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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh The bellow is a post from a Kaur on another forum, and I would really appreciate if the Sangat on here especially Kaurs could help her. Link to orginal All posts on here will be copied and pasted. Thanks in advance Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. I’m a sikh girl currently in my teen years attending high school and have been facing so many issues with my family and have become fed up with it. I come from a family of 4 daughters and my parents have always wanted a son as long as i can remember. They always remind me of how i’m a girl and shouldn’t being doing certain things. I was okay with it because I understood how if i did certain things, it would affect my family’s image in society but now it’s becoming too much. They are just accusing me for the most random things like how they think I’m on drugs when I’m actually just tired after long day of first going to school and then going to work and then I also have to complete my homework. Now that its the summer, my life revolves around my job and doing the household chores. I get taunted for everything I do on a daily basis. If i touch my phone to text my manager about my schedule they will automatically think that I’m texting my friends or that I have a boyfriend. If I go upstairs to my room and sit at my desk sorting old school work, they will yell at me and again accuse me of being a “bad” girl and force me to come sit downstairs on the sofa. Whenever they pick me up from work they start talking to me about how arranged marriages are better and that if i ever get a boyfriend they would kick me out of the house or even kill me, or about how they don’t want me going to university in another city because they think I’m going to become a “bad” girl and how its going to affect my dad’s image in society. I have developed a fear against them now and am scared of even going biking outside with my cousin as I feel like they are going to accuse me of something when i get back. My dad has a really bad temper and I have been through a lot of physical abuse growing up and to make myself feel a little better I would pick up my Gutka sahib and start doing prayers, hoping that maybe waheguru has something better for me in the future and that it will be ok, but now I’m becoming doubtful. I have no one to share my feelings with because my parents will just think i’m faking it and my sisters just don’t get what i try to tell them. I’m losing my friends because I am not allowed to go to their birthday parties or just go out with them in general, so they get mad at me. From when I was younger, my mother constantly tells me about the duties of a girl and if she lost her temper with me she would tell me how it would have been better if she had aborted me at birth. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many days of my life. my dad has pulled my hair,made me stand outside in the cold,and spilled milk that I was drinking all over my face when he got mad at me for doing things like not passing the Tv remote to him or being in school group project with both boys and girls. I have attempted suicide so many times but don’t actually do it because I felt that if i managed to survive they would taunt me for the rest of my life. Now that I’ve got a job my mom always wants me to pay for things when we go out or she wants a certain amount from my paycheque. A couple of days ago my younger sisters spilled paint all over the driveway and I had just come back from work so i had no idea about it but my dad started yelling at me and my older sister about how he thinks we are just so useless and what will the neighbours think. He told my younger sisters that he had beat me and my older sister up when we were younger and how we still remember and will do the same to my younger sisters if they do anything wrong. I don’t know what to do and who to go to about this. I feel so helpless and am tired of the taunting,yelling,emotional and physical abuse my parents are making me go through. Please tell me what I should do. I pray to waheguru but don’t know why he’s not listening to me. i want to move out at 18 but i know that they won't let me because I'm a girl and blah blah blah. What should i do?

I remember when I was in school I had awful days, my best days were in primary. in secondary my mum used to make me do a plait.. I had long hair lol and still do! but anyways i used to go to school and yh the boys in my class used to call me hairy!!! when really there were 2 Muslim girls who had the most bushiest eyebrows and sideburns!!!!!!! my school was a mixture of races.. white, black, Sikh, Hindu but majority Muslim. the Sikh boys were a disgrace and most of the girls were slags. they used to drink, do shisha, smoke, do weed etc etc.. don't get me wrong i had friends but my school had the fakest of people and their were backstabbers and sh** , anyhow when i left school I've never looked back, there some people i stay in contact with others can kiss my hdbfedkwek LOOOL, when i see them on the streets i don't bother! im a friendly person and that but with them nah ah. i was the only one i positively grantee that knew about the Sikh history. m not religious but i know about the singhs and sacrifices and etc etc.. what there is to know basically. there were times when i did wanna cut my hair but i always thought of my mum and dads izit.. (pride) and thought im a Sikh! and im not gonna cut my hair because of words cos that's easy defeat. BUT DRUMROLL.. THE FUNNY THING IS, MY SISTER HAS A RISTAAA AND MY JIJA TO BE HAS A COSUIN THAT BULLIED ME! basically my brother's know and they told my dad, I told my mum and sister but they didn't wanna know! and told me to keep quiet cos it was time ago but I just wanted an apology as he comes to my house! and yh.. um my brothers told my dad and my dad had a word with me and etc which was cool cos I felt as if it was off my chest, he spoke with the boys father but the boy just said it wasn't just him it there were other people involved and he don't wanna apolgise and also the boys dad said why didn't she come out with it before! which I understand but I told my father that yearh there where other boys but there not coming into the family whereas he kind if is cos my jijas asal family is in india and he lives with his mami and mama and cousins ( which is the boy) I used to say <banned word filter activated> to him don't get me wrong but he ( and the others) were constant and I just learnt to ignore it but cos his my jijas cousin and practically the only family my jija has here I wanted an aplogy so we could start fresh kind of... anyhow they tried to make it out as if the rishta was broke but it wasn't! and then my dad had a go and me trying to blame me and my brothers stood up for me. but yh I don't know what to do? like I want him to really suffer my brothers said they would of beat'd him but cos his family of family they cant. ALSO I had this incident with a boy ( just swapping numbers and chatting!!!!!!!! ) but it got twisted so badly! its been time but urm I remember my dad fought he touched me when he didn't and I wouldn't if let that happen with any boy or anyone for that fact! but yh I remember my dad wanting me to go to the doctors and have tests and <banned word filter activated> and I think my dad fought I had sex which I havnt and i would never unless im married! but yh me and my dad are back to normal but I can seem to forget that or forgive him for that I feel disgraced that he fought that ... AND i got hate for my sister cos when i told her about the bullying she didn't give a toss, or my mum. so my sister could of easily talked to her fiancée and what not ! im depressed in the sense of all this and to make things worst they took my phone away and im not aloud to go link with mates or go out on my ones. i felt like running away or even commiting... :'(

