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  1. Please attend the event and let others know Ji.
  2. Guest

    Marrying Older Girl

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh, the time came that parents found a suitable rishta (gursikh) for me. After a lot of hunting they found a possible victim It all seems to come together according the family, but the thing is..she is older than me. Im 27 and she is 30. Families want us to get to know each other but i am hesitating because i dont know how to approach all this at first. I've always ran away from the marriage topic- never interacted with a girl etc. the second thing is, different ages may suggest different future plans as she might want to start early a family time..things like this make me wonder if i should start to get knowing somebody.. what is sangats opinion on this?
  3. Please attend and the event is now on 14th February 2016 on Sunday
  5. At the beginning of last year (2012), the Sikh Riot Awareness Facebook group posted this video of a Muslim man marrying a Sikh woman in a Gurdwara: https://www.facebook.com/Global.Sikh.Awareness/posts/347505678617592 As you can tell by the comments, most people were not pleased and were angry that this was allowed to take place. (click "view previous comments and go up to the very top). There were even girls that said it was wrong and shouldn't have happened, which surprised me, usually I only hear of men speaking out against this kind of stuff, but a lot of Sikh females were displeased as well. Someone showed me another Muslim-Sikh marriage video yesterday, this also took place in a Gurdwara. The difference? This time, the girl was Muslim and the guy was Sikh (mona). Here it is: I am just interested in seeing if there is as much outrage over this happening as there was over the last one. Ironically, the Muslim girl does a better matha thek than the Sikh girl lol. For the first video, imagine if the girl ran away with the Muslim, what would people say then? They would bash him for not even having the decency to enter a Gurdwara and respect the girl's families wishes. Say what you want, at least he had enough respect to bow down in front of Guru Ji, he might not practice Sikhi, but it does show he is open-minded, and since they got married in a Gurdwara, I doubt he made her convert to Islam. What is the difference between marrying a Muslim and a guy who is only Sikh-by-name? In neither case would that Sikh girl raise her children to practice Sikhi, so does it really make a difference? If a non-practicing member of our community, who probably knows nothing about the religion, doesn't even know how to matha thek properly, wants to marry out, what's the big deal? For the second video, again, is there any outrage? The Sikh guy is obviously not practicing, so does it make a difference if his wife is a Muslim? If he had married a Sikh girl, chances are she herself wouldn't be practicing either, so in neither case would he produce practicing Sikh children. Thoughts?
  6. PLEASE ATTEND AND LET OTHERS KNOW BE SURE TO CLICK THE LIKE BUTTON ON THE PAGE BELOW https://www.facebook.com/Sikh-Marriage-Seva-472639092886820/
  7. PLEASE ATTEND AND LET OTHERS KNOW BE SURE TO CLICK THE LIKE BUTTON ON THE PAGE BELOW https://www.facebook.com/Sikh-Marriage-Seva-472639092886820/
  8. Hi I know of an amritdhari Singh who will be getting married for the third time next year. He was married here once and the marriage broke down, he then went to Punjab to get married and again marriage broke down, he will now be getting married for a third time in Punjab next year. He has admitted in the past he is gay but not told his whole family openly. His parents just presume the other women haven't been good enough. I don't know him really well in person, just from afar, I also don't have any details of the girl he will be marrying. What advise can the sangat share?
  9. http://www.sikhnet.com/news/mixed-marriages-our-gurduaras When reading this article written by I.J. Singh and Guruka Singh, i was not sure if it was about who can enter the Gurdwara and what the Catholics have done around marriage issues in the past or mixed marriages being allowed in the Gurdwara. The title of the article is “Mix Marraiges in our Gurdwaras”, but only a very small portion of the article gives a patronizing view of those who view mixed marriages in Gurdwaras as wrong. Instead they are shaming and pointing the finger to allow others into the Gurdwara. I believe they should have decided on titling this article, “Two Senior Citizens Rambling”. When they finally start to talk about the issue the reasons for barring mixed marriages at the Gurdwara are being mocked by the two writers; I.J. Singh and Guruka Singh. The actual reasons why the Guru, Sri Akal Takht Sahib, Sikhs, and Sikh groups are barring mixed marriages in the Gurdwara are not even mentioned in the article. However let’s address the rambling they committed to in the article about allowing others into the Gurdwara. They mention Sri Harmandir Sahib has four doors, which signifies all people regardless of background are allowed into the Gurdwara. I fully agree with these two here. Yet they forget to mention, maybe unintentionally, regardless which door you come into the Gurdwara, you will only hear the teachings of one Guru; Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji. Whether you enter from the south or east or west or north all four doors lead to the one teacher. This one teacher is giving all people who enter the same teaching regardless of which faith they profess to be part of or what views they hold as agnostics or atheist. The teachings of Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji don’t change from any