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  1. Maryada and Concept of marriage Ceremony and Spiritual Meaning Discussion Points
  2. In the last two or three days there has been a gross mistranslation being forced on people on the following lines. ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸਾਥ ਨੇਹੁ ਤੁਮ ਨਿਤ ਬਢੈਯਹੁ ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ ॥ These lines are directly from Sri Charitropakhyan in the Tale of Roop Kaur. You can find the whole Tale here: http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/55675-charitropakhyan-tale-of-roop-kaur-by-sirdar-kapur-singh/ Sardar Kapur Singh has translated the above lines in the following way. keep developing love with your own wife, but never even dream of going to someone’s else bed. The translation done by Sardar Kapur Singh is much more accurate than those who translate ਸਾਥ as bedroom fun with the wife. The word "love" does not come in the above two lines in Gurmukhi and surely not intercourse. The word ਸਾਥ literally means relationship. These words of wisdom (Gurbani) are coming from none other than Sri Guru Teg Bahadur Sahib ji. Reading Guru Sahib's Bani one get's the understanding that even the wife calls the husband a ghost at death. dyvgMDwrI mhlw 9 ] dhaevaga(n)dhhaaree mehalaa 9 || Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree, Ninth Mehla: sB ikCu jIvq ko ibvhwr ] sabh kishh jeevath ko bivehaar || All things are mere diversions of life: mwq ipqw BweI suq bMDp Aru Puin igRh kI nwir ]1] rhwau ] maath pithaa bhaaee suth ba(n)dhhap ar fun grih kee naar ||1|| rehaao || mother, father, siblings, children, relatives and the wife of your home. ||1||Pause|| qn qy pRwn hoq jb inAwry tyrq pRyiq pukwir ] than thae praan hoth jab niaarae ttaerath praeth pukaar || When the soul is separated from the body, then they will cry out, calling you a ghost. AwD GrI koaU nih rwKY Gr qy dyq inkwir ]1] aadhh gharee kooo nehi raakhai ghar thae dhaeth nikaar ||1|| No one will let you stay, for even half an hour; they drive you out of the house. ||1|| imRg iqRsnw ijau jg rcnw Xh dyKhu irdY ibcwir ] mrig thrisanaa jio jag rachanaa yeh dhaekhahu ridhai bichaar || The created world is like an illusion, a mirage - see this, and reflect upon it in your mind. khu nwnk Bju rwm nwm inq jw qy hoq auDwr ]2]2] kahu naanak bhaj raam naam nith jaa thae hoth oudhhaar ||2||2|| Says Nanak, vibrate forever the Name of the Lord, which shall deliver you. ||2||2|| She wants to forget her husband from her mind because his remembrance only brings grief. Others also want to forget you because of the grief your remembrance brings. The longer the wife holds on to his remembrance the more feelings of loss and depression she struggles with. Relatives and friends tell her to let go of him and move on. What does this "move on" mean. It's exactly what Guru Sahib says. It's an illusion, one day you are here laughing and playing and next day you are gone like you never existed. Surely a relationship based on love (body, possessions, happiness the husband brought, his personality, worldly characteristics and acts) does not pass the test. What kind of ਸਾਥ (relationship) does Guru Sahib want Sikhs to build with a wife? The root and last breath of this relationship is described in the Lavan paath read at the wedding. Here is a link to the Lavan. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2897 You are to forget about all the previous attachments and wild instructions given to you by others. You have come before the Guru to ask for direction and blessing on a new path in life. With marriage come new responsibilities. Next the Guru instructs the couple on what is required of them. No where in these instructions do you find the Guru saying love the spouse in worldly ways. Instead Guru Sahib speaks of the true relationship of souls. Guru Sahib is saying base this relationship on the soul joining with Vaheguru and not the body (5 elements) or emotions or personality. In the end the relationship the Guru instucts us to build with the wife is the one where Sikhi is at the center; Naam simran, Dharam di Kirt, and Seva, while living as an householder. All this funny business of keeping the wife happy in worldly ways (going to movies, restaurants, weekend escapes to dream land, bedroom fun) is only the mind constructing illusions. Develop a relationship with the wife where both see each other as the Sadhsangat. The next line is simple to understand, but I can go into it later. When more time permits.
  3. I was at an anand karaj at weekend in midlands. Before lava the bride and groom were asked to stand in maharajas hazoori and the registrar asked them to repeat the 'wedding vows'. Then the couple exchanged rings right there while al sangat was sat in darbar hall. Then the anand karaj was performed. I have been thinking about it all weekend. I"m thinking of contacting the Gurdwara to consider holding this farce in another room after the anand karaj. Any thoughts on this...am i making it a big issue for nothing?
