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Guest worriedsickbrother
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I can certainly see what you are saying. That is good advice. However, it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that just because someone was good in the past, comes from a good family, etc. that they will not turn out to be scum bags. Only God really knows the content of a person.

A person that loves Guru Sahib can make mistakes, but they will always try their best to stay true to Guru Sahib. If they had asked him before if he believed in Sri Dasam Granth Sahib ji, then everything would have been solved So if this guy actually was true, through discussion and being around him, it all can be figured out. It doesn't take long to find out how a person is going to be.

I also take fault with you assuming that you know the reasoning behind the girls actions. You assume she was in love, perhaps she was, but who knows maybe it was family pressure. Maybe she was following the advice of her elders. I would not be so quick to jump to conclusions about a situation that you only know about from the internet.

Here is what her brother wrote and gave us the reason why she married him. "After she fell in love with him and married him."

No speculation needed.

No matter what the case, it is never a woman's fault that a man hits her. Unless it is an extreme circumstance, ie: she was strangling child, etc, it is never, ever the woman's fault that her husband beats her. Not in any way, shape, or form. It is a travesty for you to suggest that this is her fault in any way. I hope your family never has to go through what this poor girl did. Experience is a hard teacher, but some people wont learn from anything else.

Can you take my writing and keep it in context. The fault which I speak of is not that she gave him a reason to hit her(because there is never a reason). But the fault comes on her head when she chose to marry him. If she had suck to gurmat and just asked him more questions and instead of falling in love with this fool, things would have been alot different. We can't control who we will meet and run into, but the way we handle the sistuation is certainitly in our control. Her envirnoment, which is Gurmat would have told her exactly how things would have folded out if she had stuck to it. She choose love over Gurmat and that got her stuck.

Sorry if I sound harsh. You seem like a nice guy, so I am assuming I misinterpreted what you said. If I did I apologize.

-W

Sure apologize, but if you had just taken the time to read what I wrote, then you wouldn't have to apologize.

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A person that loves Guru Sahib can make mistakes, but they will always try their best to stay true to Guru Sahib. If they had asked him before if he believed in Sri Dasam Granth Sahib ji, then everything would have been solved So if this guy actually was true, through discussion and being around him, it all can be figured out. It doesn't take long to find out how a person is going to be.

Maybe,but not always. People change for the better and for the worse. I still don't think you can always be 100% before you marry someone IMO. The CIA can analyzes people all the time, and they still get moles. You don't think an innocent girl and her family can be fooled? I am not saying you are completely wrong. I absolutely see the reason in what you say, but I still say you can't be 100% on anyone, so it seems odd to blame someone for being wrong about a person. Maybe there were signs she didn't see, but maybe no one would have seen them. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Here is what her brother wrote and gave us the reason why she married him. "After she fell in love with him and married him."

No spec

I didn't read the same meaning into this that you did, but I find your observation valid. Sorry.

Can you take my writing and keep it in context. The fault which I speak of is not that she gave him a reason to hit her(because there is never a reason). But the fault comes on her head when she chose to marry him. If she had suck to gurmat and just asked him more questions and instead of falling in love with this fool, things would have been alot different. We can't control who we will meet and run into, but the way we handle the sistuation is certainitly in our control. Her envirnoment, which is Gurmat would have told her exactly how things would have folded out if she had stuck to it. She choose love over Gurmat and that got her stuck.

Again, I agree partly but also disagree. Of course she should stick to her principles, who would argue against that? However, who is to say he didn't appear to be devout? Bad guys fool people all the time, even very good people. Also, people change... sometimes drastically. I had an uncle who on the surface appeared perfect, everyone loved him, extraordinarily religious, wealthy, architect from a great school, super nice, nearly olympic class swimmer, eagle scout, then was in a car accident that left him with a bad back and a limp and he became a bitter, violent drunk who abused my aunt. Who can predict that?

Sure apologize, but if you had just taken the time to read what I wrote, then you wouldn't have to apologize.

I still disagree with much of what you wrote. I think you are taking complex situations and oversimplifying them. I do think that your belief that she should follow gurmat over emotions is very valid, but perhaps she was not aware she was going against it? I certainly am not personally attacking you... from what you have posted before I think you are a great dude who is giving out what you believe to be honest advice. I find fault with some of it, but perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps you are. Perhaps both. God only knows.

-W

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I still disagree with much of what you wrote. I think you are taking complex situations and oversimplifying them. I do think that your belief that she should follow gurmat over emotions is very valid, but perhaps she was not aware she was going against it? I certainly am not personally attacking you... from what you have posted before I think you are a great dude who is giving out what you believe to be honest advice. I find fault with some of it, but perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps you are. Perhaps both. God only knows.

-W

lol, if your not aware of going against gurmat then something is blocking your vision and in this case that block was the so called love. emotions are the maya and Gurbani is the healer.

Like Sant Maskeen Singh ji said, everyone in the world wants a drug, whether it be one of the five evils or Naam which will unite a person with Waheguru. Travel down the drug of 5 evils and back into the cycle of birth and death, a person can make his/her decision.

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Gurmat does not allow divorce, i understand that..

Here is a question- what do you do when your husband/wife have a sexual relationship outside your marriage? If he/she is amritdhaari? What do you do then? What option do you have left then?