direction, time or person. They continue to ramble and bring up the point, Sikhs can’t define who is a Sikh, but the Guru does. True enough and we have history dictating how a person was defined as a Sikh and Gurbani very clearly describes who is a Sikh. Sri Akal Takht Sahib has also done a great job of taking the teachings from Gurbani and defining who is a Sikh. Yet according to these two, we should ignore all this and on the basis of Sri Harmandir Sahib having four doors, allow anyone to have an anand Karaj!!! They also go to the extent of saying we, Sikhs, don’t know who is a Sikh and they give an example of a Sikh woman marrying an agnostic. I don’t know if old age as taken the toll on both of them, but yeah we do know who is a Sikh. Their example says the man marrying the Sikh woman was an agnostic, which means he was not a Sikh and an agnostic. The simple question of whether the couple are both Sikh is asked before an Anand Karaj is done? What a simple solution to finding out who is a Sikh and defining if it is a mixed marriage. And if one of the two is not a Sikh, then they can’t have an Anand Karaj. Now let’s get down to the patronizing reasons they gave for not allowing mixed marriages in the Gurdwara. Reason #1: Perhaps they come from a fear of dilution of the faith Sorry but reason 1 doesn’t apply to Sikhi for barring mixed marriages in the Gurdwara. Reason #2: or possibly to create an insular barrier to “outsiders Nope, again wrong religion. This is Sikhi not Catholic or Islam. Reason #3: Or perhaps they are rooted in an attempt to ensure a successful marriage? Nope, doesn’t apply to Sikhi and Sikhs, who are barring mixed marriages from taking place at the Gurdwara. I.J. Singh in the past was known to using his secular credentials as a doctor in Chemistry (I believe it was Chemistry) as his credential to be a doctor of Sikhi. Every article he wrote his views on Sikhi were started off by Dr. I.J. Singh. If you don’t believe me, do a simple search online and this deception will come aware to you. I mention this here because, I see Dr. I.J. Singh has made some progress in not writing Dr. in front of his name today, when he writes his views on Sikhi. So I applaud him for not deceiving others with the title of Dr. I.J. Singh anymore. Although it took some time to get him to change from his deception. It is a step forward in the right direction. Coming to the Gurdwara is no sign of any person accepting Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji as their Guru. Sikh history tells us even spy’s have come to the open Gurdwara of the Gurus and still do to this date. So this level of participation at the Gurdwara can’t be assigned as to allow the Anand Karaj for the person. The level of commitment for Anand Karaj is higher than simply coming to the Gurdwara. Gurbani read in the Anand Karaj defines the level of commitment and guides the couple on how to behave after they are married. The first level of commitment is to accept Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji as your Guru. Which also implies a person cannot accept anyone else as their Guru or religious/spiritual guide in life. For instance a person who claims to be Christian or agnostic has chosen not to accept Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji as their religious/spiritual guide. The Christian has accepted Jesus (the Bible) and the latter has accepted no one. In both cases they have not accepted the level of commitment to be Sikhs. Therefore, both are disqualified from having an Anand Karaj. If I.J. Singh and Guruka Singh were more honest in their article there could have been progress in this debate and more people would be able to see what it means to be a Sikh. Many could have benefited from this discussion and their article, if they were honest and didn’t ramble about other unrelated topics. I guess positive change comes hard for I.J. Singh and Guruka Singh. Let’s hope in the future they are honest with their approach.
  10. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/the-british-sikh-men-trying-to-stop-women-marrying-outside-their-religion-a6679001.html The British Sikh men trying to stop women marrying outside their religion Britain’s Sikhs, long seen as a minority success story, are plagued by a faction of young men ‘defending’ their vision of the culture – and seeking to impose their views by attacking the nuptials of women who marry ‘out’ Sunny Hundal Sunday 4 October 2015 14:27 BST 70 comments It was meant to be the happiest day of their lives – a celebration of modern multicultural Britain at the biggest Sikh gurdwara (temple) in the Western world. On 7 August 2015, in west London, a British Sikh bride and her Polish Christian groom sat together and absorbed the religious blessings at their wedding ceremony. She wore a cream and red dress, while he wore a red turban, in keeping with Sikh traditions. But that morning, 20 uninvited men were determined to put a stop to the wedding. They stormed upstairs to the main hall and demanded that the priests end the ceremony, hurling insults at people who objected. One of them told a priest that, if their demands weren’t met, he would get 1,000 of his friends to come to the temple within the hour. The police were called and eventually the couple were forced to proceed into a hurried ceremony, while the protesters watched and took pictures of them to publish online. READ MORE Wedding between Sikh bride and non-Sikh groom stopped by 'thugs' This was not an isolated incident. The next weekend an interfaith wedding in Lozells, Birmingham, nearly turned into a mass brawl after protesters tried to stop it and, again, the police had to be called. The following weekend, another wedding in Coventry only