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  1. Hello everyone. My first time posting. I have asked the same question on Reddit and was deleted within few minutes. I’m very disheartened as I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. So to start I’m a 27 year old kesadhari Singh in the west. I hold Sikhi very dear and been about 6 years since I kept my kes. Those that are in the west know how degenerate our lives are especially in the Sikh community. Every women in my bubble were not virgins before marriage. This is the norm here to date from a young age. I never did as I wanted to wait until marriage. Now that I have a good job and focus on my fitness, and hobbies I take care of my parents I want to get married. I’ve asked my family and freinds to find me someone as I don’t know where to find a partner. I said that I want a virgin Sikh women. They all laughed and said that’s not possible in todays age. I’ve been very depressed that realizing that this panth once was ordained by Waheguru himself and now Sikh men can’t even find a Sikh women to marry. I literally don’t care if she has zero education or anything. I can provide for everything but I just want a innnocent pure wife that I can marry and spend rest of my life with. So can you guys give me any tips or would I have to look elsewhere in different dharma’s/cultures for a suitable partner?
  2. Guest

    Feeling unwanted

    Male, married for 10 years to my Wife, who I met via a relative for 6months prior to settling down. 3 young children, 2, 4 and 6. Hard working, respectful, strong minded, commited and reliable. Coming into the 10th year of being married, finding that my Wife had taken a keen interest in another male that she meets regularly at the gym. I thought I have my Wife everything, including, comfort, love, stability, emotional and physical support, yet she felt the need to pursue interest in another male, half my age, of an English, white background. I graft hard and look after myself, both physically and mentally, but since my wife's relationship with this younger male developed more stronger for her, it took a toll on my mental health and I started to question what else she wanted. She was in continuous communication with him messaging over the phone and meeting him for personal training sessions at the gym. The chemistry and attraction between them was nothing like I had ever had with her. She physically went to a great length to make her appearance Glow, use more makeup and even groom her facial and head hair more. It got to me quite badly. I called her out on this, as it got too frequent and she didn't stop all these actions. She finally understood where I was coming from, but did not once admit that she was attracted to him. I'm basically calling her a liar and she lied to me about how she felt about him. I asked her what her intentions were and she said it was a New Buzz for her, getting more attention from another person than me, blaming me for not giving her enough. I asked her if she was attracted to him, it she never admitted it at all. I felt rubbish and wanted to know why she did this. Is this acceptable behaviour? Should I forgive and forget? I called her out, to put a stop to it, otherwise it would have escalated. Feeling lonely and trying to rebuild myself in a more alpha way. Trying to be humble and take a Loss here, but it's hard to accept, as I have a LONG way to go with her and my kids if I decide to stay around. Any advice please?
  3. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji ki Fateh Note: I will not answer any replies. So this issue really killed my nerves.I ts about the Singh AND Kaur, worldwide,but mostly from India, which date/try to make relationships through chatting on Instagram. About two or three years ago, I was using Instagram (Kaal) like many people do. I OFTEN got text messages of "AMRITDHAARI" (looking?) Singh's, which tried to build a relationship with me. I sometimes replied to some. After doing some normal chit chat, They said things like I love you, stay with me etc ...There were times where I got into it. Because I hadn't the Sojhi, and Sumat, which satguru Ji gave me now. But after a time I noticed that this all is SO SO WRONG. And that I am very sure that many of us Sikh people too use Instagram to "date secretly", share specific feelings, which promote kaam. And there are TOO MANY videos of KAURS who show their prettiness.. like why do you need to show off?? What of use is this?? Some videos can promote awake kaam in other people. This all is SO dangerous. and this is not all. NOT EVEN IN THE GURDWARA I, as a Kaur, can feel comfortable. There's a GRANTHI SINGH in our Gurdwara, which watches me. And I don't feel comfortable when he's around. I fully believe that every mature women, knows and notices when a man has wrong intensions. And this Issue is so ******* devastating, WE JUST DONT DESERVE to be called Sikhs. So I deactivated, deleted Instagram about one year ago and I am at peace. I'm VERY GLAD that Satguru Ji has put me out of this. And I DEFINITELY RECOMMEND NOT TO USE INSTAGRAM even if there are Sikh pages, Sikh Organisation accounts etc . Because its hard not to get into other things which also are on Instagram there, like there is also other content, which can come to your feed, on reels etc. Satguru Ji has gifted me Satsangat and Simran Abhyaas, so I do have peace in my life. I just wanted to share this issue, to open eyes, and to tell also other Kaur's that this world is getting worse and worse, do Simran Abhyaas and don't use social media (if you can't then try to not use it that much) I'm not from England so imust have many typo mistakes but you guys must have understood what I want to say., Bhul chuck maafi. Vaheguru Ji ka Khalsa WaheguruJi ki Fateh
  4. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh, I need help in saying I don’t want the relationship anymore or to end it but without insulting myself or hurting the other person. ok so there was this guy who proposed to me and I said yes because he wore a turban, doesn’t cut hair, is respectful and has a good career. He is from another caste but that didn’t affect me much, i knew it will for my parents with old mentality but I know I’d convince them. Being in a relationship for about 7 months but known each other for a couple months more because used to chat. We only met like 3 times only. He told me he rejected many girls because thinkings don’t match and thinks our does but Only I know they don’t match based on Sikhi or many other things our thinkings don’t match. I just go along with him agreeing on his thinking to not create fights or anything but deep down I don’t like it. I took Sri Hukamnama Sahib once for him thinking if it is positive it is a yes from Guru Sahib Ji to keep him and if not then no. I got it a little negative ( no Bani is negative but what I mean is Guru Sahib Ji weren’t happy not a Parsanta wala Sri Hukamnama Sahib) so it means it’s a no. Now I don’t know to say this to him or to back off so I don’t waste his time or hurt him. I am stressed about how to tell him. My friend told me to lie that your dad isn’t saying yes (he know my mom knows and his family knows about me just spoke over the phone with them only ). I am worried about insulting myself (he might say crap to me or his family will since it’s been a while together). I am worried about lying too because his family including hum might hate my dad for no reason. Also, he might say fight with dad or explain to him and fight for love. Please help me what should I do?
  5. ਕੋਈ ਮੇਰਾ ਉਸ ਕੁੜੀ ਨਾਲ ਵਿਆਹ ਕਰਵਾਦੋ"।
  6. Guest

