much earlier than the usual time of rising. Life is not that simple for us now. I believe keeping these hours is best in lots of ways. It demands self-discipline and sets us apart from the people around us, plus those hours have a sort of spiritual magic to them that you'll only discover by doing it, a bit like keeping kesh. However for some people, it is impossible. We need to make a living, which sometimes means working hours incompatible with keeping the prescribed times. I think, in some cases, it is necessary to adapt, as long as we are not just making excuses and choosing the easy way out. The Nitnem is important, as is naam simran and all the rest. I believe that doing these daily is more important than the times they are done. Sikhi is about common sense. Yet one more gift of Guru Nanak when he threw water to the west at Haridwar to make a practical point for the benefit, not only of the Brahmins, but the entire world. My father said something to me when I was a kid that has stuck with me ever since. He said "son, Sikhi is not about rituals, you don't do something just for the sake of doing it, that is not what the message of our Gurus is about. Always ask yourself why you are doing something, do not do something just because everyone else is, our Gurus did not follow the masses, use your own common sense in your day-to-day life." I am a Uni student as well. I have an extremely heavy course-load, and none of the classes are easy. I am often up until 2-3 am and then have to get up at 8 am for Uni the next day. It usually is not possible for me to be awake at 4 am to do Nitmen. I may be able to force myself to wake up, but it would be good for nothing, because my mind would not be focused on the Bani, and it would also cause me to suffer in my studies due to lack of sleep. Sikhi is not about dictating your life, it is supposed to enhance it. The Gurus taught us to honor our committments, when you go to school/work one of your responsibilities is to be the best student/employee you possibly can be. And it is for this reason I tend not to do Nitnem at 4 am. I do it at other times in the day, when I am more focused, when I will actually get something out of it, when I am reading it because I enjoy it, not because it is another chore I have to get through. The important thing is to learn something from the Bani, not about forcing yourself to read it at a time that interferes with the rest of your life. Sat Sri Akal.

I spent one summer in the UK a few years ago, after that I've been extremely grateful that my parents chose to settle in Canada over Britain. Most British-born Punjabis in the UK have very little attachment to their roots, they've completely forgotten where they come from. Most of the guys I met wanted to be like the black guys, most of the girls were trying way too hard to be like white girls, no one wants to be Punjabi anymore. And don't even get me started on their attitudes towards Sikhi. The guys still exhibited some level of loyalty towards the Panth, but the girls, I'm sorry to say it but they seem like a lost cause for the most part. This is just based on my experiences though, someone who has lived their entire life in the UK knows better. These girls that run around with Muslims are not Sikh- they are Atheist/Agnostic Punjabi females who were born in Sikh families. 90%+ of the time, they don't even have basic Sikhi knowledge. With regards to the BBC documentary on the grooming cases, remember that girl who went with that guy and got a hotel room? And then she said her drink had been spiked and he had slept with her? Would a girl who had respect for her Sikhi be running around behind her families back with a guy she barely knows and getting a hotel room with him? What did she think was going to happen in that room, that they were going to play bingo? How do you distinguish between a Mona Sikh and a non-beareded Muslim?? BTW I do not know how effective telling the girl's family would be. Most of these girls likely have Hollywood/Bollywood fantasies floating around in their heads, the fact that it is taboo appeals to them, they want their life to be like what they see on the big screen. Even if you told the family, methinks that they'd still see the guy, just do a better job of keeping it a secret. Why hasn't there been an emergence of a group like Shere-Punjab in 21st century Britain? Wouldn't that work better than anything else?

The Jews also face a similar problem, and have come up with a pretty interesting solution: if the mother is Sikh, the children are automatically Sikh as well. If a Sikh girl (most likely non-practicing) wants to marry out of the religion, by all means allow her to go ahead and do it, on the condition that she and her husband raise the children to be Sikhs. And the Panth should accept such couples with open arms, because the more we turn our backs on them, the further away we will push them. Accept them, teach them about Sikhi, that is our best bet. Who knows, the husband may even come around to accepting Sikhi in the future.

Like the ceremony, and I believe everyone should have the right to marry whoever they want, but I could never see myself married to a non-Sikh. I accept Guru Granth Sahib Ji as my Guru and want a wife that does so as well. That doesn't mean I dislike other religions or the people who practice them, but I want to raise my kids in a Sikhi environment, so I want their mother to be Sikh, like me. I don't mind marrying a non-Punajbi though, but she has to be Sikh. Someone who would consider marrying out of their religion probably doesn't value it that much anyways, so I don't know why people bother trying to stop them. This goes for girls AND guys.

I agree with the first part. I've noticed that even mona/non-practicing Sikh guys still have a certain level of loyalty to the panth, they might know very little about the teachings, but they still respect the history and will probably raise the kids in a semi-religious environment (Gurdwara here and there, teach about history), and this could potentially lead to the kids becoming more religious and learning about Sikhi on their own. I know lots of cases of kids who's parents didn't practice Sikhi, but because they were brought to the Gurdwara every now and then (where the were surrounded by better sangat), and because they were still taught about the history, even if just a little bit, they ended up becoming more religious than the parents. With the girls, non-practicing Sikh girls tend to be REALLY non-practicing, know very little about the history AND no pride at all. I can see how it would be a problem, I doubt girls like that would ever take the kids to Gurdwara or teach about history if the husband wasn't even Sikh to begin with.

Rakhi isn't a part of Sikhi lol

Oh that's nice! I live steps away from a Gurdwara, Church and Mosque. I go to the Church with Christian friends on Christmas and have been to the Masjid on numerous occasions as well, the atmospheres are really different and I like learning about teachings of other religions. Happy belated Ramadan and Eid

Are you talking about Ardaas? If so, see if this helps you: http://manpreet159.wordpress.com/sikhism/ardas-english-translation/ If you have any questions about it, you can ask on here Btw, are you Sikh?

With regards to the bold part, my father has never once in my lifetime told me that he loves me. He has not uttered those words to my brother or sister either. I know by the way he acts that he does, and actions speak louder than words. He works his butt off to make sure we are in a position to succeed, he has told us before that he is proud of us, that he wants the best for us, but he shows very little emotion, that emotional connection just isn't there. It would be nice to hear those words at least once out of his mouth. And because of his withdrawn feelings, I have a very hard time talking to him about deep/personal issues. If I wanted career/educational advice, my dad was always the person to go to. But as far as relationships and especially dealings with the opposite sex are concerned, I cannot bring any of that up with him, it would be far too awkward, we have never been able to talk about those things. It is sad because 90% of our conversations are based around something to do with jobs/career, Uni/education, it is embarrassing to admit but it has gotten to the point where I try to avoid him as much as possible just because I am tired of talking about the same old things over and over again. I am glad he takes an interest in my professional life, but it is really suffocating at times, I wish he'd let me figure things out on my own instead of breathing down my neck all the time. What angers me the most is that he has lived such an amazing life, coming from an ordinary family in a poor village in Punjab around the time of the partition, he made something of himself and did not settle for a meager existence, worked harder than everyone around him in school and got acceptance into a program in the UK, lived/worked/studied there for 20-something years and is now in Canada. I know almost nothing about his life story, I wish I did, I wish he would tell me what it was like to leave everything behind and go to a whole new part of the world and start from scratch, not once but twice, but he never brings it up. You are right about the friends thing, our mother is like a friend and we can talk to her about most things, but it isn't like that with dad.

I absolutely LOVE Latin people, even though our people are from two completely separate continents on opposite sides of the world, it is amazing how many things we have in common! 1) We look similar. A lot of Punjabis in America get mistaken for Mexicans, and up here in Canada, I know a few Latin people who look like they are Punjabi. 2) The food! Your food is so yummy, I can't stand most European/"white" (sorry, couldn't think of a better word LOL) because it is so bland and tasteless. Your food has flavor, and, just like us, for you guys, the spicier the better! 3) Your music is wonderful, makes you want to get up and dance your socks off. Bhangra has the exact same effect, you wanna get on your feet and dance till the roosters crow. 4) You are a hot-headed people, just like us, very loud and vocal, never shy about anything. I don't know if this is a good thing lol 5) Most Latins I know are always in a good mood, just like Punjabis. Chardi Kala and high spirits are embraced in both cultures. Oh and we're not muslims, very different in fact, just because some muslims don't like you, doesn't mean we don't either. Our religions are completely different, and I don't know how it would be possible to paint all Latin people with the same brush, you have good and bad in every race. As for Punjabi girls, most of them are nice, don't let the bad behavior of a few make you think all are like that. They probably just don't like it that you're dating a Punjabi guy, my GF is white and we get stares from Punjabi girls a lot too, can't really do anything about it.

The above link didn't work for me, it lagged a lot and wasn't good quality, if anyone else experiences the same problem, here is an alternative: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StoCC0E3KgQ I just wanna thank Sikh Awareness Society from the bottom of my heart for getting justice for the 16 year old girl in Leicester, as well as working with the BBC to put this documentary together, it is a huge eye-opener, especially for us Sikhs here in Canada and down in the US. Just showed it to my sister, she watched the entire thing and then gave me a big kiss on the cheek Next step I'm gonna go talk to my Gurdwara and as well as well as the Gurdwaras back in my home city, a lot of Gurdwaras here to Katha Darbar for the little kids, the one in Surrey on Scott Road is really popular, I'll talk to them too and see if they'll play it, the more people who see this, the better our chances to make sure North America never goes through the same things the UK has. There are people who have said that Canada/USA are 20-30 years behind the UK, that we are now where the UK was in the early 80's, well in 20-30 years I will have children and they will be high school/University aged, I want to protect them, and the only way to do that is for all of us here in North America to recognize and identify the problem now, educate the youth, Islam is now the fastest growing religion in Canada, Muslims in the 2011 census were 3.2% of the population and Sikhs were 1.4%, in 20 years Muslims will make up around 8% of the Canadian population, let's tackle these issues now before they get out of hand. I suggest everyone else in Canada and USA as well talk to your local Gurdwara about showing this documentary at a time when the majority of the visiting sangat will be able to see it.