managed to go ahead after some negotiations with the disrupters. In each case, the bride was a Sikh woman and the groom a non-Sikh man. Under the media radar, such disruptions of interfaith marriages at Sikh gurdwaras have become worryingly commonplace across Britain. In July 2013, a Sikh woman and her Christian husband in Swindon were locked out of their own wedding by 40 protesters, who afterwards posted a gleeful video online of the bride’s mother pleading with them to stop. When the BBC Asian Network looked into the controversy that year, its reporter met a family who’d had their windows smashed as a warning about an upcoming marriage. Most were too afraid to say anything in public. But not Sim Kaur. One of the very few Sikh women willing to speak about her experience, she says: “Our gurdwaras are run by men and the protesters are all men. All the cancellations I’ve heard about have been of Sikh women marrying non-Sikh men or men not born into the Sikh religion and I doubt that’s a coincidence. I do believe it’s a faith issue, but it’s also about gender and race.” A wedding party is refused entry to a Sikh temple in Swindon in 2012 Her wedding to her partner, Sam, was disrupted earlier this year, even though he had made an effort to learn about Sikhism and adopted Singh in his name, under guidelines laid out by the Sikh Council UK, an organisation set up in 2010 to deal with issues affecting the Sikh community in Britain and Europe. “Isn’t it better,” she asks, “that we teach our partners and their friends and family about this ceremony and invite them in, rather than building a wall and creating a divide?” Sikh radicalism is rarely debated in the media. British Sikhs – who number about 400,000 – are largely seen as a model minority who aren’t embroiled in controversies or plagued by extremists as Muslims are. But scratch the surface and there are signs of a growing divide between the liberal and more conservative Sikhs here, and the controversy around interfaith marriages goes to the heart of the problem. Until I posted several videos of wedding disruptions to my Facebook page last month, there seemed to be barely any debate about why they were happening. Immediately, I was subjected to a torrent of abuse and threats, but also heard from dozens of Sikhs (mostly women) who had faced a similar kind of intimidation. Most British Sikhs I have spoken to feel shocked and embarrassed that weddings in the UK are being disrupted in this way, but are usually too worried about the backlash from fundamentalists to say so openly – and it is a very British phenomenon. The controversy has barely affected India, home to 90 per cent of the world’s 20 million Sikhs, where interfaith marriages (especially to Hindus) are common. One might, then, conclude that this issue was about race and the diaspora – but the experience of North America, where nearly a million Sikhs live, says differently. Amardeep Singh, associate professor at Lehigh University in Philadelphia, says that they have a more relaxed approach there, largely because there aren’t such concentrations of Sikhs as there are in London and Birmingham. “Sikh communities in the US are so suburban and spatially dispersed. Most of us commute some distance by car just to reach the nearest gurdwara.” A Sikh wedding in 1965 In the UK, then, we seem to be dealing with people who believe they have sufficient density of numbers to preserve some kind of cultural purity if they cleave to the example of the Sikh homeland (where, in fact, such fundamentalism is rare). However, those who support the disruptions say they are not opposed to interfaith marriages per se, but are only trying to enforce religious guidelines. In 1950, Sikh scholars and priests in India agreed on a code of conduct, after multiple attempts, to define what it meant to be a Sikh and what obligations should be placed on followers. It stated that the Sikh wedding ceremony (the Anand Karaj) could only take place between two Sikhs of the opposite sex. Shamsher Singh, of the National Sikh Youth Federation, says it objects to this religious ceremony being appropriated by non-Sikhs. “They can have prayers inside the gurdwara, they can have part of the function inside a gurdwara, just not the religious ceremony. That’s reserved for those of the Sikh faith.” Others say this attitude ignores Sikh history. Amandeep Madra, co-founder of the UK Punjab Heritage Association, says that, until recently “Sikh traditions were highly pluralistic, with a willingness to learn and coexist with other concordant traditions. This is one of the most culturally appealing aspects of Sikhism in a modern, multicultural world. However, there has always been a more fearful voice that is threatened by the danger of being assimilated and indistinguishable from others.” So the rise of Sikh fundamentalism in the UK isn’t just an attempt to enforce rules: it is also the expression of a worry among young rank-and-file males that Sikhs are becoming too integrated. To them, it is profoundly disturbing that a recent poll of members by City Sikhs, a 6,000-strong organisation representing professional Sikhs in the UK, should show an overwhelming majority in favour of gurdwaras allowing interfaith marriages. To understand this, one must look to the history of Sikhi [the Sikh faith], the youngest of the world’s major religions, founded by Guru Nanak Dev Ji in the late 1400s. He was the first of 10 gurus (teachers) who left behind their collective wisdom in the holy scriptures, the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, also known as “The Living Guru”. In 1699, Guru Gobind Singh Ji decided to give Sikhs a visual identity to distinguish them from others. From then on, the Khalsa (baptised) Sikhs were required to carry five articles of faith at all times: uncut hair, a sword, comb, clean clothes and a metal bracelet. A large proportion of Sikhs remain unbaptised, freeing themselves from one or more requirements – they are usually called sahajdari, which could translate as “slow adopters” – but they still practise the religion in other ways. And it is males at the heart of this issue. Many Sikhs see the bid to stop inter-religious marriages as an attempt by men to control Sikh women and stop them from marrying “out”. Since Sikhi was founded, its adherents in India have faced persecution from Mughal emperors, Hindu kings and the British Raj. Thirty years ago, thousands were killed by Indian troops in an anti-separatist attack on its Golden Temple, and in the pogroms that followed the retaliatory assassination of Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. Among some, this has led to a defensive mentality – exacerbated by worries that the religion is being diluted as new converts come into the fold – and this is what lies behind their radical puritanism. So, while many Sikhs are integrating into British culture, others gravitate towards religion as their main primary identity. Shamsher Singh is one. “We’re dealing with complex issues of identity,” he says. “The intersection of our sense of self with coloniality has created this hybrid, stateless individual that struggles at every juncture with validation and having to constantly justify their beliefs and the practice of their religion to a Westernised audience. I’m living in an age where individuals on the periphery, with tenuous links to the community, are telling those of us who have committed to the Sikh way how we must interpret and practice Sikhi.” Many worry that such attitudes will eventually shrink the community here, not strengthen it. Pippa Virdee, a senior lecturer on South Asian History at De Montfort University, says: “There has generally been a greater assertion of what it is to be Sikh in the last 10 to 15 years. That identity has become exclusive and serves to exclude people who see themselves as Sikhs but may not be practising. Increasingly, I feel we are told – often by men and by so-called leaders of the faith – what is a good Sikh. This will serve only to alienate people.” As I can attest. After I posted videos of wedding disruptions, I was personally threatened and slandered on Sikh websites. People made up lies about me and I was accused of being a “traitor”. And my experience wasn’t rare. Two years ago, Kamalroop Singh, a turban-wearing and fully baptised Sikh, had his car windows smashed after he criticised Sikh fanaticism on a web forum. The incident left his children terrified and his wife ended up having a miscarriage, which the couple attributed to the stress. It wasn’t the first time he had been threatened and such incidents aren’t uncommon, he says. “They [sikh radicals] really are just thugs who use the religion as their justification for intimidation and violence.” And last year Dr Gurnam Singh, principal lecturer at Coventry University, had to stop presenting a show on the Birmingham-based Sikh Channel after signing an online petition to stop “radicalisation of young, British-born Punjabi/Sikh males”. And it is males at the heart of this issue. Many Sikhs see the bid to stop inter-religious marriages as an attempt by men to control Sikh women and stop them from marrying “out”. This sexist mentality surely has its roots in the (60 per cent Sikh) state of Punjab, which has among the lowest ratios of women to men in India due gender-selective abortions, infanticide, neglect of girls, rape and dowry-related murders. In some areas there are just 300 women to 1,000 men. There are laws against gender selection; there is an increasing number of educational campaigns; there are even media “stings “ in which doctors are filmed helping parents to abort female foetuses. Yet the ratio of girls to boys under the age of six has continued to decline. READ MORETwo Sikh men remove their turbans to save four from drowning Wedding between Sikh bride and non-Sikh groom stopped by 'thugs' Sikh man brutally beaten in Birmingham street sparks police probe into Some Sikhs see the sexist attitudes in Britain and ask why there is an obsessive focus on interfaith marriages here when the larger Sikh community faces far more pressing problems. “If they so love Sikhi, why not question the high rate of female foeticide within the Sikh community as a hindrance ... rather than attempting to bar non-Sikhs from the marriage ceremony?” asks writer and journalist Herpreet Kaur Grewal. Meanwhile, this controversy isn’t going to go away soon. The 2011 British Census found that 1.8 per cent of Sikhs (7,600 people) identified as white, while 1.2 per cent (5,000) identified as mixed-race, and it’s likely a large proportion of them do so through marriage to Sikhs, rather than conversion. If those numbers grow, and as some grow more liberal, the differences with more radical Sikhs will grow starker. Jonathan Evans, who calls himself Jonny Singh, emailed me about his experience of moving closer to Sikhism after his marriage to a British Sikh woman. “If my wife and I were forced to abandon our Anand Karaj like couples in the UK are being forced to now, would I have felt the same about the vision of Sikhism as I do now?” he asks. “As humans we are shaped by our experiences. I would never have become a Sikh if I was not married in the gurdwara.” Play 0:00 / 2:31 Fullscreen Mute Share Spate of attacks shake Pakistan's dwindling Sikh community More about: Sri Guru Singh Sabha Gurdwara inter-faith marriages Sikh Council UK
