Marrying A Girl From India .... Oops?

[Guest KharkooKaur]

Be respectful and loving but firm and in control. Obviously raising your voice, being unreasonable or OTT strict is no good, but your wife needs to be able to respect you as the head of the relationship . Relationships often fail either because the husband is insecure and overbearing on his wife, leading to abuse etc, but more commonly because he is a pushover who the wife can boss around, which means internally she will never respect him. Strike a balance

Ji wife doesnt need to be able to respect him as the head of the relationship!!!!!! because in a relationship two people work together IF THE MALE IS DOMINATING and acts like head of the relationship then its not really a healthy relationship is it???

Show her love, care do paath together try to get to know her better... ask her lot of questions about her life so you know her better... show respect to her and STOP what you are feeling right now if you start your relationship with these feelings it will probably fail and that you dont want....

if you keep thinking shes gona leave you or whatever and start your relationship that way how are you going to be able to live with her for your whole life??? You should get to know her better have that connection there that would keep you two together

that connection of love trust patience be a caring husband and prove to people that Marriages can Work!!! i have seen so many couples get divorced recently..... they always blame it on the girl but its not usually 2-sided.. there is more to the story.... its usually because couples have this attitude that they analyze every little thing example: the guy is like o she never goes out to the restaraunt i want to go to why does she get to pick?? LALALALALALAA.... couples fight over little stuff like this... their ego gets in the way..!!!!!

the ego is like :O What...???? It should be the way i want it to be... LALALALALAAAA....but anways....Little things shouldnt matter!! if your partner likes you in suit or kurta pajama WEAR THAT!!! stop complaining!!!

if you analyze little things you will have your relationship fall apart... so... gursikhi should be center of your relationship......... there should be pyar and respect for the person if you have that then you will not have ego!!!

if you really start to like the person you will never be angry because of little things...

When she gets there.....make sure you treat her well!!!! make her feel like Home!! its going to be hard for her to come to a country so different......make sure you help her get used to the change... Work With her NOT AGAINST HER!!!!!!!!!! not under her!! :\

By not under her- i mean dont be a guy who is way to attatched and way to sweet that it doesnt even look real!!!!! i dont know about her but i cant stand people that are like that.. so make sure you try to get to know her ask her questions like what do you like to eat? take her out more often!!!!!!!!

you should be excited about her coming not nervous or scared MAKE IT WORK and then show those people that tell you their stories that Relationships always work if handled well

[Guest Guest]

Ji wife doesnt need to be able to respect him as the head of the relationship!!!!!! because in a relationship two people work together IF THE MALE IS DOMINATING and acts like head of the relationship then its not really a healthy relationship is it???

Your name is KharkooKaur so I guess you have respect for Sant Jarnail Singh and his Jatha, Damdami Taksal, which states in Taksal Rehat Maryada:

"A Singh must look upon his wife as his faithful Singhni and a Singhni should look upon her husband as Parmeshwar(God)."

http://www.damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80:rehat-maryada&catid=26:code-of-conduct&Itemid=68

That obviously doesn't mean that she does pooja to him but it does show that in the relationship there needs to be some one in charge. All teams, businesses or groups of people that have a goal contain people with different skills and abilities working towards a target - they are all equal and have different important roles, but there always needs to be one person in charge to make the final decision.

[Guest riedions]

^^

Okay and how about when the wife is a Brahmgyani and the husband is not?

THE DROP IS THE OCEAN AND THE OCEAN IS THE DROP.

Do not tell us the husband should be looked upon as god, NIRVAIR MEANS LOVE ALL EQUALLY WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION AS GOD IS NOT ONLY IN ALL, HE IS ALL.

The Taksal Rehat Maryada is MANMAT If it contains that passage. ANYTHING THAT GOES AGAINST GURBANI AND ITS TEACHINGS IS MANMAT- THIS BULLSH**T SHOWS HOW IMMERSED IN KALYUG WE ALL ARE IF WE CANNOT RECOGNISE THE 2ND AND THIRD LINES OF GURBANI.

[Guest kharkookaur]

Your name is KharkooKaur so I guess you have respect for Sant Jarnail Singh and his Jatha, Damdami Taksal, which states in Taksal Rehat Maryada:

"A Singh must look upon his wife as his faithful Singhni and a Singhni should look upon her husband as Parmeshwar(God)."

http://www.damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80:rehat-maryada&catid=26:code-of-conduct&Itemid=68

That obviously doesn't mean that she does pooja to him but it does show that in the relationship there needs to be some one in charge. All teams, businesses or groups of people that have a goal contain people with different skills and abilities working towards a target - they are all equal and have different important roles, but there always needs to be one person in charge to make the final decision.

Oye Hoye!!!!!! Gal Sun araam naal beh k :swing:

respecting loving having faith are three things that you need to get Vaheguroojee... Parmeshar/God...

Rehitnama doesn't say to do everything your husband tells you to do even if its wrong.. it says to see him as you see God because God resides in him. Same goes for singhs... singh must have faith in his wife as he has faith in god!!! IT ISNT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY...that yh does pooja like you stated... but like i said strong faith is needed in relationship...!! or else it falls apart!!!

