Marriage In Uk

[singh181]

Hi all,

I agree, it would be nice if we could have a civilised debate and stick to the original question. One thing is clear - if a sikh boy has a turban and beard (amritdhari or non amritdhari), he is in a more difficult position than a clean shaven man. FACT. Secondly, a lot of sikh girls say no without even looking or wanting to enter dialogue with a man with turban and beard. FACT. Third, all this is happening and includes sikh girls brought up in amritdhari families, which for our religion is extremely disturbing - FACT. It means that when future generations of sikhs grow up, the man with turban will be a very small minority in our religion. You do really wonder whether the sacrifices made by our guru's, singh's and singhnian in our historic past is not being acknowledged by this self indulgent and selfish (I would say New Sikh girls) in the UK. It is like they are re-inventing themselves as almost wanting to be as somebody has quoted above (a bit bollywood, a bit sikhi where they want to be), which is ok as they can live their life how they want, but at the end of the day, they should never be in a position where it is embarrasing to walk with a singh or wear a kara (that is just wrong in my opinion).

There is a big problem in the UK in our religion so far as marriage is concerned and it appears that sikh girls have contributed to this. I challenge any sikh girl to prove otherwise.

Thanks for all your comments btw and the fact that most responses are coming from sikh brothers tells a chilling picture in itself.....

WJKK WJKF

[guptkuri]

you know why girls don't reply? because boys just want to blame the whole problem on the girls. I think it was a mistake that i even replied. This is pointless. unless you guys are also willing to accept responsibility, girls will not reply.

[singhforever]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Ji,

This is something too strange, i dont know about this situation in western world, but in India, this problem is not too wide spread, first things first, i havent seen an Amritdhari girl looking for a non-Amritdhari boy and that is the FACT, and i am sure it is true in western countries too. you guys know better as you live there.

and i havent seen Amritdhari boys and girls getting trouble in getting married in India, again dont know about western countries, it shouldnt be a problem, really, because answer is straight enough, an Amritdhari would only find an Amritdhari partner.

If we look at the 52 hukams by Dhan Dhan Guru Gobind Singhji, it states in straight and simple words.

"38) Sir munae noo kanaiaa nahi daeni. Uos ghar daevni jithae Akal Purukh di sikhi ha, jo karzaai naa hovae, bhalae subhaa da hovae, bibaeki atae gyanvaan hovae - Do not given a daughter's hand to a clean shaven. Give her hand in a house where God's Sikhi exists, where the household is not in debt, is of a good nature, is disciplined and knowledgeable."

Bhul Chuk Maaf

Gurfateh Ji

Daas

[singh181]

Hey Penji,

I think you are taking this personally and being defensive, unnecessarily. Nobody has aimed any of these comments at you. You may well be the perfect or good sikh girl that others should look up to, I don't know. But what is clear is that you have had the guts to come on here for the record and speak out which is good. Where are the rest of the sikh girls...........!

Not all sikh boys are perfect - to the contrary, some do our religion much harm. e.g boys with turban smoking on the street and drink alcohal is not unusual. It's the second generation growing up in the uk and it has gone absolutely crazy - girls and boys thinking they have the money, the cars and not wanting to listen to their parents as to what is good and bad and frankly acting more westernised than the people in the country they live in. You cannot imagine what is going to happen to the 3rd/4th generation. Perhaps, mixed marriages (sikhs and non sikhs - it is happening now). Who knows! Everybody should just wake up. One of the reasons why most people in our religion are soo successful is because they have a sound family life (even if they are religious and non religious).

You can even walk into any gurdwara in the UK and speak to any respected elderly indivdual for a view on what has been discussed on here. You may find that the response you get is not one which you (as a british sikh girl) will like or even accept. Your response may be, 'I don't know why I bothered to ask'., but you cannot deny that there is a trend and it is not a good one for our religion. The gurdwara pardans are in denial - many are there for the status and cushy seats. If they speak out on what is happening, then they lose their elected seats so no point discussing with them.