I just want to emphasize the importance of what veerji has said above, because along with instilling Sikhi knowledge in our kids, it is the single most important factor in preventing grooming of Sikh girls. I'll give you a personal example. I am from a practicing/keshdari family. From a young age, my siblings and I have been taught about Gurmukhi and our history. Step one complete, no one would ever be able to lie to us/manipulate us about Sikhi, we have answers to any question/argument. After reaching a certain age, we also got involved in seva initiatives. This surrounded us with wonderful sangat, Singhs and Kaurs who led by example, and didn't just know about Sikh, but were LIVING Sikhi each and every day. It is one thing to be lectured about Sikhi, it is another thing to experience it and live it in real life. Just like you can read 100 books on driving, until you have actually gotten in the car and tried your hand at the wheel, you are never going to be able to do it properly. So, step two complete, we were now applying the teachings of Sikhi into our everyday lives. But there was one thing missing. My father is not an emotional man, in fact, he's more detached and withdrawn than most people. He cares about us for sure, we all know it, but he has never really been able to have that "you can come to me for anything" connection with his children, it is his biggest weakness. I am the eldest child in the family. I have a younger brother and a younger sister. Thankfully, at an early age, I was able to figure out that the most troubled children are the ones that come from a broken home OR where the family is not tight-knit, and for this reason I took it upon myself to become that lead male figure in my brother and sister's lives. With my brother, I know how important it is for guys to want to impress one another and "be cool", this can often times lead to alcohol and drug use, sometimes even worse than that. The single most important thing I did with him was show him that there was nothing cool about doing what everyone else was doing, real men, pioneers, do not follow other people's paths, they create their own. There are 2 types of people in life: leaders and followers, the former become CEOS, Presidents and world-wide stars. They are rooted to the Earth, are powerful, confident, stand up for what they believe in and ground the world up to their vision and all, NOT the other way around. When they die, millions mourn, for they not only lived a great live themselves, they inspired the people around them to do so as well. The latter spend their entire lives trying to impress other people, like a tumbleweed constantly blown in every conceivable direction by the winds of life. They are sheep who are too cowardly to trek their own paths, they would rather listen to others than use their own logic and judgement, they accomplish nothing noteworthy and in the end die forgotten and irrelevant. Our Gurus were leaders. They did not conform to convention, stood up for what they knew to be right, valued truth higher than anything else, and even today, hundreds of years later, their message lives on through us. I taught my brother to not care about what the guys around him were doing and instead go down his own path. And again, it isn't just enough to say, you gotta do it yourself. We hit the gym together 3-5 times a week, have seva initiatives on the weekends, try to do our best in school, and want to get involved with a martial art and a few other volunteer programs, and of course, are constantly trying to learn more about Sikhi. When you're doing all that, there's no time for drugs or alcohol. And my sister. It's been mentioned on here before that a lot of Punjabi girls have low self-esteem and that is why it is easy for predators to prey on them. I have found this to be true. Unfortunately, most Punjabi families do favor the boys over the girls. Furthermore, girls need a strong male in their lives, someone they can look up to, someone who can show, by example, the way a real man acts and behaves. They need to be close to this person as well, to know that he loves and cares about them. Obviously my dad wasn't able to do it, not because of gender issues, he treats us all the same, but because he has always remained emotionally detached for most of our lives. So I did it. My sister describes me as her "best friend", and I am glad. Every brother, especially the older ones, should be close to his sister, not only to protect her, but also to guide her. My sister tells me EVERYTHING, and yes, this includes her crushes/guys she likes. The important thing is not to be a dictator, not to lecture her about how wrong it is or how much of an <banned word filter activated> she is etc... Crushes are normal when you're growing up, no one can control the way they feel, but we can all control the way we act. So I never chastise her for her feelings towards a boy, instead I remind her that we all have to make the bed we sleep in, that there are very real consequences for what we do, every action has a reaction and she needs to figure out what is important to her and stick with it. We both know of people who sleep around, do drugs, poorly in school, I just tell her that it is her choice about which side of the fence she wants to be on, certainly no one else can force her to behave a certain way. Like I said before, being a dictator isn't going to help, give your kids/younger siblings the tools they need to make the right decisions on their own, it will keep them safe for life. So yeah, other than that, we have very similar personalities so always spend a lot of time chilling/hanging out together, I help her out with school, we really do get along like best friends. I've talked to her about the whole muslim grooming thing, she listened to me because we are close and she values what I have to say, had I been a dictator big brother it likely would have gone in one ear and came out another. And now I feel comfortable knowing that even if she moves away for Uni, she will be able to steer clear of this problem and come back safe and sound. Oh and one last thing, to guys with little sisters, they pay a lot of attention to the way you treat other women. If you're a womanizer/wanna-be-pimp, they will think it is okay for guys to treat them like that. Treat other girls the same way you'd want a guy to treat your sister.

This, awesome post pa ji. Most people in our community these days are more concerned with being Punjabi than being Sikh. Sikhi means very little to them. Picking out the best suits, jewelry (gahnay), getting drunk, listening to stupid bhangra songs is way more important than going to Gurdwara and learning about Sikhi. To all parents/future parents, please instill Sikhi knowledge in your children, girls AND boys. More important than keeping hair, they should learn about our history, the sacrifices of our ancestors, and read Guru Granth Sahib Ji and understand it, apply it to their lives and live it, a love of Gurbani is very important, anyone who loves the Guru's word will be able to make the right choices in life, as a parent you won't always be there for them, you don't know who they are talking to at school or work, or what they're gonna do when they move away for University. Being a dictator won't work, because when they're out of your sight they WILL rebel, that's just the way kids are, trust me I'm in Uni and see what goes on. Instead of dictating every aspect of their lives, give them that knowledge of Gurbani, it contains all the answers they will ever need. Don't make all the decisions for your children, teach them how to, through the word of the Guru, make good decisions for themselves. "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, TEACH a man to fish and you feed him for life". Also, sewa is very important. Our religion is one that emphasizes philanthropy, and we should be damn proud of it. Get your kids involved with some sort of charity work, my Gurdwara goes out on a weekly basis to the poor parts of our city and gives fresh, hot langar to the homeless/needy people. I see little kids getting involved with this stuff, and they are surrounded by great sangat, this is important because the best way to teach your kids is to lead by example, teach them the values our Gurus gave to us, and then also show them, through your OWN example, how those values can be practically applied to life. Even though I come from a keshdari/practicing family, it wasn't until I started to get involved with sewa initiatives that I really fell in love with Sikhi and really started to see the value of the Gurus word. Be the kind of man/woman you would want your son/daughter to grow up to be like. Teach them to love Guru Ji's bani, teach them Sikh history, get involved with sewa, lead by example, when we change ourselves it won't matter what Muslims or anyone else is doing, we as individuals and a community will be strong enough to face whatever is thrown our way. PS: Someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE record the documentary, I live in Canada so it is impossible for me to watch, but I would love to see it and show my family members and see if I can get my Gurdwara to play it as well. Thank you

This "full beard vs trimmed beard vs mona" division will be the downfall of our faith. We've been through 3 genocides and are still here, bigger than ever, no external force will ever be able to destroy Sikhi, but if we don't stop arguing among ourselves, we will destroy Sikhi on our own. Anyways, I agree with the above comment, at least the guy had a turban and is making an effort to connect Sikh youth to their roots, just because his beard is trimmed doesn't mean we should shun him, he is our brother in faith and we should congratulate him for the effort. I say this as someone with an untrimmed beard.

