Married A Girl From India

[superduper]

I went to india this year and got married - arranged marriage. However, now i am having serious doubts about her and her motivies - i.e once she has the right to remain in the UK she'll be off. Its a number of things and her behavior generally. she isn't who i orginally thought hence my doubts. ofcourse its too late to do anything,,, but has anyone been in a similar situation, what advice would you give etc.

[VanHelsingh]

Talk to her.

Don't worry and torment yourself with any replies you might receive from the people who post on this site. Everyone will have their own take on the situation, and whilst it maybe entertaining to read those replies they will invariably stress you out. I'm including myself in this too - I could tell you stories about this kind of situation my friend. But it wouldn't be fair.

[superduper]

what stories its better to know what goes and what doesnt. everyone said the girl and her family are decent, wonderful etc but i guess those who find themselves divorced also thought something similar....

[VanHelsingh]

Don't torture yourself. You're asking for trouble by wanting to know these "stories". They are irrelevant. You need to talk to your wife.

[manvimattu]

I have been going through something similar for the last year and 9 months. Only I have not married her yet.. People left, right and centre have tried to convince me the same thing this includes her mother. Everytime someone would say a negative thing about her my heart would feel pain and I would go stright into depression. I trust my instincts. You need to trust your instincts. The truth lies within yourself. Whatever is making you believe why you feel this, you need to talk to her about that. I have learned communication with the partner is the best way to really know that person. All I do is do lots of kirtan by myself and do as much simran as possilbe to help me relieve for thinking negatives about her. I did not learn kirtan from a profession except I did my sangat with AKJ. It does not matter who you do sangat with AKJ or anyone else but your mind stores the kirtan. So many times I hear kirtan in my dreams. Your communication with her should be at least 1200 minutes per month. Talk about your and her's general day. You should be allowed to talk to her anytime of the day or night. I am sure if she has introduced you to her majority of her family then there is a minimum chance of her dumping you. But at the end it all depends on what Guru Jee has written for you. Sometimes negatives thoughts don't come true. Sometimes positive thoughts don't come true either.

[m4ndy]

Well if she is acting weird then I guess she has a hidden agenda. Like all marriages everything is a risk but you should talk to her about her motives and why she is acting in a certain way. If she doesn't give you an answer or she is hesitant then she has something to hide. I can't tell you from personal experiences as I'm not married lol I'm young. I think there is a communication breakdown between you, well don't forget there are two sides to all people if someone wants somthing then they would do anything to get it, maybe she now has got what she wants, and will start causing trouble, looks can be decieving.

My neighbour a Sikh family the guy went to India to get married she comes stays for about 2 years got her passport and legged it, his mum told my mum about the situation that's how I know about that.

Don't worry though it's because she is new to the UK and maybe hasn't seen the world properly because when people come from India they change some for the better some for the worse.

Just talk and see what she says, I hope it goes well for you!

[harinder kaur]

I went to india this year and got married - arranged marriage. However, now i am having serious doubts about her and her motivies - i.e once she has the right to remain in the UK she'll be off. Its a number of things and her behavior generally. she isn't who i orginally thought hence my doubts. ofcourse its too late to do anything,,, but has anyone been in a similar situation, what advice would you give etc.

Not everyone has bad motives , love conquers all.

[Singh559]

I don't know, but i remember reading S1ngh's post and he mentioned trust and communication, which is essential to keeping a healthy relationship. Without this your relationship may be as good as gone. Try to talk to her and tell her what you are thinking in a very respectful manner and don't let her think you don't trust her.

An idea: (sangat tell me if this is a bad idea, if so don't do it)

Okay well the idea is to find stories of women who come abroad for visa and then leave the family and show how much despair not only the husband is, but also how much misery it ultimately brings to the women for doing such a thing.

The key is how to approach with the subject, timing and situation is everything.

I'm young though, so i may be giving inexperienced/incorrect advice. Try to talk with a good married friend who you are very close with and see if you can get a second opinion as well.

[VanHelsingh]

Not everyone has bad motives, love conquers all.

It does not. Fantastical, fictional notions of love do not help in real-life situations. If anything, its a disconnect from reality and only prolongs the hurt until the "afflicted" come to realise that such notions need to be abandoned in order to move forward.

[SinghSabha]

Not everyone has bad motives , love conquers all.

Don't watch too many bollywood movies. They aren't real life.