In the meantime, more comments from sikh girls are welcome. If you are more comfortable messaging me personally, please feel free to do so. I'm just intrigued by this debate and more comments in general are welcome.

WJKK WJKF

[SunSingh]

i've noticed that a lot of turban wearing males like to blame problems on lack of interest from females b/c they wear a turban. truth is, living in the west, i don't know of anyone that had that problem unless they weren't that religious and wanted to marry someone who wasn't amritdhari. the two main problems for sikhs who are actually looking for amritdharis is a lack of proper networking, and a low level of self esteem.

a lot of these guys just have these real low self esteem issues. but then these same guys often check out non-sikh girls (as if they'll be interested!) or they don't bother taking care of their bodies or building up their personality. Basically, they want Heer, but they're not close to being Ranjha.

So low self esteem comes from either wanting what's outside of acceptable for what you represent to others (eg. amrithdari wants non-amritdhari fashionalbe type). IF a guy is truly dharmic, he'll want a dharmic minded girl, not one of those girls from sikh backgrounds who are anything but. OR low self esteem comes from internalising western (or Indian/bollywood) values over sikh values. Solution for this, if you feel worse about yourself after hanging out with a certain group even if they outwardly talk about supporting you and helping you - ditch them. get rid of the bollywood crap. do more paath to build up your chardikala and keep good sangat - even going to the gurdwara everyday and listening to kirtan katha is a powerful help. educate yourself on what your supposed to be so you can stop floundering around on the spew of garbage that constitutes most of western and indian culture.

much of this goes for girls too.

[guptkuri]

Happily Everafter… : The Key to Happiness

Posted on May 30, 2010 under “I am not good, no one is bad,” is a shabad found on page 728 in Guru Granth Sahib Ji that every Sikh should chant each morning for a half hour before beginning their day. Over time that line will become so engraved in your mind you won’t have to chant it no more. Once engraved, you will notice that every time you go to say someone is bad, that immediately a voice will come from within and remind you “I am not good, no one is bad”. When that voice is automatic it will eventually stop thinking negative all together. And with that your ego well perish also. The day your ego is gone, you are ready to approach Waheguru.

So put the dollar back in your pocket and present yourself to Waheguru as an offering next time you go to the Gurudwara. Tell Waheguru that you want to be his beloved and you are ready to do what it takes. After you have told Waheguru that, do ardass and then approach the true Guru, Guru Granth Sahib Ji for his hukam. Record the hukam and read it every day with your nitnem, so you never forget that Waheguru is your beloved. Listen carefully to each word your beloved says to you and do whatever your beloved asks to win his love. Trust in the fact that if you listen to him he’ll never lead you astray. While you work to blend yourself into someone that your beloved wants you to be, he is going to be busy fixing up your life. He is going to destroy all your bad karmas and fill your life with the happiness you deserve. But be pre-warned, that you have to trust him, that what he does is going to ultimately lead to a greater good. Things well happen that well tempt you to doubt him and to leave him, it’s up to you to keep faith in your love and devotion.

While serving Waheguru with all your love and devotion your soul will begin to grow and expand to an understanding of the world you didn’t even know was possible. You will fall so madly in love that where ever you turn, you will just see your beloved. You will color your life, in his colors. You will wear the bana of a Gursikh because he gifted it to you and showed you the importance of it. Your body well be decked out with ornaments (the hair) he gave you. Never again you well find the need to modify his gifts to please yourself or others around you. With loving words he will provide you with every tool you need to become in peace with yourself, without having to change a single thing. Each imperfection will magically turn into a magical master piece, a work of art. At peace with yourself, you are ready to accept the spouse Waheguru has chosen for you.