The sad thing is that these double standards go against the teachings of Sikhi, Sikh boys and girls are supposed to be treated in the same way, but it doesn't play out like that in real life. Btw, this isn't just a "Sikh" thing, this hypocrisy exists in the Muslim and Hindu communities as well, it is not Sikhi that is responsible for it, it is South Asian/desi culture. Oh and also, I disagree with the last bit, affairs are taken very seriously, if a boy does it, he will get the snot knocked out of him by his family and the girl's family, at least in my social circle. The Sikh girl black guy thing happened in the UK, this Sikh guy-Muslim girl marriage happened in Canada, that is probably why, I've never heard of a Gurdwara invasion happening in Canada (I'm Canadian).

Over 450 views, but only 2 replies? I can't imagine how badly this would have blown up if it was a Sikh girl and Muslim guy in the video I posted lol. So I take it from the lack of responses that no one really cares when an apna munda marries a Muslim girl? :blink2:

Okay well first of all, you should also try to incorporate 2 days of cardio in there was well, it builds stamina and will help with the weigh-lifting. As for diet, you say you are trying to gain muscle, so you're bulking. You need to get your macro nutrients in check (carbohydrates, protein, fats). I suggest reading this: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=156380183&s=6e298cfc2a2f673539f926afed07b830 How much you eat depends on your weight. I can give you some general guidelines though: 1) Eat whole-wheat, white roti is made of simple carbs, it is no good. 2) Lots and lots of daal, lentils, beans etc... 3) MILK! 2% is okay, 3.25% if you can handle it. 4) Get yourself a nice whey protein to take right after your workouts. 5) Any other dairy products. Of course, how much of each depends on your weight and macro nutrient needs. You can use this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ to keep track of your daily intake. Good luck.

At the beginning of last year (2012), the Sikh Riot Awareness Facebook group posted this video of a Muslim man marrying a Sikh woman in a Gurdwara: https://www.facebook.com/Global.Sikh.Awareness/posts/347505678617592 As you can tell by the comments, most people were not pleased and were angry that this was allowed to take place. (click "view previous comments and go up to the very top). There were even girls that said it was wrong and shouldn't have happened, which surprised me, usually I only hear of men speaking out against this kind of stuff, but a lot of Sikh females were displeased as well. Someone showed me another Muslim-Sikh marriage video yesterday, this also took place in a Gurdwara. The difference? This time, the girl was Muslim and the guy was Sikh (mona). Here it is: I am just interested in seeing if there is as much outrage over this happening as there was over the last one. Ironically, the Muslim girl does a better matha thek than the Sikh girl lol. For the first video, imagine if the girl ran away with the Muslim, what would people say then? They would bash him for not even having the decency to enter a Gurdwara and respect the girl's families wishes. Say what you want, at least he had enough respect to bow down in front of Guru Ji, he might not practice Sikhi, but it does show he is open-minded, and since they got married in a Gurdwara, I doubt he made her convert to Islam. What is the difference between marrying a Muslim and a guy who is only Sikh-by-name? In neither case would that Sikh girl raise her children to practice Sikhi, so does it really make a difference? If a non-practicing member of our community, who probably knows nothing about the religion, doesn't even know how to matha thek properly, wants to marry out, what's the big deal? For the second video, again, is there any outrage? The Sikh guy is obviously not practicing, so does it make a difference if his wife is a Muslim? If he had married a Sikh girl, chances are she herself wouldn't be practicing either, so in neither case would he produce practicing Sikh children. Thoughts?

About the bold part veer ji, I have not found this to be true. A great many of my friends are Atheist, not one has ever said anything bad about Sikhi, most have the utmost respect for it. I also don't feel like the term "theist" applies to a Sikh, "Sikhi" isn't really a theistic religion, that is an Abrahamic term, we shouldn't try to twist around our faith to fit into pre-designed western boxes and labels. Waheguru is a part of His creation, we are called upon to recognize his light in our fellow man, according to Guru Nanak, God is not in some far off place, He resides in each and every heart. This belief is the foundation for other Sikh beliefs like respect for all humanity, equality of the sexes, no discrimination based on color, caste, race, religion etc... that is logical, we should also remember that Guru Granth Sahib Ji isn't just for Sikhs, anyone from any faith or lack of faith can apply it's teachings to their life, I have a Muslim friend who reads it from time to time, he doesn't feel like it conflicts with his religion, that is because the teachings of Guru Ji emphasize this life, the importance of doing good while you are still here, it talks very little about the afterlife. I went through my own period of questioning/rebelling, my family is kind of cultural, but everything came into place after I started to read Guru Granth Sahib Ji, if I could find some fault with it, I would have a long time ago, but it is perfect, and is for everyone. Kind of off-topic, but yeah, no Atheist has ever told me that the teachings of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj are "illogical". Sikhi is a rational religion

Logic does dictate all. Magic tricks, miracles, supernatural powers etc... those were all rejected by the Gurus and are against Nanakian philosophy. It is what makes Sikhi so attractive for me. Guru Nanak outright refused all forms of miracles, yet we are supposed to believe that Baba Deep Singh Ji had his head completely cut off and remained alive? Sikhi demands we use our powers of reason and logic in everyday life, it is not a faith that promotes superstition. I know it will get me heat, but to the OP, I do not believe this story one bit. I do think that Baba Deep Singh Ji had a wound in his neck, most likely very deep, but I reject the notion that his entire head came off.

