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  1. In our faith or in Sikh culture is there a structure in the household? Is man/husband the head of the house? During the lavaan/phere the man walks at front and leads the way. In kalki avtaar, when guru ji is describing how humanity will fall and go wrong, guru ji says men will stop respecting their parents and will come under their womans control. In most Punjabi houses the female/wife is the head of the house these days (probably why everything is going wrong, men have forgotten their responsibilities) What does Sikhi say about this? is the man supposed to be the head of the house?
  2. Guest

    Pressures of Marriage

    VJKK, VJKF! With Waheguru Ji's kirpa I have been blessed with Amrit recently. I am getting used to the change in my life so far and it's been a great journey, however, I am starting to feel the pressures of marriage. I just turned 25 years old and my family is saying I should start looking now before it's too late, but whenever someone from Sangat introduces me to another Singh, the topic of kes comes up. They want me to break my rehat and shave before marriage. This is something I am not willing to do and never will do, but the pressures of marriage and finding the right life partner is becoming hard. My whole family is not devoted to Sikhi, just a few of us, so it's even more difficult. Another challenge is education. Everyone wants me to find someone with a degree, job and living at home in Canada. Any advice anyone can give would be great.
  3. Guest

    Marriage problems

    Hi, i have been married for 8 years, we are both gursikhs- amrit dhari with two lovely boys. We just don’t seem to get along. My husband is a very good man but somehow believes money is maya, maya =bad. I am ambitious and want a good lifestyle- big house etc. Every time I bring it up he calls me money minded and greedy and occasionally jealous. Is there any paath/shabad I can recite to have more understanding between us. Something I can maybe do on the go with the boys? Looking forward to some advice. Also please don’t tell me to divorce etc as this is my second marriage and I want it to work as I do love my husband very much but somehow our thinking dosnt seem to match anymore. Any shabad I can do to improve our relationship would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
  4. Guest

    Finding a Singh for Marriage

    VJKK, VJKF! With Waheguru Ji's kirpa I have been blessed with Amrit recently. I am getting used to the change in my life so far and it's been a great journey, however, I am starting to feel the pressures of marriage. I just turned 25 years old and my family is saying I should start looking now before it's too late, but whenever someone from Sangat introduces me to another Singh, the topic of kes comes up. They want me to break my rehat and shave before marriage. This is something I am not willing to do and never will do, but the pressures of marriage and finding the right life partner is becoming hard. My whole family is not devoted to Sikhi, just a few of us, so it's even more difficult. Another challenge is education. Everyone wants me to find someone with a degree, job and living at home in Canada. Any advice anyone can give would be great.
  5. Sorry long post but please read!!!!!!! Bit of a background of my cousin: He’s 23 and just qualified as a solicitor, he took Amrit when he was younger (19) he went to hazur sahib and came back as a Singh, never told us what really changed him he kept it gupt. I must admit we were all shocked as before that he was always going out late partying and getting into trouble. He is a very smart Singh - Him and his father have gone to our grandmother (her mother was a gori lol) and they are very fair skinned with hazel eyes, basically look Greek as they have that facial structure/ jawline as well. I was very shocked when he told me about his to be fiancé as he was very religious and ties a gol dastar. Now to the point Through the duration of uni and on insta I saw him with girls and when I confronted him he said they were just friends and I believed him. Now it turns out the latest girl I saw him with (he’s only been with 2 I know of through uni) he’s about to get engaged to her!!! she’s not amrit nor sehajdhari she doesn’t cover her hair and wears make up. Imagine this, when he showed the family her pic they were all very happy and said she was very pretty all ignoring the fact that she’s not amritdhari. Our family isn’t reallly religious only 4 women including me are amritdhari (his mum and dad aren’t amritdhari), she may be very pretty but I’m sure this goes against rehat. I talked to my mum about this and she said that it don’t matter as there are couples where only one partner is amritdhari and the other isn’t and they still last. She said that she’s very pretty and he’s very good looking as well and they look good together, I told her that there are pretty amritdhari girls out there as well and I said LOOKS ARENT EVERYTHING she then got angry and told me to drop it as I’m going to cause trouble in the family - classic desi answer to shut someone up. My dad basically said the same thing - linking it to Jagmeet Singh saying they got married so what’s wrong with it. Is this going against rehat - I’m so confused I always thought it was. She’s coming down next week to meet his mum and dad so it looks serious, I don’t want to look like a trouble causer please help! I want to confront him with facts so please give me points I can say. The looks point everyone in my family is making is so stupid, basically saying that good looking people can sin and get away with it it’s so annoying!!!!!!
  6. if divorce was an option and not a taboo back in the 70s and 80s do you think many of the aunties and uncles would be divorced today? I think yes they would, i look at some of these couples and their marriage seems to be more of a contract and duty. It seems the only thing that binds these flop marriages together are the kids in the middle.
  7. So I’ve been introduced to someone that has the same last name as my moms maiden name. I’ve always thought that this was frowned upon but everybody around me feels it’s not a big deal. Any thoughts?
  8. I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did?
  9. Guest

