Advice,Guidance...Marriage

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

I been contemplating whether or not to write a thread for a couple of weeks, I will keep it as brief a possible.

I was introduced to a girl, I thought she was perfect the person for me I had my doubts, but I asked Guruji to settle them for me and he did, I would have said yes to her, it was all going well but she has ended it now her family said she had met me three times and she had to make a decision, in the end she said given how she felt having doubts she was going to say no.

I just feel gutted I was so fed up before I was introduced to her I was adamant I wouldn't talk to any more people but everyone said I had too otherwise it looked bad that my pooaji had made the effort to introduce me to someone. I cant believe this has happened again, I have seen over 12 girls now and this was the only I would have said yes too.

I keep thinking to myself that my worse fears are coming true Im going to end up dieing alone. I've felt so alone these last 3 years the only thing that seems I have learned from all this is im just alone in this world. Every time I think about how I feel and if I end up alone jus break down in tears.

Im sorry to burden everyone with this im sure your fed up reading the same thing over and over again by people, but i honestly dont have anyone else to talk to right now.

Im trying to hide from my parents how depressed I feel

[sikhlionz]

Paaji trust me all the singhs here around your age can relate to this. we all in the same boat LoL

in fact you're in a better position than most in that you're beginning to realise its all BS LoL

dont let it get to you by keeping yourself busy, focus on other things, do AV, simran, paath, kirtan with english translations, lots of sewa, exercise, etc.

dont live in denial like most people, accept we are alone in life whether or not we have a partner - they can't go with you in the end & usually you can't rely on them anyway.

our only real Support now and forever is GuruJee, so this Bairaag you're feeling - connect it with Raag and thats a beautifully powerful connection that will always be with you, giving you real peace

[Guest G.Kaur]

"There will come a time when you would trade all the diamonds in the world to breathe just one more breath...but when the swan of our soul takes flight and leaves the lake of our body, there will be no more opportunity to feed upon the pearls of Naam. Find your Beloved, vibrate upon The Presence...with each and every breath. My mind, this is your highest destiny."

[Tera]

Seems to me you both had some doubts (perfectly normal in such big decision). What seems to be the downfall of it was the thinking of her family in pressuring her into making a yes/no decision immediately.

If she had doubts and had to make a yes/no decision then no was probably the correct answer for her to give given the circumstances and this may have not been a proper no - if you get what I mean. However, only you know what she was like, her thinking and what her doubts were and whether things could have been resolved and things progressing. This could only happen if she was interested too.

If you think there was a chance, then openly talk to your family. They could approach the girls side again and maybe you could sit down again and see if you can resolve the doubts if possible.

[Guest An opinion]

U just aint met the right girl, I know this is the last thing u wanna hear, but its true! Or maybe it wasnt the right time.

Also, nowadays ive seen that men and women have no idea how to relate to each other. We seriously are different in how we respond to each other. Both Men and women need to really try and understand each others differences. Read up about it, talk to other successful marriages, talk to our parents, elders, etc. We should concentrate on our sikhi def, but we fail to understand basic human needs and working on ourselves and our relationships. Sad state of affairs.

We give up on each other for the most minor reasons - the most imp thing is communication!! A conversation about ur doubts and fears with each other might have helped. Meeting up physically about this would be better. Too many ppl talk too much on msn, chat, facebook chat - u can't build a connection with ANYONE like this. 90% is nonverbal, remember this!!! To connect to someone heart, mind body and soul, u have to meet each other, 3 times doesnt seem enough, but for some, this is enough, i guess. It is scary to have this kind of conversation, but important. It is not always going to be plain sailing, there will be hard times, and how u both deal with this shows how strong ur bond will be as a couple. Unfortunately, too many people let their fear take over and run away cuz it feels like it would be hard work. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy!!!

There have been so many divorces lately its ridiculous. We should really concentrate on ourselves first and become the kind of ppl we want our partners to be, that way, we attract a similar soul. Sometimes i wonder the reasons why ppl marry, to not be lonely? wrong reason. If ur feeling lonely, u need to build ur relationship with maharaj, it means ur relationship with maharaj is not strong, if it was, u wudnt be feeling lonely. Theres a difference with being alone and feeling lonely. If u relationship with maharaj was strong, u wud realise maharaj is always with u, hes a part of u, hes never away from u, so how can u feel lonely?

Maybe its a wake up call from maharaj to step up and concentrate on urself and become the best person u can possibly be, then lets see what kind of girl u attract...

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

I thank you all for your replies, I know everything your saying is right, and that I should just focus on my Sikhi and God but I am so angry right now I dont feel any love for Gods will, I honestly don't know what to do

[Kamaljit_Kaur]

You could try contacting her again to see how things go ... Having second thoughts and doubts are perfectly normal so if things do work out this time then the parents ought to be understanding ... Just do it! Life's too short for regrets man ...

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

You could try contacting her again to see how things go ... Having second thoughts and doubts are perfectly normal so if things do work out this time then the parents ought to be understanding ... Just do it! Life's too short for regrets man ...

Im sorry i should have said I did re-contact her again, but she said it still doesn't feel right, so Im trying to accept the fact that it was probably not meant to be. But I just dont understand why God would bring me so close to getting what I want and then take it away from me. Its probably futile to even try to understand but Im hating this feeling of not knowing why its happened like this

[Singh559]

Im sorry i should have said I did re-contact her again, but she said it still doesn't feel right, so Im trying to accept the fact that it was probably not meant to be. But I just dont understand why God would bring me so close to getting what I want and then take it away from me. Its probably futile to even try to understand but Im hating this feeling of not knowing why its happened like this

It's all a part of your journey. My massi ji from Punjab didn't get married until 3 years ago (in her early 40s or late 30s), she had other offers but if they had gone through, later we realized that they would have been very, very bad decisions. We tried and tried finding a match for her from the States or even anywhere in Punjab, but no one was found. Just 3 years ago someone who had gone to the same school as her was the person she got married to, what's even more is they live 2 or 3 miles away from my nankay's place...

Whatever is written shall happen, have faith and keep your chardi kalla up Singh. Whatever you're doing keep doing it. Don't pay attention to this to a point where it will effect your other day to day activities. Like other penjis veerjis have said, exercise to relieve stress. If you're studying or working keep continuing on with that.

Good luck.

[Guest Cisco_SIngh]

Im sorry i should have said I did re-contact her again, but she said it still doesn't feel right, so Im trying to accept the fact that it was probably not meant to be. But I just dont understand why God would bring me so close to getting what I want and then take it away from me. Its probably futile to even try to understand but Im hating this feeling of not knowing why its happened like this

Singh, keep the faith you have just come a across a timewaster...you will meet many of them on the journey. Keep your head up and keep movng forward. The right person is out there someewhere the time wasnt right.