This is kind of long, but I think it's pretty important. This is also from that reddit thread, another post by the same user. The definition of a man: Women are not as incomprehensible as they're made out to be. Mainstream culture jokes about this all the time, that they never mean what they say, that their needs are constantly changing, that they're impossible for you, as a male, to ever fully understand. Stephen Hawking even called women the "biggest mystery in the Universe". I am here to tell you that none of it is true. Women's needs (just like our needs) are quite simple. Women, in a nutshell, want a MAN. That's it. The Universe's greatest mystery has been solved lol. You see, the real problem is defining what a "Man" really is. It seems like everyone has their own opinion, jocks, nerds, teenagers, oldies, everyone has something different to say. I'm going to give you my definition, tried and tested by myself: A Man, -Does not go through life walking on eggshells. Boys think, "Does she like me? How do I get her to like me?" MEN think, "Should I like her? Should I go for her?" The MAN doesn't think about the girl's interest until they're dating. MEN look at all the girls and TAKE what they want. Go for what you want. -Focuses on his dreams. No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life. Find your passion (art, music..), a life-long dream to own the world, etc, and go for it. -Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires. "Oh, I am so sorry, ladies! I am afflicted with this disease known as M.A.L.E. It is natural for me to glance at you, your oh so curvaceous body. I am soooo sorry. Please, please FORGIVE ME!" Would a WOMAN apologize for her feminine acts? So why should YOU apologize for your masculinity (this doesn't mean you should be a pervert lol)? Don't deny that you want to feel fulfilled. -Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.) Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy. Never give up. -Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader. This is crucial because one day you will become the leader of your own household. Yes, we talk of 50/50, of everything being equal, but Nature's laws surpass that of Humans. Women naturally submit and nurture, Men naturally lead and provide. If you were a woman, would YOU want a boy in charge of your household? Or would you want A MAN? Take control of your life. -Seeks to solve problems then to place blame. If there is a problem, you solve it. You do not go, "Oh, BOO HOO! This was because of HIM, or THIS or THAT." A woman naturally wants a guy who deals with problems, not pass them along. (Would you want that in your woman? Of course not!). Act instead of complaining. -Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable. Statistically, you're more likely to be REJECTED then to be ACCEPTED. So how do you become more and more accepted and have lots of success with girls? It is when you increase your trying so much that the acceptance rate satisfies you and you don't notice the rejections. Napoleon Hill's book interviewing extremely successful people, these men of destiny did not let failure destroy them. Indeed, Napoleon concludes that Destiny puts out these trials and failures to TEST the men if they are proper and FIT for their role in shaping history. Life goes on, your day WILL come. -Knows where he is going in Life. True seduction isn't calculation or painful discipline, it is the same as with everything that makes a success: A Passion for Life. Have a life-plan, and be in control of it. -Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul. Weak, insecure boys HATE bachelorhood. They HATE, HATE, HATE it sooo much. Some even wish for the old days of arranged marriages so they wouldn't have to put up with all the games. Jerks LOVE bachelorhood so much they can't see anything else in life. While women love guys that can get women, jerks offer nothing worthwhile long term wise. Alas, the women always try to change the <banned word filter activated> but never the boy. Why? Because a Man is STRENGTH and a <banned word filter activated> displays strength on some level. Boys never do. Don't be a boy, don't be a <banned word filter activated>. Neither are going to make you happy in the long-term. Be a MAN. Treat everyone with respect, and expect nothing less in return. Have heart and dedication to YOUR life. -Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone. Flowers, candy, poetry all can be good additions to a relationship, but so many guys use them to BUY the relationship as if they must prove themselves. They flood with the poor woman with gifts to show they mean it. So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, and sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF and let her prove HERSELF to you for YOU are the MAN. If anyone shall hate you, toss you away, make you inferior, then they are of no worth to you.