  11. Hi I am hoping that you can give me some advice on this topic. I've developed feelings for a guy I've known my whole life, he feels the same way. We want to get married but the only problem is that his Dad and my Dad are from the same village back in India. How much of a problem will this be and why? I don't fully understand the issue as we live in the UK and we don't have the same surname. We've been friends for years and this is a much deeper emotional connection (not based on lust - as that's where we agreed to draw the line). We have tried to forget each other several times but this hasn't worked as we just end up back together. We want to take things further and get our families involved but I'd like to know what I'm going to let myself in for before I do so. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  12. I am a sikh women and I cannot find anyone to marry me. I don't remove my hair and sikh men don't like that even though they keep their own hair. Sikh males have a female hair phobia. I absolutely adore my bodily hair because I feel free. By this I mean that I feel like I am the only person who knows the truth that all women grow hair and I can fully accept myself in my natural form. Not many women (actually none) like themselves with hair. I would like to add that I do not do my eyebrows, upper lip or facial hair. To me it means something hugely special to have hair because it means I have not developed a false belief that females should look hairless when that is not our natural form. I feel that by keeping my hair I am standing up for the truth of all humankind ie that all women and all men have hair and that the natural male form is beard and the natural female form is bodily hair. Also personally I always think marrying someone who removes hair means that you don't really love them because you are basically saying that I love you only when you have no hair. I have always thought there is something special about sikh marriages because you have two people who love each other in their natural forms and that is very special in this day and time. Not many males will say I love you when you look natural. When I was growing up I always wanted to marry a real human and to me that meant marrying a man who kept their head hair and beard. But sadly sikh men never grew up with the same thought process that they would also marry a female who kept hair. I have been waiting far too long to find a singh and I am scared – I am getting older - I am going to be 30 years and I have realised that very few people share this same thought. I have met many males who have told me that I am pretty but that I need to remove my hair, to have my hair out, wear makeup, wear high heels etc. I don't like these things because I see them as not being the truth - I think makeup is lie and its bad to clog up my skin, I don't like heels because scientifically our feet are not supposed to be in that position and its very bad for bones and can lead to bunions amongst other things. Also hair removal is bad for the skin as it is bad to keep plucking and stretching the skin. Also hair offers protection against light. But we live in a society where we as females are supposed to look a certain way or else we are not considered good enough. I always liken this to the Victorian ages where victorians used to consider putting white paste on your face to be beautiful and now in our era it’s a bronze ‘foundation’ paste and putting bright colour on your lips when lips or nails are not even that colour. I genuinely think it is absurd – imagine if men suddenly started changing the colour of their lips or nails. Anyways I am tired of waiting and I don't know if I should remove my hair, wear makeup and heels. I think some of the sikh men have made the hair issue into a bigger problem than it actually is. I had to once explain to sikj man that as a female I grow arm and leg hair and not man chest or man back hair. Some sikh males however are on automatic no mode that they will not even try to get to know you. However I was thinking that if I removed my body hair it would allow a sikh man to get to know me and then I could start keeping my hair again and by this time the sikh man will realise it is not such a big deal and hopefully in the process I can make him a better singh and add to his jeevan. This is the only option I see. I have tried very hard and it is not going to work any other way. If I remove my hair and then if I later keep my hair - would that be ok?
  13. I wanted to highlight a problem which alot of newly practicing Sikhs are encountering, which is findings a potential partner for marriage. In the UK and the West, the Parchaar front is strong and alot of non-practicing Punjabis have over the years come under the fold of Sikhi and become either Keshdharis, Amritdharis and practicing Sikhs. However, one thing that the Parchaar has not been able to account for is the after-effects of such Parchaar on individuals without prior or post Gursikh social groups, who are now practicing Sikhs still without that support. It's like being left high and dry once you've become a practicing Sikh. I know one mona lad who used to get bare rishtay before the Parchaar game opened his eyes and was blessed with GurSikhi. Now he's Keshdhari and because the Parchaarics didn't introduced him to Gursikhs or provided a support network and sangat - he's having trouble getting a rishta. Wasn't he better off before? Where's the support now? Converted and left single; worth it? Nah mate. Not for him. He cut his hair and now he's happily married with kids. I feel more needs to be done by the people who are behind the drive to get people into Sikhi, and understand that something like problems getting rishtay afterward will sway people back to their old self.
  14. Guest

