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Balait_da_Sher

Taking care of our elderly.

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Fateh All,

Right, where to begin, well my daddi jee (grand mother) is about 95 years old. So 13 years ago when we used to live in India we had our daddi jee who lived with us for 28+ years. Then my dad came to UK and i joined him a couple of years after and stated studying. So my sisters got married in india because they couldnt join us in uk due to their age. After my sisters were married we again asked our daddi jee to come with us to UK but she refused. I begged her for years when her health was good to come and live with us in UK but she said she doesn't want to go.

So one of my sister lived in our house taking care of our daddi ji because her husband was working in a different country and my sister works in the same city where our house is. So my sister lived in our house with my daddi jee while my mum had to come over to UK. Now my sister has to leave india to be with her husband which leaves my daddi alone. I have two chachas in punjab but none of them wants to look after her because she is too old and requires constant care. We all decided that my chachas should take care of my daddi jee since they have never bothered and there is no other option left. So my daddi lived with my youngest chacha but her health deteriorated due to her not being looked after properly. So we brought her from their house to my other chachas house where she has gotton a lot better. But now my current chacha says they dont want to look after her either because she requires a lot of care (bath, toilet etc).

So what can be done?

  • Shall i suggest my parents to move back to india so they can look after my daddi jee,even though they require ongoing medical attention in UK?
  • Is there a way of bringing her to UK, keeping in mind her age?
  • Should we put her in a care home after caring for her, all her life and then abandon her right at the end?
  • Should we find a house maid or someone who will live in our house and take care of her?

I really just want to find out if there is a way of bringing a elderly person to UK? She might not even go with air travel as she has been amritdhari all her life and would not take her kirpan off.

Is it even a good idea to bring her to a different climate where its always raining and cold compared to india?

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa! Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Your chacha needs speaking too....anyway,

Maybe you can help towards the cost of a full time carer while she stays at your chacha's house in India - that would take most of the strain off him and his family. If that doesn't work, you can bring her to the UK as a dependent but like you say, the weather etc wouldn't suit her.

Our elders take care of us when we are young, so we must do our duty and return the favour when the time comes.

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My grandmother lived alone in Amritsar for years wen her health was in perfect shape. She never ever wanted to leave Punjab but eventually she had to when she felt weak to take care of her own. She lived 8 years with us and passed away last year. Those 8 years i lived with her wer the best time i ever had with my grandmum. When she fell ill in Amritsar, my mom rushed back to Punjab and lived for many months and then came back only when my grandmum was approved to immigrate etc. (My dad was the only child)

Taking care of old generation is the must job for us. If i was in your place, i would have someone from my family to take full care of the grandmum (if my parents cannot be with her because of their own health reason then either me or my wife will go back to take care of her). If for any reason nobody can really go from your family then i would suggest to find any good trusted relative who is willing to take care of her (like dad's cuzin) and have a full time nurse be with her 24/7 (pay for it). This time is very hard for her, both emotionally and physically and someone needs to be with her with genuine piyar. I know this situation is very hard and i also know that UK got so many family visa/immigration restrictions. Wish you the good luck and do keep me update on it..

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Its a delicate situation, if you bring her to UK it would be a major change for her (climate) wise and just food, etc. as well, how will her body take to the medicine given to her at such an old age? You never know, what if there are complications on the flight. Like S1ngh said, its best to have either your dad or mom look after her because that's the closest relative she has and this is the time when they're most needed to her, what gurmat says is to take care of your elders in old age because they raised you and made you what you are, this is the least they can do. I don't think you should consider a nurse or nanny to take care of her due to inconvenience, if my mom or dad was sick I would leave my job/this country and move to take care of them, my two cents.

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Old age scares me! :sad:

PrIdw ienI inkI jMGIAY Ql fUMgr BivEim@ ]

fareedhaa einee nikee ja(n)gheeai thhal ddoo(n)gar bhavioumih ||

Fareed, with these small legs, I crossed deserts and mountains.

Aju PrIdY kUjVw sY kohW QIEim ]20]

aj fareedhai koojarraa sai kohaa(n) thheeoum ||20||

But today, Fareed, my water jug seems hundreds of miles away. ||20||

My dadaji in India got badly sick last year; the doctors in India said he had TB and started giving medicine accordingly. He didn't really have TB so his health deteriorated very fast. At this point my dad took off a few weeks off work and went to India. Dada ji, while in hospital one day heard the doctors saying "eh canada da mareej aa, enu jaan ni dena' (this patient is from canada, let's not let him leave). Once the TB medicine was given, my dadaji's kidneys gave away and he was going to hospital every 2 days to get them flushed. One morning, he felt okay, and my dad was feeding him some food before leaving for the hospital thats when he died.

I guess the point I'm trying to get across is, if you do hire a nurse in India, make sure she's legit. Good luck with whatever decision you make. One thing is for sure, we must do everything that we can to take care of the elderly. After all, we owe our life to them.

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