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Found 26 results

  1. I wanted to ask what if someone is in love with their love of their life. Then she gets married to someone else and cheats after the marriage many times with the affair. Does Waheguru forgive such a sin? Can it be forgiven when the human is in deep regret and suffers from their mistake daily (she gets depression) and prays daily, visits the gurdwara, and also wants to take amrit. Will this sin vanish then? Will Waheguru love this human still? Or should she forget to be a sikh and prepare herself to go to hell?
  2. I wanted to know i heard about that person who killed many many humans, but god forgave him. I dont know his name now. So my question is what if a human makes a huge mistake and hurts somebody or cheats on their husband/wife. Or if somebody lies. Does our Waheguru forgive such humans if they see their mistake and do paath then everyday and didnt wanted to harm anyone in first place? And how can somebody know that Waheguru has forgiven? Will they still go to nark (hell) ? And also what if the person is ready then to do amrit shakan (sorry if i spelled wrong), and prays everday, also does sewa and goes to gurdwara?
  3. I got married to my husband one year ago, but i left him only a few months later because he was mentally ill. I got married to him because they had a big house. Now i am at my own house. But I dont know if it was right to leave him. We already divorced. Was it a sin? Or was it right to leave him if i was not happy?
  4. I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did?
  5. I got married to a sikh man. But I was not happy woth this marriage. I was in love with someone else, and I still am. I also cheated on my “husband” with someone else. Also before the marriage and after marriage. I dont want to make my family unhappy. I would sacrifice my own happiness for my family. Thats what I am doing now. Is it a sin to stay with my husband even if i am unhappy? And will Rabh ji forgive me if I always pray and do bhaani? And also if I become a true sikh and do amrit ? Also I will stay with my husband but I will be really unhappy. Will Rabh forgive me? And how do I know?
  6. Guest

    Mistreatment by parents

    Dear sangat ji, Im 33, residing in Canada, living with my parenrs. I work an honest job, live with my parents. For the last 2 years, ever since getting married, my parents have been very difficult with me. My last issue was my mum was upset with my wife and told me to leave the house. That we are free to go. It isnt the first time, my mum will say this in an argument m, essentially i feel gaslighted beyond belief. Im not sure who to turn to, i live with my parents and have been giving them my wages after graduation. I have given close to 150,000 and try to be a good son. I really feel hopeless, im stuck, i live in a very expensive city, im an average earner, and dont wish to move out, but feel mentally tortutered. I know babaji provides, but sometimes feel it is kalyug where parents treat kids wrong.
  7. Guest

    Father Son relationship

    I have got on pretty well with my father for most of my life. However Since he has aged and gone past 60. I am finding it increasingly difficult to talk to him. He very easily starts arguements when having conversations. He is very grumpy and always taking digs at me. I have accepted this from him for a long time. As in the asian community we are told to respect our parents even if they behave sometimes badly towards us. However, I am now starting to dislike his behaviour. Where he will argue for no reason at all. He does not speak to 2 of my other siblings as they have fallen out with him. Im pretty much the only one left. I have tried not to argue as If I do I dont want all the family to break up. Im pretty much the one keeping it all together. I am the youngest son. But now I have also got married and so feel I am growing apart of him. I dont go round as often as I used to due to his constant arguing and the way he takes digs at me or cause unnecessary arguements. I feel like he may have some issues as he has fallen out with my other siblings also. I am the type that tries to keep away from conflict. But have now started arguing back with my father. It feels bad but I just cant stay calm anymore when it happens. Anyone know if this is normal. What should I do. As everytime I speak to him. Just results in more fighting and arguing.
  8. Guest

