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Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

As you guys can guess from the Title, my cousins want to marry in Hindu families.

I have two cousins back in Delhi, who both have their so-called Hindu "boyfriends". While me and my sister are blessed by guroojee with Amrit dee daat, and my sister is now married with a Chardhikalaa Singh, we thought they would be on the right track as well, since we haven't met them in many years. It was quite shocking to hear what has changed in all these years.

Anyhow. One of my cousins who was raised by a single parent (her father passed away when she was 6) has now decided to marry a Hindu guy, who apparently works with her. Her mother is an Amritdhari, and after all her stubbornness, she has given in and decided to let her do whatever she wants. Now I don't want to blame my cousin for all what she is doing. The time she was young and when her father passed away, her mother had to go through a lot. She had to sign away all the property papers to her in-laws, and so she moved in with her parents. Just to keep peace in the family with her Bhabiaan, and them accepting her daughter, she neglected her own child (my cousin) and took care of other kids in the house. She didn't want anyone to treat her daughter badly after she would go to work. I can never imagine the psychological state of my cousin ever or what she thought of her own mother during the time, or other family members. I remember as a child she often hurt herself through broken glass (she still does that sometimes). And instead of taking my cousin to a psychiatrist, her mother would take her to the Babay, and Peer, who actually did worst things to her like hitting her as if she had a ghost inside her, which got her more mad at the beliefs of the "so called Amritdharis" (as she states it) in our house. It was as though she felt the absence of love in her life, first from her father, then from her mother. She was even blessed with Amrit 10-11 years ago, but later on stopped wearing her Kakaars, because of the bad examples she saw in her house. There are people in our family who were blessed with Amrit, but wax their kesh, has done a complete laser removal procedure, drink alcohol, eat meat, etc. She saw them and now asks us what kind of Amritdharis are they? She says now she is with a person who loves her, who takes care of her every need, and that she doesn't want to be with a Sikh man because of the bad cases in our own family. I have told her many times, and even the family members that my sister’s husband, would never allow his wife (my sister) or their kids to go to their household, or even myself, I would never want my kids to go to her house where they will be living the opposite lifestyle as ours. I asked her many times what religion would her kids follow, and she says what ever they feel to follow, I think this is a bit immature for her to think that she would have full control of her kids after marriage. I don’t know what else to tell her. I have said all I could say, but she doesn’t seem to care what I say. There are only a couple of people who she really cares for in their opinion in her life, and surprisingly all have given her a consent to do whatever she want, except my mom. My mom tells her straight off that the day you marry outside Sikhi, my relationship will end with you. But she is scared as well, that my cousin might convince her by hurting herself.

This is my first cousin, now moving on to my second cousin.

Going on to my second cousin. She was blessed with Amrit as well. Same story with not wearing her Kakaars, and waxing/shaving. But her affair started about 7-8 years ago, and we got to know about it now. It is sad that everyone in our family knows about her affair, even her mother, except her father. I just don't get what kind of a thinking my family has got now. They think it is OK for their daughters to marry outside Sikhi. She lost her brother 6 years ago, and truly he was a true gursikh, who did seva and simran in the short time he had. After his death his father lost it completely, he left his Real Estate business, and went to open a small store where he earned only to feed his family. He would listen to Katha 24/7, and after that many years has now gotten a little better with his emotional state. My Uncle is the kind of person who can actually hurt himself or someone else if he finds out about her daughter’s affair. The daughter doesn’t seem to care and wants the whole family to tell her father. I hope sangat knows what the rest of the story would be.

I know that we can try our best in getting them on the right track, and getting them to love Sikhi, and appreciate it more, but nothing seems to work on them. I mean they don’t have good sangat (and yes that includes their own family) but I now ask after all the tries the sangat to give their view on this situation. Many people have said let them do whatever they want, but how can I? How can I let my sisters face away from Maharaaj?, leave Sikhi for some blind love? I don’t know what to think of my own family now, what kind of a dream world are they living in? I don’t know what else to write..I really want the sangat of my guroo to tell me what I can do? Or what anyone else can do? I am sorry if you have read this over and over again but I really do need opinions, and views, because in the end your sangat is what makes you.

_/\_

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

p.s. Sangat jee please don’t use harsh words and please do think of them as your own sisters who are going on the wrong track.

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  • 5 weeks later...
Guest JATT_Punjabi

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

As you guys can guess from the Title, my cousins want to marry in Hindu families.