    To Be Or Not To Be Honest

    Gurfatehji. Through one of the matrimonial sites I came across a gursikh,well educated,from a decent family & seemed to be mature. He was an NRI.After fw days of interaction online (had spoken to him once on the phone though),he told me that he had a health issue years ago but was nw completely cured. It didn't affect me in the least as I had begun liking him and his honesty spoke volumes I felt.My parents after some thought too felt that it was alright as he had been honest about his health.fine. two days later I shared my health issue with him but things came to an end.I wanted to share about myself with him at an appropriate time and didnt want to hide it. Anyways he didn't feel the need to discuss or clarify how serious or minor my health issue was. He simply closed the interaction with a formal mail explaining his reasons. I was broken as we had developed a good rapport, understanding and it all seemed just fine.I believed that he would understand my issue as he had been through a difficult time himself. But it all ended. I want to ask how many would go ahead in such a situation or simply close talks without knowing or understanding how small the girls health issue is. If one person in all honesty shares her health concern and before that has accepted this person, despite his past, not asking any questions;hw fair is it on his part to simply stop talks? I am beginning to wonder if one should be honest at all? It hadn't even been two weeks of interaction.It surprises me to no end that being educated such is the thinking. I'am not sure how it will be if iv to interact with someone else tom. I will be glad to hear any honest thoughts if there would be such a situation before any of u tom.and if anyone wishes to give advice I am equally glad to listen. Thanks a ton.
  15. Guest

    Getting Married In India?