    Unfair family structure

    Hi i come from a family of alcoholics and wife beaters. My question is why do the men get to drink, smoke, go clubbing, talk to other women at clubs other than wives ect whilst wives are expected to be vegetarian, subordinate, uncomplaining, non drinkers, non smokers, domestic servents and restricted to activities inside the house with no free leisure time. I see this soo much in my family, my aunty for example, her husband beat her, woke up the whole family including 1 year old daughter so she had to put her back to sleep and I had to face sleep deprivation with school the next day whilst he just slept in bed all day hungover and woke up at night to go out clubbing, drink at home and wake up the whole family with his drunk Punjabi music on full volume. So, why is this culture to unfair to women. Im tempted to marry into a non Asian family so I don't have to face abuse and double standard corrupt Asian families.
  9. There's A LOT of questions that Sikh Women have about what Paath or Nitnem they should do when Pregnant or what they should be doing before pregnancy, etc. There's also questions about what to do after the baby is born and just about family life in general. For example, do mothers have to observe Amrit Vela? Do ALL Sikhs need to observe Amrit Vela? Fortunately, there's a new non-profit organization that's completely DEVOTED to educating about Sikh family life... and it's called... Sikh Family Life (!): https://www.SikhFamilyLife.com/ There's a whole series on Mother's Duties and Responsibilities (starts BEFORE pregnancy): https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/maa-de-farz-series-a-mothers-responsibilities/ ALL pregnant mamas should be doing Sukhmani Sahib, here's why: https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/2018/04/a-secret-power-of-sikh-mothers/ And for the scoop on Amrit Vela (and why it's SOOOOO Important for Sikhs): https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/2018/06/the-low-down-on-amrit-vela/ There's even a post on one way to teach kids Sikhi: https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/2018/06/one-fabulous-way-to-teach-kids-sikhi/ Hopefully this resource is helpful to some of you searching for answers on this incredibly important topic of Sikhi, pregnancy, and motherhood!
  10. IronLion

    Encouraging family life

    Greetings, I am new to Sikhism (about 4 months) of reading and practicing as best I can. One of the aspects I like a lot is the encouragement of family life. Up until this point, I had been a practicing Buddhist for the past ~11 years. Having recently had a child and starting a young family, the strong teaching of renunciation of family life is one of the things that made me turn away from Buddhism. For me, religion/philosophy/way of life, is about support to keep being a positive and good person no matter how challenging life can become. I think that having a family is difficult and Sikhism gives one support to get through tough times. In addition, I think life should be celebrated and having a family does that I think. I was curious as to what the main reasons behind the encouragement of family life are in Sikhism. I know it is encouraged, but haven't really come across the why. Thanks everyone. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh - I.
  11. Im posting this just to get some generic sikh views on how to deal with difficult members of the family What do you do when you have a 'black sheep' in the family who throughout their life has hurt you and others members of your family and continues to do so? Its gone past the point of talking to them - we are at the point where we have just come to accept that this is their character, but how should we be with this person? Ive seen alot of families just disown certain members but this is hard to do when you still care for them. From a sikh perspective though, can anyone suggest how our attitude or way of thinking should be so we are not hurt? Or will we just have to live and accept being hurt by them? Ive deliberately kept the scenario brief because im looking for a more generalised answer Appreciate any opinions on this...
