Marriage Issues

[Guest Guest]

I left everything i had in order to be with her. I left my country of residence my family my job and everything.

At the start things were very bad. She would emotionally abuse me and make fun of me in front of friend and family members. SHe would be little me on purpose. Sometimes she woud not even talk to me and completly ignore me. She had no confidence in me. She actually admitted to not even seeing me as an equal human being. She honestly felt that her feelings and her decisions were more important than mine.

I always tried to reach some middle ground and pretty much gave in to everything in order to have some kind of life.

She would make major financial decision and other decision withough consulting me and just inform me. Her and her mom would always make plans and never let me know.

As you can imagine i a am a little confused and upset. While this was happening i stopped doing simran and nitnem became a task. I became chronically depressed.

She became really againt my sikhi and my system of belief which is strange cause she is sikh herself. She would be mad if i went t the gurdwara or spend time with sangat and i couldnt talk to anybody.

She started arguments with my family which was really the last straw. A few things changed with me. I re kindled my love for sikhi and decided she cant push me around.

vaheguru, veer everything described above is whats happening in our family, the only difference being however that the couple are not amritdhari and that they have kids. but what i want to say is if YOU are not happy and nothing is actively changing then GET OUT of the marriage while u can, like in my family we have told our cousin to get divorced etc but he won't because of the kids, they are the ONLY reason he is there, and he is unhappy, his wife causes bare problems with regards to money and general behaviour, rude attitude etc, it's really sad! and i know this is not an excuse but because of those things my cousin is having relationships outside of marriage! it's just getting worse, IF you think there is hope for change soon and she will embrace Sikhi once again and walk on an equal par with you and give you the love, respect, compnaionship, friendship etc etc that YOU DESERVE then maybe you can save this marriage, esle i really suggest you get out!!!

sorry if i have sounded abrupt or rude.

[daughter of dasam pitha]

Gurfateh

Get in contact with me. A family member of mine has gone through the same situation, from a so called Singh. Please get into contact.

tc...gurfath

[Guest Guest]

Gurfateh

Get in contact with me. A family member of mine has gone through the same situation, from a so called Singh. Please get into contact.

tc...gurfath

Contact Details?

[Guest Bhajan Singh]

Yeah this is a difficult position your're in, but at the same time things are slowly improving for you.

Firstly like you said, you've re-kindled your love for Sikhi. Secondly you and your wife are going through counselling, which to me would mean, that you both want to make your marriage work. I know you think it hasn't improved things, but my understanding of it is that it can take years to solve peoples problems, but I'm not an expert in this. But my advice would be to carry on with it.

Maybe you should try spending more time with your wife alone and without any other family around. It could bring back the good times that you had before you were married.

Hope it works out for you man.

Thanks for you reply.....

We are no longer going to counselling caus it just hasnt worked. She is very clever and good with her words and always makes out that i am the bad guy.

Its hard for me to spend time with her alone but i do try. She always ends up saying something that really drives me nuts. She does have a iritating personality. She will constatnly talk and complain and kepp telling you to do random things and when you say hey im just chillin she gets really upset. We never spend time with family and if any its hers and she will always enbarass me in front of her family. She is originally from India and speak really good punjabi i on the other hand can speak punjabi only to get by and this is one thing she constantly rips me apart in front of her family.

I have tried really hard to communicate in the early years of our marriage but now i feel there is no point and i just get very frustrated then cant get my words out. She is has many different facets to her personality and can always make herself look good in front of other people. Which makes me look really bad. I just feel really beaten up here.

I was in the exact same position as you last year. Wife from India, very abusive and domineering. She was ok in India, but as soon as she came to the UK, she showed her true colours. Leave her. Make sure you don't get her pregnant, otherwise your life will become hell.

She only married you because you were a foreign national. What do you feel in your heart? Do you think her core personality will change? Do you think you can live the rest of your life with her? Do you think you can take the stress she gives you all your life?

And one more thing, if you do decide to separate, make sure you tell the IND, this is their website:-

http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/

Look at the way she has treated you, weigh everything up. Remember if you're going to be sad for the rest of your life, think how it will impact on your family and friends. Be true to your self, and your overbearing wife. (Make sure you have done a few copies of her passport, all relevant pages, without her knowing). Good luck. And get ready for the crocodile tears when you tell her that your relationship is finished. See through this trick that many women do. Hoshiar ho ja!!!

[daughter of dasam pitha]

fateh

veer ji

dis is ma email add kharkoo_singhnee@hotmail.com

mail me soon

thnx

fateh jio

[Akhoza]

Approach her and try resolve it *EDITED*

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

Look at the way she has treated you, weigh everything up. Remember if you're going to be sad for the rest of your life, think how it will impact on your family and friends. Be true to your self, and your overbearing wife. (Make sure you have done a few copies of her passport, all relevant pages, without her knowing). Good luck. And get ready for the crocodile tears when you tell her that your relationship is finished. See through this trick that many women do. Hoshiar ho ja!!!

:sady:

[Guest *]

Approach her and try resolve it or dumb her or beat her or live the rest of your life as a pansy

What a truly idiotic response. *EDITED*

[S1ngh]

hmmm...

You left your country, your family and your JOB.. well thats lot of compromise you did on your part and i guess that she didn't compromise at all? She saw that you are weak and took the advantage of you. Secondly, I hate to ask.. Is her earning power (job pay) higher than yours? Third, is your house close to your in-laws? (in most households in-laws are the problem).

What steps you can take?

1. Become a authority figure (Treated Equal).

2. Love for partner is important but don't go flowerly all the way. Leaving your parents, your country, your friends, your JOB is the sign of trouble. Compromise one or two but NOT ALL of it. So think about it and consider going/staying away from your in-laws (if they don't respect you and your authority).

Hope you guys can work it together but brother you have to take *gentle* strong stand..

[Raaj.Karega.Khalsa]

seen a same story some years ago ....................but just exactly the other way round...

sorry i m of no use.........i mean i m quite young to give a good advise