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sangat jio, slate me if you wish, but all I am asking is of guidance and advice...

I am meant to be getting married late next year, the date and venue is all set....but the problem is I met a another girl 2 days ago randomly, I connected with her immdieatley, she is beautiful.....something happened which I do regret, which i dont want to go into....it might sound stupid but i cant stop thinking about her....i feel like a kid again, i have lied to my fiance by not telling her and i have lied to this girl by not telling her im engaged....I know what i have done is wrong, i feel like a cheat and disgusted, but still cannot stop thinking about this girl.....what can i do to get rid of this feeling?? I dont know to do.....i love my fiance but iv fell for this other girl.............

i know im going to get slated, but im expecting that, and dont blame anyone who does....please can someone show me some guidance, I really dont know what to do

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You met her 2 days ago! I can assure you that you have not connected with her in ANY meaningful way. The most passionate people will tell you this. You need to act immediately and explain to the second girl that you have a fiance and and stop all contact with her.

Then you should get some advice from a trusted source in person older and wiser than you; not just the net. You may wish to go for some counseling as well.

Then with personal guidance in place, you will probably need to go to your fiance and be honest.

You need to do all this within a few days, not weeks. There is no point in others slating you. That is letting you out easy. YOU need to do the work. There is no damage we can cause with words like the damage that you will cause with your actions to 3 lives if you don't take responsibility. The worse and most long lasting damage by far will be to yourself.

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Guest Bloom

So, Also In My Opinion,

You Fell for Anothers' woman Charm? And, Now you are Regretting? You feel You Have Lost your Dignity? You Fell, Even Before Marriage? (There is a saying, "once a cheat, always a cheat!" I hope You Become a Khalsa. There is No Room for Adultry in Khalsa Rehit.)

But Interesting! (on a separate note)

There are Very Great Moral Lessons of This! But, Some People Fail to Find its' Relevance from Some Sources, which they term 'controversial' and They Attack!!!

They Should Perhaps Feel Blessed of the Lessons Provided Beforehand, from the Wiles of Some Women of Kaljug which Can Cause a Person to Fall in a Matter of SECONDS!!! And Lose A LOT!!!!!!!! It Seems who Have Fallen for the Charms of Another Woman, and Now you Feel Disgraced? You Should Also Have Been alert to Your Thoughts, and Known of The Graveness of Lust and Desire!

(back to topic)

But, in this scenario, the woman who you have fallen for, did not know of your engagement. But, in other instances, it happens where women use their charms to seduce married men! And Married Men, FALL!!! In this Age! Lust is a Cause of GREAT DOWNFALL!! Great is the Guru, who has Saved His Sikhs from This, through Knowledge, Examples, and Khalsa Rehit!!!

Well, my friend, in Sikhi, having any sort of adulterous relationship before marriage (this includes fiancee) is a Grave Sin!!! (Those that have taken Khande-Pahul and Live by the Rehit of Khalsa, are Greatly Indebted to Guru Gobind Singh Ji from protecting themselves from such actions that are addressed in GuruGranth Sahib Ji, Dasam Patshah Bani, and Banis in the Palace of Guru Gobind Singh Ji, as Grave Acts of Sin that Can Cause Great Downfall in the Journey of the Soul. In Khalsa Dharam, Adultry is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!)

What should you do? As for your Blunder, You Must Come Clean to Those that are Affected. I am assuming you, nor your fiancee have taken Khande-Pahul, so for that matter, I apologize I cannot offer much advice, for I am against any non-amritdhari having Anand Karaj. And if you had, Then You Would be Patit!! Which is The Gravest Sin!!!

But, Nonetheless, I wish you the best of luck, and hope that everything works out for you, for the better. I hope you Come Clean to all those Affected. I hope you Find Guru Gobind Singh Ji and the RehitVaan Panj Pyareh, and live a lifestyle of Khalsa Rehit!

I Wish you The Best of Luck and Wish you a Life of Khalsa Dharma which is Filled With Rehit. I Personally Feel You Should Perhaps Embark on the Path of Khalsa Lifestyle! To Guide and Protect Ourselves from Such Acts, Our Guru Also Gave us a Beautiful Composition which Sikhs Lovingly Call Chopai Sahib. This Lifestyle, The Khalsa Lifestyle, is Filled with Happiness if Followed with Love, Rehit, Breaking from False Desires and Attachments and Chardi Kala!! The Khalsa Only Have One Spouse and Never Commit Adultry!!

(I Feel You Must Come Clean To Those Affected! I apologize in Advance if I am unable to respond to anything else. And I Wish You the Best in Future, and Hope You Embark on Khalsa Dharma. And I Hope This for Everyone As Well; To Embark on Khalsa Dharma with Rehit!)