  12. So no one in my family is amritdhari. We were proud of our caste (which i realised once coming into sikhi it didn't make any sense). Let me be honest. I loved my life when I wasn't a amritdhari. My family and loads of my friends and people would call me attractive and I loved all the attention from girls. From all this attraction from girls, I got with the most popular girl that everyone likes apart from me and had sex with her. It was a dare and I was young!! And that really didn't help with me after taking Amrit. For some random reason I woke up one morning and thought I wanted to take amrit. It was hard the first time I wore a patka to school. I lost all of the attention from everyone and loads of people would come up to me and say I looked way better without it, which wasn't really helpful. Anyway I had strong faith in maharaj and just let everything brush past me. Infact, even my dad would tell me that I looked way better without it and he told me that all my uncles and aunties etc had come up to him and said i just looked like a <banned word filter activated> and way less attractive and that I wouldn't even get married. So, I took amrit about a month before my 16th birthday and took it way too lightly. Soon after I had realised how hard it really is, but with maharaj kirpa it soon became much easier. I was EXTREMELY STRICT. I would keep a chola on 24/7 and at that time I was going to secondary school in year 11 with a cholla, kambarkasa and 5 shaster on underneath my uniform. I had all my baniya kant (memorised) and would experience a lot of things during simran. I would eat out of sarbloh bate and not eat anything not prepared from amritdhari, which includes takeaways. I would wear a 13 meter dumalla everywhere even to bed. I just loved this sort of life at that time and I wanted to do it properly with all the rules and regulations to make maharaj happy. I think it went downhill because of that. I was just way too strict at a young age and just made it way to hard for myself. I started going to a more densely populated gurdwara, where there was a heavy population of sangat that was my age. I started to gain that attention again from the girl sangat and it really felt good. I guess I'm really insecure and weak. Anyway I started to slowly drift away from the gurdwara and became a Patit for about a year and a half. As my hair wasn't as long so I would stop wearing a dastar and style it up. I had actually gone to school with this hairstyle and a lot of people that had cussed me behind my back for looking ugly had now come back to me and hugging me and I started to realise a lot more popular girls coming up to me and being nice. Infact, in the space of about 7 moths I had been with 3 girls! And I'm not even proud of that, which Is why I think I went to a Sikh sangat for advice rather than other patits like myself. I think I am writing this thread because I don't really want to leave sikhi but at the same time I do. I guess I just really need someone to talk to. Even though I am a Patit I always hear simran in my mind. When I wake up, go to bed or even at school. Sometimes I just get really angry and listen to music with the volume up. And sometimes I just let myself merge with the simran, and I get a feeling of pleasure that felt way better than the lust type. I have just received my a level results and I am actually going to a top uni (oxford) to study law. I don't understand why maharaj is gifting me with all of this when I am thinking of leaving this path. I all scared of going to uni as there will not be any Sikh amritdhari sangat I can go to for advice, it will just be partying and lectures. Sometimes I just cry and I hate looking the way I am. I just wish I looked normal with no attention from anyone and everyone will just stop telling me how I now look better without a dumalla on. Even now it has been about a year and a half since I have left Amrit. My relatives still say "oh you look so much better without that massive turban" at party's infront of everyone. and my dad would always say how he used to get these comments when he was young and he would say "I bet you love it" when I say no he would shout at me and just tell me to go away and be greatful. Sometimes I get jealous when I see a person in bana and wish I was like them, and then sometimes I hate seeing anything sikhi related because it gives me the feeling of coming back into sikhi as I want to stay the way I am because of all this attention and to make my family happy I just don't know what to do.
  13. Guest

