I beginning to think a lot of my mind set is flawed....
I've always been taught dedicated and not to give up. I don't know how I am meant to forget my husband and simply move on and forget the promises we made infront of guru granth sahib ji. If I remarry, what value will my laavan have? Is there any point of having laavan again as i've already technically married God and i doubt i'll end up with someone who hasn't been married before.
My parents always took us to the gurdwara as children and punjabi school. We were always taught that if your in a situation where nobody can help you, pray to God. God helps resolve your issues, if you pray deeply and truly then God will fulfil your wishes. Does this ever happen? If God can't fix my current situation then is there any point trusting him to fix the future? If my karam are so powerful and nothing can change them then what power does God hold.
If my relationship with my husband was not meant to be then why did maharaj ji let everything go forward? We did numerous paaths, we always took each step after an ardas, why didn't Waheguru do something to stop it then? We had such beautiful hukamname. Do hukamname mean anything then or are they just random and if your lucky you'll get a good one.
This was our kurmai one:
Sorath Mehla 5 ||
Parmesar Ditta Banna ||
Dukh Rog Ka Dera Bhanna ||
Anand Kareh Narr Naari ||
Har Har Prabh Kirpa Dhaari ||1||
Ang - 627
Meaning - The Transcendent Lord has given me His support. The house of pain and disease has been demolished. The men and women celebrate. The Lord God, Har, Har, has extended His Mercy. || 1||
I know its shameful that I'm amritdhari and I'm saying these things but these are the questions my mind challenges me with and I have no answer. I won't ever abandon gurbani because I'm too scared that if I do, bad will happen and gurbani is known to bring peace so hopefully one day when im worthy enough it'll calm my monkey mind.
Myth: chandi di vaar is not for the householder and cannot be read at night.
Legend: Baba Deep Singh ji fighting with his head off. Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji gave this shakti to Baba ji. Before you start to beat your nihang googly eyed drum think about why I say Guru Sahib.
If chandi di Vaar power cannot be contained in this body. Why aren't the nihang singh bursting into dust as they read this paat every day?
Trick are for kids. Fairytales are for the weak. Chandi di Vaar is for every person on this planet. Do you know how much bir ras is in Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji? Ang 555, Guru Amar Das ji Shabad. Aisi marni jo mare. Once the fear of death is gone. What is there to be afraid of in the battlefield?