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AcceptWill201

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AcceptWill201 last won the day on December 16 2022

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  1. Unfortunately we find ourselves in a culture of elders are 'right' and you must stay with parents to respect them. I've found is alot of katha vachiks also like playing to the ego of the elders for popularity and usually throw masala to get brownie points. Having respect for elders and caring for them can be done in many ways. Yes some can have bliss under one roof but it's not wrong to be around for family but just living separately especially if it isnt working under one roof. Mental health is a big issue and sometimes staying under one roof just doesn't work and the clash can be so bad it can make life unbearable for years. I've seen so many examples of terrible environments and so much crap is passed down into kids. . Hats off if it works and everyone makes it work. That's the ideal scenario. It requires alot of work. Sadly times have changed from when multiple families could live under the same roof. Perhaps now we have options so give up easily with relationships whereas back in the day you couldn't just pack a bag and leave so easily. No one in our community talks about the highly toxic environments our ppl endure for years, messing up generation after generation. It's well known how toxic the SaaS/daughter in law can be(equally any other member male/female). Parents and elders are just humans born on the planet a bit earlier, they can be equally responsible for making a compete mess of the family unit and can have very strong egos making it difficult to live with. Sometimes if it's not working then makes sense if a couple move out. If done at the right time they can salvage things and maintain a respectful and supportive family just with a bit of space.
  2. ?? Sangatji what's everyones views on taking Maharaj to and from the Gurdwara to a paath at someones house? And what's the correct Marayada? I've always understood Maharaj needs to be accompanied by 5 Amritdhari Singhs at all times with and Ardas before leaving and then again when returning at the Gurdwara and same for arriving and leaving the destination. However, sadly, it seems some ppl have become relaxed about this and I've heard ppl mention they have seen instances of only 3 or 4 singhs, or even just only 2 taking Maharaj. If anyone can share the correct protocol/marayada that would be great aswell. Seems like awareness is needed around this issue.
  3. Das had the good fortune to do some seva in a sanpat paath a few years back. I was just on the japji raul and we had to do aukhi ghari shabad. I have to say it was amazing in the sense my mind was fully into it as you have to be fully engaged. My mind was fully focused for those 2 hours and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it (obv still a long way to go). Its a great way to get your dhyaan in check, both reciting the japji pauri, then the shabad and remembering your place is etc leaves no room for the mind to wander. Whereas normal my mind would wonder reciting japji as I knw the paath. It was a Nanaksar Gurdwara and the satkar they gave to Guru Sahib was really something else. But I know some ppl frown on this possibly due to it being different from an Akhnad Paath. And obv some have exploited things with extra cost for ppl to have a paath done, but thats the same for the traditional Akhand paaths too. I think the more bani read the better. It isnt to replace a normal Akhand Paath, everything has its place. The method of using shabads in this way is actually a puratan technique which was used in taksaals or amongst Gursikhs for abhiyaas. Ie for mool mantar one can recite: Vaheguru x 4 (or x 8 ) Ik Onkar Vaheguru x 4 SatNam Vaheguru x 4 And so on for the whole mool mantar paath. It doesn't mean the bani is being changed but simply ways to get ikagar man , focussed mind.
  4. ?? Ah yes. Thanks for sharing, gna add it in too!