    Help marriage issue

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh Sangat please help me with this problem i am having. I am from the UK, and my family is sikh. Although i do not believe in caste because i follow sikhi, my family is chamar. I met a girl while studying at university and we became friends, however this accidentally blossomed into love without meaning for it to. She is also sikh, but her family is Jatt, and they are very casteist. Although she herself does not believe in caste because she also tries to follow sikhi, her family believe in it strongly. Now we all know here that there is no jaat paat in Sikhi, is there a way to convince her family? I have met them before just as her friend and they assumed i am Jatt because they think I look like one. My and my family do not fall into any stereotypes they may have about lower castes for example: we are all fair skinned, we follow pure sikhi, we are relatively well off etc. I am very well educated, i have a good job and i get told that i am a very good natured and caring person. Another issue i have is her parents have said that she can marry a Jatt or a Tarkhan but not a Chamar. Surely marrying out of caste to any different caste should be treated the same. Please help with how to resolve this, and give me any advice you can. Thank you
  14. How do you handle family, mostly in laws, who tend to make indirect comments, which seem to be anti-sikh or anti-religions. I sometimes would post a topic regarding Sikh issue, on social media to create further public awareness. Recently I had shared a topic regarding Guru Granth Sahib Ji's disrespect and hoped to enlighten my non sikh friends regarding this very hurtful issue. However, soon after, this family member starts another topic, which undervalues this posted issue and indirectly focuses on beliefs of atheism instead. Soon I see lots of comments pretty much criticizing sikhs and minimizing the raised issue. Of course, social media is for everyone to voice their opinion. But it's sad and hurtful that this close family member would create this 'passive battleship' on social media. I would rather have them discuss this with me in person. But they rarely communicate in person but seem so ready to create counter arguments in public/social media. Why would someone do that? Does anyone else experiences it?
  15. I have been married to my life for almost ten years now and cant seem to escape the pressures of her family. I have now moved back home 200 miles away from where she is originally from. She has two brothers both younger by a few years, however, one past marriage age Her mother is always calling and texting which i have no issues with or coming to visit, however, I experienced a lot of interfering when we had our first child and disagreed with a lot of what she was feeding into my wife. My wife always seems to take her side, yet I say nothing. Just recently we have had a second child. My first child now sleeps in the same room as me and is literally glued to me, which is great and I really enjoy spending lots of time with her, so much so that she goes to me more than her mother. when our second child was born she was around to stay and has since kept coming, i have no issue with this, however, she seems to baby hog and seems to forget that I am the father and I need the contact with my child at such a young age. So much in that she now even sleeps with my wife and child, this really irritates me, I dont even have any privacy in my own home/room to access clothes or take a shower etc. She is always there just lurking and its not beginning to really get on my nerves. She needs to tell her sons to get married and have their own children and return back, so she can look after them, I would wait to see what happens when they do and how her daughter in laws will treat her and give access to the children. There is so much to type, however, I do not have the time, any help, comments would be appreciated. Thanks
  16. Waheguru Ji Ka khalsa ! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh !! Forgive me for bringing my problems to you, but I cannot share this with anyone I know. My father went down with back injury when I was 14, and he could not work for a while. While he was down, my mother had to step in to fulfil his duties, along with hers. She worked day and night, while also attending to my father's and our needs. I helped her best I could. Once my father got better, he could not gather the courage to go back to work. We talked with people to get appropriate work to his like, but he did not want to work for anyone. Apparently, his boss at his previous job was not very good, and my father never confronted him. So, now that he got a way out, he did not want to work for anyone. He did not once think how hard his wife has it, or his sons. Or maybe he did, but he never tried to do anything. He simply put himself ahead of us, which he does to this day. Staying home, my father got lots of bad habits. He started getting involved in very little affairs of ours, giving advice all day long. I feel he was basically trying to make himself valuable again, but he was doing more harm than good. He also started being more stubborn and aggressive towards us. We tried to be helpful, but once in a while if we said anything, he would take it very offensively. His excuse "just because I don't work, does not mean you can say this." Honestly, we never disrespected him, in a normal relationships this would not even be an issue. But, he took offense to every little thing, applying it to his situation, which he created for himself. He continued to distance himself from us, yet demanding all the respect. As I turned 17, I could no longer take my mother working extreme