I have two cousins back in Delhi, who both have their so-called Hindu "boyfriends". While me and my sister are blessed by guroojee with Amrit dee daat, and my sister is now married with a Chardhikalaa Singh, we thought they would be on the right track as well, since we haven't met them in many years. It was quite shocking to hear what has changed in all these years.

Anyhow. One of my cousins who was raised by a single parent (her father passed away when she was 6) has now decided to marry a Hindu guy, who apparently works with her. Her mother is an Amritdhari, and after all her stubbornness, she has given in and decided to let her do whatever she wants. Now I don't want to blame my cousin for all what she is doing. The time she was young and when her father passed away, her mother had to go through a lot. She had to sign away all the property papers to her in-laws, and so she moved in with her parents. Just to keep peace in the family with her Bhabiaan, and them accepting her daughter, she neglected her own child (my cousin) and took care of other kids in the house. She didn't want anyone to treat her daughter badly after she would go to work. I can never imagine the psychological state of my cousin ever or what she thought of her own mother during the time, or other family members. I remember as a child she often hurt herself through broken glass (she still does that sometimes). And instead of taking my cousin to a psychiatrist, her mother would take her to the Babay, and Peer, who actually did worst things to her like hitting her as if she had a ghost inside her, which got her more mad at the beliefs of the "so called Amritdharis" (as she states it) in our house. It was as though she felt the absence of love in her life, first from her father, then from her mother. She was even blessed with Amrit 10-11 years ago, but later on stopped wearing her Kakaars, because of the bad examples she saw in her house. There are people in our family who were blessed with Amrit, but wax their kesh, has done a complete laser removal procedure, drink alcohol, eat meat, etc. She saw them and now asks us what kind of Amritdharis are they? She says now she is with a person who loves her, who takes care of her every need, and that she doesn't want to be with a Sikh man because of the bad cases in our own family. I have told her many times, and even the family members that my sister’s husband, would never allow his wife (my sister) or their kids to go to their household, or even myself, I would never want my kids to go to her house where they will be living the opposite lifestyle as ours. I asked her many times what religion would her kids follow, and she says what ever they feel to follow, I think this is a bit immature for her to think that she would have full control of her kids after marriage. I don’t know what else to tell her. I have said all I could say, but she doesn’t seem to care what I say. There are only a couple of people who she really cares for in their opinion in her life, and surprisingly all have given her a consent to do whatever she want, except my mom. My mom tells her straight off that the day you marry outside Sikhi, my relationship will end with you. But she is scared as well, that my cousin might convince her by hurting herself.

This is my first cousin, now moving on to my second cousin.

Going on to my second cousin. She was blessed with Amrit as well. Same story with not wearing her Kakaars, and waxing/shaving. But her affair started about 7-8 years ago, and we got to know about it now. It is sad that everyone in our family knows about her affair, even her mother, except her father. I just don't get what kind of a thinking my family has got now. They think it is OK for their daughters to marry outside Sikhi. She lost her brother 6 years ago, and truly he was a true gursikh, who did seva and simran in the short time he had. After his death his father lost it completely, he left his Real Estate business, and went to open a small store where he earned only to feed his family. He would listen to Katha 24/7, and after that many years has now gotten a little better with his emotional state. My Uncle is the kind of person who can actually hurt himself or someone else if he finds out about her daughter’s affair. The daughter doesn’t seem to care and wants the whole family to tell her father. I hope sangat knows what the rest of the story would be.

I know that we can try our best in getting them on the right track, and getting them to love Sikhi, and appreciate it more, but nothing seems to work on them. I mean they don’t have good sangat (and yes that includes their own family) but I now ask after all the tries the sangat to give their view on this situation. Many people have said let them do whatever they want, but how can I? How can I let my sisters face away from Maharaaj?, leave Sikhi for some blind love? I don’t know what to think of my own family now, what kind of a dream world are they living in? I don’t know what else to write..I really want the sangat of my guroo to tell me what I can do? Or what anyone else can do? I am sorry if you have read this over and over again but I really do need opinions, and views, because in the end your sangat is what makes you.

_/\_

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

p.s. Sangat jee please don’t use harsh words and please do think of them as your own sisters who are going on the wrong track.

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Guest JATT_GILL_22

Sat Sri Akaal Bhen Ji. Bhul chuk maaf.

A couple of months ago, i was in a similar position. Being comming from hardcore sikh family i thought it would kill my parents knowing my sister wanted to marry a hindu boy. At first all our family with the exception of my mother were not to keen. So were my Chacha ji and my thiyaji including my poi. But we asked ourself this question "will they force hinduism upon my daughter/sister?". And we came to an answer and that was NO. Im not here to demean sikhi values or hindu values or any religious values. Im trying to stay positive and trying to be a Gurmukh- not bad mouthing people, always wishing good for those who still hate u.