  5. Vaheguru ?? Yes I noted this unwritten Marayada exists amongst the older generation of Gursikhs and I noted this with a number of Saints that das has had the good fortune of meeting. During a number of stays in india when visiting the dals a few years back I saw this in effect. Similarly in taksaals and deras with vidiyalas the students would sit together and follow the above during langar. Many of the younger ppl there dont seem to know the reason but it's a tradition that is carried on for generations. Only thing I noticed is now younger ppl just have the phone out and distracted with it while eating. The Singhs also recited these two pangatis but I think theres a few more but can't recall: ਜਿਸਦਾ ਦਿਤਾ ਖਾਵਣਾ ਤਿਸੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸਾਬਾਸਿ ॥ Jis Dhaa Dhithaa Khaavanaa This Keheeai Saabaas || Let us all celebrate Him, from whom we receive our nourishment. ਨਾਨਕ ਹੁਕਮੁ ਨ ਚਲਈ ਨਾਲਿ ਖਸਮ ਚਲੈ ਅਰਦਾਸਿ ॥੨੨॥ Naanak Hukam N Chalee Naal Khasam Chalai Aradhaas ||22|| O Nanak, no one can issue commands to the Lord Master; let us offer prayers instead. ||22|| ਦਦਾ ਦਾਤਾ ਏਕੁ ਹੈ ਸਭ ਕਉ ਦੇਵਨਹਾਰ ॥ Dhadhaa Dhaathaa Eaek Hai Sabh Ko Dhaevanehaar || DADDA: The One Lord is the Great Giver; He is the Giver to all. ਦੇਂਦੇ ਤੋਟਿ ਨ ਆਵਈ ਅਗਨਤ ਭਰੇ ਭੰਡਾਰ ॥ Dhaenadhae Thott N Aavee Aganath Bharae Bhanddaar || There is no limit to His Giving. His countless warehouses are filled to overflowing.
  6. Sounds like your mind wishes for all the worldly things but you are expecting 'sikhi' to give it to you. Bro it's a change of mindset that's needed. How do you feel cutting your hair will get you all these things. It is simply our karam. Through reading of gurbani and doing seva and ardas we can change our karam. Sikhi is a dharm where heads were given for the truth. It isnt for pursuit of any perfect lifestyles and worldly comfort. So we must reflect on what we pursue. We have to realise our time here is limited. The journey through this body is about connecting with the divine within? Yes, you need work, and marriage and family. But acceptance that Vaheguru is fully in control and will bestow upon you what is best for you will give you true contentment. Otherwise our actions take us through the 8.4m life forms. It's not easy, we are worldly beings trying to get on the path, our Guru tells us through seva and simran we are blessed with understanding and all our affairs are resolved. The farmer protest is a great blessing, it has united so many for a great cause. It has awakened so many and for years to come we will see the people of punjab strive for positive change. Uncertainty does create an anxiety and yes there is a worry for things going wrong. But as Sikhs we have the immense power of Guru Sahib with us. Reflect and assess whether it is perhaps depression that you may be experiencing. Seek satsangat and make your time safal. Speak to your family and they will find someone. Dont demand anything (dowary) of the girls family and seek a rishta in line with Gurmat.
  7. AcceptWill201

    Kirpan Help

    Maybe you need to spend sometime thinking about what sikhi is for you. Sometimes this creates a stronger foundation and gives purpose to what your doing and why ie why do nitnem, why wear kakkars, what is gurbani teaching us, what is life? A bit of soul searching, why you need a Guru, what does following his path do for you. It will help to have some good sikh sangat to help you along the way. Also start doing seva regularly. I'd say you should go before the Panj piyare at the next Amrit sanchar, whilst you realise your mistake and changed your ways as you say. You would benefit from their advice and give closure to any regret your carrying of wrong doing etc.
