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Found 24 results

  1. Hi, I felt out with someone when going through really bad depression and anxiety and grew to care about this person. I wanted to know would praying for this rift to be healed attachment? Reason I ask is over the years I've been through a lot of hurt and now at times feel like God doesnt care about me and I dont deserve to be saved/happy and I feel by this rift being healed it would feel like I can move forward and think more positively/clearly because I constantly feel broken. I appreciate any responses in advance. Thank you
  2. SSA to all. Recently ive been wanting to do paath and include it in my daily routine but im not sure where to start? I am a university student and im very depressed, i also cant read or write in the punjabi language which is making it even more difficult for me to do paath. As of right now, i just play the live kirtan from youtube to help relax myself during the day and before bed. I understand that it is important not only to recite paath but to fully understand it too. Can you please help me, where should i start? how often should i do paath? what should i listen to, try reciting and remembering?
  3. Guest

    self esteem

    hi i think a lot of the issues that periodically come up on this site have to do with low self esteem. what is self esteem? how you think of yourself, how you value yourself, how much love and respect you have for yourself. what is low self esteem? when you look down on yourself, you base on your opinion of yourself on how others view you, you look for validation and approval from others. what causes low self esteem? depending on external influences to understand and feel good about yourself. what is the cure to low esteem? to love, respect and value yourself. this is not the same as arrogance or pride. it's a sense of self security. don't base how you feel about yourself on the opinions, feelings or reactions of others. in Sikhi, no one is high or low ("uttam neech nah koi"). Only God is above. Therefore, you don't have to look up or down on anyone.
  4. Dear Sangat Ji, I have been married for about 5 years and have become quite different from when I was single. I constantly have a wife who bickers with me, and fights with me to the point of where I have lost all meaning in my life. I m unable to think striaght, barely keeping my job and sometimes wonder where I went wrong. I had a very simple life, and I dont blame God, but I wonder why I ended up with this partner.
  5. Guest

    Am I wrong? Advise please

    Vjkk Vjkf, Sorry for how long this is in advance I'm really struggling and could do with some advice. quite a few years ago I lost my mother to cancer. After she passed away I didnt think about her too much because I guess it was easier to block out the pain rather than think about her condition deteriorating and no longer being here also I didnt have any stresses of life at the time and so it didnt hit me that hard then. about 3/4 years later as I started working harder I started becoming more stressed and this is when depression and anxiety hit me. After a few months I started to take anti depressants and then I spiraled out of control completely. I overdosed multiple times, I self harmed drank smoke at times. I was also gambling heavily. During this period I wasnt taking the medication properly and I pushed my close family away. I harassed a girl which made me feel 100 times worse as I felt so guilty and eventually got in trouble with the law. I have gotten much better over time as I was advised I was misdiagnosed and shouldn't have been given those anti depressants especially which were such a high dosage. I havent drank/smoke or gambled for over a year or so. My relationships with my immediate family have gotten better over time also thankfully. I know myself deep within that despite some of my bad actions/choices it wasn't really me so I've gotten better at forgiving myself. However I'm still affected as I don't have any friends now my family all have wives/husbands and kids and I can't talk to my dad about how I feel as he is from India and he doesnt understand emotions. i dont know who to talk to and I keep hoping that this relationship I had with this girl will get better over time. She is now married but I didnt really care about that I was just happy that she was initially regularly communicating with me during my initial depression stage. She has completely blocked me off and i'm not allowed to contact her. I used to know her initially from Saturday school and had multiple friends in common. When I was struggling I was just really hoping that I could always help her or support her when ever I needed because I saw her in such a positive light. That harassing was due to me being sorry and wanting her to realise that i wasnt in the right frame of mind. I've never fallen out with anyone before this and the fact that i know she gets a long with other people i know makes me feel weird now. I constantly think of her and miss her which I know sounds wrong but its my depression kicking in telling me there is something wrong with me. I dont view her in any other way than a sister but as I've caused her a lot of stress I care about her more and every time she hurts me its like I think this isn't really her and she is only putting an act on because her parents don't want me to have anything to do with her. I know I should spend more time dedicating myself to sikhi but a part of me feels angry and upset and alone. Growing up in an Amritdhari family and going to keertan programmes when I was younger I've always had a wish to take Amrit hence why i've never cut my hair/beard off. I only know japji sahib which i was taught by mummy ji to do but I have an issue whereby I dont fully do it e.g. sometimes I would just listen to and I want to Amrit someday but when I start reading Jaap Sahib after 6-7 mins I struggle to continue and feel like its dragging on. I do simran when I wake up and at night. What would you recommend I do? Am I a bad person for still thinking/hoping this relationship with this girl would become better and I would feel better about myself? Is this attachment even though I have no desire to spend my life with her and it hurts badly when I think about it? I'd appreciate any advice you can give. Vjkk Vjkf
  6. Dear All ive had a tough life- never been married, rejected so many times that I believe I am not good enough to love or be loved. Have had a good career but so many ups and downs that I am tired fighting 1. can I do something to get a stable life? 2. Why does this keep happening to me? I know its Gurus parshad but it pains and i
  7. Guest