hours, yet being emotionally hurt by my father. I left school to work. Today I am 21, and my father has shown some change, but old habits die hard. He still gets agitated on small things, like the other day I praise my mother for how strong and resilient she has been, and he started crying, saying I make him feel bad. All he does is sit home all day, watch TV, and give us lots of lectures and advice. He is stuck in a little box, and does not see how much we've grown. Nor does he take care of his health, which worries my mother the most. When she tells him something, he tells her "leave me on my own". I told my mother not to worry, but she says its her duty. I just call this my karm, something I have to deal with to clear my bad karm from previous lives. However, every once in a while I get deeply hurt by his attitude, especially when he hurts my mom. At this point, I don't know what to do. I can't leave him, he has nothing of his own. I love my mother very much, and she will never leave him, no matter how he is. And I cannot leave my mother. I can't share my feelings with him, he will simply start crying very loud, and saying its his fault. Then he'll go to sleep. Then he'll be super serious and quiet for couple days, then within a week back to his old self. I do not want to get outside people involved, because it will really hurt him and his respect. I do not wish to hurt my father in any way, Akal Purakh resides within him; it is all Akal Purakh's bhana. If it's not too much to ask for, please do ardaas guru sahib chardikala bakshan. Waheguru Ji Ka khalsa ! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh !!
  17. So I was talking to my family and I was always under the impression that they orignated from west punjab prior to 47, they were in areas such as lyalpur (now called fasialbad), montgomery (sahiwal), multan etc But now I have been told that we originate from where we live now which is adampur and kurdhpur next to jahalandhar and that we used to migrate to different areas of punjab where there was nothing and build up the land to make it agricultural I was just wondering did many sikhs do this? Or did most originate from where they came from before partition? My clan are aujla. Even though I dont believe in caste stuff, its just relevant to find out more about clans who used to do this and their history. WJKK WJKF
  18. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3279582/Family-beat-teenage-girl-death-forcing-live-regime-fear-lick-toilet-bowl-eat-paper.html Family 'beat teenage girl to death after forcing her to live under regime of fear where she was made to lick the toilet bowl and eat paper'Shahena Uddin, 19, from Watford, was punished by siblings for 'crimes' They would hit her, ban her from using toilet and make her eat own faeces She was found dead in bathroom in October after allegedly being beaten Her brother and sister-in-law deny murder; five others deny allowing death By Steph Cockroft for MailOnline Published: 17:21, 19 October 2015 | Updated: 19:40, 19 October 2015 1.4k shares +3 Shahena Uddin, 19, who was one of eight siblings, was 'regularly punished' by her brothers and sisters, for 'crimes' such as eating at the wrong speed A teenage girl was beaten to death by her own family after living under a 'regime of fear' in which she was forced to lick the toilet bowl and eat her own faeces, a court has heard. Shahena Uddin, 19, who was one of eight siblings, was 'regularly punished' by her brothers and sisters, for 'crimes' such as eating at the wrong speed. Punishments would allegedly include being force-fed rice and paper and being made to stand for long periods staring into a toilet bowl. She was even banned from using the toilet at their home in Watford but would be punished further if she attempted to use the sink, St Albans Crown Court was told. But the violence is alleged to have plumbed new depths of depravity in October last year when she was found beaten to death on her bathroom floor after choking on her own vomit. The court heard how, when she was found the following day, the Bangladeshi teenager had endured 'several beatings' - including with weapons - and that both sides of her head had been severely attacked. Ambulance staff, who were called to the house by the family, were told she was sick and fainted. But by then, her four brothers, a sister and her two sisters-in-law had attempted to cover their tracks, the court was told. Prosecutor Simon Trimmer QC said blood and vomit stains had been covered up and that Shahena's bloodstained clothing had been put into bin bags outside. He said: 'Shahena died at the hands of members of her own family in her own home. She probably endured several beatings that night. 'This was a troubled family unit held together by internal discipline of an extreme variety. She had been beaten with weapons during the previous 24 hours.' RELATED ARTICLESPrevious 1 Next Couple accused of murdering Becky Watts had threesomes with... 'Speak English or go back to your own country': Thug throws... Share this articleShare Suhail Uddin, 35, and his wife Salma Begum, 32 - who became the teenager's legal guardians in 2010 - are now standing trial, accused of Shahena's murder. Begum is also accused of causing or allowing the death of a vulnerable adult. They were charged alongside Shahena's three other brothers, Jewell, 27, Jhuhal, 33 and Tohel Uddin, 24, who all deny causing or allowing the death of a vulnerable adult. Shahena's sister Rehena Uddin, 22, also denies causing or allowing the death of a vulnerable adult. Laila Begum, 25, who is the wife of Jhuhal Uddin, denies causing or allowing the death of a vulnerable adult. The violence is alleged to have plumbed new depths of depravity last October when the teenager was found beaten to death on her bathroom floor after choking on her own vomit the night before. Pictured: Forensic officers at the family home in Watford The court heard how, when she was found, the teenager had endured 'several beatings' - including with weapons - and that both sides of her head had been severely attacked. Pictured: An officer stands guard Outlining the case, Mr Trimmer told the court: 'Shahena was a vulnerable young person. She suffered abuse and violence at the hands of her own family. 