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kbIr mnu jwnY sB bwq jwnq hI Aaugnu krY ]

kabeer man jaanai sabh baath jaanath hee aougan karai ||

Kabeer, the mortal knows everything, and knowing, he still makes mistakes.

kwhy kI kuslwq hwiQ dIpu kUey prY ]216]

kaahae kee kusalaath haathh dheep kooeae parai ||216||

What good is a lamp in one's hand, if he falls into the well? ||216||

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Problem is that yet we havn't realised what is real sukh, anand, enjoyment, satisfying. We still think that these puThe sidhe kum we do, they give us pleasure.

No, my friends they don't. These pleasures stay for the moment.

My dad ususally says that jo naiya, oh na pachhtaiya (you never feel sorry for taking bath)

And I add that jihne naam jappiyaa oh kade naa khapiyaa (who recites naam, or reads bani, never goes through anxiety, anger, or other countless feelings I can put here). We khaap in countless ways. So it means to cover all those.

so kaaka jee, solution to your problem is that first of all, tell your monkey mind that what you did, was not right (which you actually admit) and another thing you need to tell your mind, is that you are never ever in your life going to repeat it. You know, (as I have posted somewhere else), the person like you doesn't deserve pure,clean, good girl. Person like you should purposefully marry a girl who fooled around with other guys. Think it, like a punishment for yourself and being fair.

I know I sound harsh. But I am thinking about the girl you are going to marry. Why do you think you deserve her?

I don't think you do.

Ask this girl that you fooled around with, that you wanna marry her. Atleast one clean good boy out there won't get to marry this not-good-girl anymore, if you marry her.

If one apple is bad, you don't put the bad apple in rest of the good apples. You just take it out and put next to rest of the bad apples. Go spoil each other, or live rest of the life together to do naam simran and reciting Bani as much as possible. may be one day you guys would be able to forgive yourself and move on and guide your chidren in a right way. (I made a whole life plan for you :-)), send the PM to ask where to send the thank you cheque).

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Only you know your own answer, when you mean somethin happened implying thats a big problem then. Say you forget this girl get married to your fiance it will live

with you as a big lie and your relationship can fall, so if you really wana get married to your fiance your going to have to tell her open up and she gonna have to be a big girl make a choice

give you some real advice also I have to say when you met this girl what wher u thinking? And what kinda girl givers herself to a guy in 2days? ur getting married a commitment forever, what made you go for this other 1. Heres some gurbani for guidance.

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ Soraṯẖ mėhlā 9.

Sorat'h, Ninth Mehl:

ਪ੍ਰੀਤਮ

Parīṯam jān leho man māhī.

O dear friend, know this in your mind.

ਅਪਨੇ

Apne sukẖ si▫o hī jag fāʼnḏẖi▫o ko kāhū ko nāhī. ||1|| rahā▫o.

The world is entangled in its own pleasures; no one is for anyone else. ||1||Pause||

ਸੁਖ

Sukẖ mai ān bahuṯ mil baiṯẖaṯ rahaṯ cẖahū ḏis gẖerai.

In good times, many come and sit together, surrounding you on all four sides.

ਬਿਪਤਿ ॥੧॥

Bipaṯ parī sabẖ hī sang cẖẖādiṯ ko▫ū na āvaṯ nerai. ||1||

But when hard times come, they all leave, and no one comes near you. ||1||

ਘਰ

Gẖar kī nār bahuṯ hiṯ jā si▫o saḏā rahaṯ sang lāgī.

Your wife, whom you love so much, and who has remained ever attached to you,

ਜਬ ॥੨॥

Jab hī hans ṯajī ih kāʼn▫i▫ā pareṯ pareṯ kar bẖāgī. ||2||

runs away crying, "Ghost! Ghost!", as soon as the swan-soul leaves this body. ||2||

Ih biḏẖ ko bi▫uhār bani▫o hai jā si▫o nehu lagā▫i▫o.

This is the way they act - those whom we love so much.

Anṯ bār Nānak bin har jī ko▫ū kām na ā▫i▫o. ||3||12||139||

At the very last moment, O Nanak, no one is any use at all, except the Dear Lord. ||3||12||139||

Sri Guru Granth Sahib ANG 634 Guru Tegh Bahadur

Guru Sahib shows that nothing is forever, not even your friends or your wife. The whole notion of true Love within Sikhi is with God we try and become one with God, one of the main

purposes for marriage other then procreation is a spirtual journey, you both go around Guru Granth Sahib because you two beings accept two bodies with one soul and in the centre of

your marriage and universe is Guru Granth Sahib. Also these marriages are predistined. So get direction from Guru Ghar go do ardas.