SO anyways, we said NO. Hindus dont convert sikhs or any religion into islam. and not every hindu is an RSS sikh. You live in India Bhenji, you know how it is; hindus and sikhs live together in harmony. Its only a handful of nardmonhi teenager hypocrites who say "khalistan f**k hindus". Who dont know anything about chardi kala or sikhi.

So as it goes, the wedding took place in a Sikh Gurdwara and a Mandhir. The family are already enveloped into sikh, as some hindus do kar sewa at Gurdwaras and they visit Gurdwaras. The marriage so far is good touchwood*. And my sister amrita gill now a sharma kept her identity and practices sikhi. In addition to some hindu things like - Rakri (practiced by thousands of sikhs anyways) and (karva chaut) and maybe a visit to a Mandhir.

Sikhi is a tollerant peace loving religion. Remember the words of Guru Gobing singh Ji, "when other means fail it isin righteousness to raise the sword". Or Guru Nanak Dev ji, "karma is the cause of birth in this world; salvation can be obtained by grace". And In the SGGS "dont call various texts false; false are those who do not put thoughts into their contents". So you see it is accepted for hindu-sikh intermarriage. Many do it and i know they have good relation ships. Okay there are some cultrual boundaries for example. A sikh marrying a tamil. No similarities language barriers etc.

My sister is living happily, and has had 3 children. My brother inlaw is a great guy... and so is the family.

For advice on your amritdhari cousin- she may find some differences to a keshdari sikh. so there may be difficulty even if her boyfriend is a sikh!. However, remember these words When you are confronted with terrible hardships and no one offers you any support. When your friends turn into enemies and even your relatives have deserted you. And when all support has given way and all hope has been lost. If you then come to remember the Supreme God, even the hot wind shall not touch you. [Guru Granth Sahib Ji 70. If her family will accept her values of a strict sikh, then i will say go for it. Remember only religions like christianity and islam require conversions whereas, Dharmic religions like, Sikhism, Janism and Hinduism don't.

For your other cousin, likewise to what i said above, its okay as long as she doesnt go into a religion which requires conversions. Its not like hindus will stop you from practising Sikhism. Get to know about the family, you dont know much im guessing. So why not meet them and then advise your cousin. Dont listen to one sided extremist bacchas on here. They dont know but to slander others.... what goes around comes around bhen ji. Please take my advice. I know this from my own experience....

Waheguru Ji ki khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh

Nanak naam chardhi kala

Jo Bole so nihaal!

From Raj Gill!

Rab Rakha, and Good Luck

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Sat Sri Akaal Bhen Ji. Bhul chuk maaf.

A couple of months ago, i was in a similar position. Being comming from hardcore sikh family i thought it would kill my parents knowing my sister wanted to marry a hindu boy. At first all our family with the exception of my mother were not to keen. So were my Chacha ji and my thiyaji including my poi. But we asked ourself this question "will they force hinduism upon my daughter/sister?". And we came to an answer and that was NO. Im not here to demean sikhi values or hindu values or any religious values. Im trying to stay positive and trying to be a Gurmukh- not bad mouthing people, always wishing good for those who still hate u.

SO anyways, we said NO. Hindus dont convert sikhs or any religion into islam. and not every hindu is an RSS sikh. You live in India Bhenji, you know how it is; hindus and sikhs live together in harmony. Its only a handful of nardmonhi teenager hypocrites who say "khalistan f**k hindus". Who dont know anything about chardi kala or sikhi.

So as it goes, the wedding took place in a Sikh Gurdwara and a Mandhir. The family are already enveloped into sikh, as some hindus do kar sewa at Gurdwaras and they visit Gurdwaras. The marriage so far is good touchwood*. And my sister amrita gill now a sharma kept her identity and practices sikhi. In addition to some hindu things like - Rakri (practiced by thousands of sikhs anyways) and (karva chaut) and maybe a visit to a Mandhir.

Sikhi is a tollerant peace loving religion. Remember the words of Guru Gobing singh Ji, "when other means fail it isin righteousness to raise the sword". Or Guru Nanak Dev ji, "karma is the cause of birth in this world; salvation can be obtained by grace". And In the SGGS "dont call various texts false; false are those who do not put thoughts into their contents". So you see it is accepted for hindu-sikh intermarriage. Many do it and i know they have good relation ships. Okay there are some cultrual boundaries for example. A sikh marrying a tamil. No similarities language barriers etc.