'The regime of brutality and extreme violence was so deeply embedded and feared, that she could not risk the results of any form of complaint to the outside world.' The court heard how, in 2010, her older brother Suhail and his wife Salma became the legal guardians of Shahena and two other sisters. The jury was also told how Shahena told friends that she was beaten. But she would go on to deny the stories, amid fears she would be beaten. Mr Trimmer said: 'When they tried to complain on her behalf, she was obliged, for fear of worse to come, to deny what she had said to those school friends.' The court also heard how she was hit with weapons such as a Wii baseball bat, a mop handle and a glow stick and even made to eat her own vomit. One of her sisters told police that the female siblings were often forced to eat too much rice 'if they didn't eat nicely', the court heard. She said Shahena had spoken of running away. The trial continues.
  19. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh The bellow is a post from a Kaur on another forum, and I would really appreciate if the Sangat on here especially Kaurs could help her. Link to orginal All posts on here will be copied and pasted. Thanks in advance Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. I’m a sikh girl currently in my teen years attending high school and have been facing so many issues with my family and have become fed up with it. I come from a family of 4 daughters and my parents have always wanted a son as long as i can remember. They always remind me of how i’m a girl and shouldn’t being doing certain things. I was okay with it because I understood how if i did certain things, it would affect my family’s image in society but now it’s becoming too much. They are just accusing me for the most random things like how they think I’m on drugs when I’m actually just tired after long day of first going to school and then going to work and then I also have to complete my homework. Now that its the summer, my life revolves around my job and doing the household chores. I get taunted for everything I do on a daily basis. If i touch my phone to text my manager about my schedule they will automatically think that I’m texting my friends or that I have a boyfriend. If I go upstairs to my room and sit at my desk sorting old school work, they will yell at me and again accuse me of being a “bad” girl and force me to come sit downstairs on the sofa. Whenever they pick me up from work they start talking to me about how arranged marriages are better and that if i ever get a boyfriend they would kick me out of the house or even kill me, or about how they don’t want me going to university in another city because they think I’m going to become a “bad” girl and how its going to affect my dad’s image in society. I have developed a fear against them now and am scared of even going biking outside with my cousin as I feel like they are going to accuse me of something when i get back. My dad has a really bad temper and I have been through a lot of physical abuse growing up and to make myself feel a little better I would pick up my Gutka sahib and start doing prayers, hoping that maybe waheguru has something better for me in the future and that it will be ok, but now I’m becoming doubtful. I have no one to share my feelings with because my parents will just think i’m faking it and my sisters just don’t get what i try to tell them. I’m losing my friends because I am not allowed to go to their birthday parties or just go out with them in general, so they get mad at me. From when I was younger, my mother constantly tells me about the duties of a girl and if she lost her temper with me she would tell me how it would have been better if she had aborted me at birth. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many days of my life. my dad has pulled my hair,made me stand outside in the cold,and spilled milk that I was drinking all over my face when he got mad at me for doing things like not passing the Tv remote to him or being in school group project with both boys and girls. I have attempted suicide so many times but don’t actually do it because I felt that if i managed to survive they would taunt me for the rest of my life. Now that I’ve got a job my mom always wants me to pay for things when we go out or she wants a certain amount from my paycheque. A couple of days ago my younger sisters spilled paint all over the driveway and I had just come back from work so i had no idea about it but my dad started yelling at me and my older sister about how he thinks we are just so useless and what will the neighbours think. He told my younger sisters that he had beat me and my older sister up when we were younger and how we still remember and will do the same to my younger sisters if they do anything wrong. I don’t know what to do and who to go to about this. I feel so helpless and am tired of the taunting,yelling,emotional and physical abuse my parents are making me go through. Please tell me what I should do. I pray to waheguru but don’t know why he’s not listening to me. i want to move out at 18 but i know that they won't let me because I'm a girl and blah blah blah. What should i do?
  20. Guest

