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Dad Is Mean To My Mom


Guest dillard
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We all know the answer is... just makes people feel better. You don't need to rub it in thee face. (sigh huh.gif )

Awww, you sound like a cute kid. Very innocent. happy.gif

Rub it in the face? I don't see faces. unsure.gif I can see a monitor. That's it! tongue.gif

Nice to be called a kid ... I see the 30's coming in 9 more years :0..... I'm to good to be 30 years + old lol

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my mum's like that sometimes, cares more about brothers, sisters and parents than husband and kids - not openly of course, but when you get to the root of it, it's evident. maybe your dad feels like that, and maybe he thinks he's 'tied down by you lot' no offence, obviously don't know if that's the case, just can happen sometimes.

you can tell when a person is selfish, and there's really nothing you can do cause they don't want to hear. just understand gurbani and hukham and try and get your family to do the same.

also chances are a person like that needs discipline/needs to be disciplines, but since it's your dad, not gonna be anyone there to do it really, so he'll do whatever he wants.

you'll have to use like subtle psychological techniques where he starts doing stuff for you or letting you in on things, without really realising it. you're gonna have to research that yourself i'm afraid. being playfull - fnding things out via jokes, being kind, being extra helpful, being straight with him, being harsh, threatening some action that he might not like etc. : huge range, which one affects him though.

but main thing is if you understand vaheguru ji's hukam then it's a lot easier to deal with. you can become detached and the significance of his actions declines. dhrigant maat, pita sunehu(ng),... you can still care without being sooo attached

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Bibi AmarjitKaur, no offense but I do not think you understand the delicacy of the situation or else you would not have suggested that he starts doing what his dad does unto him.

Not that I want to start an argument, but suggesting somebody about black magic, is that understanding the delicacy of the mind of young adult.

Why cann't we just believe in one Guru Granth Sahib jee where no black magics (if they exist) would stay anymore.

Why can't we suggest younger ones to do Waheguru simran, rather than putting some evil thoughts in their minds.

Isn't that pushing them away from Gurbani and get entangled in jadoo tooNe stuff.

Just hate to see that even young generation falls for these things. I thought it was only oldies and uneducated believed in these things.

As far as suggesting the "<banned word filter activated> for tat" for the guy. I think he needs to see little bit of that. Why our men (esp. indian and esp punjabi) like to treat women like somebody to raise their kids and cook food for them.

Just hate this men mentality. Marad pradhan samaj. isn't it??

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Give your mum a hug and tell her that you are always there for her. That's all you can do for her.

As for you dad, you can't do anything about it. Gurbani can. But this solution you already knew about, yet you still posted a topic.

Odd that we always know the solution is Gurbani and yet we seek other so called easy answers. Sigh...sleep.gif

tayray gun bahutay mai ayk na jaani-aa mai moorakh kichh deejai.

paranvat naanak sun mayray saahibaa dubdaa pathar leejai.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Gurbani stops this so called suffering. You can only 'experience' it.

Fateh jee

I matha teak you for what you have said. To me, I don't see you as a brother/sister/mum/dad,etccccc

I ONLY see you as AKAAALLLL PURKHHH hIMSELFF

You are a truly blessed soul. wow

OK then for the rest of you, here's the truth:

Why cann't we just believe in one Guru Granth Sahib jee where no black magics (if they exist) would stay anymore.

but main thing is if you understand vaheguru ji's hukam then it's a lot easier to deal with

you want more truth jeeeooo

i agree with what nehmat bhenji said ..its the only way for to feel comforted

OK then, if there was anything which made you sad, which caused confusion, etc I am truly sorry, I beg for your forgiveness jeeo

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

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We all know the answer is... just makes people feel better. You don't need to rub it in thee face. (sigh huh.gif )

Awww, you sound like a cute kid. Very innocent. happy.gif

Rub it in the face? I don't see faces. unsure.gif I can see a monitor. That's it! tongue.gif

Nice to be called a kid ... I see the 30's coming in 9 more years :0..... I'm to good to be 30 years + old lol

Your 'physical' age has nothing to do with your soul's current state of being. Compare both your physical and your mental age, you shall get your answers yourself. You will know whether you've been led by your mind or your soul so far, whether you've been sleeping or awake. Then you'll be asking yourself: 'Am I really my age?' I hope you aren't getting angry. I truly would like to see each and everyone of you happy. Truly happy. For this we must look beyond the ego substance.