    Has anyone on this forum married a partner from india? or anyone who is from india and has married someone abroad? I am a UK amritdhari singh - probably going to start looking around next year for a dastar wearing singhni. I am curious about looking for a match in India, just wonder what people's experiences have been? What worked? What was difficult? How about compatibility? Personally I would be looking for someone educated and fluent in English (my own punjabi is not perfect). I would want them to be educated as I would like my partner to be able to have a good job here, like myself. Would a UK Singh be able to find a Singhni like this in India? I ask as I know its quite common for Singhs to marry a housewife from India, but I'm not sure of many who have looked in India for a well qualified, working singhni (maybe in a field such as IT, medical, etc.) who is also very much into Gursikhi. Please share your stories, advice and opinions regarding marriage in India, specifically for amritdhari gursikhs.
  16. Guest

    Intercaste Relations

    Hi guys, just looking for some advice on an awkward situation. :unsure2: I've been 'suffering' from depression for several years now alone, and recently found someone who was willing to listen to my concerns and help me through what was a very very hard time recently, which consisted of anxiety attack after anxiety attack, breakdowns and feeling very low and even considering suicide at times. It wasn't a pretty sight haha. I'm 18 and a Jatt, and he is 18 but Tarkhan. Obviously this raised a huge problem among my family when they realised of his existence. They got into contact with his family making threats etc. which was the wrong way to go about it in my eyes. My relationship with my family has not been very good for several years now, and I often isolate myself from them so it's been comforting to be able to talk to this boy, and his family are very understanding of the whole situation. I fear that cutting contact would have some drastic consequences on my mental function. Just wondering what I could possibly do? Appreciate your help
  17. If a non-Sikh with children marries a Sikh without children, how should the Sikh spouse treat his or her stepchildren?
  18. i am a boy who has been blessed with amrit. bt last night i had a chnce going with an amritdhari girl to some place and we were forced to stay in a room. we are not married. bt we started touching each other and all went wrong. we didnt had intercourse bt oral. I am having a guilt of getting amrit khandan. plz hlp me out for this. wht should i do.
  19. Gurfateh! I've seen quite a number of posts here on the subject of caste/pressure to trim beard/other side wanting parties and rituals etc. So how does one go about finding a Gursikh wife/husband without dating or giving up your faith? I don't know anyone through my family, I have very few Sikh friends, indeed I live in a small town where there are very few Sikhs, let alone Gursikhs/Amritdharis and the local Gurdwara is caste and cultural biased. Apart from old-timers, I'm the only guy there with a full beard and I've never seen a woman with a keski/turban. I've been on matrimonial websites for a year and of the thousands of profiles, a small handful appear to keep rehat and of the small handful, some run after money, others caste and of one or two remaining, neither of us wanted to move halfway across the world. I'm a genial chap and would gel well anyone who believes in Sikhi values- I don't think I'm asking for much, or am I being too strict in my criteria? If I marry an agnostic Sikh girl, with Gurui's kirpa, will she become more religious and change her life objectives? So, where does that leave the turbaned and bearded man or keski wearing woman who are committed to Sikhi and looking to get married and start a family. Where do they hide? :nono: Somebody suggested a youth camp, but aren't these for kids? I just want to get married and start a family. Of course I'll patiently wait, but being a hermit won't get me anywhere, I need to be proactive! Hence my request to you all- please suggest alternative methods of finding people :-) Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh
  20. First of all let me express my agreement with all those who are likely to tell me so, that 'Kaam', or lust, is a bad thing. Where my own thoughts probably diverge from many other brothers and sisters in this matter is in my understanding of what 'Kaam' is. I consider a lustful person to be one whose thoughts are overwhelmingly predicated on sex, who struggles to control his (or her) desires which then go on to exert a detrimental influence on his (or her, though much more rarely it would seem) well being . A lot of other Sikhs conflate any and all varieties of sexual attraction, irrespective of their magnitude, with lust, and consequently consider it something that is dirty and should be guarded against. How can something which is necessary for the continuation of the species possibly be sinful? Everyone who is on this forum right now was conceived in a moment of sexual attraction. How could a bloke get an erection without feeling attracted to the woman with whom he is having intercourse? I do not believe 'lust' equals sexual attraction. I do not believe the attraction between a man and wife is sinful or something they should feel guilty about. I'd be interested to hear the views of the Sangat on this matter, and would welcome the advice of those better versed in Gurbani than I am.
  21. Guest