    Bullied And Trust.

    I remember when I was in school I had awful days, my best days were in primary. in secondary my mum used to make me do a plait.. I had long hair lol and still do! but anyways i used to go to school and yh the boys in my class used to call me hairy!!! when really there were 2 Muslim girls who had the most bushiest eyebrows and sideburns!!!!!!! my school was a mixture of races.. white, black, Sikh, Hindu but majority Muslim. the Sikh boys were a disgrace and most of the girls were slags. they used to drink, do shisha, smoke, do weed etc etc.. don't get me wrong i had friends but my school had the fakest of people and their were backstabbers and sh** , anyhow when i left school I've never looked back, there some people i stay in contact with others can kiss my hdbfedkwek LOOOL, when i see them on the streets i don't bother! im a friendly person and that but with them nah ah. i was the only one i positively grantee that knew about the Sikh history. m not religious but i know about the singhs and sacrifices and etc etc.. what there is to know basically. there were times when i did wanna cut my hair but i always thought of my mum and dads izit.. (pride) and thought im a Sikh! and im not gonna cut my hair because of words cos that's easy defeat. BUT DRUMROLL.. THE FUNNY THING IS, MY SISTER HAS A RISTAAA AND MY JIJA TO BE HAS A COSUIN THAT BULLIED ME! basically my brother's know and they told my dad, I told my mum and sister but they didn't wanna know! and told me to keep quiet cos it was time ago but I just wanted an apology as he comes to my house! and yh.. um my brothers told my dad and my dad had a word with me and etc which was cool cos I felt as if it was off my chest, he spoke with the boys father but the boy just said it wasn't just him it there were other people involved and he don't wanna apolgise and also the boys dad said why didn't she come out with it before! which I understand but I told my father that yearh there where other boys but there not coming into the family whereas he kind if is cos my jijas asal family is in india and he lives with his mami and mama and cousins ( which is the boy) I used to say <banned word filter activated> to him don't get me wrong but he ( and the others) were constant and I just learnt to ignore it but cos his my jijas cousin and practically the only family my jija has here I wanted an aplogy so we could start fresh kind of... anyhow they tried to make it out as if the rishta was broke but it wasn't! and then my dad had a go and me trying to blame me and my brothers stood up for me. but yh I don't know what to do? like I want him to really suffer my brothers said they would of beat'd him but cos his family of family they cant. ALSO I had this incident with a boy ( just swapping numbers and chatting!!!!!!!! ) but it got twisted so badly! its been time but urm I remember my dad fought he touched me when he didn't and I wouldn't if let that happen with any boy or anyone for that fact! but yh I remember my dad wanting me to go to the doctors and have tests and <banned word filter activated> and I think my dad fought I had sex which I havnt and i would never unless im married! but yh me and my dad are back to normal but I can seem to forget that or forgive him for that I feel disgraced that he fought that ... AND i got hate for my sister cos when i told her about the bullying she didn't give a toss, or my mum. so my sister could of easily talked to her fiancée and what not ! im depressed in the sense of all this and to make things worst they took my phone away and im not aloud to go link with mates or go out on my ones. i felt like running away or even commiting... :'(
  21. Guest