My sister is living happily, and has had 3 children. My brother inlaw is a great guy... and so is the family.

For advice on your amritdhari cousin- she may find some differences to a keshdari sikh. so there may be difficulty even if her boyfriend is a sikh!. However, remember these words When you are confronted with terrible hardships and no one offers you any support. When your friends turn into enemies and even your relatives have deserted you. And when all support has given way and all hope has been lost. If you then come to remember the Supreme God, even the hot wind shall not touch you. [Guru Granth Sahib Ji 70. If her family will accept her values of a strict sikh, then i will say go for it. Remember only religions like christianity and islam require conversions whereas, Dharmic religions like, Sikhism, Janism and Hinduism don't.

For your other cousin, likewise to what i said above, its okay as long as she doesnt go into a religion which requires conversions. Its not like hindus will stop you from practising Sikhism. Get to know about the family, you dont know much im guessing. So why not meet them and then advise your cousin. Dont listen to one sided extremist bacchas on here. They dont know but to slander others.... what goes around comes around bhen ji. Please take my advice. I know this from my own experience....

Waheguru Ji ki khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh

Nanak naam chardhi kala

Jo Bole so nihaal!

From Raj Gill!

Rab Rakha, and Good Luck

And In the SGGS "dont call various texts false; false are those who do not put thoughts into their contents".

In this tuk Guru Sahib is saying read the other religions text to gain knowledge on there religions and what they are about. This will help you on your Sikhi path. You see this often these days, Muslims purposely trying to add a twist to the Koran so they can get someone to convert to Islam. Christian have done the same in many countries. Hindus have done the same. If that person had read the Koran/Bible/Vedas him/herself then you would be aware of the person's intention. Guru Sahib is saying don't be ignorant.

Doesn't Hinduism have idol worship and in Sikhi this is completely forbidden for a Sikh.

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Clearly they both lack sangat. You should of sent them to Sikhicamps across the world, of course with supervision. They need to get out more and talk to the 'chardikala' sangat. you mentioned about the brother being a great gursikh, as too with the farther. We can say things went from bad to worse when they.........vaheguru jeeo

Of course when your vunderable, you will end up believing any crap anyone say to you. need a strong frame where the picture will not fall. keep things in perspective. Now clearly being amritdhari for them was difficult, cus they had no support. I don't know if there are any sikhi events going on around their area, but try to find out. If things do get quite intense, then try finding a sikhicamp or something along the lines, cus from what you have written, it looks like there backing away from you too. so do play your cards right.

You talked about 'baabae' and things will only scared the indivual if used with no knowledge. they don't know nothing about these 'babae', cus they have a biased viewpoint. It tough, but you'll get through this. Make sure you do the Ardaas.

vaheguru jeeo

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Guest singh 1699

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

As you guys can guess from the Title, my cousins want to marry in Hindu families.

I have two cousins back in Delhi, who both have their so-called Hindu "boyfriends". While me and my sister are blessed by guroojee with Amrit dee daat, and my sister is now married with a Chardhikalaa Singh, we thought they would be on the right track as well, since we haven't met them in many years. It was quite shocking to hear what has changed in all these years.

Anyhow. One of my cousins who was raised by a single parent (her father passed away when she was 6) has now decided to marry a Hindu guy, who apparently works with her. Her mother is an Amritdhari, and after all her stubbornness, she has given in and decided to let her do whatever she wants. Now I don't want to blame my cousin for all what she is doing. The time she was young and when her father passed away, her mother had to go through a lot. She had to sign away all the property papers to her in-laws, and so she moved in with her parents. Just to keep peace in the family with her Bhabiaan, and them accepting her daughter, she neglected her own child (my cousin) and took care of other kids in the house. She didn't want anyone to treat her daughter badly after she would go to work. I can never imagine the psychological state of my cousin ever or what she thought of her own mother during the time, or other family members. I remember as a child she often hurt herself through broken glass (she still does that sometimes). And instead of taking my cousin to a psychiatrist, her mother would take her to the Babay, and Peer, who actually did worst things to her like hitting her as if she had a ghost inside her, which got her more mad at the beliefs of the "so called Amritdharis" (as she states it) in our house. It was as though she felt the absence of love in her life, first from her father, then from her mother. She was even blessed with Amrit 10-11 years ago, but later on stopped wearing her Kakaars, because of the bad examples she saw in her house. There are people in our family who were blessed with Amrit, but wax their kesh, has done a complete laser removal procedure, drink alcohol, eat meat, etc. She saw them and now asks us what kind of Amritdharis are they? She says now she is with a person who loves her, who takes care of her every need, and that she doesn't want to be with a Sikh man because of the bad cases in our own family. I have told her many times, and even the family members that my sister’s husband, would never allow his wife (my sister) or their kids to go to their household, or even myself, I would never want my kids to go to her house where they will be living the opposite lifestyle as ours. I asked her many times what religion would her kids follow, and she says what ever they feel to follow, I think this is a bit immature for her to think that she would have full control of her kids after marriage. I don’t know what else to tell her. I have said all I could say, but she doesn’t seem to care what I say. There are only a couple of people who she really cares for in their opinion in her life, and surprisingly all have given her a consent to do whatever she want, except my mom. My mom tells her straight off that the day you marry outside Sikhi, my relationship will end with you. But she is scared as well, that my cousin might convince her by hurting herself.

