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Marriage Lies And Half Truths


superduper
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Thought this would be a better place for this sort of post

My dad and I went to India to find a bride. We placed an advert in the newspaper but we were nervous about arranging a marriage with total strangers. Through a relative of ours we managed to find a girl who I liked. Since we don't have much family in India this was one of two girls that i was introduced to via relatives - the other family we spoke to said no. I thought everything was fine and said yes and we did the sagan before I left, the plan being we would get married later this year.

A few days after i returned the girl phoned and said the balchola has asked to see her degree cert and she was wondering if we had asked him to provide us with her degree cert. we told her no and she said that it would take a few days to get the degree cert from her college because she didn't attend her graduation ceremony. she asked us not to tell the balchola of our conversation.

my mum phoned her a few days later and the girl said that her college woudlnt provide her with a cert because she didn't get enough marks to be awarded a cert. then my mum asked to speak to her parents and she said they've gone to her mother's pind for a few days and werent home. the girl then started talking about how her cousins in canada and the UK told her its better to live without the in laws but she intends to with hers etc. i don't know what else she said as it was my mum who had the convo with her.

Now we're slightly concerned. On one day she might be telling the truth on the other everything she told us could be a lie; she might not have attended college at all which makes me think everything else she has told us is a lie as well.

I am now stuck. I know some families in india have no problem with telling lies to get their children married to someone living in the uk, canada, usa etc.

any one with any suggestions about what to do. its a really stressful situation now.

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Veerjeo,

From what you have written, it seems to me that it is a typical 'vuleth jaana by hook-or-crook' case. If she has indeed cleared her course, it would not be hard for her to get provisional certificate issued from her institution. But as you said, she turned turtle and said shes failed? VERY dodgy this is. Well ok, let's just ignore this degree issue for a second. More than anything, its the coverup you should be concerned about.

A girl from pendu background telling you that she is concerned about living with in-laws?? I could somewhat understand if UK born girl had said that to you, but the girl in question is from pind! She should be more than willing to stay with her new family.. what she is telling you is certainly not a cultured Punjabi girl's thinking.

I would say you should take it easy. You are getting pretty bad vibes about this, dont think you should ignore that. Maybe, you can get someone close to you to do a thorough check on her? By the way, do you actually like the girl enough to get married to her? Sorry if i'm wrong but the tone of your post suggests to me that your hearts not really into it?

Get to know the girl a little bit more on the phone if you really like her tho. Be a little bit inventive, get her to 'spill the beans' you know? Your parents can also talk to her parents to get some facts out of them too. But as I said, she does sound dodgy, so veerji, I would say that you better proceed with caution! I dont want to scare you, but Ive personally seen similar cases where girls have gone for divorce straight after securing their citizenships.

Sorry if ive said anything wrong,

Gurfateh!

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Guest mom's the boss

sorry but i dont think you ready to get married. it seems like your mums getting married and not you, why do you need to see a certificate? does that make someone a better person?

i think you need to be a 'man' and actually ring the girl up and say to her, 'look, if we are to get married then you need to be honest to me,'' you need to reassure her that you are there for her.

i bet you that she actually has no one to trust. she probably cant have much of a say with her parents cos they will say anything to your parents to get her married, it could have been the parents forcing the girl to lie about the graduation certificate etc etc.

maybe she needs someone aka YOU to trust in and marry her for who she really is, and not what her parents and your parents make of her.

you need to talk to her and discuss the issues not you mother!!!

sorry bro, but you need to work it out for yourself, the girl could be wonderful, and may be the best partner for you, so what if she isnt educated, or didnt get the marks, trust me, education doesnt make you a better person.

i hope you dont take my comments the wrong way, but im talking from experience of what ive seen around me, you and the girl need to get it straight and be on a level, but what she tells you and the honesty she will show you, she cant and wont show your mum, because as in most indian familes the girls has to do and say what she is told to. that doesnt mean they are bad.

lets not always assume that this is a dodgy family, its more like a typical punjabi family, they just trying to make sure you dont see any fault in her. i know its totaly wrong to lie, and its stupid they do that, but maybe this will help you see between the lines

but you need to talk to her and decide, and when you go to india before you wedding, or preferably go once before the wedding, and meet her, try to get a 5, 10,15 min to talk to her away from her mom and your mom! and then make the decision.

i dont know if you a sikh or not, but nitnem, sukhmani sahib paath, chaupai sahib and simran, and advise the same to your future wife, and ardaas with sharda pavanaa will ensure that you will have a successful and blissful marriage

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Guest Guest

At the same time, dont get tricked. This is Kaljug. Many people fool people into marriage etc for their hidden agendas. Sri Charitropakyan speaks of ways of kaljug where trickeries happen. Be careful. Dont let anyone trick you, it can have a negative effect on your life. Be cautious.

Guru Sahib Kirpa Karan.

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Guest dilemma

ahhh.. you're in a tricky situation

I agree with moms the boss but I also think you need to be cautious.

Yeh do paath and Ardas and ask Guruji to lead you in the right direction.

I also say follow your gut. If you feel like the girls a good person and her family made her lie (if shes lying at all!), forgive her, but you tell her you dont care if shes got a cert or not and she still lies prob best to start lookin for someone else. This could've all happened for a reason.

Either way you go about it you should def find out what college she went to and get them to confirm that she was enrolled there. Then you'll know if shes lying or not. The phone call to the college might be expensive but it'll be worth it in the end- if shes lying she could also just b looking for a visa to get her boyfriend over and things'll get even uglier! (it's happened many a time before!)

Good luck!

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