Meeting Up With Girls

[Papi]

^ I completely agree with you. I was saying more in terms of friendship I suppose, nothing more. But I guess girls get attached easier than boys (generally speaking). I'm not sure really, this is unchartered territory for me so I will make blunders here :rolleyes: Just trying to learn, I don't think it'll be too long before my time comes as well.

One point that is big for me is that I feel kids should never be put in a day care. Someone older should be with them through their child hood. That means that one parent will possibly have to give up their career. Women are blessed with having intuition about raising kids much more than men do. Thus mothers will be much better at taking care of the kids than fathers will be. This may sound like I'm being sexist, and I'm sure the feminist amongst us will attack me for this, but this is what I feel. Now, if there are grand parents living in the same house then the problem doesn't arise.

Also bibi ji, I understand you spent your childhood in India, so your may very well differ from a girl born in a Western society where getting to know the person before marriage is highly encouraged.

[AmarjitKaur]

Beeba jee, I found a boy to marry in USA, after I lived here for about 4-5 years. But its true that I am untouched by western culture even after being here for 15 years now. Western culture never did and I think will never make sense for me. I have adapted the goodies of it though, but still keep the goodies of eastern culture that I grew up with.

You are right about females having better intuition about raising kids. My kids' doctor has told me no. of times, that mother's intuition is the best, overrules the doctor's intuition. mother can tell from the type of cry kid has,if s/he is sleepy, need feeding or changing or something is wrong and needs calling to doctor. Some fathers get it too, but for them practice is needed, even though females get it as a package from the time they give birth to a baby, naturally from babaji, thanks to harmones.

Vaise, question is not for friendship here.

Kids do need social interaction for deveoping immunity as well as develping social skills. I had grandparents available for them, but still put them in daycare for twice a week as soon as they almost were close to being 3 years.

And its very important for girl's own self-esteem to have a career. Otherwise, whats the point of putting girls through education that parents spend thousands on. I see it as a waste for those girls who did masters/ Ph.D. and then never got to work. Its ok to take break from career for few years when kids are little, but as soon as kids start spending mos 1/2 or 2/3 of the day in school, females should not just sit home and do cooking, laundary, watch jeopardy or horror drams or watch indian dramas and tell husband that wait for dinner as kusum just lost her husband and tuhanu roti dee payee :-))

I may have spent childhood in india, but that doesn't stop the bills to come, or kids to get sick, or stomachs needing food and house needing cleaning or laundary being done or kids' homework needing attention, Does it?? Both parents need to do their share, as well as their self-esteem and own social developing.

[Ty91]

It's perfectly reasonable to ask if you may have more time to decide, meet and talk with the girl more, etc. I've noticed that girls parents (often the mothers ) can be very excited and impatient to know for sure if you want to marry their daughter or not.. So express your interest if any to her and her parents, so they know whether or not, but don't decide completely until you feel comfortable. You may not feel 100% comfortable, but if she seems to be a good match, then go for it and don't let any nervousness change your feelings

[HeatSikhingMissile]

its not romantic affairs - plus its arranged so parents were involved from the start....

her parents seem very strict and i think they would want an answer - yes or no - rather than agree to let me see her again.

if i do see her again, would it be rude for me to ask her if she when she wants kids, or whether she likes watching tv or if she'd mind if i watched tv in the evenings.

15 minutes?! Bas?!?! And what happens if you find out once you are engaged that she previously dated when in school, will you feel kind of ripped off that you only got to spend 15 minutes getting to know her meanwhile some other person got to go out with her for X number of months/year whatever? I guess it's okay if this is completely arranged, however just be prepared and figure out your expectations on how you might handle finding out things about the person you might not want to hear.

[superduper]

thanks for all the advice guys.

I think it would be impossible to get to know her over a few months. I would just like to spend some time talking to her, just to see if we connect. cURRENTLy, i am not sure whether or not we would be a good match - she seems nice but i feel she is holding back her true personality - although we have only spoken twice so maybe its no surprise. I would just like to 'chill' with her, maybe spend a few afternoons with her to get a better idea. Otherwise its just a massive, massive risk. I don't want her to marry me unless she knows what i am like as well.