Oh wow, I wanted to avoid people bashing Punjabi girls in this thread, but that is exactly what has happened I want to clear somethings up though: 1) If it wasn't already clear, that huge chunk of text in the original post was NOT written by me, it is a copy and paste from a thread started on reddit (I attached the link at the bottom). 2) Like the guy who did type it up, I am also dating a white girl/gori. HOWEVER, and this is important, I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH HER! There is a difference between dating (getting to know one another/hanging out/seeing if you guys click) and sleeping with someone, they DO NOT go hand in hand. 3) @Singh123456777, I do not know how old you are, but there are very few girls out there who would have an arranged marriage with a guy these days. Likewise, there are very few guys out there who would have an arranged marriage with a girl these days. I know I wouldn't. I want to get to know her on a personal level before I commit to anything. There is nothing wrong with that. I just want to find out if we are compatible BEFORE we tie the knot, it is much better than finding out afterwards. Okay, with that out of the way, I want to say that this thread was intended to be about keshdari guys pondering over whether they play a role in driving Punjabi girls away from turban/beard Sikh men. Let us consider the two points made by the reddit user in the copy/paste: a) Keshdari men lack confidence. What do I believe? From experience, I'd say it's true. Between growing up hearing about other guys getting rejected for the turban and beard, to the superficiality of western culture that favors clean shaven men and women over those who keep their hair, it is not hard to understand. So by the time these guys are in their mid-late teens, they have been thoroughly conditioned to believe that the vast majority of girls out there will not go for them because of their kesh. Add to that the fact that a lot of these guys tend to hang around other keshdari/Indian men, they aren't really doing themselves any favors. The poster says that keshdari men are by and large NOT used to socializing with members of other races and especially not with women (any women) outside their families. I find it to be true, Punjabi culture emphasizes "sticking to your own kind", and also separation of the sexes. Socialization between guys and girls is generally frowned upon. So most lads and lassies who are into Sikhi don't have much contact with the opposite sex. Now, some guys may complain about the double standard, about how nobody cares that the girls aren't used to talking with men and wanting to know why only they are being faulted for not being able to talk to girls, but the answer is simple: nature demands that males "take charge". "jump to action", "make the first move". Evolution has programmed us in such a way that men are the ones who are supposed to do the approaching and initiating. Now, to do that, you need confidence, something that the poster suggests turban/beard guys tend to lack. Look at the comment above by "GKaur", specifically the part where she mentions that keshdari men do not approach/tend to give off a vibe of "ulterior motives". There isn't anything wrong with her comment, she is being honest, it is the truth. Men, start acting like men. Do you have dreams and passions? Have you found something worth dying for? There was a time when every man had a vision of what he wanted the world to be like in his head, and he would go out and put his everything into replicating it in reality. Our Gurus were like that, our shaheeds had that quality too. Sad that most men today are content with sitting around and letting life pass them second by second. Start focusing less on "getting girls" and complaining about how horrible Punjabi girls have become, they're still the same as always, it is we who have changed. My father tells me about how a few decades ago, Punjabi women DEMANDED a proper Singh, back when Singhs were still leaders, visionaries, pioneers, "manly men". The Singhs of today are more content with complaining, whining and eating gulab jaman it seems The most charismatic, determined man I have ever known in my life is a 60-something year old keshdari man I met at the Gurdwara. Active, fit, plays sports, funny, nice, respectful, built himself up from nothing, today owns his own business and is living life on his terms. Is at the Gurdwara every day doing whatever seva he can. Men, women, kids, everyone are drawn to him because of his personality, leadership skills and determination. If this guy was at Uni today, he would be able to have whatever girl he wanted. Like I said guys, girls are still the same as they've always been, they are still attracted to the same things they've always been attracted to, we (keshdari guys) just have this defeatist attitude where we think the kesh is stopping us from having what we want. b) Physically, the user says that keshdari guys tend to be out-of-shape. I don't know about this one lol, I don't think they've done any formal study/survey haha I can only speak from personal experience, a hefty chunk of monas hit the gym or are involved in some sort of physically demanding activity (usually a sport). This percentage seems to be lower amongst the keshdaris. I don't know why this is. Factor in the horrible nutritional value of your average Punjabi-diet, and it's a recipe for disaster. Lettuce be realtea gentlemen, looks matter. I know in Punjabi culture, women are supposed to look past the exterior and fall in love with a guy's kindness and sweet nature etc etc... but let's get our heads of of the sand, it doesn't always play out like that in the real world. I was having a chat about this with my sister a while back, she basically told me that if a guy can't take care of himself, why should she trust him to take care of her? I am not suggesting that we all turn into meat-heads and try to emulate the physique of Mr.Dwayne Johnson, but I have found that there is a certain type of personality women are attracted to. Girls tend to fall for a guy then can depend on (has a backbone), someone who will be successful (has ambition, and I am not talking about money here, I mean knowing what you want and not being scared to go after it) and someone who is decisive (has charge). Having a fit body shows that you have the determination, ambition and charge to put in the time at the gym to get what you want, it shows you don't give up easily/are not lazy. Having a huge gut shows the opposite and is not attractive on a physical or personality level. Being out of shape also reduces testosterone levels, which sheds off even more of your manliness. Testosterone is what gives you that kick on your rear-end and drives you to pursue what you desire, it is what makes you a man, a neutered (untestosteronized) dog cannot be a sheepdog, it has no drive. Stay fit, eat HEALTHY FOOD, make sure you are getting enough protein in your diet, and keep those T-levels high @GKaur bhenji, you asked: I am putting my hand up! I think women with dastar are absolutely beautiful, and full facial hair, as long as she doesn't mind it/doesn't let it drag her down, I wouldn't have a problem with it either. I am not just looking for someone who will cook for me/clean for me/sleep with me. I want a partner, someone who is commited to living healthy (a gym buddy would be nice lol), someone who I can have fun with, I love to travel, I want a wife I can see the world with. Mountain climbing and skydiving are just two things I have on my bucket-list, I want someone I can do all of that and more with. I would like a wife with whom I can trailblaze, we shall create our own path in life and do things no one has ever done before, attempt things the rest of the world just talked about, because we would be the children of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji and Mata Sahib Kaur Ji, afraid of nothing, and looking forward to every new challenge! And at the end of the day, she should also love Guru Ji and want to pass Sikhi on into the next generation, to start a family with me, raise good kids, and stay with me for the rest of my life. Her kesh, even if there is extra, would just make her that much more beautiful