I was working today on our family desktop when I decided to look at picture we have on the computer. As I was clicking through our family pictures, I ran into some naked pictures of my father. Turn out my brother had icloud stream setup on our iPhones so all our picture automatically get to our desktops. Shocked, the first think I did was deleted the picture and uninstall icloud stream. My 11 year old uses the computer on a regular basis as well as my sister and I for homework since the printer is set up there. I didn't not want my siblings running into something like that accidentally like I had. Now I can't stop thinking about what nasty things my dad has been doing, I know those pictures were not for my mom. I am angry, ashamed, and lost. I don't know what to do in this situation, should I talk to my dad? Confront him? Just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong. This is kinda of impossible since my heart don't stop beating, I keep crying. How can I handle this situation?

Okay. I have been thinking about this for a while. I am at an age where my friends are getting married and I am thinking about my future in terms of married life. A little while to go and my parents will start pushing it! But for some time, I've been consciously thinking about how much I do not want to have children. What does Sikhism say regarding this? I know Guru Nanak Dev Ji said we should live among the world and part of that includes having kids and teaching them about Gurmat. What if I take the time out to teach other children Gurmat, at the Gurdwara perhaps? I am still teaching kids, but don't have to be burdening myself with my own. I don't want to have kids just for the sake of having kids. I don't want to be pregnant, at all; I don't want to have a surrogate, and I don't want to adopt either. If it is going to make me unhappy, that mood will be reflected on any future family I will have, and no child deserves to be raised by a mother that doesn't want them in the first place. My mom called me selfish Says that if you don't live for kids, what are you living for? Can't I live my life for me? Why do I have to live for children that I don't even want. Plus, who will realistically want to marry a girl that won't give them kids?

WJKK WJKF If you've been in a similar situation, your advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance. My parents dont get on. No matter how much my mum trys to make my dad happy, he always finds a fault, an excuse to shout and swear and belittle her. He drinks every single day without fail. And once his had a drink, his temper and attitude is just too much. I cant cope anymore. Ive seen it all my life. When i was younger i tried taking my life after seeing my dad hitting my mum. My mums a gem. I just want her to be happy. Its gone on too long. Im scared shes going to do something to herself. I always find myself stuck in the middle of the too. Trying to get my dad to shut up. His just sick in his head. I want nothing to do with him. My mums from punjab, housewife, speaks little english and wouldnt be able to support herself financially. She has nothing to her name. Im still studying. I have nothing to my name. The house, cars, businesses are in my dads name. The only way we can be happy is if my mum divorced him and we moved away. But then how would we support ourselves? We would be on the streets. I know the UK welfare system is pretty good but I dont know how long all that takes. Theres a part of me that just wants to leave everything, abandon my mum and move away. I dont know what to do. She has no family or friends to turn to. Just me. Sangat ji, i need help. All i want is for my mum to be happy.