    Depression and Paath

    Is it okay to do my paath and simran while lying down.. Sometimes its almost impossible for me to sit up. Depression has ruined me
  8. So, I'm in my first grade of High School and I live in a part of Europe.(getting out of here is like the number one priority for my family, cuz there is no future here) At the end of this school year, I'd have to make a choice for what I'd want to study next year. The two choices are: Subjects that involve reading, like History, Ancient Language, Literature, Latin and English and Subjects like Maths, Science, Biology, Chemistry etc. Now, I'm good with the first choice of subjects. But, my mother wants me to become daktar, anjiniar because, guess what, these jobs can get you into Kanneda! I want to get a degree on International Relations. But , she listens to nothing I have to say. Whenever I talk about what I want to be, she starts to act weird, like she has Heart attack or starts beating me and swearing. I have started felling depressed and I've even started thinking about suicide, because I really don't want to do something I never liked. Every Punjabi that goes into college comes out a doctor, then why not be different? Today, she even called a relative in Canada, who really didn't know what I was talking about and told me to become a daktar cuz that's what is in the market. Lol I've already found a good university for international relations in the UK but all I get is threats that if I don't do what they want they aren't going to give any money (which they've been saving since my birth) for my studies. Please I really need help! Can somebody suggest me what to do? Any replies would be appreciated!
  9. Guest

    Depression to numbness

    Sangat ji, Generally, for the last 2 years I have been dealing with my depression. There have been ups and downs, but I have completely lost any faith I ever had. I was blessed with Amrit 3 years ago, but when my depression started to really get me down, my Paath gradually decreased, and now I can't remember the last time I sat down to read and paath, or to recite simran or listen to kirtan. I have many distractions of which I can't escape from, and I do feel like of all times, now is that hardest for me to try to get back up. But this needs to happen now, I am now at a point where I am so numb when I am talking about all of this - I don't feel like I want to get back into Sikhi, but of course, I know I should, I know it's the only thing that can help. I really don't want to offend anyone, so if you do feel offended, I apologise, but please realise you can't understand everyone's situations and lives. Before anyone says call so and so, talk to so and so; I have talked to a therapist, and although it is helpful in certain aspects, it doesn't help me get closer to feeling less numb, or get closer to Sikhi. I have surpassed that stage of suicidal thoughts and whatnot so please don't tell me to call sikh helpline, etc. Everything is nothing now, I feel so weak physically and mentally. Please don't say anything about family or friends because I have no one to depend on, and this is an extremely personal journey. I don't think I have much time left before I really distance myself from Sikhi. Please advise me on what to do? I am so sorry for such a bad attitude towards such a precious life, please forgive my mistakes, and don't take what I have said to heart.
  10. I feel un-necessary sad, frnds contact me when they have some work only. So now distanced myself from such selfish people. But maybe i am suffering from depression now . Is there any path or a pankti that i can repeat continuously to cure this un-necessary sadness. Age 26 I was supposed to marry a girl, but she backed off 5 months ago deserting me behind. But i don't think its because of her, it's a problem regarding my inner self. I know only path can cure it for sure. Sarab dukha ka aukhadh naam Name of Lord is medicine to every problem. Plz suggest something.
  11. Guest

    coconut and depression

    http://healthimpactnews.com/2014/study-virgin-coconut-oil-more-effective-than-drugs-in-combating-stress-and-depression/ I would recommend planting coconut trees if you own land around your homes, and eat your own homegrown coconuts, or buy whole coconuts, as there is no virgin any product TRULY these kalyug days_/\_
  12. kaurp