    In dilemma - faith and love

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh sangat ji! I have been coming to this forum to read about various things but this is the first time I'm posting anything, and it happens to be a request for the sangat's help on my dilemma. I (24, male, non-amritdhaari) have been in a relationship with a non-Sikh girl for the past 1 year and 8 months. I have never been in any other relationship, neither have I ever thought I would ever be. I in fact used to think it is something not destined for me and I was content with having an arranged marriage as well. But I happened to meet this girl. I have always thought that this is the girl i want to marry and she too sees me as her future husband. I have been interested in Sikhi and wanting to grow my Sikhi since about the age of 18, trying to gain knowledge about it, but I never really was inclined to keep a rehat. It was until AFTER 1.25 years of ALREADY having been in this relationship, that with Guru's kirpa I realized that I need to actually maintain a rehat actively and I had this inner urge to follow Guru Sahib. Now coming to my dilemma, I honestly love this girl and she loves me. But now that I'm trying to live my life the way our Guru has taught us, I have this doubt whether this relationship will be acceptable to Guru Sahib. Had I been already on the path of Sikhi seriously BEFORE meeting her, I would probably not look at any girl with those kind of prospects in mind. But I'm well past that stage now, and I do not want to hurt her by leaving her abruptly saying "my Guru does not want me to marry a Non-Sikh". She has supported me and does not have any qualms with me being serious within my SIkhi even though I was not "like this" when she started liking me. I want to earn the blessings of Guru maharaj but I do not know whether Guru Sahib would be happy with their Sikh breaking an innocent heart. My question is whether Guru maharaj deems it just to break the heart of the one you love if it is for the purpose of keeping rehit. I want to reiterate the fact that I had been in love with her BEFORE I started trying to keep a rehat seriously. I want to hear what advice the sangat has for me. HUMBLY REQUEST YOU TO PLEASE PROVIDE GURBANI PANGTIS OR HISTORICAL EVIDENCES, WHICH YOU BASE YOUR ADVICE UPON. I would like to request you to be polite in your words if possible. Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh!
  7. She's a nice person so far, since more than a month in marriage. And she makes nice food too , but I find it bizzaring how she wants to feed me all the time , not during usual breakfast, lunch and dinner , but inbetween lets say we having panjeeri with milk and if she feels i am not partaking of it, she assertively tried to feed me , as if i am a child. She fills the spoon and brings it near my mouth and says "chalo now eat it. " Even if I repeatedly say I don't want to , she gets upset and keeps insisting. Then she does more cleverness. If we agree I will have only one spoon of it , she gives me one spoonfull and soon enough brings another spoonful. Is this seemingly sweet act an insidious passive-agrressive way to take over
  8. Hello,Many thanks in advance for reading this and helping. I need some advice as I don't have many people in my life who are in touch with Sikhi. I am a 27 year old and have been in a long distance relationship for almost seven years. The guy is genuine, caring and he has never had a girlfriend before. He isnt like other guys or lustful either. His intentions have always been good and we have never had any issues the last seven years like normal couples do (e.g. trust, other girls, jealousy etc) he is very down to earth and has supported me in my new jobs, at university finding books for me, when i was unwell finding me medicines etc. He has treated me like a family member. He is not like other guys and always treated me good consistently and never changed. His parents also know about me and I speak to the mum regularly. The family and the guy have very strong morals and are a good family. I am not very religious but I try to do my rehras path daily and sukhmani sahib on weekends and go gurudwara attend programmes etc. I want to get more in to Sikhi and i want that for my children too. I try to be a good person and think twice about what would God say if I did this or that. The only problem is he is Hindu and he follows some group (sahaj yoga). I found this out some months