Is Virginity Important To Guys?

[sikhni777]

Sex is an experience. It has been created for a purpose. It is supposed to bring a feeling of closeness to a couple and it is meant to be used to procreate.

O.K. so why would you want to have sex outside marriage if you were not in love with a person and wanted to get close to them?

Misusing of sex - leads to bad consequences. These days we do things thinking that no one will know but our sins lie still deep in our conscience and come back to haunt us later. Whether a boy or a girl - the guilt and heaviness will still be there because IT IS A SIN. Sin leads to punishment and suffering.

So whether a boy or a girl - keep yourself pure to experience this special feeling with the person you will get married to after having taken Guru Ji's blessing.

Lets not become sex addicts - skipping from person to person seeking the most unique experiences. Fidelity to one partner will bring loads of happiness to a marriage and good for your life and especially your spiritual life. Lust is punishable in HELL. In his book, Bhai Rama Singh Ji narrates how he had to spend a night in hell to pay for his sins. Your sins get written on your forehead - printed on your forehead and you are led into a burning chamber for punishment. What a shame!!!

That night I dreamt that the jamdoots (angles of death) were taking my soul away to some destination (Jamdoots are the doots (envoys or messengers) of Jamraj or Dharamraj, the mythical judge who holds his court at the entry to the next world, the hereafter. Dharamraj passes jugdement on the souls leaving this worldly existence. So jamdoots represent death and are the dark angels of death i.e. Dharamraj. They do the bidding of Dharamraj and also punish souls. A farishta on the other hand, in common language is a white angel of god. The word is also used for a person who does good). On the way, I saw other souls being taken away too. They were being tortured by the jamdoots. We were in a long line with many souls in front of me and many following behind. However, my soul was not being tortured because I had recited God's Name. Where there is no mother, father, children, friends or brothers, O my mind, there, only the Naam, the Name of the Lord, shall be with you as your help and support. Where the great and terrible Messenger of Death shall try to crush you, there, only the Naam shall go along with you. (SGGS p. 264) As we walked along, we passed by a very dark area. In this darkness, we saw some very frightful scenes. They were so terrifying that a person could easily faint from fright. "Where the path is difficult and the street is narrow, there the Lord shall liberate you." (SGGS p. 996) As we went further we came to an extremely hot place. It felt as if there was fire burning under our feet. Then there was a hill, which we were ordered to climb. Those, whose souls were soiled, found it very difficult to climb this hill. The jamdoots beat them and forced them to climb the hill. Those with pure souls climbed the hill very easily. According to the Hindu faith, it takes one year for the soul to reach the court of the judge Dharamraj. My soul was travelling at a very fast speed. Along the way, I saw all these scenes but they did not affect my soul directly. On the other side of the hill, was the court of Dharamraj where the good and bad deeds done in one's life are judged, and reward or punishment meted out accordingly. Like the modern computer which enables immediate access to information, Dharamraj too is able to look up accounts of people's deeds instantly. There was a lady standing in the line next to mine. Dharamraj said to her, "You have served saintly people. There are many pots of milk and a variety of food for you. Although, you have done good deeds, you did not meditate on the Lord's Name. You will be reborn a human being. This time be sure to meditate on the Lord's Name and obtain salvation." Another person's turn came before mine. Dharamraj said, "Although you were given a chance as a human being, you didn't do any good deeds. You wasted your life doing evil deeds." He told the jamdoots, "Send this soul to hell and throw it back into the cycle of chawrasi lakh joon (8.4 million life forms)." Next it was my turn (It needs to be remembered that Bhai Sahib Ji is reciting own experience at a certain time in his life based on his belief at the time). Dharamraj said to me, "You have recitcd Bani and meditated on the Lord's Name, but your mind is soiled from the sins in this life. You have to be sentenced for this. The jamdoots took me to a place where human souls were punished for their bad deeds. The place resembled an immigration area at the airport where people with different passports line up in different lanes. Here, there was a separate line for each bad deed. There was a signboard displayed on every lane. For a lustful person, there was a door to a fire chamber. Next was a doorway for those who had listened to other people's gossip. They were punished by having red hot liquid iron poured into their ears. Liars had their tongues cut off. Thieves had their hands cut off. I could see these terrifying scenes from where I was standing. There was still a long line in front of me. Then the jamdoots brought me in front of the fire doorway and commanded me to go inside. I was terrified. They said that if I did not go in, they would beat my head with a heavy club. They pushed me in. It was a most dreadful place like a big pond. Many people were suffering there and screaming in agony. Nothing but cries of anguish could be heard. Nobody could think of food or water. The water in the pond was boiling like a volcano and small creatures were stinging people. The whole night passed in this dream. When it was time for me to get up to do my Paatth of Sukhmani Sahib, my soul returned from hell into my body as I chanted, "Aad Guray nameh, jugad Guray nameh...." the first line of Sukhmani Sahib Bani, "I bow to the Greatest (Waheguru) Who is the source of all; I bow to the Guru Who is through the ages. When I opened my eyes, I was sweating and I had marks of insect stings all over my body. At this point I thanked Guru Arjan Dev Ji a million times for the Bani of Sukhmani Sahib and started crying profusely. I kept repeating, "Dhan (Praise be to) Guru Arjan Dev Ji! Dhan Guru Arjan Dev Ji!" and thanked God for blessing me and saving me from hell. It is a well‐known truth that recommendation of an influential person works in our worldly affairs. If a person is jailed and a high‐ ranking officer calls in asking for the person's release, the person is freed. The same is very true in our spiritual life. Guru Arjan Dev Ji Maharaj (Great King) helped me out of hell. I thought to myself, "O' lustful man! For a moment of sexual pleasure, see how much you had to suffer." "O sexual desire, you lead the mortals to hell; you make them wander in reincarnation through countless species. You cheat the consciousness, and pervade the three worlds. You destroy meditation, penance and virtue. But you give only shallow pleasure, while you make the mortals weak and unsteady; you pervade the high and the low. Your fear is dispelled in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, O Nanak, through the Protection and Support of the Lord" (SGGSp. 1358)