    Cannot Find A Suitable Match

    Living in the Midlands, UK, aged 40+ and single so the pool of available single sikh people is so small that it feels impossible. I do not go out much and I'm either at work or at home so this a typical life of a 40+ adult. Relatives do not introduce suitable matches, no one wants to get involved these days. Gurdwara's have their own little lists where they charge £50 to £75 to register anyone searching for a partner and anyone that does not pay, WILL NOT receive any help, so I am sad to say but they are making money out of peoples unfortunate circumstances. I paid many Gurdwara's so once a year I will get a list of people where only one or two will be in my age group, no photo so I would have to ask the Gurdwara for the number. Honest answer is I have not found the other person to be attractive so I can't ruin my life and the other persons life. Attraction is a uncontrolled natural feeling, you either feel it or you don't. Years have gone by in following this process. The system simply doesn't work. Should I look outside of the Sikh community even though I was born into a Sikh family or should I remain single for the rest of my life? Responsible adults please answer as this is not just my story but its a story of many today. I'm a logical person and feel if this situation remains then the day will come when there will be hardly any Sikhs to visit the Gurdwara's. So feeding the already full person is not going help the community. Provide help where it is needed.
  22. Guest


    I am a young Sikh girl, who comes from a large family consequently through out my childhood and teenage life I've seen family members getting married. As every girl typically does, I too wonder about my future life and husband however as I'm growing older and as the family members of my age have begun to get married I feel as if mentally I've turned into a little day dreamer! Constantly all i do whilst doing anything through out the day is daydream, i am a firm believer of saving yourself for your perfect one and tried dating once but as result it had various complications and turned into a disaster... Now that i am near about the age of marriage i am leaving it to people introducing me to guys and me choosing. Just to make clear i'm very happy with this method and do not want to consider dating again HOWEVER what the problem is all this thinking and imaging is only delightful when i'm doing it sometimes but for some weird reason my mind has begun constantly thinking about the same thing again and again which is just exhausting and demanding! i was hoping that someone from the sangat could show me light and suggest some strategy to slow my brain down and bring back my focus on gurbani! all your replies are appreciated! Thank you
  23. Guest

    Finance's Past

    I went to India on the bequest of my parents, it was somewhat forced. I was nearing the age of 30, I had never fooled around, only had 2 serious relationships. My parents pushed me to marry one girl, and i agreeed. She later tells me she has dated and fooled around, I have been depressed for the longest time, as I waited my whole life for marriage. I feel like breaking it off, but I have no real prospects, is this all maharaj's khel, if it is I am somewhat confused. What lesson can i learn from this?ss
  24. Guest

    I Don't Want To Have Kids

    Okay. I have been thinking about this for a while. I am at an age where my friends are getting married and I am thinking about my future in terms of married life. A little while to go and my parents will start pushing it! But for some time, I've been consciously thinking about how much I do not want to have children. What does Sikhism say regarding this? I know Guru Nanak Dev Ji said we should live among the world and part of that includes having kids and teaching them about Gurmat. What if I take the time out to teach other children Gurmat, at the Gurdwara perhaps? I am still teaching kids, but don't have to be burdening myself with my own. I don't want to have kids just for the sake of having kids. I don't want to be pregnant, at all; I don't want to have a surrogate, and I don't want to adopt either. If it is going to make me unhappy, that mood will be reflected on any future family I will have, and no child deserves to be raised by a mother that doesn't want them in the first place. My mom called me selfish Says that if you don't live for kids, what are you living for? Can't I live my life for me? Why do I have to live for children that I don't even want. Plus, who will realistically want to marry a girl that won't give them kids?
  25. As a GurSikh from America, here I can see more interfaith weddings happening within my own community and all over my own country. I was curious if your sangat in Canada, UK, Austrialia, others are seeing more interfaith marriages occurring in gurdwaras than usually. I really think this is becoming a bigger issue within the panth. I know there are a lot of topics on it, but how do we tackle on the issue of stopping interfaith marriages in gurdwaras. A protest by locking a gurdwara seems a little harsh but does work, but I think gurdwara committees need to step up following the rehit better and we can see a lot less cases happen in the future. I'd like to hear your opinion on this issue. WJKK WJKF
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