Hey everyone, So I have been lurking this forum for quite some time, and I really like the help that everyone is getting. A lot of the people that post here are very intelligent in the Sikh ways and I hope you guys can help me out too, being that I don't know a lot of Sikh people besides my immediate family.It's only fair that I post my story so that other people can gain insight from my situation as I did. So I've been through a lot mentally, so I'll try to leave out the details. Basically I've been going through a lot with coping with my identity. I grew up in a Sikh family and I was having thoughts of cutting my hair and beard. I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew it would hurt my family, so I kept it in trying to battle it on my own. I didn't know a lot of Sikh people besides my close family, so I've been on my own for the most part. However over time, it got harder and harder. I was suppressing my emotions while I was with them, and was bottling it all in. After a few years of this, I had to tell someone. Eventually, we were bickering back and forth on discussing this matter and going nowhere fast. There was going to be no middle ground in this, and both of us knew that. Fast forward about 8 months later. I cut my hair and beard. I feel a lot better when it comes to my appearance, but its still not enough for me. We don't have the discussion much anymore, besides a few times when my dad says that it hurts him when he sees me. (When I go home, I wrap a turban on out of respect for my family. Yet it is still implicit that I did get it cut.) Not only does that add on to my guilt, I think about my family members who kept their identity and are doing well. I think about where I went wrong in my thinking that lead me to today. I love my family so much that I hate hurting them in this way. The last time I got my hair cut was in mid-July, and my mother was very happy that I haven't gone to get a haircut recently. It's things like this where my guilt clashes like a golf cart and a semi truck. I love my family so much that I don't want to hurt them, yet I'm conflicted with what I want to do. Even yesterday I went to the hair salon, but I couldn't go inside with the feelings of my family going through my mind, so I turned around and left. If I am really honest with myself, I like the way that I look now then the way I did before. I was even surprised about the reactions I got before and after; they are more positive now. But it's tough to maintain because of all the factors that I have mentioned before; with my family and those who kept up with it. I guess what I'm alluding to writing in this post is that my conflict has stayed the same. Before when I had my identity, it was my views vs the family views. And now after the fact, the game is still the same. Has anyone or does anyone know of anyone that has been through the same thing that I am going through and can share their experiences? My scope is limited because I don't know a lot of Sikh people, but from what I gather, its either an all or nothing thing: I've seen families where either they are all Sikhs and keep their identity, or families where none of them keep their identity. Not split like the situation that I am in. Any input would help. Thanks in advance for reading this and for your help.

WJKK WJKF I have a friend who's 16 and she's been suffering from this problem. For most of her life, she has been caring and ready to help anyone in any situation. For the past little while she's realized that those feelings have been shutting down. It's more natural for her to get upset in a situation where she has a problem rather than a situation where someone else (who she cares about) has a problem. It used to be the complete opposite before this year. She really wants the old state of mind back, but it feels as if her mind just doesn't care about much anymore. Is this because of age? Any tips to help get back into the old state of mind? Thank you in advance for replies WJKK WJKF

What does gurbani and the various janamsakhis say about the responsibilities of person towards their parents, especially if they are not sikh? Please answer from sikhi and not a cultural point of view. Traditionally the east has had a greater focus on bending backwards to look after parents and consent to their wishes, especially when they are in old age, as opposed to nuclear family units in the west and urban centres worldwide. What is the sikhi line? Do we have parents live with us or leave them to their own devices? If living together and if they are not sikh do you permit them to practice their religion in your home even if it is anti gurmat? If one is amritdhari do you eat with /food made by them? When having to choose between living with your parents and looking after their needs in old age or doing widespread sewa to the point where such a living arrangement would be impractical and indeed where said parents may interfere (intentionally or unintentionally) with said sewa activities, what does one choose? Guru Nanak ji is probably a good example to follow. How did he interact with his parents, who were Hindu? My understanding is that whilst he was living under their roof he disagreed with their views and practiced spirituality but still followed their instructions such as doing specific jobs, marrying when they wanted to, etc. Once he was more established in God's spiritual journey, contrary to their wishes of wanting him to look after them and be there for him in their old age, Guru ji went on his udasis to help thousand of people rather than just helping 2 people. From this it seems that the numbers of souls he could impact mattered more. It made no different that they were his parents, this accorded them no special status, he saw god in everyone and ergo saw the whole world as his family. Did guru ji refuse to eat with his parents? Did he refuse good cooked by them? Presumably his parents lived with his wife and children whilst he was spreading the word of God. Did his parents keep hindu idols inside the home? Did they freely practice religious rituals in the home? To what extent did they impose their religion on Guru jis children, especially when they were young and Guru ji was still living under his parents roof, not yet fully established as the true Guru? Did his wife follow hindu customs? Did guru ji perform his parents funeral rites as per hindu customs? Gurbani also constantly reminds us that mothers, fathers, children, spouses etc are not ones true support, they do not go with us in the end, we should not waste our time with minds attached to them, worrying about them only. Gurbani decries emotional attachments, to family members in particular. Gurbani also says that it is God alone who takes care of all needs and is the true support and only attachment worth having. Again, please leave aside your personal views and experiences and please answer from a theological sikhi point of view. This is an important issue for those whose parents are of other religions (or perhaps "sikh" in name only).