Virginity has been valued in all the older traditions even in Africa, where after the first night of the married couple some blood was expected to be seen. Otherwise they sometimes slaughtered a chicken and sprinkled the blood on the piece of skin to show the girl was a virgin or else - dowry would not be paid. In these cases it was the men who paid dowry to the girls parents for bringing up the girl for them.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

The answer is definitely a yes! If your going to be a major sex addict growing up you most likely wouldn't respect your future spouse/(husband or wife) enough to be "pure" for them. Forget your spouse, you're causing a major disgrace to Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji's ideas of standing up to the 5 evils. (The only ones who wouldn't respect either their spouse or the Satguru are those who couldn't make the slightest control of their hormones during puberty).

[Guest Exceptional Case]

If virginity was vital for Anand Karaj then why is widow/widower remarriage allowed as per Sikhi ?

[sikhni777]

Many people I know, if they are widows or divorcees opt to not have lavaa the second time.

Widows or widowers do not have their partners left in the world. In order to lead a more peaceful life and have a jivan sathi - they remarry.

Sikhi honours marriage as it gives you the company of a spouse who can help to share Naam with you thus you can obtain salvation. Marriage also helps you to lead a more upright life as you have a partner to satisfy your needs and you are not turning to others, being led into sin in the process.

Baba Naudh singh Jis book gives a good idea of what marriage should be. Spouses should look at each other as equal partners in order to make their marriage work. Respect for each other and being their for each other, listening and understanding your partner are the key to success in marriage. A bit of sacrifice for each other is required too.

Unfortunately these days, there is no much unhappiness due to the wrong advice being given by none other than the girls mothers themselves to the girls. Hindi serials ideas being put into peoples minds are not the key to happiness. (sort your mum in law out with this and rule over your husband and make him your slave ideas are not the right appoach)

Moreover simran is essential for the success of a marriage. If you are not able to devote and listen to God then you are apt to have frustrations and bad thoughts which you vent onto others.

Continuous simran by both partners help develop the essential qualities of perseverance, understanding, sacrifice and most of all patience. That is the secret to having a blissful marriage.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

If virginity was vital for Anand Karaj then why is widow/widower remarriage allowed as per Sikhi ?