    Trouble in marriage

    Satshriakal ji sareya nu! Im a 27 yr old married woman. Its been 2and a half years of my marriage. And it was against the will of my family. I stay alone cos me and my husband have alot of issues and troubles with each other ever since we got married. We had a 3 year long relationship before we got married and it's been 6 years now that we're together. But due to some past bad experiences and things that took place it seems we have an intensive amount of hatred towards each other now and thus we are thinking of filing a divorce. As much as i want to save this marriage, i also know it isn't a very sane idea. I believe he is seeing another woman out of our wedlock who is driving him crazy and thus, he has lost all love, compassion and humanity towards me. The marriage has also got so abusive both physically and verbally. I still love him though so is there a path i can do to save my marriage and get him back on the right track. I also think someone might have done something to him or brainwashed him. Not sure! It's causing me alot of depression
  10. I got married to my husband one year ago, but i left him only a few months later because he was mentally ill. I got married to him because they had a big house. Now i am at my own house. But I dont know if it was right to leave him. We already divorced. Was it a sin? Or was it right to leave him if i was not happy?
  11. I got married about 9 months ago, I had the perfect wedding anyone could dream of. I had left the country to move to where my husband lived, in India. Six months after the marriage I found opium and marijuana in our bathroom. It was at this time I realised my husband was into drugs. Upon questioning, he didn’t confess to it, however later he confessed but said he needed some time and space. I spoke to his parents to keep him away from his friends company who were also involved in drugs but they didn’t listen. Unsure of what to do next, especially when my in laws are very wealthy, and in India money can buy anything even police, my family thought it was safe if I returned to the Uk and we came up with a solution of what to do next. I safely came back to Uk and since I have tried to contact my in laws. My husband has not once contacted me over three months. I have tried every possible way (his friends, his family, his workmates and himself) to get through to him, some won’t answer their phone as my father in law has given strict instructions not to and my husband doesn’t answer his phone or respond to messages. Initially when I came to the UK my father in law asked me for ideas how we could improve his sons drug addiction and I offered everything I knew I could do to help him ( as I am a medical professional), after that no one ever rang from his family. We contacted our relatives who are also convinced my husband isn’t into drugs (after all no one wants to stand against rich people- I guess). I feel very sad and heartbroken because I really wanted to help fix my husbands addiction , I have been to the Gurudwara for over 3months, asking God to show me a sign to save this marriage but I keep hitting a brick wall. Two weeks ago, my husband informed one of our relatives that he never wanted me back. I am deeply saddened to see that he ended the marriage so easily. I keep asking God why he didn’t give me a chance to help my husband, because after all we all are imperfect and we make mistakes, because it is our duty to help one another. After so many days of grieving, battling and doing ardas, I have given up. I am still not sure if I am doing the right thing but the wise have said that if after so much prayer God won’t answer maybe it’s because it is for our best that we walk away, how true that is only the future will tell me. For everyone out there, on intoxicants please don’t involve yourself in them. Drugs break up relationships and destroy families.
  12. Do you believe marriages between same-sex couples is valid in Sikh Dharam?
  13. I got married to a sikh man. But I was not happy woth this marriage. I was in love with someone else, and I still am. I also cheated on my “husband” with someone else. Also before the marriage and after marriage. I dont want to make my family unhappy. I would sacrifice my own happiness for my family. Thats what I am doing now. Is it a sin to stay with my husband even if i am unhappy? And will Rabh ji forgive me if I always pray and do bhaani? And also if I become a true sikh and do amrit ? Also I will stay with my husband but I will be really unhappy. Will Rabh forgive me? And how do I know?