later when we got in to a relationship. i thought i could persuade him out of it or thought I could be comfortable. But deep down I am not comfortable with this. If it was a different religion that is a bit different but this is something else. Now from the last two years my worry has increased on this topic, we have discussed raising children and he wants them to be exposed to both. I am not comfortable for my future children to be exposed to this. I am really scared about when i die what will i say to God if I marry this person or God may say why did u raise children in this. I know that we get one life and experience so many joons to get this life, I am really scared about this. I am writing this with a heavy heart. I have also asked God to show me the right path. Last thing I want is to be stuck in to some cult and follow my hearts desires rather than what guru ji preaches to us. Can someone please help me (please dont judge me)? Thank you so much in advance.
  9. Hi eveyone, Please take sometime to read my post and advise accordingly...thank you Im a sikh living in foreign country who has been speaking with a girl in india for nearly 8 months. Everytime i call, i say and ask everything. She tells me everything i ask but has never asked me about my hobbies, interests, job etc. Her mom always tell me and my parents my daughter speaks very little, is too nice and very shy and once she comes here, she will open up. I speak with her 3 times every week for nearly an hr and i do the talking, she listen...replies to me but doesnt ask me anything. I have asked her personal things aswell, but i feel she is not interested in sharing anything. I felt so happy everytime i called her but lately, everytime i speak with her and end the call, im unhappy and think if she is right for me. I am hurt she hasnt askes my anything at all and I have not called her for the past week and will not be doing so and am seriously considering calling this off. Because of her silence, i know little about her and this is troubling, i know nothing about the person who i might marry. Please advise: - does the above mean she doesnt like me? If so, why is she dragging this on. - should i assume she isnt saying anything for fear of her parents? Could our age gap (7 yrs) be a problem? - 8 months is a long time for a couple to get comfortable with one another and i feel i have given her enough time and she should be discussing things with me. - before you say she is an introvert, my parents, friwnds and job colleagues say im also an introvert. Please advise
  10. Guest

    Jatt girl tharkhan boy

    Hi, I have an issue which shouldn't be an issue but it's eating me. I'm a Tharkhan boy and have been speaking to this Jatt girl (excuse the caste labels but that's the only way I can explain it), we both like each other and would like a future together I.e marriage. The problem I have is that she has a fear that her parents will not accept me as I am not a jatt, I've tried explaining to her Sikhi has no caste system and what our ancestors did for a living has no meaning in today's society. We are both professionals but ever since she overheard her parents mention they would only accept jatt as a partner for her, she has been very distance, she doesn't want to stop talking but also doesn't know what future will hold. We both have feelings for one another but how can i get her to overcome this fear she has? Any help or advice would be very appreciated and I can understand this issue may have been talked about a lot in past. Thanks
  11. Guest

    Relationship help

    Hi, I am getting married in a couple of months, wife is about 7 yrs younger than me (I'm 25, she's 18). Parents want me to have kids but I want to let my wife settle down and get comfortable before we think of children (I have said 2-3 years). I have advised parents of this and have clearly said "I don't want to talk about this", however I fear my mother may speak with my wife directly. I have spoken with wife numerous times on phone, haven't seen her as I am not in India and she seems very caring with good nature and I don't want to do anything that may cause her to think she is being forced, rather I want her to trust me and for that, I will need to give her time given her age and her personality/ nature. My parents are quiet at the moment, but I am not happy and have advised them to not speak with me regarding my personal life, anything else is good. Please advise
  12. Guest

