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Hi to everyone in the Sikh Sangat community! I wasn't sure where to post this question, but I chose to post in this forum because I think the views of this community are the most closely matched to my own. I've never been a particularly fearful or scared person, but around 3 months ago I had an experience that changed all that. That day I was at the lowest point in my life, I felt as though nothing I was doing in life was working, no matter how hard I tried things were ending up a failure, this has been going on for the past 3 years with regard to my finances, ever since my old business collapsed, any new venture I tried ended up not working or failing again from circumstances beyond my control. In fact failure has happened so much these past 3 years that I decided it better not to bother doing anything than risk further failure and heartbreak in recent times. That day I was particularly low for some reason, I’ve always been the type to see the positive in everything, but i don't know what changed that day, I was moping around feeling sorry for myself, didn't have the energy to lift up my hand and had little desire to speak to anyone. That night, I went to sleep and when I awoke, I saw in front of me a small clown holding a knife chanting something at me (sounded very evil). I tried to get up and punch the entity, but I was pinned to my bed, so couldn't get up or even scream. Scared as heck, I repeated in my mind "Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru". After around 5 seconds of repeating this in my mind, the entity vanished, and where it was I saw my chair instead. After this I felt cold shivers going up and down my spine and inside my head. After that day I decided I’d never allow myself to get that low again for fear of attracting the wrong type of energy into my life, but since then I’ve been afraid to sleep, and to be able to sleep I’ve been putting on Kirtan every night on repeat before i go to sleep. I've not seen the entity again, but the fear remains, and I’ve been having bad dreams, during the day time in the light I feel fine, but when it turns dark I'm scared that something is going to appear behind me, especially when brushing my teeth before bed, or while i'm trying to sleep, I fear that something will appear next to me. I've always been heavily into meditation but now i can't go as deep into meditation anymore because I’m fearful when I feel "vibrations in my body" or when my 3rd eye opens... something I used to welcome before this experience. What's even more strange is that I’ve never been scared of clowns before (I know some people have this fear), I’m still not afraid of clowns, but I fear the unknown more than ever before. Anyway I recently (over the past 2 months) came in contact with a tantric healer. I wasn't looking for him, he came into my life through family by happen-chance. He works with good spirits and has been helping my family get rid of negative energy and dispel "Jaadu Tona" via Hindu mantras. Though he apparently can only heal females, and to heal males he must work through my sisters. But he told me something that actually made me more fearful than before, he said that some spirits are so powerful that even saying the lord’s name cannot stop them from coming. This goes against my beliefs, because I’ve always thought that God's name can stop anything that means to harm you or drain your energy from coming into your life. Though I’m torn right now, I wouldn't believe this normally, but I remember what happened to my Grandma in India once. They had a spirit in their house who was trying to scare them, my Grandma is heavily into prayers, way more than my family and I. She has taken amrit and lives by the Sikh principles, a spirit was trying to scare her while she was doing her prayers, she said to the spirit "go away, you have no power over me" and was saying the lords name to drive it away, but the spirit caught her tongue and twisted it so she couldn't say the lords name anymore. Not only does this scare me, but I’m also pretty disappointed if it's true that the lord’s name hasn't enough power to drive away these lowly spirits. I'm not even sure what I’m asking you guys, maybe I’m just trying to get something off my chest, maybe I want someone to reassure me (for what little it's worth). I just feel that Life on this planet is stupid, makes no sense and I hope that I’m never reborn on this crappy planet ever again.
Before this time i was doing simran, listening shabads n paat, like feeling wanting to get close with Sikhi and even thou i was not healthy got to a stage being able to cope with gods hukam. Now last two months had lost my faith, not matter how hard trying to console myself its not comin back. So i thought ok maybe depression, but i am very weak physically so put it down to that too not being able to do much. So not wanting to do paat, when put it on like can't stand it, like its too much pressure for me. And when am trying to do bits, my brain is not accepting it. Again i am thinkin its weakness. Going for tests but i dont know why i cannot stop thinkin the worst. It won't stop. Anyways my faith has fully gone n said god leave it to you, as am trying and nothin happening. Then all of sudden last night i felt it coming back k bit, so i started doin as much paat i could manage, like i am freaking out i won't get the chance again. And then last night my body went thru so much hell, not being able to sleep, everytime i tried to say Waheguru like not being able to and not relaxin. So went bathroom tried again and again to get to sleep. But my body was hurting more n more. Husband says its coz my system is messed up and i use the phne before i sleep that's why. Hope its that and nothin else. But before i went to bed, took video of my room in the dark with flash on. Thinkin to myself if its anything paranormal, will catch it, although should not be doing this. But in past used to hear footsteps and like being attacked physically. Nothin happen at first then the view goes completely black and freaked me out. But thought its the metering of the phne, still think that as played it back again, and seems to happen when i was zoom in but only when i zoomed at the window there is little mirror there, not when i zoomed nywhere else. Then a light was peepin thru one blind, me thinkin its a street light or reflection. But now i looked outside no lights near the window. Ok so now i gone paranoid i am possessed or somethin after me thinkin this is why i am so ill now. I went thru this in all the houses i lived. And we are doing paat again more its happening more. But only i feel it nobody else. Have i gone mad? I can't be as i can't physically move, and then go unconscious due to weakness. I am not going to think about it as no energy but anybody any idea Wats going on? Is it my health or somethin else? Waheguru.