  14. I got married one year ago to the brother of my cousins wife. I thought it would be all fine, we also asked babaji in the gurdwara near us, the funny thing is that he told my cousin that the marriage will not work, but cousin didnt told me, i got this information about two months ago. Atleast i know now why i am so depressed, i have depression, panic attacks, i am really sick also mentally. I absolutly dont want to live with this man and i do t know why. Before the marriage everything was right, i was happy. Babaji told us that somebody of our family did black magic so it doesnt work. I dont know what to do, i pray every day, is it my fault?
  15. Hello, Many thanks in advance for reading this and helping. I need some advice as I don't have many people in my life who are in touch with Sikhi. I am a 27 year old and have been in a long distance relationship for almost seven years. The guy is genuine, caring and he has never had a girlfriend before. He isnt like other guys or lustful either. His intentions have always been good and we have never had any issues the last seven years like normal couples do (e.g. trust, other girls, jealousy etc) he is very down to earth and has supported me in my new jobs, at university finding books for me, when i was unwell finding me medicines etc. He has treated me like a family member. He is not like other guys and always treated me good consistently and never changed. His parents also know about me and I speak to the mum regularly. The family and the guy have very strong morals and are a good family. I am not very religious but I try to do my rehras path daily and sukhmani sahib on weekends and go gurudwara attend programmes etc. I want to get more in to Sikhi and i want that for my children too. I try to be a good person and think twice about what would God say if I did this or that. The only problem is he is Hindu and he follows some group (sahaj yoga). I found this out some months later when we got in to a relationship. i thought i could persuade him out of it or thought I could be comfortable. But deep down I am not comfortable with this. If it was a different religion that is a bit different but this is something else. Now from the last two years my worry has increased on this topic, we have discussed raising children and he wants them to be exposed to both. I am not comfortable for my future children to be exposed to this. I am really scared about when i die what will i say to God if I marry this person or God may say why did u raise children in this. I know that we get one life and experience so many joons to get this life, I am really scared about this. I am writing this with a heavy heart. I have also asked God to show me the right path. Last thing I want is to be stuck in to some cult and follow my hearts desires rather than what guru ji preaches to us. Can someone please help me (please dont judge me)? Thank you so much in advance.
  16. Sometimes she does act rude or unmannerly . And then says sorry sorry as if I am not auditing her each and every action and talk insofar it concerns me and my family. Her aunt cheated her at the last moment , considering my fiance is very poor and her dad prolly cant even throw a proper wedding . So she was expecting her uncle to help her . However the uncle ditched them . So uncle's done ! Her bros are already crrap and dirty guys . She doesn't talk to some of her sisters , but the some she does talk to are very close to her and sometimes I have a suspicion that they wind her up against my mom or me. You know girls saying things like "mother-in-laws are almost always evil" . I don't want my to-be-wife be indoctrinated with such crrap mentality and I am wondering of ways to put seeds of mistrust and feuds between her sisters and her . However a benign part in me warns of not doing so lest I conduct an immoral act. However If I were to , you guys can suggest me some ideas lol
  17. Answer, with the following prompt ... - can there be a gay anand karaaj in a gurdwara? is it only to have children, and overpopulation is happening so whats the point? is divorce allowed? polygamous marriages?
  18. Guest