Do you stay with this person even though he/she is a kurehti, which in turn, b/c you know of the kurehit thats committed, you choosing to stay and maintain a relationship with that person makes you just as kurehiti? Does it not?

Abuse, adultery= divorce.

This is my opinion. And because I am in a similar situation, maybe it is easy for me to say. But you would not allow yourself to spend the remainder of your life with someone who has clearly victimized your whole being. If its workable, then great, if not, then leave. Marriage isnt a joke by no means... but there is always an exception. In my case, this is it... my spouse carried a sexual relationship with another woman outside our own marriage. I value my life and have respect for my upbringing and character. Love or no love- sometimes you are blinded, sometimes not... sometimes i believe you are put into certain experiences and situations to learn and grow as a human beings, to develop character, moral, strength, a backbone.. all the things needed to survive.

My two cents worth...

He cheated on you then go to the Punj Pyare. Assuming your both Amritdhari and you have the Punj Pyare as mediators and the Punj will help make the decision or make the decision for you, whether to divorce the unfaithful. The Punj Pyare have been given this seva. The Punj Pyare are not just there to give Amrit, but to resolve problems Sikhs have. The Punj Pyare are Gursikhs that have the knowledge to guide people. The Punj Pyare keep everything between them and the people or person with the problem.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

Beware what is 'done' because I have witnessed a good Sikh man's reputation absolutely destroyed because his wife's family hated him and she was forced to file divorce with and spread lies about him. We are the nindak's that will waste away in hell due to our false statements. I don't condone any of this behaviour but I plead with you not to falsely accuse someone. If he needs a beating then give it to him but do not do his nindiya because he will come on top and Waheguru will leave you hanging. See it before you spread it. Maaf karo if I said anything wrong.

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Guest you have made a very good point, I would also like to say that a person that listens to ninda on purpose will get 10 times the amount of paap(Sin) compared to the person telling you the ninda. SO DON'T SLANDER AND RUN AWAY FROM GOSSIP!!!

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Guest A doctor

Gurmat does not allow a divorce. Two individuals are joined together by the Shabad Guru and Waheguru puts the seal on it. They can have huge arguements, wife can take off to parents place, not talk for months, mentally abuse each other for long period of time and divorce is not allowed. Because here both individuals are lost in their ego and all it takes is a split second for both of them to realize talking can resolve the problem.

But when one partner decides to hit the other and does it repeatedly, then divorce becomes an option. When it comes to the physical level then it's not only mental abuse, but physical abuse that leaves a person even more mentally abused. The person feels like an animal locked up in a little cell.

Your sister should have been aware of this behavior of his before hand. There are always clues and the family, especially you should have talked to him before they got married all about Gurmat and his take. But since she was in 'love' she couldn't see past the maya and fell back into her karma, so the karma played itself out.

From a medical/paediatric/psychological perspective unacceptable and harmful abuse includes the following four: emotional, physical, sexual, and neglect (neglect more applicable in children). Emotional abuse can be as harmful as physical to a persons mental state.

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Guest Ek Kamla

Well my sister if in a process of getting a Divorce now. In the past he has beaten her. It has been a few times now.

My sister was very devoted to Gurbani and sadhsangat. She was the 1st amritdhari in our family. After she fell in love with him and married him. I noticed her sikhi started to get weaker and going in the wrong direction.Once during a conversation she asked me, "What is the point of reading Gurbani if one does not understand it?". I was very hurt to hear this as I was inspired to go into sikhi by her. I knew its was all due to the papi she was married to. He is VERY open minded individual. Keeps no rehit or whatsoever.Doesnt read gurbani daily or nitnem. Panj kakkar rehit is definately loose. Sadly my sister to was influenced by his lifestyle.

Since he has got a promotion at his work place 3 years ago. He has become extremely hangkari....At one point I remember hearing this from him. "I dont even go to Gurdwara like my other friends do, still I have managed to get such good pay!". So you can imagine. But since he does kirtan he is quite respected in the society.

I have engaged in numerous debates with him. He has done Ninda of Amrit wela.Sri Dasam Granth, other gursikhs...in short he has dastar and dhari. But he is not what he looks like. He is a nastik. Over the past 4 years, I have developed an utter dislike for him. As doing sangat of a pattit can corrupt our mind. As I have ended up doubting Guru Sahib on several occasions after he debating with him. His debates stand truly on the pillar of ego. winning is all that matters to him...not earning the TRUTH.

Mother blames me. That I should have just kept quite about all what he use to babble against Gurmat.

coming back to the topic....since he beats my sister....to the extent that I have seen the bruises on he hands myself in the past.

What does Gurmat say about divorce?

WHen is a divorce allowed?

this divorce causing daily fights at home...I am just so depressed....veryyyyy depressed.... I just dont know what to do. Feel like killing myself or running away forever....

Phul chuk maaf karni............

But if you call him paapi, and you judge him then where is the difference. When we mix relationsihps and religion and start judging others we produce ego.

Sau chup ek Sukh. Apni life enjoy karoo ji wahgeuru da simran karo jesda dil naih karda karan nu usnu burraa nah kahoo :)

divorce, death, disease chotiya problems ne sab di life vich aundeay koi na vaheguru sab teek karan ge.

god bless all

Ek kamla & maha paapi

baljeet singh

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