    Dad Issues

    I was working today on our family desktop when I decided to look at picture we have on the computer. As I was clicking through our family pictures, I ran into some naked pictures of my father. Turn out my brother had icloud stream setup on our iPhones so all our picture automatically get to our desktops. Shocked, the first think I did was deleted the picture and uninstall icloud stream. My 11 year old uses the computer on a regular basis as well as my sister and I for homework since the printer is set up there. I didn't not want my siblings running into something like that accidentally like I had. Now I can't stop thinking about what nasty things my dad has been doing, I know those pictures were not for my mom. I am angry, ashamed, and lost. I don't know what to do in this situation, should I talk to my dad? Confront him? Just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong. This is kinda of impossible since my heart don't stop beating, I keep crying. How can I handle this situation?
  22. Okay. I have been thinking about this for a while. I am at an age where my friends are getting married and I am thinking about my future in terms of married life. A little while to go and my parents will start pushing it! But for some time, I've been consciously thinking about how much I do not want to have children. What does Sikhism say regarding this? I know Guru Nanak Dev Ji said we should live among the world and part of that includes having kids and teaching them about Gurmat. What if I take the time out to teach other children Gurmat, at the Gurdwara perhaps? I am still teaching kids, but don't have to be burdening myself with my own. I don't want to have kids just for the sake of having kids. I don't want to be pregnant, at all; I don't want to have a surrogate, and I don't want to adopt either. If it is going to make me unhappy, that mood will be reflected on any future family I will have, and no child deserves to be raised by a mother that doesn't want them in the first place. My mom called me selfish Says that if you don't live for kids, what are you living for? Can't I live my life for me? Why do I have to live for children that I don't even want. Plus, who will realistically want to marry a girl that won't give them kids?
  23. WJKK WJKF If you've been in a similar situation, your advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance. My parents dont get on. No matter how much my mum trys to make my dad happy, he always finds a fault, an excuse to shout and swear and belittle her. He drinks every single day without fail. And once his had a drink, his temper and attitude is just too much. I cant cope anymore. Ive seen it all my life. When i was younger i tried taking my life after seeing my dad hitting my mum. My mums a gem. I just want her to be happy. Its gone on too long. Im scared shes going to do something to herself. I always find myself stuck in the middle of the too. Trying to get my dad to shut up. His just sick in his head. I want nothing to do with him. My mums from punjab, housewife, speaks little english and wouldnt be able to support herself financially. She has nothing to her name. Im still studying. I have nothing to my name. The house, cars, businesses are in my dads name. The only way we can be happy is if my mum divorced him and we moved away. But then how would we support ourselves? We would be on the streets. I know the UK welfare system is pretty good but I dont know how long all that takes. Theres a part of me that just wants to leave everything, abandon my mum and move away. I dont know what to do. She has no family or friends to turn to. Just me. Sangat ji, i need help. All i want is for my mum to be happy.
  24. Hey everyone, So I have been lurking this forum for quite some time, and I really like the help that everyone is getting. A lot of the people that post here are very intelligent in the Sikh ways and I hope you guys can help me out too, being that I don't know a lot of Sikh people besides my immediate family.It's only fair that I post my story so that other people can gain insight from my situation as I did. So I've been through a lot mentally, so I'll try to leave out the details. Basically I've been going through a lot with coping with my identity. I grew up in a Sikh family and I was having thoughts of cutting my hair and beard. I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew it would hurt my family, so I kept it in trying to battle it on my own. I didn't know a lot of Sikh people besides my close family, so I've been on my own for the most part. However over time, it got harder and harder. I was suppressing my emotions while I was with them, and was bottling it all in. After a few years of this, I had to tell someone. Eventually, we were bickering back and forth on discussing this matter and going nowhere fast. There was going to be no middle ground in this, and both of us knew that. Fast forward about 8 months later. I cut my hair and beard. I feel a lot better when it comes to my appearance, but its still not enough for me. We don't have the discussion much anymore, besides a few times when my dad says that it hurts him when he sees me. (When I go home, I wrap a turban on out of respect for my family. Yet it is still implicit that I did get it cut.) Not only does that add on to my guilt, I think about my family members who kept their identity and are doing well. I think about where I went wrong in my thinking that lead me to today. I love my family so much that I hate hurting them in this way. The last time I got my hair cut was in mid-July, and my mother was very happy that I haven't gone to get a haircut recently. It's things like this where my guilt clashes like a golf cart and a semi truck. I love my family so much that I don't want to hurt them, yet I'm conflicted with what I want to do. Even yesterday I went to the hair salon, but I couldn't go inside with the feelings of my family going through my mind, so I turned around and left. If I am really honest with myself, I like the way that I look now then the way I did before. I was even surprised about the reactions I got before and after; they are more positive now. But it's tough to maintain because of all the factors that I have mentioned before; with my family and those who kept up with it. I guess what I'm alluding to writing in this post is that my conflict has stayed the same. Before when I had my identity, it was my views vs the family views. And now after the fact, the game is still the same. Has anyone or does anyone know of anyone that has been through the same thing that I am going through and can share their experiences? My scope is limited because I don't know a lot of Sikh people, but from what I gather, its either an all or nothing thing: I've seen families where either they are all Sikhs and keep their identity, or families where none of them keep their identity. Not split like the situation that I am in. Any input would help. Thanks in advance for reading this and for your help.
  25. WJKK WJKF I have a friend who's 16 and she's been suffering from this problem. For most of her life, she has been caring and ready to help anyone in any situation. For the past little while she's realized that those feelings have been shutting down. It's more natural for her to get upset in a situation where she has a problem rather than a situation where someone else (who she cares about) has a problem. It used to be the complete opposite before this year. She really wants the old state of mind back, but it feels as if her mind just doesn't care about much anymore. Is this because of age? Any tips to help get back into the old state of mind? Thank you in advance for replies WJKK WJKF
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