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Found 5 results

  1. Vjkk Vjkf, Sorry for how long this is in advance I'm really struggling and could do with some advice. quite a few years ago I lost my mother to cancer. After she passed away I didnt think about her too much because I guess it was easier to block out the pain rather than think about her condition deteriorating and no longer being here also I didnt have any stresses of life at the time and so it didnt hit me that hard then. about 3/4 years later as I started working harder I started becoming more stressed and this is when depression and anxiety hit me. After a few months I started to take anti depressants and then I spiraled out of control completely. I overdosed multiple times, I self harmed drank smoke at times. I was also gambling heavily. During this period I wasnt taking the medication properly and I pushed my close family away. I harassed a girl which made me feel 100 times worse as I felt so guilty and eventually got in trouble with the law. I have gotten much better over time as I was advised I was misdiagnosed and shouldn't have been given those anti depressants especially which were such a high dosage. I havent drank/smoke or gambled for over a year or so. My relationships with my immediate family have gotten better over time also thankfully. I know myself deep within that despite some of my bad actions/choices it wasn't really me so I've gotten better at forgiving myself. However I'm still affected as I don't have any friends now my family all have wives/husbands and kids and I can't talk to my dad about how I feel as he is from India and he doesnt understand emotions. i dont know who to talk to and I keep hoping that this relationship I had with this girl will get better over time. She is now married but I didnt really care about that I was just happy that she was initially regularly communicating with me during my initial depression stage. She has completely blocked me off and i'm not allowed to contact her. I used to know her initially from Saturday school and had multiple friends in common. When I was struggling I was just really hoping that I could always help her or support her when ever I needed because I saw her in such a positive light. That harassing was due to me being sorry and wanting her to realise that i wasnt in the right frame of mind. I've never fallen out with anyone before this and the fact that i know she gets a long with other people i know makes me feel weird now. I constantly think of her and miss her which I know sounds wrong but its my depression kicking in telling me there is something wrong with me. I dont view her in any other way than a sister but as I've caused her a lot of stress I care about her more and every time she hurts me its like I think this isn't really her and she is only putting an act on because her parents don't want me to have anything to do with her. I know I should spend more time dedicating myself to sikhi but a part of me feels angry and upset and alone. Growing up in an Amritdhari family and going to keertan programmes when I was younger I've always had a wish to take Amrit hence why i've never cut my hair/beard off. I only know japji sahib which i was taught by mummy ji to do but I have an issue whereby I dont fully do it e.g. sometimes I would just listen to and I want to Amrit someday but when I start reading Jaap Sahib after 6-7 mins I struggle to continue and feel like its dragging on. I do simran when I wake up and at night. What would you recommend I do? Am I a bad person for still thinking/hoping this relationship with this girl would become better and I would feel better about myself? Is this attachment even though I have no desire to spend my life with her and it hurts badly when I think about it? I'd appreciate any advice you can give. Vjkk Vjkf
  2. WJKK WJKF! Recently I've been delving myself into the Sri Guru Granth Sahib slowly. All my life I've had issues with anxiety, not so extreme, but to the point that it causes great pain and suffering. I am always thinking that people are talking about me behind my back and that I am a victim of being targeted by co-workers. I have serious trust issues, especially sometimes with my own family. This is probably coming from my childhood upbringing (most likely). I want to understand this through the lense of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib and really overcome it. I've been trying to do more naam simran and it has helped put my mind at peace while I am doing it. I definitely need to incorporate more of it into my life. I learned about the costs of slandering others through the SGSS. I am consciously making choices not to gossip about others and slander others, however there are times that I do fail but I catch myself and ask Waheguru to keep me on the right path. Just even typing this brings great peace as I am reaching out for support from the online sangat. One thing I read was "Let your hopes and anxieties depart..Everyone asks for happiness; no one asks for suffering. But in the wake of happiness; there comes great suffering. The self-willed manmukhs do not understand this. Those who see pain and pleasure as one and the same find peace; they are pierced through by the word of the Shabad." Am I supposed to in some way embrace the pain and see it one as the same as pleasure? I consider myself a decent human being. Trying to keep myself aligned with the teachings of our Gurus day by day but it is an uphill battle with my own mind. I hate feeling anxious. I hate having conflicts with people because of my trust issues. I am trying to think about Love for the Lord and Love for all of his creations.
  3. Guest

    Depression, Help

    Sat sri akal, I am a Sikh but have been brought up in a western society so I do not speak punjabi well or follow sikhi as much as I could have. I am depply depressed and have severe social anxiety due to certain situations that have occured in my life. I am quite young, in my early 20s and I am struggling to see how I can live the rest of my life out when I am so scared of leaving the house. I hate myself in all facets and hence have no self esteem. I currently see a psychologist and a psychiatrist which has helped a little bit, but I don't think it can help me that much in order to allow me to live again. I have always believed in waheguru but have not done enough praying or anything of that sort. I can read punjabi/gurbani but I do not understand the words. I don't know what to do to get myself out of this. Suicide thoughts run through my mind but I don't want to do it and I realise that it is an unnatural death. Any help would be great, I'd like to become more religious and try and find god. I am just a mess so I don't know what else to say. Would me going to Punjab and living there for a few months be beneficial as I would be surrounded by sikhi all the time?
  4. Guest

    Anxiety

    I am very anxious about a part of my life. I am in love with a girl and keep asking Waheguru if she is the one. I am constantly putting her name on a slip of paper, and placing nothing onto another slip. I then do Ardass and draw the slips as a sign of Waheguru's hukum. I sometimes draw multiple times so that I can get my desired outcome. I believe this is a false practice but have no other way ro reduce my anxiety. Need help plz
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