The infinite is beyond any time limits and since the soul is a part of this 'Whole', in urgency to be 'Whole' again, this entity is also beyond time limits. It is only the physical body that these things called age and time are set for on this planet, ie. Earth. Our soul's age, however, is defined by his grace. We know nothing about it. Meet him and find out.

You are very innocent, indeed. It's a god-like quality. =)

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Odd that we always know the solution is Gurbani and yet we seek other so called easy answers. Sigh...
Odd that we get annoyed if we have to say that more than a few times...

Ji, sometimes the 'taunting' can be a blessing in disguise. Understand?

It may do some great good to the other. So sometimes, just let things be.

And you just try to 'BE'. Just BE. :p

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Fateh jee

I matha teak you for what you have said. To me, I don't see you as a brother/sister/mum/dad,etccccc

I ONLY see you as AKAAALLLL PURKHHH hIMSELFF

You are a truly blessed soul. wow

Ji, don't say that again. Matha is placed on the holy feet of my Beloved, my Maharaj Ji. Not people like me. I'm nothing. My Beloved is everything. Merciful, compassionate and full of love. The Creator itself. So, no, don't look at the fingers pointing towards him, look at HIM. Look at the 'Daataar' himself. Maharaj Ji. Don't embrass me in front of him again by saying that, I won't be able to look at him. I request you. Waheguru.

And Ji, everything is Akaal Purkh himself. Everything. You are too. Yes, you are too. Not your mind but the real you.

Be more determined. More determined and 'focus' on your high aim. Your aim to meet him. Merge into him. More eagerly. Devote more time to him. You will be able to do it. He's more eager to meet us than we are.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

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Sounds like dad does not include you or your mom as part of family. Focus on the things that you CAN control at home. One of these things is interaction with your mother and siblings. For your mental health, have the rest of your family interact positively on a regular basis when your dad is at home; whether it is watching a movie, playing chess, or going for a walk. Invite your dad to join you guys. It may be a small step toward making the situation better. It would be better if the activity is something that your dad shares an interest in.

Have your family build relationships with people that your dad has relationships with. His side of the family may drink, but it does not mean that there can not be some positive interaction and connection at some level with someone.

Your dad might simply be behaving in a manner in which his own childhood family functioned. For him it is comfortable and normal. This is not an excuse as he should understand change and not be so self centered, but may help explain some of his views.

Another thing about families is that negative interactions about things almost happen on autopilot and are predictable. We are comfortable with our family and let our emotions take over a bit much. The negative interactions are almost like recordings that are played over and over with slightly different hues. Despite that, we always think the other person was unreasonable. Watch for the autopilot interactions….remember it takes two to go on autopilot… break those cycles. Someone above mentioned being playful, being kind etc. Some of these reactions by you may throw dad off autopilot.

Learn to master your emotional reactions to your dad’s behavior. You are the owner of YOUR reactions and mind, not him. It is human nature to strive…but when we try to control things we can’t, we forget to control things we can. So let some things go.

From what you describe any progress will be very slow. Work on your expectations, assist your mom and siblings with the same, take strength in each other and focus on the positive, what you do have. No family is without challenges and many families have serious challenges that don’t have a public face.

As children we grow up seeking security in our world. That world is our parents. When we come to realize that they are quite imperfect or worse, it is unsettling. It is difficult to accept that our security is so tenuous and dysfunctional. Despite that, there is a love (however oddly exhibited) parents have for you that you may not understand until you are a parent. Eventually you mature to accept and love parents as parents despite faults and accept that they are mere humans…that the security and you require is not in parents, wealth, or status, rather waheguru.

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