    How to fight depression on your own.I mean if your near and dear ones are not ready to accept that you are psychologically ill.Any video links or self help books helpfull for this ailment.?
  13. wjkk, wjkf. my best friend's parents beat her constantly and this has been going on for a while. she is amritdhari but committed a mistake last year and they have been beating her constantly after wards for no reason after it. Even though she has accepted her mistake and become better. Now, she is continually depressed always and suicidal. but they do not care at all. I have had to pull her through so much. They physically and verbally abuse her again and again. She has recently found out she is at risk for cancer and her parents still do not care even though she goes through so much pain. her older and younger brothers verbally abuse her as well. I have no idea what to do. It hurts not knowing what to do. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP? This has been going on for too long. and I can't take it seeing her pain. I love her. She's the sister i never had. This is a urgent benti to sangat. Please. wjkk, wjkf
  14. Guest

    Hair Issue

    Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh I am a kaur, I have been amritari since I was a child. Just a few years ago, I was clinically depressed, and at some point last year, I couldn't bring myself to showerv every day, or anything. I didn't comb my hair for about a year due to depression, and now my hair is matted and impossible to comb. I still wear a dastaar but my hair is so rough and big, It's bundled up I want my old hair back, when it was long, silky, and beautiful. I do NOT want to cut it, obviously. But I am looking for advice. I don't know how to get my old hair back. I wish to never cut it. I know I've made a terrible mistake and I do ardaas, but please help me. What do you think I should do?
  15. Guest

    Suicide !

    Sat Sri Akal Ji I am 26 , I was a good sikh and naam rasiya singh once in my life. I loved my lords name so much, i felt my god very close and ang sang. Now I am loud, i easily get angry on anyone and start shouting for just little things. I feel really very bad and guilty after incidents but i can not change my anger to sweetness. Even my father has told me many many times about my anger and loudness. My family thinks i am Useless and i do think so I am well educated, skilled mechanic, amrit dhari, but i feel unexplainable. I dont want to live anymore. Main apne Guru da ve nahi ho skya , te na hi meri family da. Dhobi da <banned word filter activated> na ghar da na ghast da.
  16. Hi, I've seen a few topics around about people being depressed and I realise a lot more people may feel like that too but don't want to talk about it. If you have anything you want to talk about that's on your mind that's got you feeling depressed or worried post it and I and hopefully other people will try to give you advice. You're not alone, we are Sikhs and we look out for one another. Peace
  17. Guest

    Intercaste Relations

    Hi guys, just looking for some advice on an awkward situation. :unsure2: I've been 'suffering' from depression for several years now alone, and recently found someone who was willing to listen to my concerns and help me through what was a very very hard time recently, which consisted of anxiety attack after anxiety attack, breakdowns and feeling very low and even considering suicide at times. It wasn't a pretty sight haha. I'm 18 and a Jatt, and he is 18 but Tarkhan. Obviously this raised a huge problem among my family when they realised of his existence. They got into contact with his family making threats etc. which was the wrong way to go about it in my eyes. My relationship with my family has not been very good for several years now, and I often isolate myself from them so it's been comforting to be able to talk to this boy, and his family are very understanding of the whole situation. I fear that cutting contact would have some drastic consequences on my mental function. Just wondering what I could possibly do? Appreciate your help
  18. Guest

