Wicked Warrior

Divorce rates are generally up across communities. There’s a big change in the way marriage is interpreted. Couples would be married for life, for better or worse. Nowadays, once the marriage hits a rough patch, the couple split. As for punjabi guys and girls, I was surprised when i heard that they were using shaadi.com to hook up (in the days before whatsapp, instagram etc). Some of this behaviour is driven by social media, bollywood, hollywood, and the western world. Didn’t know how prominent it was in punjab.

Many years ago, I slowed my breathing down trying to relax. I was in a dark room, lying on the bed. I slowed my breathing down to the point where I almost completely stopped and I felt I had withdrawn from the world and I was close to dying. I panicked. It made me realise what death entails. You’re not asleep. You’re not resting. The mind was scared about no longer existing. It made me aware how strongly the mind can feel about death, and how strongly it is attached to the world. Now I understand what the fear of death is. The hard part is to keep that fear in the back of the mind to drive righteous action and naam simran.

If without mava/starch, then tie it daily and change it regularly. I know many of my wider family who do this. Some choose to starch and may not change it as frequently. If your skill at folding is good, you will not need to iron it.

Would she join you as you grow in your Sikhi? Would she too embrace Sikhi and leave her previous faith? For me, that would be important. It’s something you will have to look at.

I was going to post something along similar lines. (Mainly about how severely mentally disabled people have obtained a human life but are unable to utilise it for its purpose). We know only because of modern technology. In the “olden” times, a child born with disabilities would have been discovered only after birth. Such children would either have not survived, not cared for (and allowed to die), or looked after. I’ve encountered women who’ve been physically or verbally abused by their husbands who blame their wives for giving birth to such children. At least abortion allows a way out for them. But abortion is killing a fetus. Does Sikhi recognise unborn children as human? If not, then abortion would be fine. If yes, then abortion, for whatever reason would be wrong. Bani doesn’t mention anything other than the soul coming into the womb (Ang 74). Which I would interpret to mean that we should not kill the fetus.

They’re no longer my relatives. I won’t go into detail but my phurphurh had a life changing event which led to his death. His family blamed my bhua for everything. They were not nice people. That’s okay. In some ways. By staying connected to them, you may feel connected to your wife. On the other hand, it may hold you back from “moving on”. Everyone responds to death differently. I hope you’ve had support and counselling to aid you through a difficult time. I completely agree. They were not pleasant to deal with. When it came to the funeral, they wouldn’t tell my bhua where his body was nor where his ashes were cremated.

In school assesmbly, the school would sing Christian hymns. I had nothing against them doing this but I had no interest in singing. A couple of times, a teacher would notice a few of us not singing (it wasn’t “cool” to sing hymns). So I would just do my paath quietly but mouth moving enough that I wasn’t bothered again by any teacher.

The question is why as a Sikh professor does he not teach about Sikhi? What compels him to teach about another religion but not his own? Is he ashamed? Is he secretly interested in Islam?

I think it depends on your relationship with your inlaws and only you can determine that. My bhua lost her husband at a youngish age. They’d had two kids by that point. The in-laws blamed my bhua for their son’s death and cut off family ties quickly. Her father-in-law told her father that there’s no longer a relationship between the two families. She now has zero contact with them. The kids too have no contact. What do you plan to do? Are you likely to remarry? If so, that will alter the dynamic.

Because it hasn’t been defined. So please explain what is meant by a “life form” and give examples.

It starts off as 8.4m life forms and then talks about how they can’t change from one life form to another. He cannot refer to the number of individual “life forms” given that there are 7.7 billion human life forms alone. So what else is he referring to? What counts in this 8.4m “life forms”?

I did say we as Sikhs. Not as men. I am not paternalistic. If “we” (referring to both Sikh men and women) do not educate the younger generation in the way of Sikhi, then who will? What do you propose we should do to encourage others to join God? To become gursikhs and live a gursikh life? Or do you feel we should ignore everyone, help no one but ourselves, and not worry about Sikhi?

Not watched the videos but that post reeks of misunderstanding of evolution. Science doesn’t say we came from monkeys. It says we came from a common ancestor. Evolution is about change. Humans have changed - we are taller than humans 500 years ago. Look at wolves and dogs - dogs are essentially domesticated wolves. These are smaller changes and have happened over a relatively small timescale. Not everything changes or does so “quickly” - sharks, for example, have been around before there were trees. Kulbir Singh states there’s 8.4m species and that this is fixed. He states there can be no new forms of life. But look at how many species have become extinct. Tens of thousands have thought be extinct since humans have been around. The western black rhino is no longer around. Nor is the Javan tiger. Even the Dodo was fine until humans landed in Australia. Kulbir Singh states that everything must happen in Vaheguru’s will but for me it would not be outside of Vaheguru’s power to create through evolution. If the “underdog” must survive and win, then why do poorly and sick children die? They haven’t even a chance of winning the game of life. Shouldn’t Vaheguru help them? In truth, He supports whomever He wishes. The term “theory” gets tossed around by laymen as another term for “idea”. Theory is an explanation for events and can be used to predict future events. Example: fact or observation - if I let go of this apple, it will fall to the ground hypothesis - there must be something causing the apple to fall theory - an attractive force causes objects to fall to the ground. It can be calculated and has a value of 9.8m/s2 (on Earth). law - two objects sill exert a force on each othe which proportional to the masses of the objects and inversely proportional to the distance between them At the end of the day, all scientific knowledge is the accumulation of time and effort of the human mind. It is not going to be perfect and is always open to revision. Only Vaheguru’s knowledge is perfect.

