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Marrying A Non Virgin


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lolz what i meant was that i'm assuming that she lost it before she met him so therefore had to knowledge that she would met and fall for a virgin. In hindsight if she knew then she probli wouldnt have lost it. :) if that makes sense lol

Fateh

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Just test the gril with some question, from which you can see, she has learned from her past or not.

Otherwise just say to your parents you dont wanna marry her.

But i think she told you the truth. Or is she testing you?

WKWF

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What really is virginity in the Gurmat sense?

iKMQw kwlu kuAwrI kwieAw jugiq fMfw prqIiq ]

khi(n)thhaa kaal kuaaree kaaeiaa jugath dda(n)ddaa paratheeth ||

Let the remembrance of death be the patched coat you wear, let the purity of virginity be your way in the world, and let faith in the Lord be your walking stick.

Sahib Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji in Sri Japji Sahib.

Why are we judging her?

eyk nUr qy sBu jgu aupijAw kaun Bly ko mMdy ]1]

eaek noor thae sabh jag oupajiaa koun bhalae ko ma(n)dhae ||1||

From the One Light, the entire universe welled up. So who is good, and who is bad? ||1||

Bhagat Kabeer Ji in Raag Prabhaatee on Ang 1349

You are angry because you have followed a discipline and she hasn't.

mwtI eyk Anyk BWiq kir swjI swjnhwrY ]

maattee eaek anaek bhaa(n)th kar saajee saajanehaarai ||

The clay is the same, but the Fashioner has fashioned it in various ways.

nw kCu poc mwtI ky BWfy nw kCu poc kuMBwrY ]2]

naa kashh poch maattee kae bhaa(n)ddae naa kashh poch ku(n)bhaarai ||2||

There is nothing wrong with the pot of clay - there is nothing wrong with the Potter. ||2||

Bhagat Kabeer Ji in Raag Prabhaatee on Ang 1349

We think those who are virgins are clean? What is clean?

mn kwmnw qIrQ dyh CutY ]

man kaamanaa theerathh dhaeh shhuttai ||

With your mind filled with desire, you may give up your body at a sacred shrine of pilgrimage;

grbu gumwnu n mn qy hutY ]

garab gumaan n man thae huttai ||

but even so, egotistical pride shall not be removed from your mind.

soc krY idnsu Aru rwiq ]

soch karai dhinas ar raath ||

You may practice cleansing day and night,

mn kI mYlu n qn qy jwiq ]

man kee mail n than thae jaath ||

but the filth of your mind shall not leave your body.

iesu dyhI kau bhu swDnw krY ]

eis dhaehee ko bahu saadhhanaa karai ||

You may subject your body to all sorts of disciplines,

mn qy kbhU n ibiKAw trY ]

man thae kabehoo n bikhiaa ttarai ||

but your mind will never be rid of its corruption.

jil DovY bhu dyh AnIiq ]

jal dhhovai bahu dhaeh aneeth ||

You may wash this transitory body with loads of water,

suD khw hoie kwcI BIiq ]

sudhh kehaa hoe kaachee bheeth ||

but how can a wall of mud be washed clean?

mn hir ky nwm kI mihmw aUc ]

man har kae naam kee mehimaa ooch ||

O my mind, the Glorious Praise of the Name of the Lord is the highest;

nwnk nwim auDry piqq bhu mUc ]3]

naanak naam oudhharae pathith bahu mooch ||3||

O Nanak, the Naam has saved so many of the worst sinners. ||3||

Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Raag Gauree on Ang 265

theres ur answer!!!

the last 3 lines

if she is a tru diciple of the guru then go thorugh with it!

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would she forgive you if you made the same mistake? probably from what you'v said about her.

it seems people put to much emphisis on virginity yes one should stay a virgin until married, but just because a woman has been with another man does not mean that she is dirty. just because she had sex once doesnt make her a prostitute all of a sudden. and evan prostitutes can change there ways and become gursikhs. i know it is hard for guys to think of there girls with other men but that is all ego and jealesy. it seems that people are much more excepting of guys who don't keep there virginity but then expect women to stay virgins. im not talking about you im just talking in general

so if you can't forgive her for making (a mistake she was probably pressured into any way) than don't get married but i think that is a really foolish thing to stop a marriege. if something so little can make you change your mind than you obviously are not in love with her and thus should not get married. if you are trully inlove with some one than you will still love them no matter what they do.

but what ever you do don't tell your parents. cuz it will ruin her and she told you in confidence. if she had known it was such a big deal she probably woulda lied to you so it is better to have an honest person who isnt a virgin than have a virgin that isnt honest

sorry if i offended anyone

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A person who bows before Guruji, calls themselves a Sikh and trims their hair, and repeats this on a regular basis is one who is losing their virginity over and over again.

A person who bows before Guruji, has made a mistake once, asks for forgiveness, and commits to be a better person is forever a virgin.

The first step to getting your answer is asking the right question.

Don’t ask “Who was she?” Ask, “Who am I?”