    Depression, Help

    Sat sri akal, I am a Sikh but have been brought up in a western society so I do not speak punjabi well or follow sikhi as much as I could have. I am depply depressed and have severe social anxiety due to certain situations that have occured in my life. I am quite young, in my early 20s and I am struggling to see how I can live the rest of my life out when I am so scared of leaving the house. I hate myself in all facets and hence have no self esteem. I currently see a psychologist and a psychiatrist which has helped a little bit, but I don't think it can help me that much in order to allow me to live again. I have always believed in waheguru but have not done enough praying or anything of that sort. I can read punjabi/gurbani but I do not understand the words. I don't know what to do to get myself out of this. Suicide thoughts run through my mind but I don't want to do it and I realise that it is an unnatural death. Any help would be great, I'd like to become more religious and try and find god. I am just a mess so I don't know what else to say. Would me going to Punjab and living there for a few months be beneficial as I would be surrounded by sikhi all the time?
  19. Guest

    Deeply Depressed

    I was in a relationship with somebody for a very long time and I thought I was going to marry him. But he broke up with me a few months ago and ever since then I have been in deep depression. He was abusive throughout the relationship which is why I should take this as a blessing but I don't know why I cannot move on from this. I've tried to do path and read bani I recite Jap Ji sahib every morning and whenever I think about it I start doing chaupai sahib but I feel like I'm just spiraling downwards with nobody to ask for advice from. I have friends but none of them are Sikh and they provide the non-Sikh perspective to this but I just wanted the Sikh perspective and what I should do to spiral out of this depression and accept everything as a blessing. It is getting really hard on a day to day basis I feel like I am not myself anymore. I'm barely ever happy or laughing. It is really taking a severe toll on me where I cannot focus on my studies or my work. I remind myself that everything happens based off of our previous karams and thats why I am going through everything but sometimes I just crash and I don't know how to stop myself from spiraling downwards.
  20. Guest