There are quite a few threads on this forum about the troubles of dating with a turban and beard. Most of these discussions deteriorate into guys taking their frustrations out by bashing Punjabi girls for not wanting to be with keshdari males. I came across a post on reddit that tackles this issue from a slightly different angle. I will post the relevant bit: "Hey guys and gals, I'm a Sikh guy, wear a turban and have a fully grown beard. I live in Canada and am 20 years old. I have quite a few friends who are also turban-wearing Sikhs, and the one thing I am accustomed to hearing on an almost daily basis is "girls won't go out with me because I am a keshdari". That is all I ever hear, not only from my own friends, but on every Sikh forum online, there are hoards of Sikh guys who complain about not being able to get a girlfriend because they wear a turban and sport a beard. This is for any guy on reddit who complains about this issue, and for anyone who knows a guy like that in real life, I say, you need to slap some sense into him by showing him this post. The turban and the beard are not the reason you can't get girls. It is your lowly perception of yourself. You have no self confidence, you freak out every time you talk to a female because you are worried she doesn't like your turban/beard and you are a social klutz. Most keshdari males in the west spend their time hanging out with other keshdari guys, or other Indian men in general. You have very little experience socializing with members of other races, and especially with members of the opposite sex. That is the problem. You got no game. How do you fix it? Become social, talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to, develop your social skills, and watch your life change for the better. Secondly, most turban + beard guys I know are not physically attractive. No, it is NOT the beard and turban that are responsible for it. Most of you don't work out, and quite a few (maybe even majority) have really let yourselves go, and have developed huge guts. Get your behind into the gym, lose weight if you're fat, build muscle if you're skinny. If I was a girl, I wouldn't want to date most of you either, because you don't take care of yourselves. Sikhi says to treat your body like your temple, how on earth have you allowed your temple to become so desecrated? Stop eating allu de parathai, samosai, gulab jaman, eat good, wholesome, nutritious food, get in the gym, lift, your testosterone will increase, your confidence will increase, and so will your success with the ladies. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, STOP LIMITING YOURSELF TO PUNJABI GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!! For Pete's sake, most guys I know who complain about this are the ones who ONLY go for Punjabi kudis. The world is your oyster my friend, there's wonderful girls out there who will accept you for who you are and are not Indian-descent. In fact, from my own experiences and what I have heard from friends, non-Punjabi girls actually respect the turban and beard more than Punjabi girls do. If you are proud to be keshdari, then they will respect you for it. When I ask most guys why they are wearing a turban, they'll tell me "because my parents made me". When pressed further about why their parents made them, they say "because it is a part of the religion". But they don't know WHY Sikhs wear turbans. That is the problem. FFS man, learn your own history! It is legendary what our ancestors went through to protect our dharam. It is teeming with stories of epic battles, sacrifice and determination. No other religion has ever had to face even half the crap we did to survive and preserve our beliefs. It was keshdari Sikhs who destroyed Mughal rule in Punjab, 21 keshdari Sikhs who held off an army of 10,000 Afghans for over 7 hours until reinforcements arrived. Confidence comes from being sure of who you are. Understand why you wear a turban, and the thousands of brave men and women who wore it before you, and you won't give a damn about what any woman thinks. If some immature Punjabi girl has no respect for your turban, that's her loss. A lot of them have forgotten that when Punjabi women were getting kidnapped left, right and center by Persian forces, and being taken to Iran to be sold in the sex-trade industries, it was turbaned Sikh men who went after them, fought enemies umpteenth times larger than themselves, won, and brought the women back safe and sound to their families. Any girl that rejects you solely for your turban isn't worth the time, even if she's Punjabi. Most of them are going to be fat aunties in 20 years time anyways, then they'll be paying guys to give them the time of day. My girlfriend is white, my brother is married to a Chinese lady, who is absolutely wonderful, and has complete respect for Sikhi and the turban. If you respect your turban, others will too. I've got a handful of friends (all keshdari) dating white girls and Asian (Chinese mostly) girls. I've got family in the USA, a few of my cousins are with Latinas. All are socially confident, all work out, none limited themselves to just Punjabi girls. That's my rant. I'm tired of keshdari guys complaining about how girls don't give you the time of day, it makes us all look like insecure, needy, weak boys who do not deserve any woman in the first place. Cutting your hair isn't going to make you a success with the ladies if you are out of shape and socially demented. On the other hand, I have known the most athletic, outgoing keshdari brothers get rejected time and time again by girls just because they had the turban. And each time, the girl was Punjabi. Face it dude, there are girls out there who are not attracted to the look, and there's nothing you can do about it. But there are a lot more girls out there than you think who don't give a damn about how big your facial hair is or what you have on your head, and a lot, if not the majority of these girls, are not Punjabi. STOP LIMITING YOURSELF! I leave you with one last question: If Dwayne The Rock Johnson converted to Sikhi today, grew out his beard and stuck on a turban, would he have any less success with the ladies? I rest my case." Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/Sikh/comments/1ggy25/dating_with_turban_and_beard/ Most respondents agreed with what he said, the support was almost unanimous. My thoughts? I think he hit the nail on the head. I disagree with the bit about Punjabi girls all turning into fat aunties, I think that was uncalled for, but other than that, he makes very valid points (imo). Keshdaris stick with other keshdaris and/or Indian men, so have little experience interacting with people of other races, and because of Punjabi culture, are discouraged from talking to women. I've been to quite a few Gurdwaras in my time, the one thing I noticed over and over again was a lack of aesthetics amongst the more religious members of our community, doesn't matter if they were young or old. Now, this isn't always, the case, I workout, most of my friends (keshdari) workout, a lot of guys posting in the comments section of that post said they do as well, and I'm sure a lot of guys on here do too. But what I have noticed is that, while we are supposed to be saint-soldiers, most of us focus too much on the "saint" aspect and not enough on the "soldier" portion. I also agree with what he said about Punjabi (NOT SIKH) girls, the average Punjabi girl these days doesn't really care much for Sikhi, so dating out of the race is probably a good idea. Thoughts? Yay or nay?