    Fallen for a gursikh

    I've been married for years. My husband and I were blessed with Amrit and have children. Our relationship isn't bad but it's never been what I've wanted. There was always somthing missing. And by accident I've met somone, a gursikh who's so bless and in turn knows the consequences of a forbidden love . and I think I've fallen in love and they feel the same. What can I do. I don't want to live if I can't live with him. This is more than infatuation. The way I feel... I'd take the churasee lakh smiling in hopes we can be each other's in another life.
  13. Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ke fateh I need help. please dont ignore this post I had marriage proposal(Rishta) last month. Me and my family accept that rishta. Rishta was from gursikh family. I started talking to that girl every day and first things were ok but now i dont like her behaviour. So i decided to do ardass and take hukamnama . Can someone please help me what guru sahib is saying in hukamnama. Ang 353 Devghandari mahala 5 Ulti re man ulti re
  14. Hello, I am not sure if my previous post was successful but my name is Simran and I have fallen in love with a muslim man. I want to marry him but I'm unsure of the reaction I will receive when introducing a muslim man to my family. He is 24 and I am 23. I would really appreciate your views on an interfaith marriage, more specifically a sikh-muslim marriage, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Simran.
  15. Guest

    Destroyed In Marriage

    Hi all, Sorry for long post, all Information is necessary to understand the situation. I got engaged to a girl in India in March 2015. I felt she didn’t want to talk to me when I called her, when I talk to my parents, they said the marriage broker(aka “vichola” who was also the girl`s nana) told you and us that girl is very nice, cultured and shy, that’s why she doesn’t talk. Everytime I called her, I asked everything, she never ask me anything and only answered in yes, no, um….I again talk to my parents but they scold me, I didn’t say anything again. We all went to India and I got married in December 2015, we got home from the marriage at 8:30 pm. First thing girl says when I walk inside room, “I got married against my will”. Next morning, she says “If you touch me, I will commit suicide”. Third day, she points at the newspaper article as if to show me “Girl killed by in-laws over dowry”. We didn’t even ask or take a single item from the girl`s family. I didn’t say anything to parents for they didn’t listen to me earlier and I wanted to kill myself, but couldn’t out of love for my parents. I would also take my food where I was alone and chuck it to the street dogs or in the bin, only having 3 roti each day. In three days, my life was destroyed. I prayed to him, who knows everything and asked for his help. We went to girl`s house and lived there for a week, girl slept with her mom all days and we slept on the floor, while her family sleep on beds. I talk to her parents about her behaviour and her dad says “Do not tell your parents, we will talk to her”. When we come back to our house, girl says “If you tell anyone about all this, the consequences will be very bad for you and your family”. I was completely destroyed and prayed to god to save us all from this mess. Her file was sent to immigration with the wrong draft, my dad had the correct draft amount but no one listened to him. Since we were to move back to our country, we had given address of girl on visa application. The file got rejected and vichola said can you give correct amount and post the file. He sent the file to us and sorry for language, that fkin took the draft money my dad paid for the application. I told my dad to not send the file until I say. He said why, but I didn’t say anything. We came back and I told my parents everything, blaming them both for what happened. I said you didn’t listen to me and put me in this mess, maybe if you listened to me, instead of arguing and scolding, I might have told you earlier. However, god saved us all and I hope I can become a better person and a better sikh. I suffered for 5 weeks, not able to say anything and fearing for my family`s safety. That vichola fker didn’t tell us: - Girl had epilepsy and she becomes unconscious - She was taking medicines, which I saw in her purse - He propose this alliance so she could get a visa, fk those filthy pigs vichola, girl and her family. I hope they don’t even get a place in hell. - That she was married against her will. When we go back to our country, vichole also came because his son lived here and both father/son proposed this alliance. He came to our house and said “If you don’t bring the girl here, then the girl and her family can do anything in India”. Fkin threaten us, we told our lawyer who handled everything. After what happened, I think staying alone and not getting married is the best option. I cannot trust any person, let alone another girl. It will be too much if I have to go through this again, I might not survive the second time. However, I cannot forget how our master protected me and stopping me from harming myself. I am now much better than before and am happy, having regained the weight that I lost while in India (more than 5kg) and stopped taking anxiety tablet doctor prescribed me. People say foreigners get married in India and leave the girls, what about people like us??? Please post this on other forums so any brother/ sister going to India to get married knows of the dangers.
  16. hi all I am a Canadian keshdhari (not amritdhari) Sikh guy who didn't really understand Sikhi on a deeper level prior to recently. I kept the look but didn't know much. This summer I made a point to learn as much as I could and I have been feeling guilty since. Last year I dated a girl (not Sikh) and while it wasn't based around lust (she was a great person, humanitarian) I feel terrible about things that happened. We did not have sex, but we were intimate and very close with each other physically. I no longer associate with this girl in this manner, and just have an occasional short platonic conversation. I've come to the point in my life where I regret this now. I want to find a Sikh partner for my life, but I feel I will be looked down at due to this area of my life. I feel that when girls find out I had a relationship in the past they will throw me to the side and I don't want to lie to them or hide it. At the same time I would prefer to end up with someone who hasn't had sexual relations in the past.... but I don't know if I can even expect that now All in all I feel bad, but have learned from my experience. I will not date anyone until marriage. I just fear for how I should handle situations with Sikh women I meet in the future. Any thoughts from older/wiser individuals appreciated thank you
  17. Hi I am hoping that you can give me some advice on this topic. I've developed feelings for a guy I've known my whole life, he feels the same way. We want to get married but the only problem is that his Dad and my Dad are from the same village back in India. How much of a problem will this be and why? I don't fully understand the issue as we live in the UK and we don't have the same surname. We've been friends for years and this is a much deeper emotional connection (not based on lust - as that's where we agreed to draw the line). We have tried to forget each other several times but this hasn't worked as we just end up back together. We want to take things further and get our families involved but I'd like to know what I'm going to let myself in for before I do so. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  18. Hello everyone, I am a young Sikh man. I've kept my dhari and kesh my whole life. I'm a sensitive, mentally weak person in general, and its's been very difficult for me to deal with the additional issues that come along with being a Singh. I don't have much experience with girls. I know the gurmukh approach is to accept an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, I am not on that level spiritually. All my life I have just wanted to experience a girl's affection and feel liked and wanted. Being a Singh has made it extremely difficult for me to find girls who are even open to getting to know me in the context of a relationship. It's been very difficult for me to deal with my inability to get anywhere with women, and I've been quite depressed about this. The depression has taken a major toll on me. It's affected my productivity at work, and I've lost my job. I don't know what to do. I can't even consider cutting my hair. I'd never be able to live with myself. But I just hate being alive in this world and feeling like a failure who can't get anywhere. I hate living and hate this world.
  19. Guest

    Used By A Sikh Guy

    Hey guys, The answer to this is probably the obvious one but I guess I just need validation, for myself more than anything. I'm Muslim, I met this Sikh guy in University, he pursued me and we started dating. I didn't see his religion, creed, background or anything, I just saw his heart and I eventually fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and mentioned marriage and kids several times too. I was over at his house often. His parents knew about us and they seemed okay with it. After about a year of dating I felt that we should make things a bit more official and I asked him when we would get married. He kept delaying it. First it was wait until I graduate, then wait until I get a job. I waited. After he got a job I was like okay now lets get married but he kept avoiding giving me an answer. He did talk about marriage, but whenever I pinned him down for a clear answer he never gave it. By now I was feeling uneasy and stressed. My parents wanted me to get an arranged marriage and it was becoming more and more stressful hiding everything from everyone. The only time I would reveal everything to my parents is if he agreed to marriage. I then decided to give him an ultimatum. We had broken up over the marriage issue several times before, but now I told him it was for real. I asked him to decide and he chose to break up. I was devastated. I asked him why, he said his parents would never agree. I was so confused as his parents knew about us all along and they seemed to be good people. I was at his house all the time and I spent nights there too. I knew his sisters and hung out with his family too. I loved him like a husband. I took care of him, cooked for him and took care of all his needs. I was even willing to convert to Sikhism for him. It turns out that his parents were okay with him and me dating but they would never let him marry me. They knew we were sleeping together and his dad told him to have fun, but make sure he doesn't get me pregnant. I have a lot of Sikh friends and I love them to pieces. They are all such good people that's why I am so shocked at what this guy and his family did to me. What does your religion say about something like this? Is there any punishment for someone who does something like this to someone? Is it okay to do something like this to someone who is not Sikh?
  20. Guest

    Alcoholic Boyfriend

    So my boyfriend and I have been together nine months, hes been in rehab twice and we have had so many arguments during these times. When do I say enough is enough? I moved in with him about a month ago and trying to help him get his life together so we can start our lives together, but I really cant trust or believe he is being honest with me. God is suppose to be the center of our lives but he is forever going against what he says he wants....I'm tired of trying and letting my personal strength and needs get pushed to the side all the time.....
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