  8. Interesting to hear your views Singho. I recall the panj Piyare specifically stress the requirement for a kirpan on a gatra to be worn at all times ('gatray wali kirpan') and could not be on a dori or worn as a necklace etc, and not to be kept in kesh. They did say wearing additional shashters to this was fine. I think this had stuck in my mind as in the lead up to Amrit, due to work and wearing a kirpan under a shirt I started off with a gatra worn as normal under shirt but it would stick out. Then id put the gatra around both shoulders so the kirpan would neatly tuck under the arm , then I was looking for other holsters etc so I could wear something bigger but keep it concealed, like wear at belt level and it had crossed my mind too whether gatra was required at all. So was interesting the Panj said that when I took Amrit. Otherwise I may have swayed a diff way personally. I agree perhaps back in the day shaster were traditionally in a kamar kassa, but actually it may not have been unusual for there to have been a gatra of some sort/form, as practically if you want to keep a large shaster on your person and travel, say on horse back or doing seva, then a gatra would have also been useful to hold a long kirpan across the body as it may be awkward in a kammar kassa in certain positions. So may have been a combination of ways to carry weapons. Even both ways, on a gatra and tucked in a kammar kassa. Ultimately the gatra ensures the kirpan stays on your person at all times. Below is a quote from the taksaal marayada. "3.10.4. Kirpan – Sword of Mercy The Kirpan is there to protect the poor and for self-defence. With patience and mercy, the Kirpan is to be used as a sword to destroy oppression. The Kirpan is to always be in a gatra and never to be removed from the body. The Kirpan protects us from hidden and seen enemies. The Kirpan is a weapon to protect the whole body, as a minimum it should be nine inches in length. Keeping the Kirpan in a Kangha, in the Kesh and putting it on a string around the neck like a Janeoo, are against the Rehat and forbidden. You are never to walk over your Kirpan or other weapons. When washing your Kesh, the Kangha is to be tied to your Kirpan and the Kirpan tied around your waist. When bathing, your Kirpan is to be tied around your head and not tucked into the Kashara as this dishonours your Kirpan. When women bathe they are to tie their dupata on their head and then their Kirpan. When going to sleep your Kirpan is not to be removed from your body. The Kirpan is only to be used for two things. Firstly, to give Guru Jee’s blessing to freshly prepared Karah Prasad or for langar. Secondly, in order to destroy tyrants and oppressors. It must never be used for anything else. If the Kangha, Kara or Kirpan are separated from your body, you are forbidden to eat or drink until they are replaced. Upon the replacement of your missing Kakkar, Japjee Sahib is to be recited and an Ardas must be performed for the seperation and to beg for forgiveness. The Ardas may be performed either in a Gurdwara or the place where you are replacing your Kakkar. Having done this, you may eat and drink."
  9. Personally I beleive all the bhagats like bhagat kabir and sheikh fareed and many others who arent mentioned in gurbani all go to Sach Khand. It's not a sikh only venue. It's easy for ppl to manipulate a tuk of gurbani to sway it and justify their argument because gurbani is so deep and each tuk can have so many meanings. Whilst I dont have a shabad to hand I do think we need an open mind on this. I heard someone mention an anecdote in a katha that 'Nanak Naam Jahaj Hai', gursikhs (if truly on the path I suppose) travel on the path of Nanak which is like a plane, other paths may be like travelling that distance on foot, on a bike, in a car with many more obstacles and much longer. Not sure if this is the right way to see it. Also if Bhai Khaniya could see God in all , even the enemy then we perhaps cant condemn others from reaching sach Khand for being on a different path. Those whose actions are bad are unlikely to go to Sach Khand whether sikh or not.
  10. Depending where you are go to your local Gurdwara. Or make a plan to visit a few. Some are open and you will find somewhere to stay in an emergency. Some are strict and closed during covid but others are open so you might have to try a few. Dw Guruji will show you the way. Dont worry about being homeless, I've been there and whilst it's tough and really when you hit rock bottom it's quite an experience and shape us . It's a sad reality tho that sometimes we hav to go through it. Its humbling and sometimes we have to bite ego and take help from family or people we havent been in touch with.
  11. So are you married to her now? Just unclear why your saying lonely and heartbroken is that due to the sangat situation? For the kurheit before you married, I would suggest you both go to the Amrit Sanchar and explain to the Panj Piyare. And follow any instruction given. With regards to sangat, do some volunteering or an activity you enjoy. Do seva wherever you can and you will find new sangat over time. The worlds a big place, if you didn't get on with some ppl it's no big deal move on. No ones 'scolding' or judging you here. It sounds like you made mistakes and you realise it, perhaps its weighing down on you. Only you can control your actions, we cant really ever blame anyone else for our deeds. Try talking to someone about any issues. Your wife for starters? Maybe family, cousins, friends. Theres alot of free mental health lines you can reach out to. It may be difficult but if your struggling reach out to them and get help.
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