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Controlling One's Emotions


Kharkoo4Life
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I recently forwarded a poem off this forum to some poeple and one of them replied back with some questions relating to it. I thought id share my reply to this person's questions, with the sangat here in hopes that if someone else has similar questions in their mind, that they may be able to find some answers.

Controlling our emotions is obviously an extremly broad topic, covered at great lengths in Sri Guru Granth Sahib. There are many reasons behind why we feel and react as we do and equally many approaches to how we can help bring them under control and not become subordinate to them. So i encourage everyone to think of situations where they've become upset, angry, frustrated, sad etc and what coping strategies helped them deal with it. Mine is only a simple and limited aproach on this matter, taken under the guidance of Gurbani as always, and im sure the sangat as a collective body can provide much more. May Waheguru bless us all. :)

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Because HE is.

When you prepare a meal... prepare it as if God were going to be sitting at your table. Because He is.

When you work... work as if God will be your customer. Because He is.

When you clean your house... clean it as if God were going to be your special guest.

And when you speak with another... speak as if you were speaking with God. Because you are.

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I think what you just sent sums up ething but the thing is what do u do when somebody gets u angry or upset how do u control those actions without upsetting urself or the other person?

It is very hard to resist our natural tendency to get upset or angry by the words or actions of someone else. The reason we get upset is that we are still living in this material world--meaning we are living a physical existence. We focus our own happiness with the words we hear, things we see, i.e. all physical entities and the Guru has told us that these are all false.

vyKxu sunxw JUTu hY muiK JUTw Awlwau ]Seeing and hearing is false, if one speaks lies

So if someone speaks foul words to us, or does somethin which is unkind to us we feel hurt and get upset. But all these actions and words are false, and because we have become attached to falsehood we expereince the pain and suffering associated with it.

We expect to be treated in a certain way by everybody in our life be it family, friends, spouse etc and when they behave in a way different than what we think they should have we become angry and frustrated. But why? The guru has told us repeatedly that all these relationships are false and only temporary so why get attached to them and become emotinal slaved by these relationships:

jo dIsY so clsI kUVw mohu n vyKu ]

Whatever is seen shall pass away. So do not be attached to this false show.

vwt vtwaU AwieAw inq cldw swQu dyKu ]2]

Like a traveller in his travels, you have come. Behold the caravan leaving each day.

people come and go everyday in our lives, yet we care more bout what they think about us, how they treat us, what they say to us than what God thinks, says or behaves with us, and yet God is the only one who is ALWAYS with us thru thick and thin from begining to end. That is why Guru Nanak upon realizing this said:

ausqiq inMdw nwnk jI mY hB v\weI CoiVAw hBu ikJu iqAwgI ]

I have totally discarded praise and slander, O Nanak; I have forsaken and abandoned everything.

hBy swk kUVwvy ifTy qau plY qYfY lwgI ]1]

I have seen that all relationships are false, and so I have grasped hold of the hem of Your robe, Lord.

Focus your mind only on the Lord and let your relationship with Him be the only thing which matters in this world. Cuz He NEVER disappoints. People can disapoint us, get us upset, be mean or rude to us but not God.

iqRsnw mwieAw mohxI suq bMDp Gr nwir ]

The enticing desire for Maya leads people to become emotionally attached to their children, relatives, households and spouses.

Din jobin jgu TigAw lib loiB AhMkwir ]

The world is deceived and plundered by riches, youth, greed and egotism.

moh TgaulI hau mueI sw vrqY sMswir ]1]

The drug of emotional attachment has destroyed me, as it has destroyed the whole world.

Because of this attachment we get hurt, angry, upset over n over again. And until we are able to rid ourselves of this attachment we will keep on expereinceing these negative emotions. Until we come to the realiztion that:

myry pRIqmw mY quJ ibnu Avru n koie ]

O my Beloved, I have no one except You.

mY quJ ibnu Avru n BwveI qUM Bwvih suKu hoie ]1] rhwau ]

Without You, nothing else pleases me. Loving You, I am at peace.

nwmu swlwhI rMg isau gur kY sbid sMqoKu ]

I sing the Praises of the Naam, the Name of the Lord, with love; I am content with the Word of the Guru's Shabad.

When we understand and follow this then and only then will we find eternal happiness and bliss. We will finally become content. cuz we'll not only know and believe but we will also feel that God is with us 24/7 by our side and that if He is with us at all tiems, how can anyone cause us harm? Sure they may harm us physically but our soul will be joined with God and no one will ever be able to cause any harm, hurt or pain to our soul. That is why at that stage we will not see any differecen between pleasure and pain, as we used to, cuz then everywhere we look we will see and hear God, and God has nothing but love for us.

jy suKu dyih q quJih ArwDI duiK BI quJY iDAweI ]2]

If You will bless me with happiness, then I will worship and adore You. Even in pain, I will meditate on You.

jy BuK dyih q ieq hI rwjw duK ivic sUK mnweI ]3]

Even if You give me hunger, I will still feel satisfied; I am joyful, even in the midst of sorrow.

qnu mnu kwit kwit sBu ArpI ivic AgnI Awpu jlweI ]4]

I would cut my mind and body apart into pieces, and offer them all to You; I would burn myself in fire.

pKw PyrI pwxI Fovw jo dyvih so KweI ]5]

I wave the fan over You, and carry water for You; whatever You give me, I take.

nwnku grIbu Fih pieAw duAwrY hir myil lYhu vifAweI ]6]

Poor Nanak has fallen at the Lord's Door; please, O Lord, unite me with Yourself, by Your Glorious Greatness.

AKI kwiF DrI crxw qil sB DrqI iPir mq pweI ]7]

Taking out my eyes, I place them at Your Feet; after travelling over the entire earth, I have come to understand this.

jy pwis bhwlih qw quJih ArwDI jy mwir kFih BI iDAweI ]8]

If You seat me near You, then I worship and adore You. Even if You beat me and drive me out, I will still meditate on You.

jy loku slwhy qw qyrI aupmw jy inMdY q Coif n jweI ]9]

If people praise me, the praise is Yours. Even if they slander me, I will not leave You.

jy quDu vil rhY qw koeI ikhu AwKau quDu ivsirAY mir jweI ]10]

If You are on my side, then anyone can say anything. But if I were to forget You, then I would die

And then no matter what somoene says to us, or behaves with us, we will not get upset or angry, for we will feel only the Love of God even in them, and hence how will we be able to show anythin but Love back to that person where God resides.

These are the steps we must take, and yes they are very dificult to achieve but not impossible. If we keep our focus and faith in Waheguru, and follow the teachings of our Guru then by the grace of God we shall reach this stage and find permanent happiness. :doh:

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:) :doh: :doh:
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