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Case 2: If she is the Bollywood type who wants to wail and weep "Oh I can't forget him" "sniff-sniff" "A girl can't ever forget her first love", "How do I forget his first touch" blah blah blah, don't even listen to any of that bull$h!t. Forget all about it from there on. Make any excuse and get yourself out of this. You don't want to live the rest of your life with someone who always lives in the insecurities of her past. I get mad when girls don't even acknowledge the fact that they made a mistake. Rather, they say "I loved him, so I did it". Fine, now cry for him.

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

i can't really give u(orgnl poster) advice sorry jio

othr thn that if advice by amazing sangat over here doesnt help u....i suggest seek a therapists or someone who can help walk u through ur thought process and clear the underlying issues. its a matter of ur life and hers...two families..., and then ur children(future life).

trying not to go off topic here ...forgve me if i do.

"same old" u gave a great advice like othrs but one thing which made me bit uneasy was what i am quoting above, case 2.

make any excuse? have u ever had someone lie to u? or gave u an excuse which u knew was just a big fat lie...and that person didnt have the gut to tell the truth or what was on their mind? how many times did u knw it was just a lame excuse or a lie?

when it comes to relationships, those kind of things should be avoided. all they do is create this ugly negative feelings inside of us, because its easy to figure it out when a person is just making an excuse. our consciousness(inside) know. if u deceiving someone, just know u are doing that to urself more thn the other person(might sound naive but inside feelings of ours are that way).it happns because we fail to see the same light in thm and think we cleaver!

just be honest, and tell the reality of things, how u view things and why u think its not gonna work out instead of making an excuse. that is worse thn a slap on the other persons face.ur honesty is only going to help the other person face the truth and hopefully they'll try to move on and change themselves for better.

i understand it's just an example, but still its an advice u giving knowing very well that the girl doesnt seem like that kind of a person. she is in love with him, and have no feelings for that other guy.

clearly u know what u are talking about...and my feeling is u were bit careless when it came to this nd wrote that down.

hope evrything works out.

may guru sahib guide u in this tough situation, and bless u with love and peace

bhul chuk muaf karni

akal sahai

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

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Guest original poster
A person who bows before Guruji, calls themselves a Sikh and trims their hair, and repeats this on a regular basis is one who is losing their virginity over and over again.

A person who bows before Guruji, has made a mistake once, asks for forgiveness, and commits to be a better person is forever a virgin.

The first step to getting your answer is asking the right question.

Don’t ask “Who was she?” Ask, “Who am I?”

if you cut your hair it can regrow and u can choose to keep it. can the same be said for ones virginity......once its gone its gone forever and no excuse will bring it back. I understand what you are trying to say. also she is not amritdhari BUT why should that matter being amritdhari is not a get out clause to magically clean away ones mistakes so being an amritdhari or not being one i think has no relevance here!.......she has learnt from this i guess and has punished herself over and over again......but i dont know what to do she is mentally beating herself up and i have taken this on board so i try not to upset her but whenever i mention this she becomes emotional..............

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If we look back only mehtab paaji has attempted at using gurbani to get an answer. Everyone else is using there own mat. You can ask thousands of people for their advice or opinions, but ultimately only guru sahib matters. If your not sure on what to do next, think of the gurmat way to deal with it.

Guru Mata!! Again you've shown us the light fo Gurmat!

O wait.. you're not the Guru blink.gif

lol

Guru Sahib didn't talk about 1 lined-translations.. care to do vichaar on that ji? How about taking Gurbani out of context.. i'm sure that's naughty right?

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Guest a familair face

lol.................this place never changes...................

Just thought id throw in my 2cents from the preceptive of a women in a similar situation as ur fiancee...............im 23 and have had sex outside of marriage and im not longer with my ex and have no intentions of getting married................simply because the emotional and mental stress and torture i was put under for not being this "holy mother virgin" and that my life was considered worthless as i was no longer a virgin............lol.................the way i see i will find someone who can see past the shell and see into my soul.(not that i have a particularly nice one) tongue.gif .............THAT will be the person i would want to spend the rest of my life with...........

But how is a woman to know if her husband is a virgin and why the double standards...............? like i sed try and understand how you would feel if the reaction you are having towards her...............SHE would have if you were in her shoes.......................

Im am not condoning my actions or encouraging them to others..........but i would not be on mahraj's path now if i had not made the mistakes i had in my past......................God was written everything according to my karams and im simply walking that path................

Society also plays a huge part in how we percieve others.............where did this notion of virginity being the sore indetifier of who is pure and who is not?? Pure is the women who enshrines the name of god in your home and family..................Pure is not the messed up notion we think it is and we have attached it to the illusion of Maya......................Pure is waheguru....................we are ALL inpure.................wether it be mind, body and soul............Wake up my veerji...................shes the women u first feel in love with changed since the first day u met her??

What has realy changed? If you love her any less now then you did before you made this discovery.......then...............well.............forgive me but i dont think you loved her much to begin with................Love is timeless.................without form and does not change with circumstances..................How do you realy feel about her????................you answers to these question will make the decision for you

Good luck and all the best

Akaaalllll!!

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