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[Guest Guest]

i have talked to many people about this, but they all are non-amritdharis. im hoping to get a reply from sangat on this crush that i have.

i am a girl, and i like this guy, and i htink he likes me too but he is having a problm telling me that. he is a sikh. i like him, but i am afraid to tell him. i do not know how much my parents would mind, but my older cousins brother donot mind, and they told me themselves that i should tell them if someone likes me or if i like someone. i know this is not what brother typically say, but they think these days it is important to know the other person before getting into any kind of relationship.

so my question is, do guys think it's bad or think it isn't right if a girl tell's or comes up to you and tells you that she likes u? would you think bad of her? i have bit of western culture in me, but iam into religion(too religious as my friends would put it), and do not feel like doing something wrong. i do not want to mess things up by telling him i like him. you know how it is right? i do not want him to think im desp or somthing which i am not. i want to know him more, but i don't know how it is possible. i am a kaur and i am not sure if this is KAUR like thing to do. but i want him to know i like him, be true to him without giving him wrong answerz when we talk. i make him feel like i do not care what he has to say, or i prentend i do not understand what he is talking about when we talk, but i do understand. i lie to him to avoid being too emotional. he hasn't admited he likes me nor have i, but i think he does. is it wrong to prentend? is it same as lyin/decving?

iam lost:(

[Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz]

wow, i totally know what you mean, you know the other person likes you and they might even say it, but guess what, your instincts are right, this isn't the 'kaur' thing to do..

one thing i will advise you not to do is go to your friends, if they arent gursikhs. i know that my friends assume that i think like them and would tell me to just ask him out ,subtly, but this is not the right way to go...not only does having relationships take away your time from other things in your life, but it will break your normal routines such as concentrating while doing paat, going to the gurdwara...u will be so consumed in this relationship you will forget other things that are important to you.

also, think about the respect you have for yourself and for this guy...do you want to take him away from sikhi by giving him an open invitation for a relationship before marriage? because i can tell from your post, panji, that deep down inside you know this is wrong but it is your desire for him that is making you want to almost ignore this instinct. in this world we succumb so much to worldly things by, for example, cutting our hair, looking at the opposite sex, not going to the gurdwara, etc....do you want this to be another addition to the list of paap in your life? back to the topic of respect, how much respect do you have for yourself is what you should be asking. what makes you so sure that this will work and you two will be living happily ever after? personally, guys/girls who ask you out are a bit shady...if they can come up to you and say that, what holds them back from doing this the next time they see another guy/girl they like? will this become the norm for them? will they seek new relationships whenever the last one wasnt fulfulling? if you tell someone you like them, how many times are you gonna go up to tell different people you like them throughout your life? instead of fighting your desire, you are falling prey to it...i know this might be far fetched for some, but it does happen...

panji, if you ever do want to get married, then you should keep your "love" for that person alone , out of repsect for them...i dont know a bigger way to show someone you like them without words...what impression do you think you will be giving him by saying this? let's say he thinks pre marital relationships are okay, then i think you're the one that should be reassessing your choice. even though im a girl myself, i hear so many guy friends tell me that the girls they date they arent "serious" about..do you want to be played like that? that's what i mean by respect. i think a person who doesnt invovle themselves in these relations has honour, dignity, and respect not only for themselves but to the person they eventually marry.

you need to be strong and not let this take you down...if he is a respectable sikh then he would talk to your parents about marriage if you guys are old enough..this is the way they used to do it back in the day and it shows that he isn't the type to go to any girl he likes...and if this does happen, it should be reassuring to you.

i think this is the furthest anyone should ever go, but it should ONLY involve the parents, we should not invovle ourselves...i'm not too sure if i'm right in this but please if someone can correct me on this one, dont hesitate because i am learning too

at the end of the day, we are supposed to fight kaam, but both you and i know you are becoming victim to it..

please forgive me for any mistakes, im sure i made tons

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

very well said HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz

couldn't have said any better!

panji(Guest)dont get into those kindz of trapz. i knw u might see many "sikhs" going that route, but thats not the Sikh way or the 'kaur' way as u have said it. thats what i know and have been told. it is not just 4 girls but same goes for guys. i knw some whowouldnt even think of doing such a thing, cuz they see life from a very different way/perspective thn the way most of the world views it. and they were born and rased here in the west. we need to learn/know more about our selves first through Gurbani thn tryin to figure out others(there wilbe no need after that though) :D .

bhul chuk muaf karni

waheguru ji kakhalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[Guest Papi]

if he is a respectable sikh then he would talk to your parents about marriage if you guys are old enough..this is the way they used to do it back in the day and it shows that he isn't the type to go to any girl he likes...and if this does happen, it should be reassuring to you.

i think this is the furthest anyone should ever go, but it should ONLY involve the parents, we should not invovle ourselves...

:TH: that is the key. following that, if you are old enough (according to your parents that is) then i guess you could have a little chat with them see where they stand on the issue.

iDRgu eyh Awsw dUjy Bwv kI jo moih mwieAw icqu lwey ]

dhhrig eaeh aasaa dhoojae bhaav kee jo mohi maaeiaa chith laaeae ||

Cursed are the hopes in the love of duality; they tie the consciousness to love and attachment to Maya.

hir suKu pl@ir iqAwigAw nwmu ivswir duKu pwey ]

har sukh palhar thiaagiaa naam visaar dhukh paaeae ||

One who forsakes the peace of the Lord in exchange for straw, and forgets the Naam, suffers in pain.

[Guest guyGuest]

Gurfateh

Hardkaurwariors penji, you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned:

"i think a person who doesnt invovle themselves in these relations has honour, dignity, and respect not only for themselves but to the person they eventually marry.

Thankyou for such a wonderful post as it's helped me in a similar situation (coming from a guy)

waheguru

[KFI]

man if u have problems with liking people, then keep them to yourselves, by telling them you are creating a problem for them and u are hurting his/her sikhi, dont call urself sikh if u are going to do things like this

[Guest s133k_s1kh]

man if u have problems with liking people, then keep them to yourselves, by telling them you are creating a problem for them and u are hurting his/her sikhi, dont call urself sikh if u are going to do things like this

FATEH!!

KFI veerji i am not against u but i personally dont like the way to say thgs .

Bhul Chuk Maaf

[Guest Papi]

man if u have problems with liking people, then keep them to yourselves, by telling them you are creating a problem for them and u are hurting his/her sikhi, dont call urself sikh if u are going to do things like this

[Bored]

wat ever happend for the love were suppose to have for one another?

:console:

.....i wonder

[Guest Papi]

mhlw 5 ]

mehalaa 5 ||

Fifth Mehla:

PrIdw Kwlku Klk mih Klk vsY rb mwih ]

fareedhaa khaalak khalak mehi khalak vasai rab maahi ||

Fareed, the Creator is in the Creation, and the Creation abides in God.

mMdw iks no AwKIAY jW iqsu ibnu koeI nwih ]75]

ma(n)dhaa kis no aakheeai jaa(n) this bin koee naahi ||75||

Whom can we call bad? There is none without Him. ||75||

i'm sorry, buh that post didnt sit well with me. i mean he may (n this is a big one) have a point BUT no need to say in an offensive way