    marriage hukamnama

    vjkk vjkf I asked abut marrying this girl and then hukamnama mahraj gave was this ਟੋਡੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥ Ttoddee Mehalaa 5 || Todee, Fifth Mehl: ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਅੰਗ ੭੧੩ Shabad View Verse View ਰਸਨਾ ਗੁਣ ਗੋਪਾਲ ਨਿਧਿ ਗਾਇਣ ॥ Rasanaa Gun Gopaal Nidhh Gaaein || My tongue sings the Praises of the Lord of the world, the ocean of virtue. ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੧:੧ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੩ ਪੰ. ੧੯ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev Shabad View Verse View ਸਾਂਤਿ ਸਹਜੁ ਰਹਸੁ ਮਨਿ ਉਪਜਿਓ ਸਗਲੇ ਦੂਖ ਪਲਾਇਣ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ Saanth Sehaj Rehas Man Oupajiou Sagalae Dhookh Palaaein ||1|| Rehaao || Peace, tranquility, poise and delight well up in my mind, and all sorrows run away. ||1||Pause|| ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੧:੨ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੩ ਪੰ. ੧੯ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev ਜੋ ਮਾਗਹਿ ਸੋਈ ਸੋਈ ਪਾਵਹਿ ਸੇਵਿ ਹਰਿ ਕੇ ਚਰਣ ਰਸਾਇਣ ॥ Jo Maagehi Soee Soee Paavehi Saev Har Kae Charan Rasaaein || Whatever I ask for, I receive; I serve at the Lord's feet, the source of nectar. ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੧:੧ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੪ ਪੰ. ੧ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev Shabad View Verse View ਜਨਮ ਮਰਣ ਦੁਹਹੂ ਤੇ ਛੂਟਹਿ ਭਵਜਲੁ ਜਗਤੁ ਤਰਾਇਣ ॥੧॥ Janam Maran Dhuhehoo Thae Shhoottehi Bhavajal Jagath Tharaaein ||1|| I am released from the bondage of birth and death, and so I cross over the terrifying world-ocean. ||1|| ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੧:੨` - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੪ ਪੰ. ੨ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev Shabad View Verse View ਖੋਜਤ ਖੋਜਤ ਤਤੁ ਬੀਚਾਰਿਓ ਦਾਸ ਗੋਵਿੰਦ ਪਰਾਇਣ ॥ Khojath Khojath Thath Beechaariou Dhaas Govindh Paraaein || Searching and seeking, I have come to understand the essence of reality; the slave of the Lord of the Universe is dedicated to Him. ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੨:੧ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੪ ਪੰ. ੨ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev Shabad View Verse View ਅਬਿਨਾਸੀ ਖੇਮ ਚਾਹਹਿ ਜੇ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਦਾ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਨਾਰਾਇਣ ॥੨॥੫॥੧੦॥ Abinaasee Khaem Chaahehi Jae Naanak Sadhaa Simar Naaraaein ||2||5||10|| If you desire eternal bliss, O Nanak, ever remember the Lord in meditation. ||2||5||10|| ਟੋਡੀ (ਮਃ ੫) (੧੦) ੨:੨ - ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਸਾਹਿਬ : ਅੰਗ ੭੧੪ ਪੰ. ੩ Raag Todee Guru Arjan Dev ang 713-714 I don't understand what maharaj's answer was to the question kirpa
  19. Why is marriage between two different 'castes' within Punjabi Sikhs such a big deal? As Sikhs we aren't 'supposed' to put such a big weight on our ancestory/lineage/ (whatever you want to call it) during our normal day to day lives let alone marriage. But from the sangat of Punjabis around me, it isn't uncommon to hear conversations about how low castes are like this and that and high castes are like that and this. I've even heard people say they'd rather have their child marry out of race (culturally and religiously) than marry someone from a lower caste than them. (*Enter the 'Dafuq' meme here lol). So why is there such a big stigma against intercaste related marriages?
  20. As you all are probably aware that I am engaged to this girl . However lately I am feeling gloomy since yesterday i think because for some reason I feel sad that I am marrying for lifetime to someone who I am not attracted to . I feel a big void in my life and as if in that void there can't be anything except pain and sorrow. Whenever me and my fiance talk to each other over phone, I never feel like intimacy , I feel like when will this call end , because it gets so odd and I don't know what to talk next. I feel like I fool myself into believing i like talking to her , however perhaps I don't . Or is it because we're not used to talking to each other yet. She lives in punjab and I am in mumbai. On the contrary talking to my male friends is fun and its not scary or anything . On other hand sometimes i feel like I am cheating this girl and keeping her in dark and god is going to punish me big for this I don't want to destroy any girl's life , I hope to satisfy her in every way a husband can -- however I doubt the bedroom part sometimes . I feel like how will I live with a girl I have no bonding with for a lifetime . Sometimes I question my decisions, other time I feel they're right because my parents are happy with her and I had little other option anyways. I certainly don't feel like an excited happy youngster about to be married. Its more like a rite of passage for me , a part of my monotonous life . And I have no idea what else to do . I don't even feel like I can go back now . I have moved beyond that point.
  21. do looks matter when looking for a marriage partner and if so how much?
  22. My fiance comes from a poor family in punjab. Both her brothers are total nalayaks of the worst kind. Their wives disrespect their in-laws and do constant fightings at home. So her parents basically very dukhi with their sons and daughter in laws. One would expect my fiance would have some kinda sense in her head to keep the contacts with me well, because she's obviously getting very nice saure (us). But sometimes some of her status on watsapp tend to be shrewd. For instance, if i didn't call her for few days, she would not tell me but put on her watsapp status "what kind of love you have ? no calls" or something along those lines. Recently she put her watsapp dp with a mean girl face and quote in punjabi (translated) "right now i am sad , but when i become happy, i will make whole world sad" And today's : "I am a nice girl , but i only maintain relationship with those with whom i feel at heart" I fail to understand at whom are her such watsapp statuses directed ? Is it me , or am I just making a moutain out of a mole ? or is it directed towards no one . I told my parents, even they were angry about it . Even i was angry.
  23. Greetings, I am new to Sikhism (about 4 months) of reading and practicing as best I can. One of the aspects I like a lot is the encouragement of family life. Up until this point, I had been a practicing Buddhist for the past ~11 years. Having recently had a child and starting a young family, the strong teaching of renunciation of family life is one of the things that made me turn away from Buddhism. For me, religion/philosophy/way of life, is about support to keep being a positive and good person no matter how challenging life can become. I think that having a family is difficult and Sikhism gives one support to get through tough times. In addition, I think life should be celebrated and having a family does that I think. I was curious as to what the main reasons behind the encouragement of family life are in Sikhism. I know it is encouraged, but haven't really come across the why. Thanks everyone. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh - I.
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