Could you give cliffs of the video? I'd watch the whole thing but am pretty busy right now, what was it about the Sikh way to worship God that she thought was satanic? Meditating is satanic? Asking for the wellness of all of humanity is satanic? Reading Gurbani is satanic? Well I'll be darned :o Anyways, thanks

I still don't understand why people ask this question. SIKH girls don't marry out of the faith, Punjabi girls do. SIKH guys don't marry out of the faith, Punjabi guys do. Why is that so difficult to comprehend? There is a difference between being Punjabi and Sikh, you can be Sikh and not be Punjabi, you can be Punjabi and not be Sikh. No one is born Sikh, just because your family is, doesn't mean you automatically are too. Following the path of Sikhi is a conscious decision that everyone needs to make for themselves, it is not something to be forced onto anyone else, nor is it something you automatically inherit at birth from your ancestors. Are the guys and girls who piss themselves drunk at nightclubs really Sikh? Are the guys and girls who will sleep with anything that moves really Sikh? Are the guys and girls who don't even know the names of the 11 Gurus, have no idea what the mool mantar is, have never even read Japji Sahib, really Sikh? Those are the kinds of guys and girls who you will find marrying Christians/Hindus/Muslims etc... I have NEVER EVER EVER known a Punjabi guy or girl who: a) knew the names of the 11 Gurus off the top of their head b) Had the mool mantar memorized (it is only one line, every Sikh should) c) Read Japji Sahib on even a semi-regular basis marry someone who was not Sikh. To the Sikh guys that come on here complaining about "our girls marrying out of the religion", ask yourself, what kind of girl are you after? One of those alcohol guzzling Punjabi bozoos you'll find at a nightclub at 3am, who doesn't know the first thing about Sikhi, those are the girls marrying out of the faith, those are the girls you are shedding tears over? Those are the kinds of girls you would want to mother your children, to bring up the next generation of Sikhs? Because THOSE are the types of girls who generally marry out. Now I am aware that there are "good" guys and girls that marry out of the faith too, and this is usually down to hypocrisy in our own community. I myself am sick and tired of Punjabi culture being passed off as Sikhi. Uncles getting drunk, preference for boys over girls, mistrust and contempt of anyone who isn't Punjabi, arranged marriages (often forced marriage), the list goes on and on and on. I am sure that there are Punjabi guys and girls out there who were good kids, but lacked education and about Sikhi, and when they saw the so-called "Sikhs" around them acting in this horrible manner, they automatically assumed it was part of the religion, and it pushed them away from it. Other than that, OP, you cry when Punjabi girls marry non-Sikh guys? Lol, I don't mean to sound harsh, but that is absolutely pathetic. You cannot control other people, and even if you could, it wouldn't be the right thing to do. The only person you can control is yourself, and Guru Sahib says in Salok after Japji Sahib that a true Sikh will carry many others across the ocean with him/her. Instead of whining on online forums, we need to fix ourselves, fix our Gurdwaras and fix our community. There are far too many problems for us to waste tears on kids who were never Sikh to begin with marrying out of the faith. Since this topic is specifically about the girls marrying out, I would like to ask the guys, what exactly is wrong with girls who are not Punjabi and/or do not come from a Sikhi background? Of course I can understand why marrying a Punjabi Sikh girl would be easier, but the bottom line is that there are plenty of white, black, brown, Chinese, South American and North American girls who are not Punjabi, but would be open to adopting Sikhi and raising their kids as Sikhs. As long as YOU are confident in your Sikhi, as long as YOU are knowledgeable on your Sikhi, as long as YOU are able to present Sikhi in it's true form without the cultural-baggage, you will meet plenty of girls who would be interested in accepting Sikhi. There is this nonsensical stereotype perpetuated by the older generation that a Punjabi husband/wife will be faithful and perfect, and that non-Punjabis, especially if they are white, are all promiscuous and devils in human flesh. Be a MAN! Pick up your ball$, stand up for yourself and your partner, don't let your parents control your life, Sikh takes precedence over listening to our parents if what our parents are saying is anti-Sikh. If you find a girl who is not Punjabi, but is morally upright, kind, compassionate, interested in Sikhi and you are compatible with her, go for it dude! Preserving Sikhi won't be easy, a lot of our parents, mine included, often hold the culture above the religion, but if you care about passing Sikhi into the next generation, if you don't want the sacrifices of our forefather and mothers to go to waste, do not be afraid to marry a white, black, East Asian, non-Punjabi brown girl who is willing to accept Sikhi and will raise the children well. My cousin wanted to marry a Pakistani Muslim girl a few years ago, and even though she was ready to accept Sikhi, my aunt and uncle were still against it, they said it would bring "shame" and "dishonor" onto the family if he married a girl from a non-Sikh, non-Indian Punjabi background, especially one who was Muslim, they said that she may convert, but her blood will always be Muslim (I laughed my a$$ off the first time I heard it lol). He (metaphorically) gave them the middle finger and married her anyways, she is a Sikh, they now have kids together and the kids are being raised as Sikhs, my aunt and uncle came around and apologized for acting like children. My GF is white, from a non-practicing Christian background, she is 100% Sikh at heart and extremely interested in learning more about the path, if we are still together by the time Uni is over, and she is willing to convert, I will marry her, and if my parents have a problem with it, too bad so sad, I don't care what the culture has to say about it, the only thing I care about is passing Sikhi on to my children by marrying a girl who is genuinely interested in the religion, no matter her background. So people, let us stop trying to control others and instead focus on ourselves. Giving long lectures in Gurdwaras won't bring everyone back to Sikhi. Being overly-dominating won't bring everyone back to Sikhi, that will just push them away. Let us stop talking the talk and instead start walking the walk. No more putting more importance on Punjabi culture than the true values of Sikhi. No more forcing our kids to do things we ourselves never do. No more backbiting, no more drinking, no more using Gurdwaras for anything BUT learning about Sikhi, no more distrust of anyone who isn't Punjabi, no more division between keshdari and mona, let us all make an effort to connect with Bani every single day, for Guru Hai Bani, Bani Hai Guru, more important than whether you've kept hair or not is whether or not you are knowledgeable on and have connected with Bani, that should be the NUMBER ONE priority, if you love Bani, keeping hair will be second nature, but without the love for Bani, keeping hair is just a useless ritual. All we have to do is follow the 3 pillars of seeing the light of Waheguru in all of creation, living a truthful life and spending our free time indulging in seva, giving back to the community, helping those people who can't help themselves, for the mouth of a hungry person is the treasure chest of God. And then watch everyone flock towards Sikhi Rab Rakha.