    Praying For Deceased

    My cousin sister took her own life two months back. I know that people say suicide is a big sin but she was suffering from mental illness, depression. What paat can I do to ask for her peace? And what does SGGS ji say about people who die in this way?
  21. Dear Sangat Ji, I am a frequent reader of this site but I seldom post, and am for the first time ever starting a new thread. I do so because I feel that we can perhaps openly examine as a community some of the root causes of many of the challenges that posters present here, especially in the Gupt section. I post here instead of "Whats Happening" as there may be those who wish to contribute but not reveal their identities. The topics that keep coming up over and over include: Women and issues with hair (and the fact that it affects their chances of marriage) Youngsters and romantic relationships (how soon they wish to start their journeys toward Ghristi Jeevan) Depression (having nobody to talk to or share their feelings with) Isolation (lack of sangat and the impact of social politics and dynamics) Each of these can be reduced to the last one on the list: Isolation or loneliness. The need for human contact, identity and belonging is recognised as paramount to healthy human development. The impact of being "under socialised" or isolated can lead to all kinds of psychological issues. In fact, the affects of isolation in the young can lead to "Failure to Thrive" syndrome where people cannot function or catch up with their "normal" counterparts. Today we exist in greater numbers that ever in human history, have vastly greater social connections than we have ever had, (this site is one example, and of course there is the social media that surrounds us), yet it seems that humans have never been lonelier. It has also been proposed that while we have more connections, the relationships have become shallower and less meaningful as they become greater in number. We might have 300 facebook friends and 300 phone contacts but feel like we have nobody to talk to. At the same time we naturally make efforts to be part of some or other social "tribe", and try to identify and be accepted by them by acting, talking and dressing alike. The human social instincts that we have been blessed with drive us to join with others and also drives our fear of rejection. In ancient times, social rejection (from your tribe or village) was a sure death sentence. We could not survive without the protection of our social group and its function to sustain members of the greater whole. Today, rejection is unlikely to result in death yet we still fear it as such. Loss of friends, the end of a marriage, the rejection of a proposal, rejection by those we would keep Sangat with, a breakdown in communication or relations with family, we may fear and treat any of these and react in a manner as if it is "the end of the world" (read death). Fear of being alone seems to be a great driver of the challenges that keep coming up for the Sangat on this site and beyond. Women who fear rejection due to their facial or body hair are afraid that they will end up unwed and alone (or with someone who does not fit the ideal picture they might have of a husband). Youngsters drawn to the rose tinted fantasy of romantic relationships are also trying to get a head start in the race to find a partner, again for fear of ending up alone. We all want to be close to others, to have understanding and to be appreciated by someone that will find us to be worthy. If we do not have this acceptance and appreciation, we face the terrifying prospect of not only a lonely life, but death at a genetic level as there are no children to carry on our biological heritage. Parents desire the respect of their children. Those who are bullied for being different wish that they would be accepted just like others are instead of being socially rejected. All human beings want to find their place in the world. And if we feel that those needs are not being fulfilled, we end up feeling isolated and depressed. Depression is so ubiquitous now that I was told that one Chardi Kala Gursikh said to one of the Singhs in their Sangat that "People come to us claiming that they have been attacked by black magic, that they do not understand what is happening to them, when in fact they are suffering from depression". They said that Mahraj describe it in baani as "Mann Ka Taap" or "disease of the mind". And why not. For someone who doesn't know what a panic attack, or a bipolar disorder is, a sudden shift in their equilibrium can be terrifying and seem supernatural. They may develop agoraphobia, claustrophobia or any one of numerous symptoms, as result of feelings of isolation and loneliness which lead them to depression. It is important to mention that isolation doesn't have to mean physical isolation. We can feel isolated within Sangat, within the family, even within a marriage. When faced with depression people can behave in destructive manners, i.e using the five vices of Kaam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Hankaar or addictions such as alcohol or drugs to try to protect themselves from the symptoms of depression. Then, we often see posts of people confessing their guilt and doing a virtual Peshi before the Sangat here, asking if Mahraj will ever forgive them, or posting that they have lost faith as they feel isolated even from Mahraj. The truth is depression is a mental illness. It has symptoms and those symptoms can be treated to correct the chemical imbalances that drive this illness. Further, it needn't be a cause of shame, any more than having the flu should cause us to be ashamed. For those who are currently facing depression I would like to add that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and there are ways of combating this. Different methods work for different people and there will be a combination of methods that will work for you. So Sangat ji, I invite you to share ways, both spiritual and practical that we might combat depression and its symptoms. I know some members will say "Do more Paath" and others will say "Get some exercise", I think it would be especially useful if those who themselves have faced or are dealing with depression to share the solutions that they have found and applied on their own journeys. I am hoping that in the advice that is shared members of the Sangat, wherever they are on their spiritual journey, will find inspiration and tools to carve their own path to well being.
  22. Guest

    Depressive as a boy?

    Hello ... I recently had been by a docotr who diagnosed that I have depression... My life became so senselesss and grey in the past years.. I can´t handle things anymore.. Everything seems to be <banned word filter activated>! I feel no longer any sense in life... And the wrost thing is I feel ashamed, because I am keshdhari 'Sikh', I mean I love Waheguru and everything.. and I love Sikhi... But I can´t practice it proper... I am so lost... Now I feel , that I am disrespecting.. Sikhs by wearing turban and kesh... because I have depression.. becauseSikhs have never depression.... I mean I am looking like a Sikh, but inside I am not and dead.. and I don´t want to offend.. I mean I love SIkhi but I can´t practice. like doing path etc.. because I feel so 'tired' of life... My parents don´t know either... and no relative or anyone else.. I am just suffering silently... From outside, I am seem to be very happy and stuff.. but I am not... I dont know what to do any longer... I mean I love my kesh.. and I would never cut it but in last time my mind is confusing me ... Because I constantly think that I am disrespcting what a true sikh is and represents... There is no other problem.... it isn´t for girls or stuff or for me.. it is just because I think I am disrespecting.. I mean Sikhs try to make the world a better place.. and I can´t count myself as one.... I mean everytime I read Bani my mind gets so happy and in joy.. like someone understands me... but everytime I interrupt I can´t ready further... Idon´t know why.... I dont want to cut my hair... what do you think.. am I disrespecting you ...? I feel so fcking bad ... as a boy... like a nobody.. a looser... I mean world would be better place with me... I never do or did any paap... but I jsut cant handle it anymore... I don´t deserve to live on this planet...
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