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  1. v j k k v j k f sorry i have deleted this post because i am scared of the person its about finding out please email me at guptsinghsvalakh@gmail.com v j k k v j k f
  2. Guest

    Family troubles

    Hi, I am 18 year old female and here's my I guess life story. Ive never met my dad who I've been told by uncles took drugs (heroin, glue) and was was a heavy drinker. And by my mom that he was abusive to her physically and emotionally as well as her in laws (his family). She told me when he found out she was pregnant with me after a while he got angry and punched her in the stomach but she quickly moved to the side so he hit her side stomach and that he tried to push her down the stairs and once he poisoned her tea and she was left on the sofa for days until her mom came over, found her unwell and took her to hospital later. I don't know if any of these things have been exaggerated or are true but they seem too detailed to lie about. I’ve missed out so much not having a dad and use to think he was working abroad and would come in the summer holdidays to visit me like my mom would say until I was about 12. I missed out on having other siblings to play with growing up, going on family holidays not just with my mom which was so lonely as I had no one to do activities like going on rides with my own age group. Growing up my mom was very protective of me and wouldn’t let me go over to any of my friends houses and only once let me have a two friends over from school who’s family she knew once when I was 9. Because of this I’ve always been lonely throughout my entire life because I’ve had no one to talk to or spend time with other than my nanny at home when my mom was busy at work. My mom is very strict and doesn’t care that I’m sad and lonely and either quickly dismisses what I say or tells me she’ll wish she had cancer and die so I’d stop telling her I’m lonely. I’m certain she was a bipolar personality disorder because she quickly changes her moods and lashes out on me if she’s frustrated at someone, for example she recently broke up with her bf who owned a pub and drank and smoked and she takes all her anger out on me through belittling me about school, how I’m a “dumb kid”, how “God shouldn’t give children if their going to be dumb and useless”, “your going to have depression all your life and going to overdose on depression pills when your older”. She told me when I was 13 that she wished to God she got cancer and died so id have no one to help me throughout uni, get me married off ect. She also told me many times when she was dropping me off to school in secondary school (aged 11-17) that she was going to crash the car and kill herself because she had enough of a dumb child in her life. By dumb she means academically despite that I gained all A* grades in GCSEs including triple science. She frequently physically abused me as a child for example she smacked me with her rubber shoes behind my thighs repeatedly when I was only 5 when I accidentally spilt sugar on the carpet or when I was 5 again and I wet myself in her friends living room because she wouldn’t take me to the toilet, so she grabbed me hard by the ear till it bled because she purposely dug her finger nails into it and took me back to the car and smacked me hard on the cheeks when we got home whilst screaming abuse to me in the car while I cried hysterically. She use to pinch my thighs secretly if we were in public and she didn’t want me to continue talking or doing something she didn’t want. She never let me play with children for example at someone’s house or at the gurdwara and is always had to sit next to her. She is very controlling over me, for example she grabs my phone whilst I’m using it to see who I’m texting and what I’m doing on my phone and if she sees any friends (girls, no boys-not allowed to talk to boys- been to all girls schools) she lashed out at me saying I’m hiding secrets behind her. She insists on knowing everything about my friends such as addresses, family occupations ect. Because of my lack of social interaction and isolation at home during childhood I find it very difficult to make friends and keep them so I don’t really have too many, which is great for my family so they can keep more control over me. My mom doesn’t respect my privacy at all she doesn’t knock before she comes into my room neither does my nan and sometimes ill be getting changed and it feels very humiliating especially when she says something inappropriate like your “boobs are too big I’m gonna push them back in” and she starts to dig her fingers into them hard and pinches them on the sides when I’m sitting down next to her on he sofa because she thinks it’s funny that it hurts me. And if I cry she pushes me to the floor and says “oh <banned word filter activated> off (my name) you little <banned word filter activated>, you always <banned word filter activated> trying to piss me off”. I haven’t got many family members to protect me or talk to for example my nan is scared of my mom because she treats her like how she treats me and shouts at her and swears at her for menial things. My uncle who I also live with use to be a violent alcoholic and use to abuse his wife from India physically, I saw him break her thumb and her wrist so she had to get a cast on her hand. And still had to go work at the factory because he didn’t work just drank all night listening to loud music and keeping us all up at night when I had school the next day, he once tried to pour hot oil on my mom in front of me and she called the police, another time he got a knife and threatened to kill his wife and my mom. He went to rehab 5 times (costing £5000 each time, my mom paid) to get him off alcohol. Then my other uncle who also lived with us died recently and that affected me. My family had many politics with other such relatives so I can’t talk to them. I don’t know what to do, no one will help me and if I tell anyone what’s happened to me then social services or whatever will get involved and I do not want that, it’ll cause more problems. Is there any advice gone could give me that”ll be great, I want to do this anonymously so no one knows my past. I’m going to uni in September to study medicine, but I want to live in the accommodation so I do not have to live with my family it my mom doesn’t want to allow this, how do I do this myself? last year I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on strong painkillers left by my deceased uncles room, I became unconscious and taken to hospital where my mom told me I shouldve taken more so she could get an offer for the funeral. That is the kind of person she is. She never got me any medical help after the suicide attempt and left the painkillers exactly where they were in the house when I came back home. Note, I don't want to attempt suicide again, because I'm looking forward to a bright future with a loving husband, children, professional wealthy career, and I can use his loving family to replace my own abusive one. But if this doesn't happen I will probably end my life but I will give it a chance to happen first . thanks for replying to this in advance if you think you can help. Im coming here because I dont know anywhere else I can go anonymously. If anyone could answer this question as well- why would God allow this to happen to me if he truly cared about me? Why wouldn’t he give me someone to take care of me and talk to about my problems at least?
  3. Guest

