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My Wife Wants To Cut My Sons Hair


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Tell her how by doing this your son will be without identity , she is taking a decision on his behalf, when he grows up and watches other sikh boys, he will be without identity.

As result of his hair cut, he wont be a hindu but appear like them yet he will have sikh family and grow up with those values yet when he goes out he knows no one can say what religon he belongs to.

she is takinga decison on his behalf.I have seen kids whose parents take decison . I have seen kids whose parents tend to think on their behalf i.e. do something like what ur wife plans to do grow up withouth identity.

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well if your punjabi, tell your wife she can do whatever she wants to her son white people, english people wll always have some kind of comments, negative and harsh.  I went to school with my hair cut and people called me dot-head, camel jockey, hindu, hindian, 7-11 man, etc etc. 

my point is you can cut your hair, you can bleach your face, you always gonna be brown and not white.  the kids at school are gonna make fun of yor kid no matter what so might as well get made fun of for being a sikh.

peace.

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exactly if shes scared of her son being in a white area then teell her u might as well bleach the face making it white.

i don c a dif

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There's this Singh I grew up with who eventually married a gori. They have 2 boys with beautuful kesh and they live in Lincoln, an area which has no asians at all.

The boys are 10 and 7. They are amazing to look at, so inspirational. And they are the only 2 Sikh boys in the whole school, even borough. Everyone knows them. They look like princes when they walk with their mates.

Don't let your son's kesh be cut. Do everything you can to stop it from happening...........

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We all know your wife's proposition is stupid. Intelligent people come to stupid conclusions all the time. It’s a part of learning and human nature. However, this is more serious. She will send the worse message possible to a young mind. He will get a message engrained deep in his mind that he should do things because his peers are doing them. He will also get the message that he is weak; from his own mother!

I, like you went through many challenges in childhood which continue today. I am so thankful that my parents endured because every success, confidence and happiness in life is completely related to my identity. The identity with sikhi principles is very powerful in enabling people to achieve things they would not otherwise achieve. Like so many Singhs and Kaurs we’ve learned the way of the saint soldier catapulting us in our successes and happiness.

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Tell your wife how you feel about this very briefly and that it is difficult for you not to jump to conclusions. This is part of full disclosure. Tell her you want to try to understand her concerns. Exercise great humility and dignity.

As mentioned above, stupid conclusions do not necessarily mean that there are not valid feelings behind them nor does it mean that people with them are not intelligent. LISTEN to her concerns and listen SINCERELY. Try not to solve the problem, but as try to UNDERSTAND her concerns. You will have to really think about this to do it sincerely. Most men are lousy at it. Hopefully you have the basis for this in your relationship. If not it’s time to take some initiative. DO NOT worry at this stage about the end.

Write down her concerns only if she is OK with this. Do this together. You will probably have the exact same concerns. You have some COMMON GROUND to work from. If she is open to going to others together for advice at this point you may want to consider this. If not, talk about ALL the options in addressing the concerns. Again write this down if you can. Ask her permission not to write down hair cut if this is difficult, but acknowledge it as an option she sees. Perhaps you can acknowledge it in some symbolic fashion. Draw some shape representing her option, triangle, square etc.

Don’t do this while you are cooking, working, tired etc. Give this your undivided attention. The best thing is to go to a different environment. This may be very critical to dialogue. Go out for dinner, tea, lunch etc.

Your goal is not to reach a conclusion. Your goal for now is to work through things.

Keep in touch here if you wish.

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