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Internet Dating Advice


Guest _Kaur_

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Guest _Kaur_

Hi guys,

I need someone to talk to about this.

As many of you out there, i have had the pressure to get married and so i joined an internet dating service. For a long time nothing much happened but then finally i thought i met someone.

At first things seemed to be going well but suddenly he stops contacting me and becomes very unreliable. I know he had things on but he had plenty of time to send a text message or email (and i am much more busy than him anyway and yet i can find the time). Also, sometimes i would see him on MSN but he wouldnt send me a message unless i sent one first (whereas before he would send me a message). So, after about 2 months, of me having to do all the contacting and him not getting back to me when he said he would, i told him, i dont think this is going to work out.

Of course, i am upset by this because i am back to square 1 and my parents are pressuring me because all my cousins are getting married and i am not.

Maybe this is an obvious question to ask, but have i been strung along?

I told him i wanted to take things slow etc, so we never did anything physical because i dont want to be used by anyone and he said he understood and that was fine. I also didnt bombard him with contact because i respect peoples space, so i am not clingy.

I just dont get how before he seemed so interested and was saying stuff like, he can imagine us getting married in the future and now he doesnt stay in simple contact.

I have seen he is back on the internet and his profile is active again. When i said "This doesnt seem to be working out", i never heard back from him...

Have i been duped by an internet player?

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^-- a member of the Sangat is asking for advice and your too stuck up to answer it? Come on guy, answer the poor girl in distress!

I'm sorry to hear that _Kaur_. It's most likely that you've been played. Alot of guys are out there who at first get some sort of an unresistable attraction (sounds crazy I know). A month down the line they get bored and simply stop talking.

A number of factors attribute to this:

a) He DOESNT genuinly see you both together

b) Somewhere in the conversations you had something took a turn for the worst

c) Your typing was too slow and he had to wait for ages (.. it happens.. unlikely reason but it could be).

d) He never really took the marriage idea seriously and isnt ready for it.

e) He's just busy.

My advice would be to move on and keep your options over. Signup to a few more websites and see if you like anybody else.

Consider other methods than the internet. The internet is kind of limited and takes alot of time.

- Get your friends to reffer you (nope, it doesnt sound desperate believe me.. even if it did - so what?).

- SpeedDating. It's called DATING but all it is, is meeting 30 or so people in a room one at a time. Anybody you remotely have interest - you take there number.

I hope that helped in you coming to a conclusion.

VSB

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^^koi na..tusi jiada na socho..(for poster #2)

Original poster ji i am assuming you aren't amritdhari. I really have no clue how these dating sites work but i don't think we should be trusting these sites/ people on these sites. If you are real desparate to get married then find someone in real life or just let your parents find someone for you.

You haven't written much in your post so its hard to understand your situation. If you need to talk you can send me a PM. If you think you'll be more comfortable talking to a bibi you can still PM me and i'll try to find a siani bibi(they are hard to find :s ) for you to talk to tongue.gif .

You should have faith in Guru Ji. They always do the best for us.

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Guest lowest_of_the_low

hmm well.. from my experience (COUGH COUGH lol) it doesn't look like he was playing you..

ACtually, we're not too sure how exactly he worded things - if they sounded ambiguous to mean as if he's really interesting, yet can easily be interpretted as not being interested at all.. well then he was stringing you along.

If you look at this through the glass of reality, you'll realise that if you told him "it can't work out" well, he won't want to stick around for too long because for him maybe you're just a "failed case" if you know what I mean (Since He's on a dating agency as well I'm assuming he's looking for someone too!)

so yeah, it's so easy to fake emotions online - hence i don't trust it.. im better of phoning someone, meeting with them etc. But in terms of dating and finding someone.. mmm im not too sure

Sori

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i think its a dangerous game to be out looking for someone yourself. you could easily get taken advantage of.

If your parents are so desperate to get you married, tell them to look for you! Or maybe you can get sum bibia you you trust/resoect to help you out, or maybe other relatives/friends.

I think all parents pressurise ther kids to get married, but dont worry bout it too much.

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Guest __Singh__
Hi guys,

I need someone to talk to about this.

As many of you out there, i have had the pressure to get married and so i joined an internet dating service. For a long time nothing much happened but then finally i thought i met someone.

At first things seemed to be going well but suddenly he stops contacting me and becomes very unreliable. I know he had things on but he had plenty of time to send a text message or email (and i am much more busy than him anyway and yet i can find the time). Also, sometimes i would see him on MSN but he wouldnt send me a message unless i sent one first (whereas before he would send me a message). So, after about 2 months, of me having to do all the contacting and him not getting back to me when he said he would, i told him, i dont think this is going to work out.

Of course, i am upset by this because i am back to square 1 and my parents are pressuring me because all my cousins are getting married and i am not.

Maybe this is an obvious question to ask, but have i been strung along?

