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I am a westerner who has recently become interested in sikhi. I am trying to wake early to do a bit of yoga, meditation, and I've tried listening to Japji Sahib while reading along. However, and I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but I don't really enjoy the sounds of banis. I don't mean to offend anyone, it is just a sound unfamiliar to me, but as hard as I try, I don't properly appreciate the holiness in the sounds and language. I come from a religion with a strong mystical tradition that is in line with Sikhi at its core, and I wonder if that practice might better be suited for me. I enjoy the sounds of the prayers much more in that religion. I realize this is largely cultural bias, but I feel like after trying to immerse myself in recitation of the banis in punjabi, and still not appreciating it, that it may be better not to force it forever. I believe the SGGS contains truth. There are no beliefs to discard, unlike if I went back to my previous religion. However, I feel it might be improper to sit in gurdwara and listen to kirtan, or to do the morning banis, without actually enjoying it. I recognize these are fundamental aspects of being an observant Sikh, so I don't want to perform them with an empty heart. I am still on my path of 40 days straight waking early for meditation and listening/reading along of Japji Sahib. I feel completing this is necessary for me to make a proper judgement call, but I am becoming disheartened. Does anyone have any opinions on what I should do? I would love to become Khalsa someday, God willing, but if I can not recite the banis with love in my heart, I could never become Khalsa. Help!