Dealing With Dealth/Funeral

[Wicked Warrior]

Didn't know where to post but will post here. Close young relative is in hospital and will die in all probability this week. All are doing paath/ardaas but in my heart of hearts, I know his time has come.

I have been fortunate in that I've not been to a funeral of a close relative before. Unfortunately, it will be my phuphurh, a young man (early 40s) who will die. I know I will need to provide emotional support for those affected, especially his wife and children.

But I don't know the process, what happens from the moment the death certificate is handed to the aftermath. I've read a guide on Sikh deaths and it gave me a rough idea but knowing exactly what should happen, who should do what etc is something that will help me to help the family.

Is there anyone who can provide details of their own experience with death and funerals?

[SarabjeetS]

Sorry , not much idea , except the fact that the ashes of the deceased after cremation are flown in a river , which is indicative that soul keeps on moving to next life ( as a river does ! )

[xtremesingh18]

Not sure what exactly you are asking. You want to know what is done after the death?

Usually a sehaj paat is started shortly after (within a couple days) and runs on untill the funeral. The bhog of said sehaj paat usually occurs on the day of the funeral. Contact the local gurdwara and the gianis will guide you in the right direction. Sorry to hear about this

[Mindless]

http://www.damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80&Itemid=68&limitstart=22

^ Above is a link to the maryada according to Taksaal.

From personal experience, ramming the Chaupai Sahibs have helped. They give you the strength to deal with it, aswell as emotionally support others.

Salok Muhalla 9 helps detach oneself.

All Gurbani is equal really, just ram the bani, katha and uplifting keertan.

Sometimes its not always easy to just sit and listen to the Sehaj Paat, due to family/friends being around and offering their condolences/serving refreshments e.c.t, so as a tip, you can keep a cd playing on loop, with Sukhmani Sahib/Any Bani, so there is atleast some sort of jaap going on. Cos not everyone will come over with the same mindset.

Salok:

kabeeraa marathaa marathaa jag muaa mar bh n jaanai koe ||

Kabeer, the world is dying - dying to death, but no one knows how to truly die.

aisee maranee jo marai bahur n maranaa hoe ||1||

Whoever dies, let him die such a death, that he does not have to die again. ||1||

Most importantly.. do ardaas and ask maharaj for the ability for you and the family to accept bhana and live in hukam.

[Guest do_Ardaas]

when my massi passed away the one thing that helped me is sitting there listening to the akahnd paath.. friends and gurudwara sangat helped a lot with akhand paath... they all came and did paath at my massis house.

she passed away after a lot of suffering so in a way we were all grateful that she didnt have to go through the pain anymore.

It will be nice if sangat could do paath than gyani jee (doing paath the whole time as it ends up happening everytime no one sits through and listens).. sitting there listening to paath helps

Have your computer hooked up to a TV if you know how to read gurbani...scrolll through as paath is being done... keep the translations going on computer so people can see the gurbani translation as the paath is done..

it was soo hard for the whole family i remember i didnt know how to deal with it.. having paath done and translation going all the time was amazing though. we all took turns... someone always tried to sit there and listen to bani.. i felt closer to vaheguroojee then than ever before...

Funreals are so tough but take guru jis support.. I hope the family is able to move on just do ardaas things will be fine!

[Kharkooartsy]

http://searchgurbani.com/guru_granth_sahib/ang_by_ang

[KhalistaniGunMan]

Sorry to hear of this brother...may you be strong in such a difficult time...but some advice to the sangat on funerals...go to as many funerals as you can...and i hope no one takes offence to this but also make sure you see the dead body and dont take your eyes off it....doing this is probabaly the biggest slap on the face you are ever goin to get...its a big WAKEUP call...it reminds you that your turn is coming soon...so jap naaam and do good deeds...because the messenger of the death shows no mercy..

[Wicked Warrior]

Thanks for the replies. I was looking at what should be done in terms of activity. My uncle passed away. The day after, our extended family went to pay respects to my phurphrh's family. The paath had also been booked. The following day, they came round to our family.

Next, from what I understand, we have to await the transfer of the body to the local undertakers/funeral directors. It has to be washed and clothes, so family will pick out what he has to wear. Although he had his hair cut, I gather than because he was a family man, he should wear a turban.

Is there anything that's meant to happen or be done at the funeral, or before or after it?

As for slaps, I've been lucky to have had about a hundred of them since I thought About my mortality during my years at uni. I've been closer to death than others through my job. I'll never forget the first time I held a patient's hand as he passed away because he had no other family. It's amazing how much the mind cowers at the thought of death and its non-existance.