:chairspin: you need to take a chilll pill!! i am not antimen i just dont think men should think they are above women... puratan times they used to run the garisti... or household, which is why lot of things involve men but i am sure puratan gursikhs werent sexist like a lot of our punjabi men now days!!

what does me respecting taksal and sant ji have to do with all this??? you are picking out little things to prove your point which isnt right.

my sister is amritthari and follows taksal rehitmarayada. she wasnt told to be any lesser than her husband like lot of you make it look like

[Guest kharkookaur]

and OYE KID THE OP

if you start the relationship thinking you have all the problems she has NONE!!!! then you willl cause the relationship and the bind to break before you give it a chance to get stronger because you are underestimating and assuming something that is most likely NOT TRUE!!

she is leaving everything behind to come to UK you must respect that and help her get used to a new place.. if you keep thinking you have all the problems she has none then you are basically going to think that she is causing you more problems rather than taking away your problems everytime she bothered you for anything

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE NOW BEFORE YOUR RISHTA falls apart!!! :bouncybouncy:

[VanHelsingh]

she is leaving everything behind to come to UK you must respect that and help her get used to a new place.. if you keep thinking you have all the problems she has none then you are basically going to think that she is causing you more problems rather than taking away your problems everytime she bothered you for anything

He was making reference to a Jay-Z song "I Got 99 Problems...". Our brother doesn't literally have 99 problems.

Also, I'm sorry but some of the things I've been reading in this thread are fantasy. The majority of girls from India (or anywhere else tbh) don't respect weak or - dare I say - good guys. If they see a weakness in their husband, they pounce on it, they figure him out, and he's ghulam for the rest of his life. Their culture (despite being Sikh and Panjabi like us) is alien to us. Their morals are also sometimes completely out of whack with our own. No amount of paath is ever going to straighten out a bingi poosh.

Whilst there should be mutual respect and love on both sides, one should be able to dispassionately judge what kind of a person she is. Understand her nature and her character, and treat her accordingly. If she's of the "chalaak" variety, then change yourself accordingly and keep your guard up. If she's "bholi bhaali" then fair play and treat her in the same way, i.e. if she's a good girl then don't be harsh on her just to make yourself feel like a proper bundha. But if she's taking the ****, be strong and don't give her a chance to exploit you. If she does try any nonsense, she'll keep on coming up against a brick wall (if you're strong enough) and eventually - if she has any sharam - she'll get the hint and stop trying.

A good test to decide what kind of a wife you've been lumped with, is to look at her parents and her family. What kind of people are they? Are they good people with good morals? Have they got a good standing in their pind or shaher? Obviously whilst some kids from good homes do get up to nonsense, its usually a good rule of thumb to judge a person's true nature in this way when you've got nothing else to go on.

[Guest Gupt]

Fateh ji

Marriage is a gamble for anyone whether u marry someone from uk or india....

I met a Singh from literally down the road who id known for years and after

agreeing to get married, months later changed his mind for no apparent reason.

Not the same as divorce..i know...but just goes to show u could marry someone

you have known ll ur life and even they do u over...so like one of the others

said earlier, take hukam, do everything by guru jis teachings and the rest

is up to waheguru.

I hope guru ji blesses you with a very happy life with her...just read bani and

go gurdwara as much as you can and waheguru will bless u with happiness.

Dont start off on a negative vibe, or looking out for faults as things wont be the

same.

Be happy

Fateh jio

[Hazoor]

Some people are talking absolute rubbish here, unless you have married someone from India you don't REALLY know what it's like, regardless of how many people you know who have. All this talk about treat her like this, that or the other is pure rubbish. Yes there are people who exploit, abuse and don't deserve your time but the only way to find out is by living your life with her. Treating her mean, assuming she's out to get and what not is not a sound foundation for a relationship. Fact is you're married now and unless you give this lady and your marriage a chance, you'll never really know. Treat others as you'd like to be treated, why treat her based upon perception or assumption.

If nothing else works, think about how our Guru Sahib treated their wife, simple.

[S1ngh]

Marriage is not easy and there is no way to predict anything unless you practically go thru this process. To workout marriage both sides need to compromise with each other and should have open talk relationship. The day you start hiding something from your husband or wife is the day # 1 of destruction towards your relationship. Yes there are few things that should be very careful to share with but my whole point is to share everything with each other. Also, girls from india might be of shy side and well cultured. Also given the first few months they might not be too frank or too friendly with others as of moving to new family, country, culture etc.. So give her space, time and please don't judge your relationship pre-maturely based on doing survey of others relationship.

There's gonna be disagreements/verbal fights and there also gonna be love and good moments and its all part of relationship cycle. So, don't give up your hope and keep it cool by concentrating on gurbani and bring active practical sikhi in your life.

Some few points:

- Never ever compare your relationship with other couples.

- Never bring "What If..." or "I could have done better" after you got married.

- Never hear gossips or participate in any negative talks of your partner from others (including your parents).

- Never share your partners shortcoming with others (including your parents). Nor try to overdo on praising your partner with others.

- Bibian should never try to compare herself with her mum-in-law. No competitions please.

- When you have a fight over something, figure it out yourself -- Don't go to parents -- You, as a couple may forget about your fight in few hours but others will always remember it throughout their life..

Hope i didn't offend anyone been married with singhni from india for over 5 1/2 yrs.

[Guest gupt]

Your name is KharkooKaur so I guess you have respect for Sant Jarnail Singh and his Jatha, Damdami Taksal, which states in Taksal Rehat Maryada:

"A Singh must look upon his wife as his faithful Singhni and a Singhni should look upon her husband as Parmeshwar(God)."

http://www.damdamita...nduct&Itemid=68

That obviously doesn't mean that she does pooja to him but it does show that in the relationship there needs to be some one in charge. All teams, businesses or groups of people that have a goal contain people with different skills and abilities working towards a target - they are all equal and have different important roles, but there always needs to be one person in charge to make the final decision.

I am not kharkhookaur that you addressed your post to but I must say, as much as I respect damdami taksal, and acknowledge how great it, its teachings and its gursikhs like sant bhindranwale are, that particular quote is nothing but pure *edit*. There is no such teaching in any part of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj or Sikhi. The Panth Parvaan rehat maryada from Akal Takht has no such instruction in it.