Marriage Issues

[Guest Need advice]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh jee

Dear sadh sangat jee

I need your help.

I am an amritdhari singh for a number of years now and i am experiencing many problems with my marriage.

A few years ago i was in complete chardi kala doin sangat of amazing singhs and going to gurdwara for kirtan and seva.

Out of the blue i met this so called singhnee and both of us were kinda swept off our feet. We were not even living in the same country but our lust had no bounds.

We would travel to see each other and get upto to some very questionable stuff considering we both amrit dhari.

Things were serious between us and we ended up getting married. I left everything i had in order to be with her. I left my country of residence my family my job and everything.

At the start things were very bad. She would emotionally abuse me and make fun of me in front of friend and family members. SHe would be little me on purpose. Sometimes she woud not even talk to me and completly ignore me. She had no confidence in me. She actually admitted to not even seeing me as an equal human being. She honestly felt that her feelings and her decisions were more important than mine.

I always tried to reach some middle ground and pretty much gave in to everything in order to have some kind of life.

She would make major financial decision and other decision withough consulting me and just inform me. Her and her mom would always make plans and never let me know.

As you can imagine i a am a little confused and upset. While this was happening i stopped doing simran and nitnem became a task. I became chronically depressed.

She became really againt my sikhi and my system of belief which is strange cause she is sikh herself. She would be mad if i went t the gurdwara or spend time with sangat and i couldnt talk to anybody.

She started arguments with my family which was really the last straw. A few things changed with me. I re kindled my love for sikhi and decided she cant push me around.

Things have changed a little but its still all there.

I feel that i have done a great mistake for giving my life to this person.

The panth defines who i am and i am hoping people can advise me what the panth thinks about divorce or other options.

We have spent this past year in counselling and therapy and believe me things have not changed.

Benti everyone.....please please help.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest Papi]

very tough situation. as i always say, you need to go get hukum from guru granth sahib ji and make a decision based on that.

[Ghetto_Superstar]

Yeah this is a difficult position your're in, but at the same time things are slowly improving for you.

Firstly like you said, you've re-kindled your love for Sikhi. Secondly you and your wife are going through counselling, which to me would mean, that you both want to make your marriage work. I know you think it hasn't improved things, but my understanding of it is that it can take years to solve peoples problems, but I'm not an expert in this. But my advice would be to carry on with it.

Maybe you should try spending more time with your wife alone and without any other family around. It could bring back the good times that you had before you were married.

Hope it works out for you man.

[Guest Guest]

Yeah this is a difficult position your're in, but at the same time things are slowly improving for you.

Firstly like you said, you've re-kindled your love for Sikhi. Secondly you and your wife are going through counselling, which to me would mean, that you both want to make your marriage work. I know you think it hasn't improved things, but my understanding of it is that it can take years to solve peoples problems, but I'm not an expert in this. But my advice would be to carry on with it.

Maybe you should try spending more time with your wife alone and without any other family around. It could bring back the good times that you had before you were married.

Hope it works out for you man.

Thanks for you reply.....

We are no longer going to counselling caus it just hasnt worked. She is very clever and good with her words and always makes out that i am the bad guy.

Its hard for me to spend time with her alone but i do try. She always ends up saying something that really drives me nuts. She does have a iritating personality. She will constatnly talk and complain and kepp telling you to do random things and when you say hey im just chillin she gets really upset. We never spend time with family and if any its hers and she will always enbarass me in front of her family. She is originally from India and speak really good punjabi i on the other hand can speak punjabi only to get by and this is one thing she constantly rips me apart in front of her family.

I have tried really hard to communicate in the early years of our marriage but now i feel there is no point and i just get very frustrated then cant get my words out. She is has many different facets to her personality and can always make herself look good in front of other people. Which makes me look really bad. I just feel really beaten up here.

[Guest Papi]

veerji, most visitors on this board aren't married and are quite young (like myslef). personally, i dont think its a good idea to get marraige advice from people who aren't married...

[lowest of the low singhni]

for more replies, try www.tapoban.org - it has a lot of elder gursikhs.

[Guest Guest]

I feel sad for you man, she probabably married you to get a VISA into your country. Try doing the opposite, stick up for yourself, if you dont have kids, then you can do it. Just take punjabi classes, and dont take crap from her anymore.

[Guest vaheguruu]

veerji. Leave her. two words. if you dont have any kids. leave her. she is so not worth it! if she does that to you omg thats just not right! you can do so much beeter. leave her.. she will then understand her mistake..having to get yet another second husband..veerji get another sife. some one who loves YOU and makes you feel proud. not onlyt hat but helps you with your gursikhi jeevan by waking up amrit vela etc....im sorry i kow i sound harsh but leave her! you can do so much better!

[guruvah]

It is better u post at tapoban.org.......as there are some wise and married Gursikhs there.Most of the members here are youngsters,and have not experinced the mariage life.Have faith ,Guru Sahib is always with you!

[KKV]

i dont really know how it is with married life and that..i cant say much on it am jus a bachee myself.. but i suggest you chat to your mape (parents) about it or your Vude (elders)

hope everythin works out for you!! :TH: