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A Query From Us Singhnees


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For a while I have been thinking and trying to understand the real issues faced by young marriageable age singh/singhness today. Drawing from personal experience and its unpleasentness to reading from others blogs and talking with some others online.

What i see and hear is the singh brothers complaining we can not find a marriage partner because no girl prefers a bearded singh, she wants a prize husband.

Okay.....so I was feeling sorry for these bro's....until my own marriage search started more properly this year by my parents and so far the boys.....proper long dhari/kes singhs....looking so in love with the sikhi saroop....Are complaining for every little thing wrong with the girl/singhnee.....

A few examples of why I have been turned down in the past 4/5 months....

1. She's shorter than me (like duh......how tall do u want me to be...I am 5'4'')...An excuse...hmmm....

2. She is not as educated as me....(okaay....on to university and ??)

3. She wears specs (and.......)

4. She wears a distaar...'vahegurrooooooo??

5. She lives too far (are you moving or me?)

6. She looks younger than her age (not a good thing??.... :wub: @ ....okaaayy)

7. She has a hairy toe (okaay...and hows your toe today?)

8. She has a moustachee (what do you want me to do about it....a kurehit....??)

Seems like the singhs need to sort out why marriage takes place....and what the basic principles of sikh dharma is. What more can I say about this. Its a emotional and hard subject for any girl.

in a sikh marriage......first comes a persons Spirituality/Saroop/Living according to the Guru's Hukum.... and then maybe personality/looks and etc.

Why have gursikhs become so choosy.....I don't understand it.

Someone please shed some light on this subject.

From your very confused penji. :mellow:

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Just waiting whether any one does know...seems like no one does so far.

Be back later..its such a issue for me and many others that I'm feeling very lost and doubtful of any chance of marriage any time soon since discovering what is happening...which I never expected....

This amritdhari life to me was one of happiness and clarity.....

Hopefully after some replies it will become clear.

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sister,

Have your tried forming friendships with singh's first? the best relationships are one's where you can talk to someone about anything and everything and they still like you. If you, like they just have a list of perferences you want in a partner you might find the right attributes but will you get along in the long term?

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i have to agree with penji. i as a guy obviously am close to alot of Singhs. talking from personal experience i have found singhs to be very picky. not all, i must add.

but some of them are complete jokes. i always wonder why they dont look at the girls jeevan. some of the picky ones fortunately do turn girls down because of their jeevan. but sometimes we must forgive people for their past and look forward.

what i can't get my head around is:

How long do we think we are here for?

some of us act as if we aint ever gonna die. what happend to living sikhi? why is marriage such a big deal? do we have no faith in Guru Ji? they will make it work, and if it doesnt work out then that was in our Guru's hukam too and we have to accept it. we act like marriage is the be all and end all.

Why do we care what she/he looks like?

we judge a book by its cover. we dont even look inside. what a joke we have become. what about the persons sikhi?

Gursikhs have become choosy because they are not following Gurmat. Their manmat takes over. When i was younger i remember uncles and aunties telling my parents that i wont be able to get married because i have a dastaar and kes. i used to think I dont care if i get married or not, as long as my Guru is happy its all good. please remember that Guru Ji is looking after us. improve your jeevans and leave it to Guru Ji. i look around and see 'Gursikhs' becoming absolute jokes. we have no morals, no standards, and no principles.

I have seen both boys and girls change after marriage. and change for the worst. some cut their kes. some lose their principles. why? they put their partner before Guru Ji.

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Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

To put it simply bhenji, if a guy is rejecting you for any of the reasons you wrote above, YOU ARE BETTER OF WITHOUT HIM!

Its obvious that they are the ones with a problem, and as a singhnee, you should be marrying someone similar to you: amritdhari gursikhs. If they have rejected you based on anything you wrote here, maybe they aren't as gursikh as you thought...

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

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gurfateh,

our sister is spot on!

Do you know what I think is behind this....the core issues?

1) undaroo punjabi, baaro sikhi parents who subtley whisper punjabi-'cultural' norms into their sons ears

2) spoilt sons who think they have taken on the world by adopting/keeping sikh saroop, as well as feeling they may get an extra candy from god (ie. a pretty wife)for fighting the tide of society

3) on the other side, guys and humans in general expect perfection.

there are probably another million reasons, but the truth is that 'ideal' and 'real' are usually opposites.

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my take on the replies...waiting been good....

for sikh supreme paji>...forming friendships, cool but do you not think it is going towarfds the bf/gf side.... and to put it bluntly ....not many become friends like that close anyway..its more of what cna i get out of ths person?..(sad but true), do they know others? and if they are a 'loner' like me.....Dont stand a chance.

msj>..I agree with the reply. Once they got past the looks, how many of these so called singhs/some singhnees even who treat the other also the same way...learn what this persons jeevan is like. How we can grow to strenth in our sikhi jeevan and come closer to vaheguru with each others support.

khalsaforever> they were all amritdhari gursikhs.

Just been discussing with my mum too after the latest turn down...her input...>

In her time things weren't so ask this ask that and everything used to work perfectly...take a look at all of our rents........

......and how can a person ever find a 'perfect' person, that ideal does not really exist...you may think it does with someone till you get marrid and then you see the faults. Wheras the person who think is quite plain/boring..after marriage ends up also being your bestest friend for a happier life togther.

aaaandd...she goes the girls side were usually the ones to ask such and such quesitons coz they are giving away the girl....and these days the girls accept easily (most anyway) and the guys seem to have 110.1 issues.

Nice thoughts mum...thanx.. :TH:

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