This is my first cousin, now moving on to my second cousin.

Going on to my second cousin. She was blessed with Amrit as well. Same story with not wearing her Kakaars, and waxing/shaving. But her affair started about 7-8 years ago, and we got to know about it now. It is sad that everyone in our family knows about her affair, even her mother, except her father. I just don't get what kind of a thinking my family has got now. They think it is OK for their daughters to marry outside Sikhi. She lost her brother 6 years ago, and truly he was a true gursikh, who did seva and simran in the short time he had. After his death his father lost it completely, he left his Real Estate business, and went to open a small store where he earned only to feed his family. He would listen to Katha 24/7, and after that many years has now gotten a little better with his emotional state. My Uncle is the kind of person who can actually hurt himself or someone else if he finds out about her daughter’s affair. The daughter doesn’t seem to care and wants the whole family to tell her father. I hope sangat knows what the rest of the story would be.

I know that we can try our best in getting them on the right track, and getting them to love Sikhi, and appreciate it more, but nothing seems to work on them. I mean they don’t have good sangat (and yes that includes their own family) but I now ask after all the tries the sangat to give their view on this situation. Many people have said let them do whatever they want, but how can I? How can I let my sisters face away from Maharaaj?, leave Sikhi for some blind love? I don’t know what to think of my own family now, what kind of a dream world are they living in? I don’t know what else to write..I really want the sangat of my guroo to tell me what I can do? Or what anyone else can do? I am sorry if you have read this over and over again but I really do need opinions, and views, because in the end your sangat is what makes you.

_/\_

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fatehe!

p.s. Sangat jee please don’t use harsh words and please do think of them as your own sisters who are going on the wrong track.

Bhenjee, you said

"How can I let my sisters face away from Maharaaj?"

This is something we should ALL be asking ourselves, even if we dont have any sisters.

Guru saahib made the Khalsa, as ONE whole family.

We are all brothers and sisters.

When guru saahib lost his two sons in the battlefield, he didnt put white sheets over his sons only, he told his singhs that look, MANY of my sons have given shaheedi, I dont have 2 sons that lost their lives in this battle, I have lost 1000s.

Bhenjee, there is only so much you can do. The best you can do is give wisdom. Keep talking to them and imply sikhi. It looks like your cousins are at the age of maturity. There is only so much they will listen and the rest goes out the ears.

If your cousins dont listen and marry off, its okay!

Guru saahib says, 'jeevath kaaye hajaaar', there are thousands others, lets focus on spreading sikhi to those OTHERS. If your cousins falls away, maybe you can still be an influence on another girl who is ALSO slipping away and you save her? Isnt she your sister as well? Would it give you the same satisfaction that even though you couldnt bring your cousin around, you did help another of your sisters?

Sangat is VERY important. It is evident that your cousin does not have that, and with out sadh sangat bhenjee, we are all stuck in this maya filled kaljug!

vaheguruuu

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I think almost all of us have one or two family member which cause our hair to turn grey sooner rather than later.

We must remember that each of us have our own karma to work out in this life...no matter how we may feel about the choice of other and no matter how close they may be to us. We all came into this world to work out the results of our past actions. While observer the behavior of other, keep in mind that you also have your journey to make and that you too have work to do on yourself in this gift of a life. If our heart reach out to someone to understand their pain and suffering then by all means be the messenger of compassion and love, but let it not be at the cost of losing your own path by involving yourself so much into their life that you now begin to do their Simran instead of Waheguru.

Give advice when it is needed, be ready to give a helping hand, do Ardaas for someone, remember them when your heart is filled with love, project this love towards them through your heartfelt prayers, but don't lose yourself. Help yourself first before you help others, fill yourself up first with enough presence of that love that without words others are healed from their wounds. Light yourself up first, only then can others be lit from you.

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