I have noticed a lot of derogatory language used, even with other forum members. It portrays this site (and by extension all sikhs) in a negative light. Guru Maharaj tells us not to do nindiya of others. That we should look at our own shortcomings before criticising others. Very hard to do. Also, keyboard warriors.

In the UK, religion has been belittled and hidden. Not allowed to wear crosses if you’re christian. Not allowed to talk about religion if you’re in some sort of profession. It’s all secularised. Personal but not public. You might as well have asked her if she shaves her bikini zone. It can be difficult based on name or appearance alone to determine the faith of someone and they may take measures to disguise or even abandon it. Others may feel they are judged based on their religion rather than their personality.

Well if they’re Sikh females, then they maks up half the population of Sikhs around the world. Should we be encouraging this sort of behaviour? Or should we (as Sikhs) dissuade it? Anyone who views themselves as Sikh has a responsibility to the future generations of Sikhi. We can influence it directly in the here and now Guru Nanak Dev Ji called out others on their behaviour and actions. He didn’t ignore it - he tackled it head on. Or do you think Guru Ji should have looked the other way and minded his own business?

I’ve seen that website linked here and it’s bothered me. They are justifying LGBTQ by arguing there’s nothing in Gurbani against it. But then simultaneously will happily lie and deceive others by “marriage of convenience” - they’re willing to have shaadi (I won’t call it Anand karaj) in front of Guru Ji. Deception to others and deception to Guru Ji. Guru Ji tells us many times not to practise falsehoods nor associate with those who do. I’ve pointed out before about twisting Bani to suit one’s purposes. This is the way of the manmukh and the way of evil.

A lot of it stems from the Western world. There’s an idea that to be “modern” and “progressive”, we have to throw off the traditions and rules of our ancestors. It’s now socially acceptable to go out drinking, clubbing, have sexual partners, to take drugs. To abstain from these things or to follow the traditions is seen as backward and old-fashioned rather than realise why things were done in that way. If everyone’s doing it, it must be okay. Our parents’ generation would have had a big role in shaping the current generation in how to act and behave. But I know of Sikh families where the kids would do paath, kirtan, seva when young only to abandon these virtuous actions and instead follow the “modern” lifestyle. I consider myself “lucky” that I have had self-restraint in a lot of things (namely the vices above), even though there was ample opportunity for me to indulge, to take drugs, to drink, to have sex etc.

After I was introduced to the woman who would become my wife, I met up with her several times in public places to get to know her a little better. I had a lot of angst about ending up with the “wrong” woman or someone who wasn’t suited to me. There was no physical contact until we had our rokha. After that, my wife made the advances for physical contacts such as hugs (I would only ever hug as I’d hug a relative - side to side). Even then we kept things simple. Yes I had urges. She did too but we kept ourselves chaste as much as possible. As for meeting up, I’d always tell my parents where I was and who i was meeting up with and where. This was more so they could contact me in an emergency.

Depends on the circumstances. If they were married and then divorced or single for whatever reason, that’s very different to a girl who has led a hedonistic lifestyle sleeping with lots of men. As I posted in the other thread, I’ve been able to control myself. I’d never had a girlfriend. I expect the same from any prospective partner. My wife was of a similar mindset.

I’ve heard of stories of both men and women having sex before marriage, under the pretext of dating or courtship. I’ve heard of apne even using shaadi.com to hook up with others with the intention of having sex. It’s one of the reasons why I would explicitly ask potential matches if they had previous boyfriends. I was able to maintain myself for marriage. I would expect my partner to do the same.

If you wish to converse with Guru Ji, then go to your local Gurdwara and ask Guru ji there in the form of Ardaas. For your mood, do two things: 1. CBT - you can get websites and apps that help you through this. 2. Do some form of paath daily, even if just japji sahib, along with your naam simran. The mind is easily upset, a bit like an unruly child. It must be brought under control. Paath and simran will help with this.

There are many things in current times that were not around in the past. Certainly sexting wasn’t around back then. There’s no specific quotes from Bani that we must not sext so it should be fine, right? Sikhi is not didactic like Islam with its strict rules. But if you are a true Sikh, you will know what flows with Sikhi and what flows against it. If Satguru Nanak Maharaj came in human form now, do you think He’s be clubbing or bopping to the latest rap beat? The Christians have “WWJD” - “what would Jesus so?”. Maybe we should be asking ourselves “What would Guru Ji do?”. Guru Maharaj alone is perfect, therefore whatever Guru Ji does is right and righteous action. A Sikh, by definition, will follow in the footsteps of his Guru.

Can’t be bothered to watch TV. No interest. Same is happening with music. I’ve realised how easy it is to be drawn in to TV shows, how music (even in the background) can affect your mind. I’m starting to see things as a utility eg clothing to keep warm and comfortable and less about fashion. I see how the world is enticed by maya. The older generation used to say the kids were glued to the TV. The current generation say that kids are glued to their phones. Previously there was one TV in a household. Now everyone has their own gadget to “consume”. The biggest thing is probably realising what we should be doing. I used to think reading paath daily was good. It is but it’s not enough. To control the mind, to close the nine gates, to listen for the anhad shabad. I thought it was enough to just recite “vaheguru” mentally. I wish I knew all this when I was a child. Maya infiltrates the mind more strongly as you age.

It’s not that man descended from apes but that man and ape had a common ancestor. A bit like saying you and your second cousin have a common ancestor (ie great grandfather). Some of these branches died out. Others have developed into what you see today: chimps, gorillas, bonobos, orangutans, humans etc.