I told him i wanted to take things slow etc, so we never did anything physical because i dont want to be used by anyone and he said he understood and that was fine. I also didnt bombard him with contact because i respect peoples space, so i am not clingy.

I just dont get how before he seemed so interested and was saying stuff like, he can imagine us getting married in the future and now he doesnt stay in simple contact.

I have seen he is back on the internet and his profile is active again. When i said "This doesnt seem to be working out", i never heard back from him...

Have i been duped by an internet player?

He is not worthy of you. Least you have learned from this expereince. If its any consolation i have had excatly the same expereinces with women.

PM me we can talk.

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Guest ..wut?

Ok im sorry for my first post, but I dont think you should be using dating services. You should do ardaas infront of maharaj and ask that you find a jeevan sathi that can help u in your search for akaal and then ask some chadikalaa gursikhs that are older then you and ask if they can help find a jeevan sathi. Dating services only promote things that we shouldnt be getting invovled in.

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^^^^

No - it works in a world where you have done some bhagti in your life and have begun to realise the wonder of Vaheguru. To question the power of Ardas, is to question the entire Sikh faith and what Maharaj has taught us.

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Ok im sorry for my first post, but I dont think you should be using dating services. You should do ardaas infront of maharaj and ask that you find a jeevan sathi that can help u in your search for akaal and then ask some chadikalaa gursikhs that are older then you and ask if they can help find a jeevan sathi. Dating services only promote things that we shouldnt be getting invovled in.

yep

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WJKK WJKF

This is wrong dont think about marriage. well ya you can look but this whole dating thing is wrong. Get your parents to find you a nice guy. Heres an ok site for sikhs http://sikhmatrimonials.com/ , but otherwise dont go dating any guys just find yourself a nice husband and marry him, simple as that.

isrIrwgu mhlw 5 ]

sireeraag mehalaa 5 ||

Siree Raag, Fifth Mehla:

iqcru vsih suhylVI ijcru swQI nwil ]

thichar vasehi suhaelarree jichar saathhee naal ||

As long as the soul-companion is with the body, it dwells in happiness.

jw swQI auTI cilAw qw Dn KwkU rwil ]1]

jaa saathhee out(h)ee chaliaa thaa dhhan khaakoo raal ||1||

But when the companion arises and departs, then the body-bride mingles with dust. ||1||

min bYrwgu BieAw drsnu dyKxY kw cwau ]

man bairaag bhaeiaa dharasan dhaekhanai kaa chaao ||

My mind has become detached from the world; it longs to see the Vision of God's Darshan.

DMnu su qyrw Qwnu ]1] rhwau ]

dhha(n)n s thaeraa thhaan ||1|| rehaao ||

Blessed is Your Place. ||1||Pause||

ijcru visAw kMqu Gir jIau jIau siB khwiq ]

jichar vasiaa ka(n)th ghar jeeo jeeo sabh kehaath ||

As long as the soul-husband dwells in the body-house, everyone greets you with respect.

jw auTI clsI kMqVw qw koie n puCY qyrI bwq ]2]

jaa out(h)ee chalasee ka(n)tharraa thaa koe n pushhai thaeree baath ||2||

But when the soul-husband arises and departs, then no one cares for you at all. ||2||

pyeIAVY shu syiv qUM swhurVY suiK vsu ]

paeeearrai sahu saev thoo(n) saahurarrai sukh vas ||

In this world of your parents' home, serve your Husband Lord; in the world beyond, in your in-laws' home, you shall dwell in peace.

gur imil cju Acwru isKu quDu kdy n lgY duKu ]3]

gur mil chaj achaar sikh thudhh kadhae n lagai dhukh ||3||

Meeting with the Guru, be a sincere student of proper conduct, and suffering shall never touch you. ||3||

sBnw swhurY vM\xw siB muklwvxhwr ]

sabhanaa saahurai va(n)n(j)anaa sabh mukalaavanehaar ||

Everyone shall go to their Husband Lord. Everyone shall be given their ceremonial send-off after their marriage.

nwnk DMnu sohwgxI ijn sh nwil ipAwru ]4]23]93]

naanak dhha(n)n sohaaganee jin seh naal piaar ||4||23||93||

O Nanak, blessed are the happy soul-brides, who are in love with their Husband Lord. ||4||23||93||

WJKK WJKF

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Guest _poster #2-

Online is too unreliable. I'm posting as I would usually be but 99% of my contact list is nothing near what they are like in reality. So, the impression you get might not be genuine.

Actually,

is there a specific reason why you do not wish for your parents to find you a guy? Is it because you don't have the option to reject him? Usually the best option is via parents.

Regarding the fantast world statement -

As someone else previously put it - yes it does work if you do bhagti! Try it.

@B4ND4 - :s

PS: what does the new display pic say/mean? :D

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