If you wana make a decision based on your own mat then, its flipping a coin. You really need to discover in yourself what made you cheat on a commitment you had already, your going

to be with a girl forever, not just for looks but for there personalitiy, that commitment is there as they say till death do you part, no matter what happens your there for her, even when she has wrinkles or if she not well, in sickness and health. If you relationships have been based on lust, reflect on that cos that wont even last forever and people who try to forever end up on the viagra pill, you can't base a healthy relationship on lust or just physical attraction.

ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਕਾਇਆ ਕਉ ਗਾਲੈ ॥ ਜਿਉ ਕੰਚਨ ਸੋਹਾਗਾ ਢਾਲੈ ॥

Kām kroḏẖ kā i ā ka o gālai. Ji o kancẖan sohāgā dẖālai.

Lust and wrath wastes the body away, as borax melts gold.

sggs page 932

ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ॥

Nimakẖ kām su āḏ kāraṇ kot ḏinas ḏukẖ pāvahi.

For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days.

ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ ॥੧॥

Gẖarī muhaṯ rang māṇeh fir bahur bahur pacẖẖuṯāvahi. ॥1॥

For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ॥1॥

sggs page 403<BR class=Apple-interchange-newline>

more here on lust http://www.sikhiwiki...ib_against_lust

All I wana say brother is its a sticky situation, your going to have to tell the truth and see what happens.

Countless liars, wandering lost in their lies. (Japji Sahib ANG4)

God bless brother hope you get some peace and make the right choice for yourself.

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Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz

straight up dont get married, you are too immature, wait for a few years, grow up and become a man.

When you have become a man THEN get married, a woman doesnt want to marry a boy she wants to marry a man.

Tell the girl of what you did, sooner or later this WILL come out for sure, and you will be f'd over big time because most likely ( especially if she found out from someone or something other than you) you will have a guaranteed divorce.

Girls are pretty smart, they can sniff out things and sense that something is wrong, you will be exposed sooner or later, better that you save what little dignity you have. Your karam will come back to haunt you whether its in a day or a couple of years and she will find out, it's better you own up to it and tell her and not screw up her life later on.

Go to gurdwara, do a sachi ardaas and ask maharaj for forgiveness and guidance and ask that your fiancee forgives you and promise guru ji that you will do ___ seva for ___ amount of time and really ask from ur heart and tell ur fiancee u did that too, that u promised god to do that as a part of ur punishment and nimrita and guidance that you want from god and tell her that she deserves anything you can give her for the rest of your life and that you did something that can never be forgiven but you know she is a great prson and you have learned ur lesson and are willing to do anything for her, tell her u are willing to be held liable and serve punishment for the rest of ur mairred lives to make it up to her even though that may neve make it up but ask her to feel how much you feel sorry inside of urself and ur regret.

Ask her for maybe even an extesnion on ur guys marriage so that u can have time to prove to her how much u love her and are dedicated to her if she wants that reassurance before u guys get married, tell her u are willin got do anything and u better mean it too. Do anything you can to get away as fare as you possibly can from this girl who u like and show her the effort to do so ( ur fiancee) , and its prolly best u never really talk to girls. Maybe she might just forgive u, some girs are like that ( but if it was me i wud make sure i beat u up really good and left u standing never to see my face again --incase ur wondering :p )--lots of spelling mistakes but im in a rush.. but yea just 2 cents from a girl.

Oh yea and GROW UP YOU P***Y.

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If you really want to know the truth of your whole problem then understand the shabad below and make sure you live by it. This shabad speaks volumes which can't be described in thousands and thousands of pages. Many, thanks to the Singh who provided it here.

Dhan Dhan Dhan Dhan Dhan Guru Teg Bahadur Sahib ji!!!!!!!!!!!!

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ Soraṯẖ mėhlā 9.

Sorat'h, Ninth Mehl:

ਪ੍ਰੀਤਮ

Parīṯam jān leho man māhī.

O dear friend, know this in your mind.

ਅਪਨੇ

Apne sukẖ si▫o hī jag fāʼnḏẖi▫o ko kāhū ko nāhī. ||1|| rahā▫o.

The world is entangled in its own pleasures; no one is for anyone else. ||1||Pause||

ਸੁਖ

Sukẖ mai ān bahuṯ mil baiṯẖaṯ rahaṯ cẖahū ḏis gẖerai.

In good times, many come and sit together, surrounding you on all four sides.

