Have I Brought Shame

[Guest imy]

I know many of you might not agree with things like hi5 or even facebook but this is what seems to have caused me alot of problems.

well im sure most of you know what it is and what people do on FB.....well for me it was my way of staying in contact with my friends and family.

as normal there were pictures of things i had done or places i had been.......some of the pictures were with girls and some with my guy mates who i consider my brothers.

My mum knows of my guy mates and knows we spend alot of time together seeing as we all go to the same university and lived with each other.

But now all has turned........some of me cussins saw pictures and told my aunts who then told me mum but have said that i can't go back to uni aswell as a whole load of other things and that i've brought shame.

I've explained so many times that these people are my brothers and that nothing like what they think is happening. They say that im stupid and are protecting me......i don't see how not allowing me to go back to my university to finish my degree is protecting me.

My dad doesn't know bout this but i want to tell him. I've tried so hard but im so scared as they have said it will kill him.

I know what i did may have been a little wrong but in all this do i deserve what they are doing to me......this is my life and im old enough to make mistakes aswell as learn from them.

I just don't know what to do any more

[singhunit]

I know many of you might not agree with things like hi5 or even facebook but this is what seems to have caused me alot of problems.

well im sure most of you know what it is and what people do on FB.....well for me it was my way of staying in contact with my friends and family.

as normal there were pictures of things i had done or places i had been.......some of the pictures were with girls and some with my guy mates who i consider my brothers.

My mum knows of my guy mates and knows we spend alot of time together seeing as we all go to the same university and lived with each other.

But now all has turned........some of me cussins saw pictures and told my aunts who then told me mum but have said that i can't go back to uni aswell as a whole load of other things and that i've brought shame.

I've explained so many times that these people are my brothers and that nothing like what they think is happening. They say that im stupid and are protecting me......i don't see how not allowing me to go back to my university to finish my degree is protecting me.

My dad doesn't know bout this but i want to tell him. I've tried so hard but im so scared as they have said it will kill him.

I know what i did may have been a little wrong but in all this do i deserve what they are doing to me......this is my life and im old enough to make mistakes aswell as learn from them.

I just don't know what to do any more

What were the pictures actually of and where? If they are innocent pics then uve got your own life to lead...long as you dont bring shame on our guru ji.....but saying that i go out myself....hmm hypocrite!

[Guest unknown_2_All]

having been in a similar situation to be honest just be honest with your dad,its going to be really tough i know,but in the long run he wiill respect that you've told him straight up instead of people telling him. i would also advice you to close down your HI5/FB profiles or just remove these pictures etc at least till things calm down.socialising network sites are soo adictive (been there done that) but keeping off them becomes well easy after a while.

whatever happens remeber that everything happens for a reason.

keep strong yeh.theres a shabad that comes to mind which will help you:

dhhanaasaree mehalaa 5 ||

aoukhee gharree n dhaekhan dhaeee apanaa biradh samaalae ||

He does not let His devotees see the difficult times; this is His innate nature.

haathh dhaee raakhai apanae ko saas saas prathipaalae ||1||

Giving His hand, He protects His devotee; with each and every breath, He cherishes him. ||1||

prabh sio laag rehiou maeraa cheeth ||

My consciousness remains attached to God.

aadh anth prabh sadhaa sehaaee dhan hamaaraa meeth || rehaao ||

In the beginning, and in the end, God is always my helper and companion; blessed is my friend. ||Pause||

man bilaas bheae sahib kae acharaj dhaekh baddaaee ||

My mind is delighted, gazing upon the marvellous, glorious greatness of the Lord and Master.

har simar simar aanadh kar naanak prabh pooran paij rakhaaee ||2||15||46||

Remembering, remembering the Lord in meditation, Nanak is in ecstasy; God, in His perfection, has protected and preserved his honor. ||2||15||46||

[apne]

Who your parents don't trust? You or your mates? Your parents wold never want anything bad for you. Are you a very good student? If you are an average student and you only want a degree for the sake of it you will definitly do more wrong things. If you know that half the time you will be having fun at uni. Then it is better to stay home and learn family business. You will thank your parents when you are old. Friendships don't last, they change with seasons. Only one or two friends are life long friends, rest are all for the time being. Think about your future. An elder once told me that everyone has to work hard like a donkey once in their lifetime, you choose when you want to be donkey, in your youth (wen u can shape ur future) or in old age (when you cannot make much difference).

[Mehtab Singh]

To add to what apne said, be very careful who you trust on the Internet these days.

[Amrit]

what will your dad say when you don't go to uni?

[Guest imy]

the pictures were of me mates birthday......we were all just in the flat and just giving presents and spendin time together.......ye as normal parties there ws alcohol but don't we have that at weddings....its there but its doesnt mean im drinking it......when it comes to going out im hardly ever out........but yeh i do have close friends and we spend alot of time together....bt as i said before they are my family at uni........we all know each others families etc.

when it comes down to future....i had it all planned out but its not my parents who are stopping me from becoming what i wish to become its aunts n uncles from me dads side. i go to uni so i can achieve a degree that can help me succeed in my career, im not doing it for the sake of it.

The more and more i realise this is about control over me.....its always been like this but now i have a mind of my own and speak it they don't like it. Just wish my mum would speak up but she say she not strong enuff and its up to them what happens.....if it was up to them they'd ahve me married to a guy from india (no offence to the guys) who thinks and acts like them....im different in every way....my beliefs, thoughts and way of life is nothing like theirs....but trying to make me into their non talking, non moving puppet is what they want.

i know this sound really harsh but just the things these people do and say.....before i was told your not allowed to choose a guy yourself....you do that and it will shame the family and we will disown you....but now these people are sayin its ok.......one minutes its one things and then its another.....now if my dad finds out he will die......witht his hangin over me what do i do....listen to these threats or stand up for myself and my innocence??

[kookar88]

i havent seen the pics but if u think they r safe enough then show them ur dad and take him in your confidence.... and tell him ur degree is ur future... and basically auntiya & uncle can get lost and mind there on business...

but if you think the pictures are not safe enough .... then be sorry to your dad and promise him that it wont happen again .... say this in guru sahibs hazoori ,so that your dad knows u r not lying and you make sure that it doesnt happen again bcos u just said it in front of guru ji...

and tell ur mum to b a bit more strong and she should stand up for you if she thinks u r right .

[Guest imy]

all fo this is so much easier said then done.....i know what i have to say because its the truth but just starting the conversation off is so hard.....i tried yesterday bt i jus couldnt i really do want to because its for me......its my innocence and my life at stake so i know what i have to do.

If i dont it will be worse for me in the long run.

[apne]

Lol i never realised that you are a bibi! Anyhow, dear, i too am at uni. but you know, i still have to see a genuine brother sister relationship formed between two strangers. There is guy in my class who too is fond of getting 'sisters' . He is crap! because this is da only way to chat up and spend some time with a gal n he is also innocently touching his 'sisters' here n there n also uses dem to send msgs to gals he like. I am no telling u to do anything, but u should form ur own opinion from experience, which must exclude ur own. U know, really, no guy ever wants to be brother or close friend of a bibi. It is another way of hooking with gals u like. don't mind, but how many hugs do u get from ur pals, how many pats on ur cheek, how many chucklings etc. juz find out the most stupid guy from your mates n den make him talk using ur cleverness. u know, ask him what other guys, ur mates , say about u, or how they discuss u wen among themselves or other guys. U will be amazed!

if u had a genuine realtionship and wanted to get married, that would be understandable, but being in close friendship with many guys who are like brothers to u. my advise, pick up ur shoes and run fast!