    Feeling depressed

    SSA everyone. Lately I have been feeling very lost and depressed in life. I just recently graduated from college and am competing a summer internship. I am living alone because commuting is easier from my college campus than from home. I just feel like I am stuck in a rut-- waking up for work, commuting, working 9-5, coming home, watching some TV and going to bed. I do my nitnem in the morning and night but I feel like I am doing it more out of an obligation than really feeling the happiness from my heart while doing naam jap. I don't know, I just feel depressed and sad. I find myself crying on random days for no reason. If I am not surrounded by family and friends I feel lonely and sad. I feel like the time spent with them is just a distraction from the feelings of loneliness and sadness. I know being alone and working right now is probably the main source of this depression but I don't want to just keep distracting myself from this, I want to figure out a solution. Even with doing paath, I feel like I'm not fully invested in it, just doing it out of obligation. Has anyone experienced something similar to this? Does anyone have any advice?
  4. Guest


    Hi, I'm 25 from UK and live with family. I don't have a close relationship with my dad, brother or dads wife. I only talk to my grandma but she only speaks Punjabi. After university I lost contact with friends and family wasn't the best either. After my mom died 10 years ago my dad didn't make effort to talk to me and just ignored me. My brother never talks to me either and doesn't seem bothered about me. The only place I found people to talk with were strangers on the internet. My dads sisters and cousins started talking down to me and it started making me depressed so I stopped visiting them and when my dad noticed he started arguing with me and didn't understand how I felt. He cares more about what others think and I don't thinm he understands what family should be like. Nobody in my house has taught me about Sikhi and I think it could help me because I get so lonely. I'm thinking of getting my own place in a few years because I also feel like I don't have enough space and privacy and I just go to work or shops. Most of the time I stay in my room. I don't feel comfortable around my dad or brother. My dad only talks to me about negative things and it only leVes me feeling depressed. I sonetimes feel like I'm not a good enough person to start reading gurbani. I do have bad habits and my depression might be a barrier. Anyone got any advice?
  5. Ssa M a 19 year old girl.. I am really very depressed about Wats happening in my life... Everytym sth good is expected to happen... My bad luck crops in nd something never expected happens. Sumtyms college problem, sumtyms monetary sumtyms family problems.. Now some other problems hav come up:( life is just getting tougher day by day. Nothing happens in my favour, thought tym fr my family :'( I do sukhmani sahib path...! But all dese situations are making me depressed. I,just want things to get ok n see my family happy :'(. People easily get wat they want nd I don't get it even after so many efforts. I don't knw wen is it going to stop. I don't feel gud help :'(
  6. Guest

    Dont Know What To Do?

    Well I grew my hair for 17 years.. and I feel like cutting it. I grew it long because of my mum and dad and cos they don't want me doing fashion or anything .. my dad cuts his hair, my mum grew her hair but because of age its not as long as mine. I cant paint my nails, do makeup, wear dresses/skirts. when I was young I could but as I grew up.. in yr6 things changed. I don't care about dresses or skirts or makeup. I feel like cutting my hair as its too long and cos im not religious im confused. my siblings had long hair but my bro and sis cut theres cos my bro couldn't handle his so my dad and mum allowed it and my sis cut it on the sly although she got told off. I feel like doing a fringe and cutting it back length..cos its longgggggggg like dragging. I cant do fashion hairstyles either. :Lol. I cant ask cos im scared. -.-aha what do you think?? I feel like painting my nails but like light colours not to daring as my mum and dad always have sed.. ur single so u shouldn't do much as people would look and blah blah.. I will be getting an arranged marriage. btw if u love someone..and they love u but there an diff caste how do u go on about it.. like I said arranged.
  7. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Gurmukh Pyareo I need help. I am a 16 yeah old Amritdhaari and I was going great with my simran seva reciting Gurbani etc. I was going great until me and my friends at school were playing this game as a joke"who can guess what the person was thinking game". when we were playing it was all fun and games until my friend said me to read theirs, IDK HOW but i guesed everybodys answers or thoughts It was crazy, everybody or that little group was shocked and i told them to keep everything a secret, knowing that i may lose my avasta or IF I EVEN had a anything. (IT MIGHT OF BEEN just some lucky guesses) Then those friends came to me everyday asking me to read thier minds I did'nt want to and i did'nt try too but i did it agian . My friends (GORE) started seeing me as a hardout sant i did'nt like it at first but, i started playing along with it. i started ACTING like a baba (PAKHANDI ONE) . It went on for a term or two of school and christians at school came for help and what not. THEN one day I could'nt DO ANYTHING SIMRAN recite Gurbani, Seva. BUT STILLL ACTED PAKHANDI. for the whole year I stopped talking to everyone at school for last three terms of THIS YEAR, but still have a lot of trouble doing anything, SANTS GIANIS have told me stuff to do but i still don't im stuck in my mind IN MY EGO. NOW im in HARDCORE DEPRESSION and i don't know what to do. I have been having Sucisidal Thoughts . i cant do anything im failling school now iI CANT BELIEVE I acted PAKHANDI, I feel like guru ji hates me. I know he doesnt but he is probably angry at me for acting like a guru or baba :'(. ALL I WANT NOW IS TO GET RID OF THIS FEELING, I TOLD MUM AND DAD ABOUT IT but they think im Full of it .... im going to pesh about everything PLEASE HELP I CANT DO SIMRAN. etc HOW DO I STOP THIS FEELING PLEASE HELP, GURMUKH PYAREO I FALL AT YOUR FEET PLEASE...... .............. FROM A MAHAPAAPI pakhandi dog (me)
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