It’s important to accept Waheguru before your spouse because he is the one that is going to help you accept your spouse. Remember Waheguru is one and the in-laws many. So tackle the easier one, Waheguru, first. Waheguru gives you the full support for you to be successful in your relationship with him. With Waheguru at your side no issue with the in-laws will seem too big, no misunderstanding to great. Most likely you won’t have any problems at all because all problems will seem too little to even be labeled problems. Like if your spouse is overweight, your hands will automatically begin cooking healthy foods for him. Or if your mother-in-law is picky, your natural reaction won’t be angry, it will be doing double careful till she is at ease with you. In other words, you won’t see problems…you will see solutions.

Waheguru is the solution to all your problems and Guru Granth Sahib Ji is the key to unlocking the door to Waheguru. Bow to Guru Granth Sahib Ji to begin unlocking your happiness today.

[DrunkenMaster]

Well one problem is education, religion has always tended to be male dominated. Where is the basic Sikh education in the Gurdwareh in a language that the new generation can understand? You have Punjabi schools, children may learn how to read and write Punjabi but they learn nothing when it comes to religion or culture, this needs to be changed in my view.

We are in a day where media advertises to us you could say "brainwashes" us to how a male or female should look like.

Many of the guys that say girls do not like men with turbans or beards are usually judgmental when it comes to how they like a girl look. I mean we ourselves are made to think women like Kim Kardashian, Bipasa Bashu type women are desirable.

Hypocrisy? I think so

[Cisco_Singh]

Look at the issue in the bigger scheme of things....it's not about the current generation, it's about futue generations.. It is everyones responsibility to carry Sikhi forward to the next generation.<br /><br />If today you have Sikh girls not wanting to get married to turban wearing Sikh males...i.e complete rejection of the image the Gurus created Sikhs in...you might think OK no big deal...they should have a choice..etc etc.. even though it's in complete rejection of Rehit Maryada, and at least 2 of Guru Gobind Singhs 52 Hukums... Personally I see this as a failing of therie parents to instil proper Sikhi knowledge and pride in the 1st place..<br /><br />What happens to the next generation..i.e: their kids, 99% there kids will also be monay, and be passed on the same warped, watered down values that their parents had...Slowly your wiping out a generations of Singhs internally...you dont need any enemies to do it for you...We are our own worst enemies..

[singh181]

Look at the issue in the bigger scheme of things....it's not about the current generation, it's about futue generations.. It is everyones responsibility to carry Sikhi forward to the next generation.<br /><br />If today you have Sikh girls not wanting to get married to turban wearing Sikh males...i.e complete rejection of the image the Gurus created Sikhs in...you might think OK no big deal...they should have a choice..etc etc.. even though it's in complete rejection of Rehit Maryada, and at least 2 of Guru Gobind Singhs 52 Hukums... Personally I see this as a failing of therie parents to instil proper Sikhi knowledge and pride in the 1st place..<br /><br />What happens to the next generation..i.e: their kids, 99% there kids will also be monay, and be passed on the same warped, watered down values that their parents had...Slowly your wiping out a generations of Singhs internally...you dont need any enemies to do it for you...We are our own worst enemies..

What a great comment by Cisco Singh - he has raised the prospect of Sikhs destroying their own religion. Are we all blind that this is happening before our very eyes? Fast forward 20 years, then 40 years (4th generation in UK) - what will it look like? Will many sikhs (well they may even be half afro caribean/half muslim/half white in 20-40 years time) then be embarassed to even associate themselves with our true Guru Ji's. This is the time which will define our future and unless something is done to reverse what is happening, it will be too late.

Believe in our Guru Ji's and sacrifices made by them and if you are lucky to be be born into such a great religion, you should not be embarassed about that. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are forgetting about sikhi, go to gurdwara and then outside of the gurdwara totally disrespect the religion.

WJKK WJKF

[Wales85]

" You cannot imagine what is going to happen to the 3rd/4th generation. Perhaps, mixed marriages (sikhs and non sikhs - it is happening now). Who knows! Everybody should just wake up. "

Mixed marriages! Those bastards...