Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh
I will keep this brief because I am terrified someone will identify me...
I am an amritdhari girl and married to an amritdhari man. I thought the match was good, based on what he made me believe, but it's terrible. He became abusive, controlling, dictating and worse than that he restricts me developing my Sikhi. I am not allowed to go anywhere, or do anything. If I am at home during the day, I have to recount everything that I have done and no matter what I cannot please him. He compares me to other mens wives and says everything against me. I dealt with this as being my karam, but it's getting worse. He now says if we have a child that the child will have to go to India as it's less hassle for him, and also I can't breastfeed so that I can go back to work faster. When I speak out, he pips me to the post always and he speaks so much like a politician that even I end up agreeing with his warped point of views! I don't want to leave him, I would rather work at the marriage but even when others have spoken to him, behind closed doors he's become worse or threatened suicide if I "ruin his name". I feel so depressed, I even pocketed every painkiller in the house and took them to work with me because I couldn't face returning home but I didn't get an opportunity to take them as there was others around, then the feeling subsided. I cry every day, I dread him coming home everyday... What can I do???