  4. Gay marriage is legalized in California. How should Sikhs feel about this? I am confused. I feel happy for them that they are getting equal rights.After all, we as Sikhs have to see everyone equally. On the other hand, what if a gay couple wants to do Anand Karaj? It is not allowed in Sikhi.. Share your views P.S.. I don't want to offend anyone. If this post does not belong this forum, please advise so. Thank you
  5. Gurfateh Sangat Ji, I just came from a local Gurudwara and it was shared with the sangat over there that a North Carolina Gurudwara refused an Anand karaj because the Anand Karaj was for a Hindu family. The sevadar at the same gurdwara went to the committee members and asked to arranged a wedding for his daughter but the memebers turned him away. He wrote to Akal Takht about this matter and still awaiting a response. Can anyone share what Gurughar this is if you know about this as well? Further it was shared with the sangat that what are these people supposed to do if they get turned away from an anand karaj? Where do they go? If they turn to deras then they're blamed for praising the derawad. If they baptize as Sikhs then they're labelled mazhbi Sikhs. The only option they're left with is going to church and accepting a new religion to practice their faith. Please share your views. Gurfateh!
  6. just found this online very interesting http://yespunjab.com/sikh/issues/item/19425-thousands-attend-baba-baljit-singh-daduwal%E2%80%99s-marriage-ceremony
  7. Guest

    Anand Karaj

    VGJKK VGJKF Jeeo, Help sangat ji!!!! Im a 21 year old amrithdaree girl, and there is a kirtanee singh that I would like to marry. FYI though Im not in love with him and its not kaam because believe me when i say i am not in ANY way physically attracted to this man in any way or form!! it is definitely not lust or love and its not like i couldnt live without him, but when i see this singh and his jeevan and his knowledge (he does gurbanee katha and santhiya after divaans at the local gurdwara) i am in awe and i want to have such a saathi for anand karaj....his face shines and u can tell that this singh has a very good jeevan. anand karaj is about helping each other in the journey towards akal purakh and is about having sangat in my understanding, and i really feel that this singh will be perfect lifetime sangat.... however...my parents want me to marry a singh who is educated and has a good job and not a kirtanee singh or something....i have not mentioned this singh to them in particular but i know they would not approve and they want someone who makes a good earning to run a household... im from a small town in usa and theres not a lot of jeevan vaale singhs and singhanis, theres lots of singhs who are educated and wear dumalle but have no real jeevan. sangat jiyo also please do not say i am too young to be getting married, i am very old fashioned and i would like to get married in my early 20s.. how should i approach this issue? is it wrong for me to think of marrying this singh even though i give u full guarantee that it is not kaami or anything. i took a hukamanama after an ardas and it seems guru sahib approves, i just dont know how to talk to my parents!!! vgjkff vgjkf sangat jeeo
  8. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji, My question: is the kurmai/chunni ceremony Gurmat or Manmat? a lot of times the Kurmai ceremony takes place in Darbar Sahib where Meva (dried fruits and nuts) are put into the palla of the groom to be by the male elders of the girls side. The groom to be is then fed a Shuwara (dried date). The chunni ceremony i dont know much about...involves a chunni hmm lol So how much of this Gurmat? If not, should we continue these blind rituals? Im getting married in a years time. I dont want these brahmanic rituals taking over my wedding. I just want the Anand Karaj obviously followed by Guru Ka Langar. Thats all. no parties, no music and need i say no alcohol or meat. I've not yet attended such a wedding so dont know exactly what goes on, how its done. Can we set a precedent? looking for help and advice please much appreciated! admin ji, i have posted in gupt as i want to remain anonymous. Pul Chuk Maaf ji Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh jiii!!!
  9. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji, I've been attending weddings since ever basically lol typical. But its soon to be my own. So basically someone in the family found/recomended a girl for me to my parents and things got rolling from there. I plan to take Amrit in the near future. I want to get into keeping rehit before i take Amrit so i know i can commit to keeping rehit instead of taking Amrit and then seeing if i can keep it or not. The proposed girl for me is not kesdhari at the moment. I'm hoping here journey will lead her onto this path soon. Now both families are typically punjabi. Hardcore partiers etc. 1) I just want the Anand Karaj to take place, Guru ka Langar and we all go home. I realize this is a dream world fantasy of mine. Does anyone think this could be possible? I dont listen to music, i dont dance drink or eat forbidden food- i dont want all this to take over my own wedding. So can there be a compromise as im pretty sure both families will never agree to a total no party policy. Hows no meat no alcohol and i will not be dancing like a lunitic? Just food, deafening music and people dancing... And when should i make all this clear to the girls family? I think this could potentially be a deal breaker. 2) Is the Kurmai and Chunni ceremony Gurmat? I've seen how the groom is given dried fruits nuts etc in his palla/parna thing and then fed a shuwara/dried date. I don't understand what this represents so am questioning whether this is Gurmat at all. I've seen this take place in the Darbar Sahib. What is this all about? And can I take part in all this? 3) The maiya/mehndi which takes place on the days leading to the wedding. Haldi doh stuff is applied to the groom/bride-to-be. I really dont fancy that. Too intimate and spray on fake tan would do the same job! Pretty sure this is not Gurmat. 4) Groom & Kalgi- this is a no no right? How come this happens all too often? Why is nothing said/explained to sangat before/during the Anand Karaj? And the groom holds a sword- any reason? 5) Can this all work out between me, a kesdhari hoping to soon take Amrit, and a non kesdhari girl? Pul chuk maaf ji.
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