ਬਿਪਤਿ ॥੧॥

Bipaṯ parī sabẖ hī sang cẖẖādiṯ ko▫ū na āvaṯ nerai. ||1||

But when hard times come, they all leave, and no one comes near you. ||1||

ਘਰ

Gẖar kī nār bahuṯ hiṯ jā si▫o saḏā rahaṯ sang lāgī.

Your wife, whom you love so much, and who has remained ever attached to you,

ਜਬ ॥੨॥

Jab hī hans ṯajī ih kāʼn▫i▫ā pareṯ pareṯ kar bẖāgī. ||2||

runs away crying, "Ghost! Ghost!", as soon as the swan-soul leaves this body. ||2||

Ih biḏẖ ko bi▫uhār bani▫o hai jā si▫o nehu lagā▫i▫o.

This is the way they act - those whom we love so much.

Anṯ bār Nānak bin har jī ko▫ū kām na ā▫i▫o. ||3||12||139||

At the very last moment, O Nanak, no one is any use at all, except the Dear Lord. ||3||12||139||

Sri Guru Granth Sahib ANG 634 Guru Tegh Bahadur

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Guest ...

apologize I cannot offer much advice, for I am against any non-amritdhari having Anand Karaj.

Can you expand on it a little more please?

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Guest HELP

I am truely grateful for all the replies and advice given by the sangat so far.....You have made me realise how far I am away from god at this present time....

let me give you some more info to reply to some of your replies so far.....yes i only met her 3 days ago now, it started as an innocent conversation at a friends party then hours later we were left alone by my friend and another female friend, then we kissed....but thats all...the only thing i can say is it was special, nothing sexual about it....nothing else happened.

I am 27 so i think im mature enough to get married (at least i thought i was), but if i tell my fiance now, it will embarass both families and my dad is pretty strict and would most definatley kick me out the house...I want to marry my fiance, but still cannot stop thinking about this other girl.

Im not amritdhari although I do i tye a pagh and am very proud of it, and I do drink alocohol and and trim my beard.....I have had no other contact with this girl other than text, iv not called her in the fear of saying and doing the wrong thing again...

once again I thank you all for you replies, I have some deep thinking to do...

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Guest Gupt

Oh yea and GROW UP YOU P***Y.

Is this really how humans, let alone Sikhs, should talk? How can anyone even let your kind come on the internet or walk this earth?

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Guest Gupt PArdei

If we had fear of just one person becuz its harder to Fear God we would nevr do such an immoral thing,

Controling these lustful feelings is not possible for us only bani and satsangat erradicate our vikaars

Omg maya is soo strong

kwmu k®oDu sMgiq durjn kI qw qy Aihinis Bwgau ]1] rhwau ]

kaam krodhh sa(n)gath dhurajan kee thaa thae ahinis bhaago ||1|| rehaao ||

Sexual desire, anger and the company of evil people - run away from them, day and night. ||1||Pause||

If u end up in a situation with the opposite sex where feeling are present let me tell u KALJUG is gonna rape yyou of all righteous , kaljug is a time where Dharma is not easy-truthful living

Youve gotta just run from those situations

and just the thought of sleeping with a women, Jesus said is as bad as commiting Adultery

the things we do for our sexual desires

ibKY bnu PIkw iqAwig rI sKIey nwmu mhw rsu pIE ]

bikhai ban feekaa thiaag ree sakheeeae naam mehaa ras peeou ||

Renounce the tasteless water of corruption, O my companion, and drink in the supreme nectar of the Naam, the Name of the Lord.

Do jaap of this line, and do ardas or else mayas just gonna tell u to keep going on with this relationship that started two days ago

im sorry but it sickens me, |Maya and lust, im a lustful being to, but its shameful we fall for sumone when we dont even know them we fall for their looks that how ow our mentality is,

ughh narsty

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Guest HaRdKaUrWaRrIoRz

Oh yea and GROW UP YOU P***Y.

Is this really how humans, let alone Sikhs, should talk? How can anyone even let your kind come on the internet or walk this earth?

ahahah compared to what he will get/deserves, that coming from me is a gift..and dont be upset cus i dont want to talk to u , stalker, i know who u are.. i stand by everything i said, love it or hate it.

we will see when you are married and if your partner cheats on you, i wonder what lovely/thoughtful/generous words you will use? and how you will walk this earth.

pce

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Maybe she might just forgive u, some girs are like that ( but if it was me i wud make sure i beat u up really good and left u standing never to see my face again --incase ur wondering :p )--lots of spelling mistakes but im in a rush.. but yea just 2 cents from a girl.

Oh yea and GROW UP YOU P***Y.

I thought the post was indeed written by an adult, until I read that last part. It would seem that someone has stolen all the mirrors from your house...

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