The difference between a person who's never married and still not a virgin compared to a Widow/Widower is a lot! The widow or widower respected their first future spouse enough to not be going crazy; the never married person who lost their virginity most likely didn't respect their spouse enough. Also Guru Sahib restricts sexual activity for married life only.

[Guest Saraabi]

This whole thread is a mess. No one cares about virginity. I am still a virgin yes but if i choose to be with a man it is entirley my choice and no one else. The word "skank" or "" are just derogatory words people use for no sound reason. People have been having sex since human beings roamed the earth, it is a beautiful and natural act - granted you shouldnt do it with everything that moves and stick to 1 partner mainly for health reasons. But whether or not it is done before marriage is not supposed to be an issue - because it makes no difference - a body is still a body and does all the same things a virgins body does.

I wont let myself be classified as a virgin or a non-virgin simply because a small part of the male body entering a small part of mine doesnt change me in any way. I am still a good person, i still love my family, i still do charitable work and i still earn an honest living.

The argument put forward about a person who would prefer a virgin over a non-virgin is ridiculous. Why? Heres a hypothetical case:

There are 2 women

one is a virgin - priya, one isn't - alicia.

They both study, they both work, they both go home to a wonderful family.

One day priya comes across a drug dealer in the street who then convinces her to buy the drugs.

Priya slowly becomes addicted and starts to lie to her parents, starts to stay out late at night to do drugs. She starts missing work and her grades at university start to drop. She keeps up this lifestyle of secrecy.

End of example

Now, keep in mind this is a purely hypothetical case. But for the man who says he would prefer a virgin over a non-virgin simply isnt open-minded enough to consider that other aspects of the woman are even more important.

The non-virgin alicia in the example doesnt come across the drug dealer and remains as "true" as possible in her heart. Are you simply going to reject her based on a piece of skin on her body? Would you prefer the lying virgin to be your wife?

In the end, if a man bases my entire personality on my virginity - which is a , archaic concept invented by men to keep women under their control, then I will be the one rejecting him - I repeat that i am a virgin but this fact isnt my entire personality. A man is not allowed to marry me just because of this. I consider men who want virgins to be mysoginistic and sexist - both of which are not Sikh traits either.

Celebacy is a choice and it is also none of your business.

[Guest sat]

It depends on the person.

People can change so someone who has slept with alot of people may regret it in the end and try and turn over a new leaf.

As a woman, if I met a guy like that, and we got along well, I would be happy to consider them.

I'm sure the same would apply to a guy with a forgiving nature. Forgiveness and acceptance of what has occurred in the past is a part of sikhi, so if someone sincerely regrets their actions and has actually made steps to change for the better, then they should really be forgiven.

Of course, it also depends on how well you get along.

If someone continues to be a fool, then fair enough.

[Guest sat]

Also sleeping around and having lustful thoughts are both bad, some people think that having fantasies are fine, but the world is created from thought, so having a lustful thought is also negative karma.

Which is why gurbani teaches us to control and kill our minds.

Satnaam.

[Guest what we feel]

It's too personal for someone else to make that decision for u. Personally I'd be upset if my future husband whoeber it may be was even in contact with a femal in whatever way. It depends what type of person you are. What's the point a girl trying to keep herself a virgim if the guy isnt one. Knowing that my partner, if I had one, had been in an intimate relationship with another girl would degrade him. Sorry but I know nobodies perfect but a virgin deserves a virgin guy. And a non virgin guy doesnt deserve a virgin and vice versa. If my husband was eyeing up women or commenting on looks and had women as fb friends etc id be just as upset as him sleeping with someone else. Its about feelings not body parts. Also its no big deal if if you aint amritdhari. And also another factor is if u actually love your partner. That has a huge impact because emotions are the strongest thing in humans. Again, theres no right or wrong answer its up to you individually but thats how I'd feel. Some people may be very open minded and able to forgive but someone like me would be very upset to even imagine my partner to have ever touched a girl or had feelings for another girl. We try hard to keep ourselves out of contact from singhs but whats the point if the husband is happy to marry a non virgin. Yes we are virgins because of sikhiand hehealth and so on but my point is that being a virgin helps impress the guy. Views have to match and then yeah some of us may possibly be okay with anything.